Nanny
by Nadie2
Summary: When Sha're gets taken Daniel finds himself a single father to twin infants. He hires a nanny to care for them as he saves the world through the Stargate. The nanny gets suspicious about her boss's unusual job while she and Daniel help each other deal with the trauma of the past.
1. Children of the Gods

_Author's Note: This story is cannon compliant, apart from the existence of Daniel's twins, and Steph, and a few small things those differences cause, so don't believe everything Steph says. She is a naïve narrator._

"Are you all right, miss?" a man across from me on the bus asks.

"Fine," I say. I'm not, but there is nothing this poor stranger can do about it. You can get used to anything after a time, even a panic attack. I've been riding this bus and having panic attacks every day for a week in the hope that I would be able to have one without looking like I'm having one.

I failed.

Oh, well. I've still got to do it. I've hidden long enough. In one week, a mere seven days, I'll have aged out of foster care. I need a job. I need a place to live. In order to do these things, I actually have to leave the house.

The bus stops. I get off, and take a few deep breaths. One block. I just have to walk one block. At the end of the block, there will be babies. I like babies. I can do this.

Doorbell. I haven't rung a doorbell in four years. I might as well go home. No. Adapt. You're stronger than this. Knock.

"Hello, are you the four o'clock for the nanny interview?" the man says as soon as he answers. He's tall, and built like a wall. He's good-looking, but old enough where it's just a general observation and not about my feelings for him. He's not really what I expected. Sure guys in their forties have newborns, of course they do. I'm being old-fashioned.

That's what happened when you've barely been in the world for four years.

I nod. I'll probably have to speak before this interview is over. I can do that. Speaking, that's not hard. I do it every day. To babies. Or to Mrs. Wilson. Not to strangers, that would be new.

"Come on in, Ms. Conner, correct?" he says.

"Yes, sir." That was good. It sounded downright military. This guy is military, he moves his body like he's military. I didn't know my voice did military anymore. I hand him my resume.

"Daniel, the next nanny candidate is here," the man calls as we walk through a hallway. There are pictures on the wall, pictures of the door-answerer and a pretty little blond woman. They've got a kid about nine, blond long hair, the door-answerer's eyes and a smile that melts hearts.

The ad didn't say anything about a nine-year-old. I'm way better with babies.

There is a man on the couch, and he's known grief. He'd be tall, too, if he was standing. He's thin, and those clothes aren't his. They belong to the other man. His long hair and glasses are hiding eyes that would be beautiful if they weren't so used to crying. This guy's been through a lot, for a long time before whatever just hit him.

He's holding the babies, one in each arm. Beautiful babies, young though. They can't be a month. I've never talked to babies that little. I hope they listen like the older ones.

He looks at me. You know what I mean. Like most people, their eyes just touch your face, and that's it. Then once and a while someone looks, really looks. Usually what that happens, I'm terrified. I don't want to be seen. It's like having your soul stripped naked, and I really hate my soul.

When Daniel looks at me, I don't mind. I see him as clearly as me, and there are people you don't mind going naked-souled around.

He tries to stand up, but the babies fuss, so he sits back down. "Ah… take a seat," he says. Then he looks down at those babies with this look of love. Pure, unadulterated love.

Yeah, I need to be here. Babies and love.

"So, Stephanie," first name, why not, soul-looker? "Tell me why you want to be a nanny."

Lie, girl. "I am interested in developmental psychology, and I would like to get some practical experience before I start my degree." Not even a quiver. How come these guys aren't scaring me senseless? They are big men. Still, I know they'd never lock me in the basement.

"You have experience caring for children?" Daniel asks.

"Are you kidding? She's like twelve, you can't expect her to have experience," the door-answerer responds.

"Nearly eighteen," I correct.

"Nearly?" the man repeats, with raised brows.

Daniel thinks he is funny, but is pretending not to, "Jack," he scolds.

"For the past three years, I have been providing care for a variety of infants for nine hours every workday."

"In what context?" Daniel asks.

"I looked after the babies while my foster mother worked," I admit. He's staring at my soul. He's making me honest.

"That lazy…" Jack starts.

"No, she's a saint. It was my choice," I say firmly.

"What about school?" Daniel asks gently.

"I graduated from high school when I was sixteen. I've taken some online college classes since then." Four semesters, during which I did six semesters of work.

Small smile from Daniel. Pity from Jack. "Another freaking genius. I just can't escape you," Jack mutters.

So Daniel's a genius. I'm not surprised, although it should be against the law to have that body and intelligence. Not that I'm looking; he's way too old for me, and gay, and his boyfriend is a little scary.

"Stephanie, do you have CPR training?" Daniel asks.

"I haven't been certified," you have to breathe into a dummy in front of people, "But I have taken four college-level classes concerning emergency medicine or biology."

"How are you in an emergency?" Jack asks, "You know, when the shit hits the fan, what do you do then?"

"Jack, I'm sure Stephanie has never had to deal with an emergency," Daniel interrupts.

"I froze in an emergency once. I've seen what that costs. The next emergency I was in, I didn't freeze."

Daniel looks at me silently for a few seconds. "You're hired."

"Daniel!" Jack objects.

"Hey, my decision. She's overqualified, brilliant, brave, and she's a foster kid about to be kicked out on her ass. Does that remind you of anyone?" Daniel says, looking up at Jack with those blue eyes positively sparkling.

Jack nods his assent.

"I am going to tell you some things that might make you decide you don't want this job. So if you change your mind, feel free. This job is going to be very unpredictable. Sometimes I'll be gone for days or weeks at a time. I work for the Air Force. Other times, I'll be around for days at a time, and you will be able to take time off."

I nod.

"This house is temporary. I bought a new one, but won't be able to move in for a month, so taking this job will make two moves. Of course, as a foster kid, you're probably not afraid of frequent moves."

"I was lucky, I only had one foster family," I say. If they'd tried to take me from her house, they never would have got me out. They barely got me out of that basement.

"Still in?" Daniel asks.

I nod my head.

He carefully stands up and the babies fuss, but get over it. Good babies. That's nice. I like the naughty ones, too. The naughty ones are a better distraction. "This is Kashta," he says to the baby on the right, "And here is Matia."

"Well, hello there, dear ones," I say. I was expecting a smile, but then I remember that if I got one, it would just be gas. I'm really not used to newborns.

"She does that dumb thing you do where you talk to them like they're adults," Jack says.

"So you're saying that I made the right choice," Daniel says.

"I'm saying that she's as crazy as you are."

"I'm not crazy."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

Cute couple.

"Okay, I want to show you the room that would be yours for the next month. Keep in mind that you can still back out, this is temporary, and I'm sorry." With that, he pushes the door to a bedroom open. The room isn't big to begin with, and it's got two cribs, a changing table, a dresser and the usual baby litter all over it. There is a twin bed shoved in the corner, too.

Actually, strike the usual baby litter. This stuff is super practical, and there isn't enough of it. It's all newborn clothes and diapers. No toys. No clothes for later on. My stomach sinks. These babies are temporary?

"There is one more thing. I don't know how long I'm going to need a nanny for. It is possible I could be moving out of country with the babies. I wouldn't have a lot of warning. I'd like you to work for me as long as I need a nanny. I just don't know if that will be a month or a year or what."

So the babies aren't temporary, just this country. They were probably a bit unexpected as well, hence why they only got what the kids actually needed right now.

"Can I hold a baby?" I ask.

He lets me choose. Hard choice. Matia, she's the runt. "Gift of God, eh?"

"Don't tell me you found a freaking linguist!" Jack objects.

"Actually, it's not Greek, it's Ancient Egyptian. She is named after King Tut's nurse," Daniel says impressed by my previous knowledge.

"Well, if you're going with ancient African history, then that little man is named after the King of Kush, huh?"

"You know your history," Daniel says.

"He means, when can you move in?" Jack says over Daniel's shoulder.

"I don't need you to translate for me," Daniel says.

"Right, you're supposed to translate for me. Sometimes you just need a reminder to keep it pithy," Jack replies.

"Trade?" I ask, and Daniel and I switch babies. Kush, which I remember is a nickname for Kashta, may be bigger but his breath is a bit shallow. I wonder if these little things were born early.

"I could move in tomorrow, if that works for you," I say.

Daniel nods. "The money in the ad all right?"

I nod. He's providing food and board, and babies. He could give me a dollar a week, and I wouldn't care.

"I'm really sorry about the room," Daniel says with remorse.

"It's fine."

"She's got to learn to value herself more," Jack observes.

"I agree."

"You agree?"

"Yes."

"With me?"

"Yes."

"That's a first."

"It's not a first, Jack," Daniel objects.

"Pretty close, Daniel."

Then Jack gives Daniel a look of bemused affection. He's looking at his hair, and a strange look crosses his face.

I didn't see it at first. The grief in Jack's eyes. I missed it, because it's not as close to the surface as Daniel's. It's deeper, though. I've never seen grief like that. Well, at least not since the last time I looked in the mirror.


	2. The Enemy Within Part I

Mrs. Wilson cried when I left. That was hard. I would love to lie to her and say that I was going to visit all the time, but she knows that I have trouble getting out. The plan is for me to hunker down in that tiny room at Daniel and Jack's place and recover from the herculean effort of getting a job.

No emotional strain for a couple of months.

I'm just going to take care of babies, and nothing sooths my soul quite like that.

When I arrive at the house, Jack gives a look to my backpack and suitcase and says, "That's it?"

"About what I had when Catherine took me into the limo and offered me a job two years ago," Daniel counters.

"I saw those duffle bags. She could put all of that into half of one of those," Jack argues. "Give the girl an advance and send her to the mall."

Oh, God, the mall? An absolute panic attack wracks my body.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asks.

"No… mall… I have enough," I choke out.

Daniel shoots Jack a scolding look.

"Trying to be helpful," he says with a shrug.

"Go ahead and get settled in. The babies are napping. We have an appointment at…" Daniel looks at Jack.

"1400," Jack replies.

Daniel, the supposed genius, counts on his fingers, "Two o'clock?"

Jack nods his head before saying in frustration, "How are you so bad at telling time when it comes to military? It's just counting. It makes _more_ sense than the civilian way."

"I like the old-fashioned way of telling time. It is one of the few things in the world that are still based on the Babylonian base sixty…" Daniel begins.

"Military time is still based on base sixty. It just represents the ability to count past twelve," Jack says with a roll of his eyes.

I slip out of the room and into the nursery. I leave the door open, so I can still hear their friendly banter. It's just about as soothing as a baby.

I glance at the babies before I put down my stuff. Mattie is sucking on the air in a way that melts my heart. Kush is on his stomach. Back to sleep. Jack must have put this one down. He wouldn't have known that rule when the nine-year-old was a baby. I figure these kids were a bit of a surprise, and the poor man hasn't probably read up on baby information.

No worries, Stephie is here now. I roll him over. He objects with a velvety sigh, and I really want to pick him up. I know I can't, though. I don't want to wake him up, and make him scream, and make the two men out there think that I am the worst nanny ever.

I open up the closet. It's empty. I lay the suitcase down in it, and open it up. I pull the textbooks out of the backpack, and put them on the shelf. The laptop I keep in the backpack, and lay down next to the suitcase.

There are three different packages of diapers laying around. I marry them together, and put them on the shelf under the changing table. I pick up the crumpled onesies that are in a pile next to the changing table. These men live like bachelors. The laundry is within reach. The pile of clean clothes was on my bed yesterday, but today they've been moved to the dresser top. I open it up a drawer to see that it is empty.

They are putting my needs before their own. The good ones are always gay.

I fill the dresser up with the babies' clothes. There is no reason for me to unpack if I am only going to be here for a month. Kids need permanence, though, or at least the semblance of it.

The bickering has ended, and I hear a knock at the door. It's Daniel, looking bashful in this room. He's not used to being around women, which makes sense. "We're going to take off now. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. If you want something that isn't there, just put it on the list, and we'll get it the next time we go shopping."

"Thanks," I say.

"Make yourself at home," he says with a nod.

Jack is the last one out of the house, and the door slam wakes the babies. Both of them are crying at once.

"You don't scare me, babes. I once cared for a four-year-old, an eighteen-month-old, and a four-month-old all at once."

I pick up the boy first; he's wet and hungry. After a diaper change, I'm about to switch my attention to his sister, but she's calmed by my chatter. "You've got smart eyes, little one," I tell her, while I take her vocal brother to the kitchen. I make two bottles, and while I hold one for the baby in my arms, I give the other to his sister in the crib.

"You're probably wondering who I am," I tell them. "I am going to be one of the most important people in your lives for the next little bit. Goodness only knows how long. My name is Steph, but you can call me," I make a baby-like wail that makes them both focus their eyes on me in confusion, "My goal in life is to make sure you have what you need, so name it, and I'll get it for you, loves. I love cuddles, so you're not going to have to worry about being lonely. No, sir. Not on my watch. After your lunch and little miss Mattie's diaper-change, I'm going to give you tummy time. That living room floor is a bit questionable, so I'll vacuum first and then lay down a blanket. Doesn't that sound like fun? Do your Daddies give you tummy time?"

-0-

They come back sometime in the middle of the night. They think I'm asleep.

"Daniel, just leave them. They're not crying, and you need sleep."

"I'm just going to peek at them," Daniel whispers back to him.

"There is a teenage girl in that room, Daniel," Jack scolds.

Daniel comes in anyway, and peeks at the kids silently. He can't resist touching their backs, and almost wakes them up.

God, that look of love in his eyes when he looks at them, it slays me.

Then he slips out of the room. Apparently whatever he was going to do didn't involve sleep, because Jack scolds him, "Go to bed."

"Sleep doesn't exactly come easy these days," he says with a bit of a sarcastic laugh.

"I know, Daniel, but no matter how much coffee you drink, you can't stay awake forever."

"I know, I'll try," Daniel whispers. He goes into the third bedroom. At least, I figured that is what it is. Jack leaves his bedroom open all the time, and I've been in every other room of the house. I wondered at the secret door, thinking they would have separated the nursery from my room if they could, at least based on how apologetic they are about me having to share a room with the babies.

Why aren't Jack and Daniel sharing a room? Maybe whatever tragedy they've just been through is driving them apart. That would suck, because these babies need love.

If they separate, I hope Daniel keeps the kids. They are going to need the kind of parent who can't help but check on them even when they aren't crying.

Of course, the way Jack is protective of them is really sweet. Jack is still taking care of them. Maybe they just don't sleep good in the same bed.

-0-

At 2am, the babies start screaming in unison. I'm halfway through a diaper change when Daniel gets up and gets the other one. We're too tired to talk until the two of us have finished feeding babies in the living room.

"I'll take them," Daniel says, holding out his hands.

"They are still fussing," I point out.

"I know, they do this. I'm trying to sleep train them, but I suck at it. I swear I'm going to be done co-sleeping soon. But they're only three and a half weeks old, and they're spending most of their night in the cribs."

"Spoiled babies," I say with a smile.

"Yes, well, they've had a bumpy ride in life so far, they can do with a little bit of spoiling."

He lays down in the bed with his twins, but the crying doesn't stop. My heart is breaking for these little babies, and I would do anything to make it stop, but I just don't know what it would take to make it stop.

Jack gets up, and I hear him muttering, "Fer crying out loud," as he walks across the hallway. He knocks lightly on the door, "Daniel."

"We're fine, Jack," Daniel replies.

"No, you're not; I'm coming in."

Daniel voices some quiet objection, but Jack ignores it. A few seconds later, I hear him tell the baby, "I'm not your Mama, but you can pretend, can't you? Snuggle in, and just pretend."

Oh, Jack and Daniel are going to be just fine, and those babies don't need a Mama.

-0-

The next morning I am awakened by Daniel knocking on my bedroom door. "I'm sorry," he says, blushing.

"You're fine. Reporting for duty sir," I say, standing up and taking one of the babies out of his hands. Daniel is using the changing table, so I spread a blanket across by bed to use as a changing station for the other twin.

"Jack is making breakfast. Are waffles okay?" Daniel asks.

"Sure," I say. I've always been more of a cold cereal for breakfast kind of a girl myself, but a warm breakfast might be a good bonus for this new job.

"We're going to be going to work in about an hour, so you'll have the kids all day. It could be quite late," he says, fidgeting.

"That's no problem," I say confidently.

"Ah… if they cry in the middle of the night, would you mind taking them into bed with you?" he asks.

I decide not to make a coy comment about how they might need _both_ their daddies to be quiet, and just nod my head. I'm not sure if I can make them sleep beyond 2am, but I once stayed up three days with a four-month-old who wouldn't stop screaming.

Daniel is rocking the two babies in a chair when I go out to eat my breakfast.

"How'd ya sleep, Steph?" Jack asks, handing me my waffle.

I think he might be asking if I know they're sleeping together. Oh, I so don't care, but if they want to be coy, I'll pretend I'm ignorant. "Good." I think about the kid on the wall. Maybe Jack isn't in there cuddling these new babies because he is guilty about the older one. Well, I might be able to set him at ease there. "I noticed pictures of a kid on the wall, if you ever needed me to watch him."

"Not part of the job," Jack says gruffly.

"All right, but if he's ever here, and you need to leave…" I start.

"Charlie won't be stopping by," Jack says.

Bastard. Why is she keeping him from his kid? "Why?"

"He's dead."

For a second I can't even breathe. "I'm so sorry, Jack. No-one should outlive their kids."

He looks at my soul for a long second, "If you weren't a child yourself, I'd think you knew that from experience," he says.

"Jack, Kashta is doing that thing where he won't burp," Daniel says, shattering the moment.

Jack takes the baby out of Daniel's arms. He sits down on the chair, and lays the baby over his knee with a leg and arm on each side. He runs two little fingers slowly along the kid's spine slowly time and time again until a little burp comes out.

Jack's good at this baby thing, and I can't blame him for trying to keep a little distance from them after his kid died. A child's death can do powerful things to a person.


	3. The Enemy Within Part II

"Jackson residence," I say, answering the phone with name on the ad I'd answered.

A pause on the other end of the line, "Actually it's the O'Neill residence, Jack's place," Daniel's voice says. There is regret in his voice. They are still at a sort of awkward new couple stage. I'm not sure why they had kids this soon. It's not like a gay couple has kids by accident, right?

"Hello, Daniel, how are you doing?" I say cheerfully.

"Good. Sorry to call. Jack said I was insane. We're going to be here all night, and I've never spent a whole night away from my kids before."

Oh, he is sweet.

"Are they okay?" he presses.

"They're doing great, Daniel."

"Okay," he pauses, and I know he wants to say more.

"Tell them Daddy misses and loves them," he says.

"I'll make sure they know," I assure him.

I hang up the phone, and look at the two babies on the floor. "How come your Daddy Jack doesn't fuss on you as much as Daddy Daniel?" I ask them. I've suspected the answer for a while. Obviously, only one of them could provide genetic material. Obviously Daniel was the bio father. Still, what kind of a jerk cares about that?

There is something else to these babies, something that I haven't figured out yet. These babies were a surprise. They came early in the relationship, Jack and Daniel weren't used to living together yet.

"Are you two leftovers of some relationship Daddy had before he meet Jack?" I ask. Jack had loved a woman before, that was clear from the happy family pictures on the wall. So if Daniel was with a woman less than a year ago, that might be why Jack was so cold to the babies. In fact, Jack was pretty warm and loving if you consider that.

He'd come around. A decade from now, these two would be a happy couple glad to have had these oopsy babies.

"We'll get him through this. You're already turning the man into puddin' with your sweet faces," I assure them.

The gurgle in response.

Jack's heart isn't the only one their faces are melting. I know I shouldn't fall in love with my charges. It's the number one rule in the nanny handbook. One that every good nanny has been breaking since the stone age. They'll break my hearts when I leave them, but they deserve to have people break their hearts over them.

-0-

"Please stop screaming, babies," I plead. I took them into my bed, what more do they want? Right, _two_ bodies with them.

Well, if that's what they want, let's fake it. I go into Jack's room, feeling awkward all the time, and take a pillow. I go into Daniel's bedroom to get one too. Daniel's room breaks my heart. There is a twin bed on the floor, no frame, and there are two unpacked duffle bags next to it. That is all.

He was a foster kid, too, and he doesn't feel like he belongs in Jack's house. Jesus, he belongs in Jack's bed, and I don't get why he's not there.

I grab a pillow, before heading back to my own room. I lay both of them against the wall. I lay the babies up against the pillows, and then snuggle in next to them, making sure that their mouths are clear for breathing.

The screaming stops.

"That's right loves. You're only a month old. You haven't learned to use those big brains you inherited yet, and I can still outsmart you. Sleep well, little ones."

-0-

It's late the next day by the time they come home. Jack just grabs a beer and heads out to the backyard. I here strange sounds on the side of the house.

"He's going up to the roof," Daniel explains.

"With alcohol? Is that wise?" I ask.

"One beer isn't going to get Jack drunk," Daniel laughs. Then he adds, "Just don't think poorly of him for being so anti-social. We lost his friend today."

"I'm so sorry. How did that happen?" I ask.

Daniel takes a deep breath. I get the feeling he knew this man too, "Kowalski got a disease while we were on a mission. They did this risky surgery to try to save him, and it didn't work."

"What disease?" I ask.

"It's classified. A lot of what we do is classified," Daniel explains.

I reach into the fridge and grab a beer. I can tell that Daniel is about to scold me for it, but I hand it to him, and say, "I don't think you should make Jack drink alone. The babies are asleep, I've got them."

He takes the bottle out of my hand, and puts it back in the fridge. "One beer is probably too much for me to be on a roof with. Jack says I'm a cheap date*," Daniel says and he walks out of the door. I hear him climbing up on the roof.

I hear a baby crying, and guess that it's Kush. I'm still working on being able to tell them apart by sound alone. "Your Daddies need a little private time, big boy," I tell him when I enter the room, and find out that my guess was correct. "Don't you be jealous. I'm here for you."

-0-

I knock on Jack's bedroom door awkwardly, even though it is open. "I forgot to return your pillow."

He raises his eyebrow, "You went into my room, and stole my pillow while I was gone?"

"For the babies. Daniel's, too. It was the only way I could get them to stop fussing. That 2am thing they have."

"So you broke them of the habit of two bodies in bed?" he asks, looking impressed, "Well, that's more than Daniel and I could do. And it took my scent to do it?"

I nod.

"Well, how about that. The little munchkins like me."

That's right, Jack. I'll make you bond with the twins whether you choose to or not.

-0-

The babies fussed in the middle of the night, and Daniel comes in to get them. I offer to help, but he waves me off. After diaper changes and food, he takes them out to the living room, and sits down in the rocking chair with them. He sings to the babies in some other language. He's a linguist, so I shouldn't be surprise. It's a pretty song, and as he sings it he starts to cry.

I lay in my bed, and pretend I can't hear. Pretend I don't know. It's none of my business.

"I will find your mother. I will bring her back to you," he swears to the children.

She is missing? He wants to give them back to her? That is why they have no clothes but those they are big enough to wear. That is why Daniel doesn't know how long he is going to need a nanny for. That is why Jack is afraid to bond with the babies.

He has already lost a child, and he is not going to put himself out their emotionally when he is sure he is going to lose them.

Daniel is the one I don't understand. He loves those kids so much. Why would he be willing to give them up?

-0-

Jack cooks again in the morning. Bacon and eggs this time. The smell wakes me before the babies do, I rush out the kitchen to prepare the bottles before they wake up.

"I was sorry to hear about your friend," I tell him.

"Yes, Kowalski was a good man," he says glumly. "We'll be having our team over tonight, Daniel and I. We've got a bit of healing to do."

"I'll keep the babies out of your hair," I tell him.

"Oh please," he laughs, "They're going to want to see them. There are two of them, on our team. Samantha and… Teal'c." He pauses, clearly wanting to say more, but having trouble locating the words, "A team like the one we're on, we're going to become family. You have to when you rely on each other. We're at the beginning, so we're not family yet. Still, you raising his babies means you're family, and they're going to be family, so… you're invited to socialize with us if you want."

"Thank you," she says.

"Oh, don't thank me. You make me feel like we're in the 1800s or something. You're not a servant, Steph."

"No, I'm just someone that is paid to raise someone else's kids," I say.

"Cheeky, I like it," he says.

-0-

I open the door to reveal a tall black man in dressed in clothes, every bit of which declares the words 'Chicago Cubs'. The woman next to him is in a pretty sundress and sandals. She pulls her glasses up smooshing her short blonde hair. "Are you Daniel's nanny?" she asks.

I nod. "Stephanie," I say, putting out a hand to each.

"Sam," the blonde says.

"Teal'c," the man replies.

"Come on in, Jack's on the patio," I invite.

"Ah… and where are Daniel's babies?" Sam asks with a smile.

"On the patio," I respond.

We all walk out there to see puffs of smoke rising from the grill. Daniel has the babes propped up in a lawn chair in some position between laying and sitting, with so many pillows and blankets they couldn't fall if they wanted.

Kush is doing that wheezing thing he does when he's cried himself silly.

"Now see here, it just won't do, son," Daniel says, running his fingers softly across his head.

"See here?" Sam says laughing.

"They both do that. Talk to the babies like they are downright elderly," Jack says.

"I believe you are intending to render the meat inedible," Teal'c says, staring with dismay at the grill.

"I tried to help him," Daniel says with a shrug.

"Can I hold one of those?" Sam says.

"Yeah, they're still working on holding up their heads so careful with the necks," Daniel warns protectively. Funny, he never gave me any advice, so he trusts me.

"I know, I remember from my niece and nephew," Sam says.

"You're an auntie?" Jack says, not turning from the grill. He is clearly impressed.

"Sir, you really are burning the meat," Sam objects.

"Are you criticizing a superior officer?" Jack says.

"No, Sir," Sam says, much abashed.

He turns to her with a wicked grin, "I'm kidding. Order a pizza."

"Yes, Sir," she says with the same sort of grin. A cosmic shift has occurred. The 'no, sir' was said with respect, the 'yes, sir' was cheeky. He'd just told her, without saying it, that she didn't have to be a good soldier.

He was forming a family around himself. I didn't know you could do that, just whiz through the world collecting strays and make a family out of them.

Daniel stands to order the pizza, and Sam picks up Kush. Mattie flops over when the support of her brother is gone.

"Tau'ri children appear to lack basic motor skills."

"They are little," I scold, scooping the girl up.

"He didn't mean offense, Steph," Jack defends, trying to mend some fences.

"What does Tau'ri mean?" I ask.

Sam goes stiff. It's a secret, classified.

"Teal'c comes from a rather remote tribe in Africa. Tau'ri is their word for American - or more generally, the sort of culture they used to call 'Western'. What's the proper way of talking about that now?" he asks, clearly aiming it at Sam.

She's still shaken by the lie, and maybe a little bit at how good Jack is at lying. I'm shaken by the second part, "First world, I think, Sir," she says.

"Umm… I guess what I speak of is a bit more like first and second world all wrapped together. They'll have to invent a word for that, and until then I suppose I'll have to borrow Teal'c's 'Tau'ri'."

Jack is really good liar. I'll never be able to trust him again.

"Pizza's on its way," Daniel says, entering the room and taking his daughter from me.

"Teal'c made fun of her motor skills while you were gone," I tattle.

"I merely observed the difference between Tau'ri children and… my tribe," he says, with a glance at Jack. Ah, so Teal'c is a bad liar. That is something to file away. If I ever need information, I can go to him.

"Well, I'll have you know my children are perfect," Daniel says with a decided nod.

"Hear, hear," Jack says, chucking one of the hamburgers he's still fussing over off the patio and into the grass.

Sam works hard on smothering a giggle.

Jack flings another one, right onto her lap.

"Sir," she scolds, swiping it away. That 'sir' sounded downright insubordinate. "You almost hit the baby."

"My aim's pretty good," he says.

"I bet mine's better," Sam retorts, challenging.

Jack laughs, "That it is, Captain, I've read your file. Impressive." He flings another charred hamburger into the yard.

Yes, these people will do quite well for a family.

 _*Jack called him that in the series. You can't blame me for playing with it. ;)_


	4. Emancipation

The next morning, Daniel tells me that he and Jack have two days off, and that means that I have them off, too. Daniel dotes on the babies, not letting me do so much as a diaper change. I keep trying to get in for some cuddles, at least.

"I think you're confused about who is in charge of this house," Jack tells me after several protests.

"Daniel?" I say in surprise.

"Goodness no, the babies," I giggle, knowing that's the truth, "And a child wants its parents."

Yes, a nanny isn't a mother. I have to back off and let Daniel be the father when he's here to do it.

Jack is bothered when I don't do anything with my free time.

"Don't you have any friends?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"Hobbies then?"

I glance down. Does being exceedingly dull get you kicked out of this strange little family Jack has formed?

"What about school?" Daniel asks.

"I'm not taking any classes now," I reply.

"Why not?" Jack asks.

"I've got a job."

"A job that won't mean you can't take a couple classes. There is all the time when they are sleeping, and you'll have days off like this. It's an unpredictable job, but I would hate to think we're getting in the way of your education."

"I'm fine," I say firmly.

"You are bored. Take a couple of classes. After all, I remember something about you wanting to become a psychologist, and that is one of those really long degrees," Jack points out.

"That was something of a lie," I admit. After seeing Jack lie his ass off at the party, I'm not afraid of admitting it. It earns a laugh from Jack, but the next words swipe the laugh off his face, "I only took psychology classes as a substitute for therapy."

"Did it help?" Jack asks seriously.

"I think so," I admit. I got out of the house, at the very least.

"Good. Still, you won't want to be a nanny forever. On your days off, you should either get some classes to study for, or some friends, or maybe a boyfriend."

"Jack," Daniel scolds.

"It's too late to register for classes now. The semester has started," I say.

"She's seventeen, Jack, she can be a couch potato if she wants to be," Daniel scolds.

"Eighteen," I correct.

Both men stare at me. "You were seventeen a few days ago when you were interviewed," Jack points out.

I nod.

"Did you have a birthday and not tell us?" Jack accuses. I don't answer, but he guesses the answer anyway. He stands up, and heads to the kitchen.

"Jack!" Daniel explains, and I can tell that he would follow the older man if his hands weren't full of twins. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making the girl a cake!" he explains.

"Jack!" I protest, noticing that I'm starting to sound just like Daniel.

He sticks his head back into the living room, "Do you want to help?"

I can't help but grin. I've never made a cake before, and it was way more fun than I thought it would be.

Cake is right up there with babies by way of distraction.

-0-

They are gone for several days again. They come back, and I know that something has happened. I also know that if I ask, Jack is going to lie to me. So there isn't any point in asking.

Daniel calls Sam twice to make sure she's all right. After the second time, as we sit rocking babies in the living room, I ask, "What happened to Sam?"

Daniel sighs, "She got captured on a mission. Sold as a wife, actually. She was almost… well, let's just say it's a good thing we got her out before night fell. She keeps saying that she is all right, but I can't imagine being all right after that."

My stomach churns, "You saved her?"

"Well… the team did. She fought the guy, though. Fought him and won."

"Still you kept her from the worst of it," I say.

He stares at me for a long time, and starts to open his mouth in a question that I am certain is going to result in my lying. So I stop him. "Psychology classes."

"I never told you about these babies' mother," he says softly, "She's kidnapped. Jack and I are working really hard to get her back."

Oh. Get the breath back in your lungs.

"Find her," I say.

Even if it means these babies go away. Even if that will destroy all three of us.

"Find her," I plead. Find her like no-one found me.

"I will," he promises Mattie in his arms.

-0-

The nightmares had been gone for many months, but trust a conversation like that to bring it back.

It's Jack who knocks at my door. "Can I come in?"

"I'm fine," I say, the scream turning to a sob.

"You're not. I've had nightmares like that, and I know it will be a long time before you are fine," Jack corrects. The babies were woken by the scream, of course, and I pick them up to comfort them. I think I need cuddles more than they do.

"I've known you've had some big scary trauma in your past since we met. I think it's time you tell me."

I shake my head.

"Let's see… based on what happened to Carter, I'm guessing kidnapping or rape."

I look down.

"Both, then," he says. "The bastard get punished?"

I nod.

"Well, thank goodness for small mercies. How long were you gone for?"

"Thirteen months," I whisper.

He stares at me with a look of pity I haven't seen since the day I was rescued. It twists my stomach. I never should have told him.

"How the hell are you functional, girl?"

I laugh a bit at that. The babies have quieted, and he takes them from my hands to put them back in their crib against my will. I think he's going to leave, but he sits back on the edge of the bed. He wants to talk more? I thought that chunk would be enough horror to keep questions away.

"Look. I know you studied psychology, and I'm not a big fan of psychologists myself, but…"

I shake my head.

"Okay. But… where did he keep you?"

"A basement. Don't feel sorry for me. Please. I've got my demons, but I'm doing fine."

Now. When I can leave the house sometimes without having a panic attack. As long as there are babies to rock.

"If there is anything I can do, let me know," he says. He starts to get up to leave, but after a second he turns back, "Do you want to watch some crappy TV show for a while? Chase the ghosts away, as it were?"

I smile and nod. This might be a crazy family, but I've accepted that it is my family now.

-0-

"And who might you be?" the woman on the other side of the door asks. She looks a lot like Sam, only a little older. I recognize her from somewhere… where? Oh, of course. The picture on the wall. Charlie's mother. She sounds angry. She probably thinks I'm romantic with her ex… whatever. So she probably doesn't know about Daniel, and I'm not going to be the one to tell her. I will listen though, because it's going to be better than soap opera.

"I'm the nanny."

Oh, shit. That was worse. What does a stroke look like? She's too young to be having a stroke, right?

"Nanny?"

"For the babies."

"Babies?"

"Yes, the twins… I'll go get Jack." The woman looks a little pale. "Ah… why don't you take a seat?"

Jack meets me in the hallway, and he just smiles and walks past me. I'm grateful for that, because I don't exactly know who I would say was here.

I go, and get the babies, who are stirring. I make sure to stay close enough to the door that I can hear the conversation.

"You have babies?" the woman asks, sounding wounded.

"Of course not. They're Daniel's kids."

"Who is Daniel?" she asks.

Ah, the million-dollar question, women, but once you ask it, you can never un-ask it.

"He's a friend from work. He and his newborn twins was temporarily homeless, so I took them in for a bit. His wife is missing in action."

"Wow," the woman gasps.

Daniel's married to this woman? Married to this woman he's looking for? Oh, she is going to be pissed when she gets back and finds out that he has been living with a man.

"You always did go a bit above and beyond for someone on your team," the woman says softly.

"I assume you've got the divorce papers?" Jack asks.

"Yeah," she says.

"You got a pen?" he asks.

"Read them first," the woman scolds.

"I trust you, Sara," he says softly.

A scratch on paper. Then there is silence.

"We were good together, weren't we, Jack?" she asks uncertainty.

"Yeah, Sara, we were the best."

They sit in silence for so long I'm tempted to go out there and see if they are seriously just sitting there staring at each other. Then I hear Sara laugh. "You haven't changed, Jack."

More silence during which I assume he gives some sort of a look which prompts her to give more of answer.

"You're just as silent as we were when we were married."

He chuckles at that, and hear them stand up. She must be almost to the door before she turns. "Jack… enjoy those babies. You deserve it… after Charlie. Don't feel guilty, just love on them while they are here," she says softly.

"Thanks," he says. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he doesn't really agree with what she's saying. He's just trying to pacify her. He feels guilty about his son's death? Why?

Well, it's just another way I fit with this crazy family. I've got a lot of guilt about dead family members, too.


	5. The Broca Divide

Our meet-cute was rather charming. Or at least it would have been if I didn't look like a hobo at the time. Of course, looking like a hobo was part of the key to the meet-cute happening at all. Jack and Daniel were gone for a week without so much as a phone call, and we ran out of diapers, and formula, and milk, and food. It was either go to the grocery store or die. Of course, we never quite got to pay day before they disappeared, so I grab the emergency credit card they showed me, and leave Jack and Daniel's house for the first time since I moved in.

The trick of the pillows wore off when Jack and Daniel's scent did, so it's been four days since I slept, or they did.

So I'm standing at the check-out in a sweat suit that has no less than three stains, one of which toes the line between milk spit-up and genuine vomit. I can't remember the last time I washed my hair, and have no idea what I used to secure it in a messy bun.

The babies are both crying. Well, Mattie is crying. Kush has reached the awkward phase where he is trying to cry, but only manages a painful wheezing. Damn that child's weak lungs, it makes him even more pitiful and even though he's only five weeks old, I swear he knows it. I'm crying, too, I didn't even notice until one big drop fell down on the head of the head of the babies attached to me in a mai-tai.

Then I have to argue with the cashier, who is apparently bored enough by a 2am shift to say critical things like, "You don't look like your name is 'Jack'."

I'd like to have said it was the worst day in my life, but it wasn't. It didn't even make the top ten. Hell, if you lined up all the days in the last four years from worst to best and stood the worst side, you'd never see today from there.

Then he comes in, my knight in graphic tee. He reaches past me and swipes his card through.

"No, I couldn't," I object.

He waves me away like a pesky fly, and steps around me to sigh. "Cute kids," he says with a smile, and it doesn't have the condemnation in it that makes me want to blurt out that I'm a nanny, that they're not really mine.

I feel like he'd be kind even if they were. Even if he knew the whole and complete truth of my past, he would be just as freaking kind, and that's a nice place to stand.

"Thank you," I mutter.

Kush catches his breath, but doesn't use it to cry, and hearing him go quiet his sister follows suit.

After my cart goes through, he buys a mountain dew and a butter finger, and goes to catch me in the parking lot.

My heart races. I never should never have gone out of the house in the middle of the night.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes," I say slowly. I'm not. I won't be okay until Daniel and Jack are back safe.

"I just… the tears."

"It's been a tough couple of days with the babies," I say, looking down. I shiver involuntarily. I hadn't thought to grab a coat when I left the house.

He takes off his hoody and puts it around me. I thought that crap only happened in movies.

"I'm way out of line here, but I had an aunt that came and lived with me when I was a kid. Her husband…" he drifts off and meets my eye.

Ah… he didn't follow me to hurt me. He's still being a knight in graphic tee. "That's not what this is. I understand it's what it looks like, but it's not. I'm a nanny, and my boss has a habit of disappearing at work. These little angels don't sleep well without their daddy, and what you saw in there was more sleep deprivation than anything."

"Oh," he says, and he looks relieved, "Well, if you ever need anything…" he fumbles in his wallet and takes out a business card. I would have thought he was way too young to have one of them. He looked my age. I glance at it, and see that he works as a tutor at college. Ah, yes, that sounds about right.

"Thank you, but I really am good," I assure him.

"Well, you could just use the number for… conversation, then," he says.

God, now he's flirting, and my heart is pounding again. The last time someone flirted… I lost everything.

I hand him the hoody.

He shakes his head. "Keep it," he says, and then walks away.

I look down at the babies, preparing to make some sort of dismissive comment to them. Try to convince them it meant nothing.

Mattie calls my bluff with a knowing look. Sometimes I swear these kids have Jack's DNA in them too, or maybe it's a nature vs. nurture thing kicking in all ready.

-0-

Daniel rushes into the room with an apology on his lips, "I am so sorry they didn't call you to tell why we weren't coming home! I fixed it now. You're listed as my emergency contact. I guess I just figured that Jack would always be there to explain to you if I couldn't make it home. I never thought something would happen to both of us!" Daniel says the whole thing as he goes into the bedroom to check on each of the babies in turn. He does that back rubbing thing that he does where he almost wakes them up. He does drop his voice to a whisper so they don't wake up completely.

"What did happen?" I ask.

"Ah… a disease." Jack might be a very smooth liar, but Daniel tends to go with the 'super vague, but I'm not going to lie' method.

"You guys most do some sort of research with diseases then," I say, a bit uncertainly.

"Ah… no, I'm an anthropologist," Daniel says, pausing. How did I never ask what they did for a living before? "We have contact with remote tribes with limited exchange in microbes. So we have more chance of getting sick," he says, leaving the room after one last glance at the babies. I can tell he'd give just about anything to get them crying so he would have an excuse to pick them up.

"I always thought of the problem being Europeans spreading diseases to more remote regions, and not the other way around, but I guess I don't see a reason why it doesn't work both ways."

Daniel has a tell when he lies. The long pause. If you're going to make it obvious, I'm going to have to press it.

"Apart from the black death," I say softly.

"Right, well, there were a lot of diseases in Europe during the middle ages. Some of these tribes are pretty remote, though," he says with a smile.

"Okay, so you were sick with a disease. I find it hard to believe you didn't call your kids to check on them."

"They were fine, though?" he asks concerned.

Well, apart from the grocery store day, yeah. But he so doesn't need to know about that. It's bad enough Patrick does.

That's right, I know the stranger's name. He gave me a business card, after all. I just glanced at it, though. It's not like I've been pulling it out and staring at it and memorizing it or anything.

Nope. Not going to obsess about this. I've already been on the other side of obsessing, and that ended really badly for me.

"Yeah, the kids were fine," I assure him. "It wasn't a condemnation on you. I was just surprised. You loved those kids. I can't imagine you not checking up on them."

He takes a deep breath, "I was a little bit out of it," he confesses.

Oh, we're talking serious disease. Almost died kind of serious disease. Kowalski died.

"Why are you taking such risks?" he loves those babies. Why would he risk leaving them, for a day, a week, forever?

He shifts on his feet, "This is my only chance of getting Sha're back."

Right, the wife, the babies' mother. He's risking his life to get her back. She was kidnapped, just like me.

"Don't die, Daniel. Get her back, but just don't die."

"That's the plan," he smirks. Jack is rubbing off on him as well as his babies.

-0-

I should have known that Daniel would come into the room to check on the babies again. He pretty much constantly checks on the babies. So him catching me looking at the business card was sort of inevitable. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal if I hadn't hid it.

"I'm sorry," he mutters. Then he glances at me, "Are you blushing, Steph?"

"No," too loud.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Daniel asks.

"No," not even close.

"Okay," he says. He's not pushing, but he's definitely curious.

"So I met this guy at the grocery store, and maybe I have his number," I say.

He smiles, all giddy like. Happy for me like I'm a normal eighteen-year-old, and normal eighteen-year-old is what Patrick deserves.

"…and memorized it," I continue. Apparently I want to talk about it.

Kush objects to his dad existing and paying attention to something other than himself, so Daniel goes over to scoop the kid up. When I first met Daniel, he said those kids were really spoiled, and he wasn't lying.

"So you've memorized the number, but haven't used it?" Daniel asks.

"I don't… date," I admit.

"Okay, but you know you could, right? You've got days off, and I wouldn't be opposed to you having a guy over or taking the kids to the park with them. I mean, I don't want you to get distracted, but I trust you."

"Well, I appreciate that, but that isn't why I don't date."

His eyes grow soft, "So, does this have to do with your kidnapping?" I figured Jack told him.

"I, ah… dated him."

Daniel's eyebrows raise, "The guy who kidnapped you?"

"I was fourteen, and he was twenty-four. I didn't tell my parents, because I knew they would have said no. He got obsessive, and I thought it was cute. He started pressuring me to have sex, but I was a kid, and I said no."

I closed my eyes, and when I open them, they are against Daniel's shoulder. He's a good hugger. Not as good as Jack. Jack's hugs make you feel like you're home, and everything is okay. Daniel's make you feel like life sucks, but that it won't suck forever. His hug is more like a promise.

He pulls away, and says, "You know it wasn't your fault," I start to object but he waves his finger at me, a bit like Jack really, "No, I'm sorry. Saying 'no' doesn't give him an excuse for rape. Dating someone doesn't give them permission to lock you in a basement for a year. There is nothing a girl can ever do to make the rape justified. Certainly nothing some little _girl_ could do to make a full-grown man come unhinged. It was his fault, Steph."

"I know, but I worry about my taste in men. I'm terrified to date."

"Steph, you don't have to be ready for this yet. You're young. But at some point you're going to have to stop letting fear dictate your life, and if you'd want help with that, you've got people that would be willing to help you."

"How?"

"Teal'c could chaperone," Daniel teases.

"Maybe… on my next day off, I could invite him here? You guys could be in the house when we date. I mean, if he even wants to or whatever?"

"Sure," he says. He stands up, taking the baby with him (I'm beginning to think that Daniel's need for the babies is as pathological as my own). He turns at the door, "Not all guys are assholes, Steph."

"I know," I say. My dad was a good guy. Daniel and Jack are good guys. Teal'c, too, probably, although I barely know him.

If Patrick isn't a good guy, I'll be okay; they won't let him hurt me.


	6. The First Comandment

"It's going to be okay, Stephanie," Jack cajoles.

"You just came back from a hard mission. You guys should probably relax. I'll just call him up and cancel," I blurt.

"Nope, not out of fear," Jack says.

I'm not going to throw up. I don't do emotional throwing up, and I am not going to be going backward. Nope. I'm going to go forward, and become more and more normal all the time. So I can't throw up right now.

"But it's stupid anyway," I protest.

"Of course it is. It's a first date. It will be awkward, and you'll feel stupid the whole time," Jack says Daniel starts glaring at him, but he waves him off and keeps talking, "Probably it will suck. It's a first date. Then either it's going too led to you finding someone who is going to make you happy for a while, or it's going to be a bust and you'll have your first post-trauma date done. Either way, you win."

Daniel smiles at him.

"It's just a couple hours. Worth it," Jack continues.

The doorbell rings, and Jack runs to answer it. Daniel rolls his eyes, and I just let him. It should be entertaining.

Patrick doesn't miss a beat, "Hello, Sir, is Stephanie there?"

"She is," Jack says, taking a step back and allowing him to enter. "What are your…"

Daniel cuts him off with a cough. Jack glances back at him with a wicked expression on his face.

"Ignore him," I encourage Patrick.

"We'll be in the kitchen if you need us," Daniel says, walking behind Jack and giving her a little playful push on the shoulder blades.

"So those are your employers. They are not what I expected," he says.

My bristles raise. Is he going to be a homophobic jerk with his next words? "What do you mean?"

"Oh, not that. They're a cute couple, to be sure. I just mean, I didn't expect your home to be that happy. The first time we met, I wasn't exactly thinking the place you came from would be so… good."

"I've had good at my last two homes, three years now. The trauma goes further back," I say softly.

"Sorry."

"The day we met, Jack and Daniel had been missing, and the babies don't sleep well without them, and… I'm just not normally like that."

"Don't be embarrassed, we've all had bad days."

"Oh, I seriously doubt you've had a day so bad as that," I say.

"You'd be surprised," he says, and I stare at him, trying to figure out what he means.

Just then, Jack runs through the living room, "I thought I heard the babies," he explains, although they made no sound.

"Jack," Daniel hisses. He pauses at the door between the kitchen and the living room giving us an apologetic look, "I'll take him outside. Jack!" Daniel calls.

Jack comes back with a kid on each arm. "See, they wanted us," even though the kids, for once in their life, didn't care if they were being held.

"She is not your daughter, but out," Daniel scolds. "Deck."

"They are quite protective of you," he quips.

"Yeah, they kind of know what happened to me." 'Kind of' being the key words. Like they know a third of it. "To be honest, I was kind of nervous about dating. I asked them to watch me a bit. Jack, being Jack, went overboard."

"Well, you're safe with me," Patrick says.

My heart warms at the words. They feel like they ring true, "I know. I just… I don't trust my judgment. The only other person I dated…" I look down.

"Slow and steady, then?" he says softly.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." The doorbell rings, and this time it is the pizza. It turns the conversation onto lighter things, and before long we're talking about his science tutoring and my unfinished psychology degree.

Jack and Daniel bring the babies in after a long enough time that worrying about the cold was probably legitimate. "You want to go up on the roof?" Jack asks.

"Sure."

"Stay away from the telescope unless one of you knows what the hell you are doing," Jack warns.

Patrick, who I now call Pat, is impressed by Jack's telescope, and knows enough about it to fiddle with it. We stargaze together until later than I normally go to bed.

At the end of the date he draws a note out of his pocket, and hands it to me. I start to open it but he shakes his head, "Later," he whispers.

Forty-five minutes later when I'm all alone in my bed in fussy pajamas, I unwrap the note. "I am so glad to have met you. I hope to see you again."

The smile doesn't wipe easy off my face.

-0-

Sam is very different at this team night. I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong. Finally I ask her. "So what horrible thing happened during this mission?"

She smiles, but looks a little worried, "Do Daniel and Jack tell you about the missions?"

"Oh, just enough not to let out anything classified, but enough that I know that you guys do some dangerous important things."

Sam smiles. "I was engaged."

Eyebrows up, who would have figured Teal'c as the member of this team without a history in marriage.

"We ran into him. He, ah… lost it a bit. He died. I should have been the one who killed him."

I should have killed someone too.

"There is nothing wrong with heart that won't kill. Even one that won't kill someone who deserves it," I say.

She smiles, "That's pretty close to what Jack said. I'm a soldier, though."

"You loved him?" I ask.

"I shouldn't have. I wasn't worthy of being loved. He was… not kind to me."

"How not kind?" I ask, looking at her eyes.

She pauses, and fidgets; she's picking up more and more of Jack's habits every day. Pretty soon, the casual observer will think we're a real family.

"Not kind enough."

Most of it didn't scar. Not that he was trying to be careful or anything. You don't have to be careful when your victim never sees the light of day. Still, if you only use your fist, you're not likely to leave a mark that lasts more than a few weeks.

Still, once he used the edge of a plate.

I lift up my sleeve, and show her the scar. "That unkind?"

Her eyes soften in pity, and she looks away before saying, "Not often. And I fought back."

Fought back, but couldn't kill him. That I can understand. No matter how much you hate someone taking a life is still a heavy thing.

"Who finished him?" I ask.

"No-one, exactly, but he's still dead."

"That's a mercy," I say.

She grabs my hand, and traces the scar, "What about him?" I don't think she knows anything I told Jack. He only shared that with Daniel.

"He's in jail."

"Any chance he'll get out?" she asks, and I can tell that she has ideas of making sure that won't happen if there is a risk of that.

"They'll contact me if there is ever a risk. My testimony got him in, and I'm pretty sure it will keep him in."

Sam nods, "There are different kinds of strength."

"Yes, there is the kind of strength which looks at a bastard who is within your power to kill, and who fully deserves to die, and not killing him."

"He wasn't your father was he?" she asks.

I shudder, "No."

Sam looks as relieved as I feel sick.

"Watch out girls, the boys are crashing your sub-party!" Jack announces.

"I suppose we can endure your presence if you would be so kind as to hand over one of the babies."

Daniel obliges, and the talk turns to other matters.

-0-

"Where is my son?" a woman says, confused, at the door. She's got short curly white hair, and Jack's eyes and smirk.

"You're Jack's mother?" I asks.

"I heard about his divorce. I thought he might need some of that fussing over he always thinks he doesn't need."

"He probably does, Mrs. O'Neill. Come in," I say.

She looks at me critically. "If my son has taken you for a girlfriend, I'm afraid I'll have to disapprove."

I laugh, "No worries. Jack's more a father figure. I'm the nanny for the babies that aren't his."

"Babies?" she asks, her face going soft with longing that makes me know she misses Charlie as much as her son.

"They aren't his," I repeat, letting a little bit of disbelief into my voice by accident.

"I'll take that to mean they aren't his… yet. Whose babies are they?"

"Daniel's," I say. "They're at work. It should just be a regular day, they don't have one of those 'missions' which mean they might be gone for days or weeks at a time. It should only be a few hours. Do you want something to eat as you wait?"

"No, thanks, I ate before I came. I didn't know if my son would be home or not. I would like to hear who Daniel is."

"I'm not sure I should say," I say, examining her face carefully.

"My son doesn't talk enough that you have that liberty," she says.

"Well, Daniel is the man who lives with your son," I say with a shrug.

"And all that implies?" she asks.

I nod.

She pauses, and I hope I haven't screwed things up for Jack, "Well, I am surprised, because Jack really loved Sara. I sort of thought he still did, and that's why I came here to comfort him. I'm more than a little glad to find he's in love with someone else. I guess I'm surprised by who he's in love with, but that doesn't matter. This man, he comes with babies?"

"Twins. Daniel is still married. His wife is missing. Daniel is looking for her."

"Well, I would love to meet these children that aren't yet my son's."

-0-

"Mom!" Jack says, going over to hug her. Meg passes me the baby quickly. She gives him a hug which I'm going to have to start calling an 'O'Neill hug' instead of a 'Jack hug'. The kind of hug which will make any place home.

"These are fine babies you have here, Daniel," she says giving him only a minute to push up his glasses by way of fidget before he's engulfed in a hug.

"Kush panders for attention, and Mattie loves to hear talking," Jack brags.

"They do have strange names," Mrs. O'Neill comments.

"My wife named them," Daniel says.

She glances at her son, worrying about that might hurt him.

"I am so glad, Daniel, that you and your children have come to live with my son," she says with a great deal of emotion.

"Careful, mom. Daniel is an orphan. If you're not careful, you'll end up with another son."

"I'll take him," she says with a bit more seriousness than was really necessary.

Daniel blushes, looking down, "Thank you, ma'am."

"Meg," she corrects lightly as she takes Mattie back from my arms. "I will never get my fill of these angels."

"How many days do you have to fill up with them?" Jack asks.

"Five," she says.

"Good, I'll take you out to eat," he says.

"Don't be silly, Jonathan, I have made you dinner."

"I should have known," he says with that O'Neill smirk. Then his face falls, "I don't know where to you put you. We're a bit short on rooms here."

"I'll sleep on the couch," Daniel says.

"No, don't be silly, I will," Jack says.

Meg's eyes sparkle at the sacrifice, "Don't squabble, boys. I'll take the couch."

"Mom," Jack starts to protest.

"I'm your mother. I get to make decisions like that. If you object, I'll take the baby pictures out of my purse."

"If I object, will you do the same?" Daniel asks.

Meg seems both surprised and delighted by his cheek, and she slips the pictures out.

"Mother!" Jack exclaims, scandalized.

"This baby needs a change; take care of that, won't you, son," Meg says passing Mattie over to Jack and taking Kush from my arms.


	7. Moving Day

"Jack, it's our house," Daniel says with his most annoyed expression.

"I'm not asking you to abandon the house forever. I'm just asking you to get out of the house for a while. You and Steph take the babies to the park down the street for an hour or so."

"I feel like you are up to something," Daniel says suspiciously.

"I am most certainly up to something. What does that have to do with it?" Jack says, "Out of the house."

Daniel narrows his eyes at him, but then picks up Kush, and heads to the door of our new house. I grab Mattie and follow him. Daniel seams very annoyed.

"You know he's just getting some surprise up for us," I say.

"I know, I just don't trust Jack's version of surprise," Daniel says.

I nod. I'm a little nervous about whatever Jack and the rest of their team is up to. Being outside of the house, walking down the street with Daniel and his babies, is surprisingly not causing me much anxiety. That's a delightful development.

"So are you and Jack going to share a room now?" I ask.

Daniel gives me a look which is genuinely confused. "Jack isn't going to be living at our house, and if he was, we wouldn't share a room. You broke the babies of the whole 'needing two adults in bed in order to sleep' thing."

"Right, so I thought you and Jack could sleep without the little munchkins in your way. What do you mean, he's not coming? Did he and you have a fight?"

Daniel turns to stare at me, looking even more confused, and maybe a little bemused.

"Am I supposed to pretend I don't know?" I ask nervous.

"Stephanie, I am going to ask you to tell me what you think you know."

"I just meant about you and Jack," I say, blushing. He stops walking and just looks at me, expecting more, "You are a couple, aren't you?"

A short laugh, "No, we're not. I'm married with two children. Jack just got divorced. We're both straight…"

"I'm sorry," I say, resuming walking.

"We should have been more clear, I suppose. I just never thought that people would assume," he says, keeping pace with my steps.

"It was the bickering, mostly, that made me think that. Well, that and I was interviewed for a nanny position with two guys."

"The babies and I didn't have a place to live. Jack just let us live in his place while I was in the process of buying one. We're friends. Very good friends."

"I never should have assumed," I say.

"It's all right. I can't wait to see Jack's face when he finds out," Daniel says.

"Oh, my God, I told his mother you were a couple!"

Daniel giggles again, "That explains the instant adoption."

"It's not funny!" I exclaim in horror.

"It's a little bit funny, and no harm was done. She wasn't angry."

"I know, but…" I pause not sure if I should say it, "She was so happy, because she thought her son was going to be happy again, with kids and someone to love."

This gives Daniel pause. We've reached the park now, and he hands me the baby in his arms so that he can spread a blanket over the grass, "He will. Just not quite yet, and I'll get Sha're back."

"I'm really sorry about your wife, Daniel," I tell him.

"I am too, and I'm sorry about what happened to you. You just have to move forward," he says, taking his daughter from my arms and laying her down on the blanket. I lay Kush down next to her.

"Daniel, how come you haven't been able to find Sha're yet? Don't you know who took her?"

"Yeah, we do."

"You just don't know where he is?"

Daniel nods, and then sighs, "Even if we did, we might not be able to get her back. The people who took her are heavily guarded… it's a whole army. I'm not even sure how much of her is going to be left when I find her."

That makes my stomach sink. I tell myself that he didn't mean to hurt me. I tell myself to just let the comment pass, but I can't. "I was gone for more than a year, and there is still a lot of me left."

"Oh, Steph, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. There is just a bit more to this whole Sha're thing. A bit more that I can't tell you."

"She's more than kidnapped?" I say confused.

He clears this throat, and his nose flares, and I can tell he's trying to come up with a sort of a lie. You would think I wouldn't even want to hear what he had to say, or that I would want to hear, but only out of some sort of curiosity. I know that whatever lie Daniel is about to tell me is going to be draped in as much truth as it can be. It will be the closest to the truth that he can give me.

"Sha're has been brainwashed. Some new secret method the enemy has. I saw her… after it happened, and she didn't even know who I was. Everyone tells me there is nothing left of my wife. The truth is, even if we get Sha're back… we might not really get Sha're back."

Kush starts to make that wheezing sound he does for attention, and I pick him up, not even really looking at him, still lost in what Daniel has just revealed.

"Oh, my God," Daniel says looking at him. My eyes look down at the kid in my arms too, and I'm shocked. He's covered in a bright red rash, and the wheezing isn't faked.

I jump up, "Give me your cell phone! We've got to call an ambulance!" I exclaim.

"He probably has allergies. I've never had him this close to nature, and I have a severe allergies. Not like that. Get him across the street on the sidewalk again," Daniel commands, taking out his phone.

I run across the street, and grab the baby wipes out of the diaper bag. I don't know if it is going to help or not, but it won't hurt.

"Kush, baby, breath nice and deep for me," I command him. Daniel has joined me now with his daughter and the rest of the stuff I left behind. Something we did seems to be working a little because the wheezing has gone from something that stops my heart back to the normal sounds he makes when he wants you to feel sorry for him.

"The ambulance is coming," Daniel assures me, his ear still to the phone.

-0-

"Daniel, I don't care how much you beg, you are not coming home early and ruining the surprise," Jack says on the phone, apparently without actually looking who is calling him.

"Actually this is Steph, and we're at the hospital. Kush had an allergic reaction to the grass, and was having trouble breathing. Daniel's in the room with him right now," I explain.

"Oh, my God, is the kid going to be all right?"

"Yeah, looks like it," I say, even though my heart hasn't quite unclenched and relaxed yet.

"I'll be right there. Don't make Daniel be alone with the kid, it's got to be terrifying stuff," Jack says.

As soon as I have hung up the phone, I obey Jack's wishes. Daniel is sitting on the hospital bed with his son in his arms. The two-month old has a baby oxygen mask (it makes your heart break to see medical equipment in baby sizes) fashioned to his mouth, and a little finger squeeze thing monitoring his oxygen. He's fighting both hard, and Daniel is singing to him in that language I can't place.

"How is he doing?" I ask, sitting down in the chair in the room with his sister.

"Better. They gave him a shot, which you can imagine he loved, and the swelling is going down. He's out of danger, but he's still pretty miserable," Daniel says.

A nurse comes in the room, and checks the oxygen levels. "That's looking pretty good. I'm sure you can get out of here in no time at all. I'd like you to schedule an appointment with an allergist."

"No, thank you," Daniel says. The nurse looks at him like he's being positively neglectful, "I did that once myself. They're going to scratch my baby's back and rub things into the scratches to see which one puffs up. In the end, they're going to tell me that he's allergic to grass, considering that's where he was when his throat started to swell today. So you can just prescribe him the medicine to keep it from happening again without the torture, thank you."

The nurse turns to me, and says, "Talk some sense into your husband."

"Employer, actually, and I happen to agree with him." The nurse turns to spin out of the room, leaving Daniel and I in giggles.

-0-

Jack just arrives just before Kush is ready to leave the hospital. "Hey, kiddo, what were you thinking, being allergic to nature? We're going to have to get you a yard of Astroturf or something, because you are going to have to spend a great deal of time playing outside."

"He'll be fine with the medicine. I had a pretty strong reaction when I was his age, and once after."

"Why? I mean, if medicine prevents it, why did you have a relapse?" Jack asks.

"One of my foster families kind of forgot to refill the prescription," Daniel says.

Jack makes a murderous face.

Oh, he is also going to be mad when he finds out what I thought. What I told his mother.

"Jack, can I ride back with you?" I ask.

"Oh, no you don't! I get to see your face when you tell him," Daniel says.

"Tell me what?" Jack asks.

"At home," Daniel says.

"Oh, we can't go home. The surprise is still afoot, but it is going to take longer without me there."

"We'll need to go somewhere indoors," Daniel advises.

"We'll, grab a bite to eat," Jack says.

-0-

"So, what have you to tell me?" Jack says.

"It's so embarrassing. I'm so sorry," I stammer. He just looks at me, no chance of him letting me off the hook. "Up until today, I assumed that you and Daniel were a couple."

Jack doesn't find it funny, but he isn't mad, either. He's being very hard to read. Damn his poker face.

"Jack?" Daniel queries, giggling.

"I see why the mistake was made. Two guys living in the same house, even sharing a bed now and again, although I thought you understood that was to make the babies stop crying. They got used to sleeping with Daniel and Sha're, and when they first came to my house, they missed their mother. Daniel and I were roommates, and are best friends. I'll tell you where you went wrong. You never saw him with Sha're. If you ever had, you wouldn't have thought for a minute that Daniel could ever love anyone but her. Their love is that superhuman fairytale once-in-a-generation kind of thing."

Daniel blushes.

"There is more. I… I told your mom what I thought," I say.

Now Jack giggles. "How did she take it?"

"Honestly, I think she's going to be a bit disappointed when she finds out the truth. She was happy that you had someone to love again."

"And I imagine the idea of grandbabies wasn't hard for her to take, either," Jack nods in agreement.

I nod.

"I'm half-tempted not to tell her," he sighs.

"You'd better!" Daniel objects.

"Oh, come on. It's not like it was so bad for you. She adopted you!" Jack says.

"That's exactly the point. I don't want the poor woman being nice to me on the basis of a lie," Daniel says.

"Fair point, I'll call her tomorrow," Jack agrees. Then he looks at me critically, "Are you still okay working for Daniel?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I ask. I love those babies, don't you try to take them away from me, especially now that one of them needs extra protection.

"Well, you've had a history of being abused by men. You took this job thinking that you were working for a gay couple. Now that you know…"

"I'm not afraid of Daniel," I say.

"Nor should you be! Jack's got a better chance with me than you do," Daniel teases.

Jack gives him a critical look, trying to figure out if there is more truth to the rumor than he originally supposed. Daniel bursts into laughter, and Jack glares at him. "You had me going, Daniel," he waves his finger at him.

"I thought I had a fairy tale marriage with my wife," Daniel teases.

"Well, you did get her as a gift," Jack says.

"What?" I ask in horror.

"That's just part of the fairy tale," Daniel says. Oh, I will have that story from him. Not today, but someday.


	8. Cold Lazarus

After we finish our meal, we go back into our new house. Sam and Teal'c unpacked, I sort of figured that was what the surprise was. "Go to your room," Jack encourages.

"The babies are late for their nap," I object.

"I will place the infants in their enclosures," Teal'c says, retrieving an infant from both Daniel and I.

"Cribs, Teal'c. Enclosures make it sound like we've got the babies in a zoo," Jack scolds.

"The sleeping arrangements for Tau'ri infants bears a remarkable resemblance to the enclosures that are used to contain animals at the zoo."

"Teal'c really doesn't like your kids," Sam observes.

"On the contrary, I find the Tau'ri children quite amusing," Teal'c replies.

"You sound like you are talking about an ant farm," Jack scolds.

Teal'c disappears into the nursery, and Daniel opens the door to his room. Jack got him an actual bed frame, and night tables, and a dresser.

"I've never had furniture before," Daniel says.

"Never?"

"Well, never that was mine. When I lived with my parents, we were on digs most of the time. We lived in tents. When we were in America, we were in hotels. Then there were foster home, and I didn't own any of that furniture. I lived in dorm rooms after that for a long time. I was in college for a really long time. When I finally did get my own place, I rented the furniture with the place."

"Well, this stuff is just yours. If you don't like it, you can trade it in, but I know you were just going to continue to sleep the floor."

"It was good enough, Jack."

"Go look in your room, Steph," Jack encourages.

"No, you didn't…" I start to protest.

"Oy! You too have to begin understanding that you are worth it," Jack says, reaching past me to open the bedroom door.

They painted the walls. I don't know how they figured out that shade of purple was my favorite, but they are certainly right. A slightly lighter shade of lilac makes up the bedspread.

Daniel may never have owned furniture. I did, back when I lived with my parents, but I haven't had a bedspread of my own for four years. For a year in there, I didn't even have a bedspread to sleep under, just sheets, and not enough of them.

The bed is a queen, which is a little excessive, even when I have the babies in bed with me. Not only do I have the dresser and nightstand that Daniel has, but a desk and a bookshelf.

"You'll be going back to school, of course," Jack says when I see them. "Yours are in the spare room, Daniel. I thought you could use it as an office until the twins are old enough to separate. I know that you wanted to leave it empty until it was needed, but that was a stupid idea."

There are posters of famous psychologists on the wall.

"Jack, it's too… nice."

"No, it's really not," he says. "It's time you start living. I know that man hurt you, but he's taken enough. You start filling that bookshelf with books, and the drawers of the desk with papers covered with brilliant ideas."

Daniel bobs off to check on his study.

"Jack," I protest again. I can't let this man go spending money on me.

"I used to have a son to spoil. He's gone. Let me spoil you, please," he begs. I look into his eyes, and see the truth in them. He needs me in the same way that I need the babies.

"Thank you," I say, holding out my hands for a hug.

"Is it normal for children of the Tau'ri to leak?" Teal'c asks, poking his head out of the nursery with disgust.

"Quite normal," I assure him as I go to take care of the baby in question.

-0-

"Jackson residence," I say, and this time I'm actually right about it. The house is a lot quieter, and a bit lonelier since Jack is not in it.

"This is Meg O'Neill, dear, how are you?"

"Fine, I'm very sorry about the misinformation that I gave you when we met."

She chuckles, "Quite all right dear. I wanted to talk to Daniel when we are through to let him know that my offer to adopt him is unchanged by the fact that he's not sleeping with my son." I almost choke on an older woman saying it so frankly. "I just want you to know that the same goes for you. I know how Jack feels about you, and it is… fatherly. He needs to get some fatherly feelings in his life. The same goes for me, and grandmotherly ones. I wanted you to know that they'll be the same whether you work for Daniel or not. I've claimed you, and I'll go on claiming you for as long as you allow me."

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Give me a call now and then like a dutiful granddaughter, if it isn't too much trouble."

"I will," I promise. "I'll get Daniel."

-0-

Daniel doesn't come in to see the babies when he gets home, which is weird enough. Even stranger, he doesn't go to bed. I thought exhaustion would be the only thing that would keep him from his babies.

He just sits in the rocking chair, empty handed. He doesn't even get up when his son cries. I walk into the living room with Kush in my arms.

"What's happening?" I ask.

He sighs, "Jack's had to deal with some things about his son. I… I didn't know how much Kush looked like Charlie."

"Oh," I say, still not sure why that makes him not want to touch his son. You think it would make him all the more eager. After all, his son got to live.

"It's not fair, you know. Kush gets to live, and Charlie doesn't."

"Nothing is fair. What makes you think anything is fair? It isn't fair that someone kidnapped and brainwashed your wife, is it? What happened to me isn't fair, either. It really wouldn't be fair to this kid if you let you guilt get in the way of love," I say, dropping the baby on his lap.

I lost my son, Daniel, and it didn't stop me from loving yours.

"I'm scared. Scared I'm going to lose them. I've lost a lot you know, everything. My parents, my wife…"

"You haven't lost her," I correct.

"Well, I've lost her for a while, at least."

"You've got two beautiful children, and that's more than some will ever have."

He smiles down at the child. "You're right. I should be grateful."

"I know I am," I say softly.

-0-

"I like your new place, although I think I will miss the telescope," Pat says as we sit on lawn chairs in the backyard. It's our second date.

"I'm glad not to be sharing a room with the babies anymore. Mostly just because Daniel felt so bad for poking his head in a night to check on them."

He laughs, "Is Jack working late tonight?"

"Ah, no," I said laughing, "He isn't living here."

"Trouble in paradise?" Pat asks concerned.

"They were never together," I say.

"What? You're kidding? I just assumed. I mean, that banter."

"As did I… for a whole month, and I was living with them."

"Wow, so they are…"

"Straight. Just friends and roommates."

"Well, now you don't have Jack to hover over us," Pat says, his eyes sparkling.

"I suppose we'll have to get up to some mischief then," I say, offering him my hand.

"I'm not sure you understand mischief," he says.

"Maybe we can rob a store later."

"Again, I don't think you're getting the definition of mischief. Somewhere between hand holding and a crime," he teases, "For instance, we could go on a little walk."

"I'm not sure you understand the concept of mischief anymore than I do. No to the walk."

"Okay, sorry," he says, and the teasing is gone.

Up until a few months ago, I didn't leave the house. If we go a few blocks to the west, we'll see the park where Kush had a dangerous allergic reaction. If we go on a walk, I'll be focused on not freaking out. In the backyard, I can focus on him.

"I'm sorry I'm weird sometimes." Please don't make me explain.

"It's okay," he says, giving my hand a squeeze.


	9. Nox

It's another team night. I've figured out that these things only pop out of the woodwork when something really bad has happened. I'm sure they want to talk by themselves, so I leave the babies with them, and retreat from the deck to the kitchen. I leave the window open, though, because they are my favorite soap opera.

"Daniel, are you starting to like dying?" Jack asks.

"Not really," Daniel says in an aggravated voice.

"It really is a habit," Jack presses.

"Twice, Jack, it's only been twice," Daniel pleads.

"I think twice might be a world record," Sam points out.

"It is a low number for the Goa'uld," Teal'c says.

"We're not Goa'uld," Jack says darkly, and whatever that word means, he says it like it is a swear word.

"Just don't make a habit of dying, we like you around," Jack says, a bit too seriously for my comfort.

What kind of job do they have where this would be an appropriate joke? Are any of them going to make it out of this alive?

"Jack, I haven't thought about it until now. This being on Earth-" Wait, did he just say Earth? "- Thing was temporary. I wasn't making plans for the future, because I figured that Sha're and I would be back on Abydos by then." On? Interesting choice of preposition there. If you weren't a linguist, I'd be suspicious you just said the wrong word… as it is… "Now, having almost died again, I have to face the fact that I'm a single dad with a dangerous job."

"We're getting Sha're back, Daniel," Jack promises.

There is a pause, and Daniel's voice is choked in emotion as he continues, "I know we will. Until then, I need to write a will, come up with a back-up plan, do something to make sure my kids have a few spaces between them and foster care."

"What about Catherine or my mother?" Jack suggests.

"Well, my first choice, actually, was my team," Daniel says softly.

Jack's voice now is full of emotion, "As honored as I am by that, you do realize there is a good chance that if you die…"

"It could be a nice group death like it was yesterday," Sam says.

"Yes, Catherine, and Jack's mother… they might be good options. I want as many links in the chain as I can get. I just want… you guys first. You're my family."

"I'd be honored," Jack says.

I don't hear Sam and Teal'c's responses, but I figured they must be affirmative as well.

"Jack, I'd like you to be first… I mean, you lived with them," Daniel says.

"You know I love them," Jack affirms.

"Then Sam, and Teal'c, and I was thinking Janet next, but I haven't asked her…"

"And then the old ones," Jack says, earning a snort from Sam.

"I know it is crazy to have a list that long…" Daniel says.

"Daniel, we won't let those babies go into foster care. They will be loved as long as they live," Sam says softly.

"Amen," Jack says seriously.

"And I'd like you guys to keep Steph as a nanny as long as it makes sense," he adds. That warms my heart.

"Of course, she's family almost as much as the babies are. They only entered your life a few weeks before she did," Jack points out.

"You do know that this is all theoretical, right, Daniel? We're going to bring your wife home," Sam says.

"Thank you," Daniel says warmly.

"This child has begun leaking again," Teal'c complains.

"Careful there, you're going to be moving further down the list," Jack warns.

"Men on Chu'lak do not care for children until they are beyond leaking," Teal'c says apologetically.

"Maybe you want off the list," Daniel says.

"No." Firm, simple, true. The man may not say much, but he does speak well.

"If the time ever came, T, you'd have no problem with those diapers before too long."

I figure someone is going to be changing the diaper before long so I flee into the living room. Jack and Daniel both come in.

"What are you reading?" Jack asks as he sits down in the living room.

I hold up the name of the psychological textbook for him to observe.

"You do know this house has a TV, right?" Jack says, crinkling up his nose.

"Well, some bossy old man told me I had to go back to school," I smart off.

"Old man?" he asks, narrowing his eyes at me. "But that's good. Study up."

I stand up, shutting the book. "Let me heat up a bottle for those babies."

-0-

I can do this. People do this all the time.

It's not scary. It's not overly hopeful. It's perfectly normal.

It's just unpacking.

My future isn't going to disappear just because I put my clothes in the freaking dresser.

I open the suitcase, and the dresser drawer, and unpack.

When that is done, I turn to the bookcase. "You're next. I'll fill you up yet."


	10. Brief Candle (Drunk Daniel I)

The babies are lying on the floor wiggling around when Daniel comes home. He grabs a beer out of the fridge. He only keeps the beer around for Jack, because Daniel really can get drunk off one. Strike that, it only takes a few sips.

He coos to the babies in what I've decided to call his secret language. Then he plops down on a chair in defeat and takes a sip so deep it lets me know that if I want any intelligent conversation, I'd better do it quick. He's halfway to toasted.

"Are you okay?"

"Certainly. Jack got married," he says, with a false tone of casual.

"What?" I say in surprise.

"It was an accident," he says, taking another sip which almost drains the bottle.

"So, wasn't your wedding an accident?" I quip.

He laughs, "It was, in the beginning. Of course, when they threw me in a tent with my wife who was a stranger, I didn't actually have sex with her."

I glance at the babies.

"Until she wasn't a stranger anymore."

Okay, I'm not imagining it. They might say they don't have feelings for each other, but…

"I know how that sounded. You can toss all those ideas of Jack and I away. It's not jealousy. I'm just mad because of the consequences. Well, and the fact that the stupid 'marriage cake' might be drugged. Janet is testing it."

"So someone raped Jack?" I say.

"I don't know… maybe," he says.

"Did you think to ask?" I ask, angry at Daniel now.

"Sam asked. He didn't want to talk about it."

"So why isn't Jack here, getting drunk with you?" I ask gently.

"He's under quarantine," Daniel mutters. Oh, crap, Daniel mentioned consequences.

"I can't think of an STD that requires that," I say softly.

"Yeah, none of us had heard of it until he got it, either. It's probably going to kill him, too."

My stomach twists at that, "Did the slut know what she had when she drugged him?"

"No, everyone she has ever known has died of this disease, and she had no idea that life was supposed to be long. I don't blame Kynthia, and she's not really a slut."

Well, now the slut has a name.

"There has to be something they can do," I plead.

"Sam and Janet are working on it," he says. Twice now he's mentioned that woman's name. three times, if you count the time I was listening at the window. This person might inherit these babies, if something takes out this entire team.

"Who is Janet?"

Daniel's forehead crinkles a little bit, "Have I really never mentioned her to you? Funny. She actually was the doctor who got Kush the better medicine. She gave me pills that made it so I didn't sneeze every time I went through the…" he stares at the bottle of beer as it were a traitor. He sets it down. "She helped my allergies, so I mentioned my son had a problem too, and she helped me out."

"Well, I feel better knowing a good doctor is working on the problem," I say.

The alcohol has well and completely hit Daniel's brain now. He drank a whole bottle, and Jack once told me half was his firm limit, "She is a good doctor. A very good doctor. She's a short doctor," he leans forward, holding his fingers very close together, "Very short. But she wears these heals," he puts his hands out like a toddler showing his mother how much he loves her, "This big."

I smile. As much as I would like this to go on, "Perhaps you should go to bed, Daniel."

"Yes, I'll go to bed, and they'll save him. They'll save him, because he's not going to die just because he had sex. People don't die from that," he babbles. I grab onto his arm, and help him up, "I got married off-world, and I didn't die. I just got babies, and babies are way better than death."

"Yes they are," I say calmly. Off-world? How drunk is this man? "Let's get you off to bed."

"Yes, Jack bought me the bed," Daniel agrees.

"He'd probably want you to use it then. Up, up."

Daniel just lays down in the bed, fully clothed. So I pull off his shoes, and remove his glasses, and decide to leave it at that.

"They all die. People I like. I should probably stop liking you, Stephanie. You're not safe. Can you please do something that will make me hate you?"

"You're a sloppy drunk, Daniel," I say, walking toward the door.

"Come now, you can do better than that. Really try to do something that will make me hate you, now."

"Good night, Daniel."

"You don't even know how to be mean. I'll teach you. I'll teach you how to be mean, and then you can make me hate you."

"I'm pretty sure that you don't know how to be mean any more than I do," I say, shutting the door to his bedroom.

-0-

I had him a cup of coffee, and don't attempt to talk to him until he's taken the first sip.

"Jack was right, you are a cheap date," I tell him.

"Sorry about that," he mutters.

"It's fine. I just hope you realize that your feelings don't actually have anything to do with bad things happening to people."

Another sip of the coffee, "When I'm sober, yes."

"The fact that people keep getting hurt might have something to do with the crazy job that you all do."

Daniel pauses, "I hope I didn't say anything odd about… my job or anything." I can tell by his face he remembers everything he said.

"Daniel, let's make a deal. You keep on with your little lies that lie as little as you need to. I keep not asking questions, knowing you'll tell me as much as you're able to tell me. If I get some opinions about what you do for a living, I keep them for myself."

He smiles, "I'm curious what opinions you have formed."

"I think you guys work with nasty infectious diseases that you search the world to find."

Daniel laughs, "You think we are the CDC or something?"

"More like the anti-CDC. You seem to be _spreading_ lots of diseases."

"None of them have gotten out of the mountain, at least not yet," Daniel says slowly.

"You still seem to be poking the diseases with a stick."

Daniel chuckles, "What a phrase that is."

"So… this brainwashing, that you wife has gone through? Is it a disease, too?" I ask. I don't know why I'm being so daring.

"It is. It's actually the same thing that killed Kowalski."

"Oh, you did a surgery to try to save him, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and he died during it. His case was actually a great deal less severe than my wife's. So this holding out hope… It's stupid."

"Hope is never stupid, Daniel."

"Thank you for that. Now, I'd better get going; if there is any hope to save Jack, it's got to be happening soon."

-0-

"Jackson residence," I say on the phone. I don't know why I really bother with the formal greeting. Almost anytime someone calls it is Daniel.

"Steph. I just wanted you to know. I know you were worrying about Jack. He's better. He gets to come home."

"Really?" I say in surprise, "Is his wife coming home with him?"

"No, Jack has decided to go with an annulment," Daniel says, "Technically, he can't have an annulment, of course. The General pushed for divorce. Jack made some threats, and they compromised."

"Threats?"

"Well, the chemical analysis went in such a way that Jack could have charged Kynthia with rape."

"Oh," I go a bit pale.

"He doesn't consider it that. He said it felt more like getting drunk and making some bad decisions, but legally… and he didn't want to be divorced twice."

"Still, if he needs to talk…" I say. I've been raped, and I don't want to talk about it, but if it would help my friend…

"I'll relay the offer, Steph, but Jack isn't really the 'talk about it' type," Daniel says.

"I suppose not, but give him my best wishes."


	11. Thor's Hammer

Daniel bursts into the house, singing some chipper song in his secret language. He's got root beer, and ice cream, and more pizzas than his entire team could eat in a week.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"I'm celebrating."

"What?" I ask.

"I met someone that was cured from the same disease that my wife has. I didn't think it was possible, but it was. She was better, in her own mind, she was helping people. I couldn't believe it!"

"That's good."

"We ended up having to destroy the machine that did the surgery, but there is hope. Sha're is still in there, whole and sound, and I'm going to figure out a way to save her!"

"I'm sure you will," I say. "Why did you have to break the machine?"

"Well, otherwise Teal'c would have been…" Daniel sighs, knits his brows together in thought for a good long minute. "See, Teal'c has a different form of the disease. He's a carrier, as it were, but without the ability to spread it."

"That isn't much like a carrier."

"I don't want to talk and fidget and lie about this. Let's just celebrate the fact that I have a chance of getting my wife back. That's something I didn't have, not so long ago," he pleads.

"Hear, hear," I say lightly. "We've got more to celebrate. These two little rascals slept through the night."

"You're kidding," Daniel says, but there is a shadow in his face.

"I'm sorry," I say, even though I have no idea what I'm apologizing for.

"It's just another thing my wife missed. You know, I always thought I would get her back before she really missed anything. Now she's missed more than two months."

"Well, you save her before she misses anymore."

He nods, but he is still glum. Poor Daniel, he's had way too much pain for a lifetime.

A cry lets us know that Mattie is up from her nap.

-0-

"These are cute little things, aren't they?" Mrs. Wilson says.

"Yeah, I landed on my feet again," I say.

"Your room is really nice, too," she says, but her eyes rest a bit too long on the empty bookshelf. "You forgot something when you packed up from my house," she says pulling out books. A baby naming book, and a developmental milestone book. Both are well-worn. They should be, because for the first three months after I got back, all I did was read them.

"They weren't mine," I say.

"Honey, I bought them for you when you first came to live with me."

"I know, but… you pried them out of my hands," I say, remembering that day.

"And put a baby into your arms," she says with a smile.

"Best thing that ever happened to me."

She smiles, "Are you happy?"

"Yeah. I am. I still don't go out as much as I should, but I can go to the store or a walk with the babies without freaking out."

"That is a lot of progress," she says.

"I'm dating," I confess.

"What? Well, I never thought I'd see the day where that would happen," she admits, she looks concerned.

"He's a good guy. We're taking it super slow. So far only see him when one of the boys is home," I say.

"The boys? I thought you told me that your employer was one man?"

"Right, well, for the first month we were living at Jack's house. Last year, Daniel was oversees with his wife. When he came back, he needed a little time to get his feet back on the ground."

She nods.

"Jack lost his son about a year ago, so he spends a lot of time over here. They are on a military team, and the other two members love these kids too."

"Military? What do they do? It's not dangerous, is it?"

"Well, it's all topic secret, but it is dangerous. I'm pretty sure it's the best way for getting these babies' mother's back."

She nods. "You thought about what you're going to do if she does come back?"

Mrs. Wilson, always to the point.

"If you're pointing out the fact that I love these kids a lot more than I should, you're right. I know it."

"Maybe you should go back to therapy," she suggests.

I sigh. I hate the idea, but she's not wrong, "You are probably right. But you have to know that I am doing better. I have a job. I'm going back to school next semester. I'll be an eighteen-year-old college junior. If I get stuck and stop making progress, I'll go back. Right now I'm just going to focus on the babies, and school, and Pat, and hope that I can push past all of this."

"What happened to you is not the sort of thing that you just push past," she says, making faces at Kush in her arms.

"I know, but he took enough of my life. He locked me up in the basement for a year. He doesn't get the rest of my life."

"Good for you," she says.

"Who is watching the babies?" I ask her.

"Ah… Jane got adopted, and Doug's mom finished rehab and got him back again. I hope it will go well."

"So you have new babies?" I ask.

"Um… I'm done with babies for a bit. I've got this brother and a sister, right on the cusp of being teens. They're pretty angry at the world, and I don't blame them, based on what they went through."

"Anger, you've never seen that before, have you?" I tease.

"I miss you," she admits. "You know I still think of you as my kid. I wouldn't have kicked you out the day you tuned eighteen."

"I know, but I didn't want to be a pain in the butt," I confess.

"You were never a pain in the butt," she says.

"Oh, I think that's a lie. Those first couple of months when I sobbed all the time, and you had to bribe me to eat, I'm pretty sure I was a pain in the butt."

She is silent for a second. Then she looks at Kush, "So… this little one. He has allergies, right? Is he a pain in the butt?"

"Of course not."

"Or that kid that screamed for three days straight? Or that little six-month-old baby who flinched every time you raised your hand?"

"… Those were more pains in the heart than pains in the butt," I say.

"Same with you, hun."

It's been a long time since I thought of myself as someone's kid.

"I'm just saying, if you ever need something… a place to live, emotional support, a pie," she says.

"I'm sorry. I'll call you more," I say.

"That's all I'm saying, Stephie. Who's this big man here?" she coos to the baby, "Oh, you are the bestest baby, huh?"

Mattie objects.

"Oh, you are too little for sibling rivalry," she scolds.


	12. The Torment of Tantalus

"I'm going to be traveling for a couple days," Daniel says.

"That is definitely not a surprise. You travel all the time," I say.

"Twice a week," he corrects quietly. Which is interesting, because it means that every time he travels, he is not gone overnight. I hadn't realized how often he's been gone. "Anyway, this time is different because I'm traveling…" pause… nose flare, lie, "In America."

Right, because there are a lot of out-of-country places you can go to from Colorado and get back to give your twins the nighttime bottle.

"I'm going to visit Catherine Langford. I'm going to take the babies with me." _That_ is different. "I'm hoping she'll be coming back with me. Before I got the job at Cheyenne Mountain, all my grants ran out. I was broke. I lost my apartment. I used the last of my money to go to a conference. I left a conference having no idea where I was going to go. I'm standing there in the rain with everything I owned in my bags. She offered me a job."

"So she's your Daniel?" I say coyly.

He giggles, "Yes, except she had a limo, and I was rude at first."

"I can't imagine you being rude."

"Well, it was a bad day."

"I will say that you are a brave man to be taking two babies that little on a plane."

"I know, but she's going to be pissed at me. She won't yell at me in front of the babies."

"Why is she mad at you?"

"I should have given her a call that I was back in America. I probably should have mentioned I was a father."

"Why didn't you?" I ask.

"Why did it take you until last week to invite your foster mom over?" he shoots back.

"Touché. I'll go pack those babies up." How? If I pack to take the kids to the park, it takes an hour and results in more bags than I can carry.

"I'll help once I throw my clothes in a bag. It should only be for one day, but with babies we should probably pack for three."

"You've really got this dad thing down, Daniel."

"Which is surprising, because I never expected to raise these kids this way."

"How is it different from what you and your wife would have done?" I ask. Am I doing something wrong?

"Well, Sha're was breastfeeding. They would have stayed in bed with us until they were about two. In America, there are so many more blankets and pillows around that I don't dare. The diapers were… well, I do like American diapers better. Then there was this whole community. Sha're would go to make the fire, and just hand babies to two different women, just whoever was nearest, on the way. I feel like when I get her back, she might just look at me and say… What were you doing. Why didn't you leave them there?"

"So why didn't you?" I say. I'm not going to be hurt.

He ponders for a second, "Because I grew up at the hands of a whole community. I didn't like every hand I passed through. When Sha're and I were both there, and the kids were rarely out of sight, that was different. At the end of a day, if I'm leaving kids alone for as long as it takes to find my wife, it's going to be with one person. One person I trust."

"I'm honored," I whisper.

"Although the desert would be good for Kush's allergies," he says decidedly. "I really miss the desert. I grew up there. I was married there."

"Colorado is pretty close to a desert."

"Not really," Daniel says, shaking his head.

-0-

"You didn't mention that your nanny was a child!" the older woman that I assume is Catherine scolds.

"I'm pretty sure I did," Daniel corrects.

"I'm not actually a child," I correct.

Catherine hugs me. I try to take Mattie out of her arms, but she's not about to let the baby go. "Oh, no, that man has kept these kid away from me for months already. Don't you try to take them from my arms."

Daniel rolls his eyes.

-0-

I love the fact that Daniel's house is the opposite of soundproof. I go to bed, and I hear him talking to Catherine.

"Daniel, do you want me to move in?" she asks.

"What?" he says in shock.

"I've never had kids, Daniel. My little orphan in the rain is the closest I ever got, and I know that is really far from a child. I'm just saying…"

"Catherine. I would love for you to be more involved in my life. I just don't think you need to uproot everything. You live in another state. I don't know how long I'm going to be here. Maybe tomorrow I am going to get Sha're back, and will return to Abydos. They you've changed your whole life for nothing."

"Time with those babies is something," she says.

"Can you just wait until after the mission? Maybe Ernest is going to figure into this."

"Maybe Ernest and I will move closer without moving in," Catherine says, "I don't want to mess things up with the nanny."

"You do know she needs us as much as we need her?" he asks lightly. I hoped that I could have hid that better.

"I saw, Daniel."

"I… ah… am in the process of looking into making sure these children are cared for if anything ever happened to me. I'm assuming you want to be on that list?"

"I'd be honored."

"You're not number one," Daniel says quietly.

"That's Jack," Catherine says confidently.

"Yeah," Daniel assents.

"I'll agree to a place on this list with one condition."

"What's that?"

"You live so long that no-one on the list ever has to get those babies," she says warmly.

-0-

A few days later, Daniel comes back with not only Catherine, but also an older man in tow. The older man pulls me into a hug which is way too long. Long enough that it gets awkward, and I look over his shoulder at Daniel with a look that I really hope screams 'save me'.

"Just imagine, when I got my hug like that, he didn't have clothes on," Daniel says.

I decide just to be a bit rude, and I pull away.

"I'm Ernest," the man says, going in for a handshake that lasts as long as the hug. I can handle that, though. I will be perfect willing to shake his hand the whole day, if that is what he wants. Especially if the other option is a hug.

"Ernest was in a plane crash back in the 1940s and he's been on a deserted island since then," Daniel says.

"Wow," I say, horrified. I thought it was bad to be locked in the basement for a year, but this is oh-so-much worse than that. "I'm very sorry."

"When Daniel left with the babies to retrieve me from New York, Stephanie went out and turned his office into a guest room. That is where we can stay for tonight," Catherine tells her.

"Together?" Ernest asks, sounding completely scandalized.

"We are engaged, dear," Catherine says.

"Well, unless the meaning of the word has changed since I left…" Ernest begins.

"It really has," Daniel says, "But if you're more comfortable, one of you can take the couch. I'd offer you my bed, but it is too late to wash all the bedding tonight."

"Ernest, you've been alone for fifty years. I don't want you to be alone any longer. We don't have to do anything. We can just lie next to each other, and you can let me hold you. You've been away from people for so long, can't you let me hold you?"

He nods, with some tears in his eyes.

"Okay, Ernest, what kind of food do you miss the most?" Daniel asks.

"Fried chicken," he admits.

"I don't know how to make that," Daniel admits.

"I do," Catherine says.

"You can cook? I thought the maid always did that," Ernest asks, confused.

"Well, fifty years is an awful long time to go without being able to take care of yourself," Catherine says.

"You don't have a maid anymore?" Ernest asks, clearly wondering if his fiancée has been impoverished.

"I've got a maid. She is back in New York, where I live for now," she says.

"For now?" Ernest asks.

Kush, who, along with his sister, has been laying on the floor, decides that the adults have been in the room for far too long without paying any attention to him. He announces his presence with a loud scream.

"Little one!" Catherine says, scooping him up, "Are you trying to say that Ernest forgot to give you a hug?"

Kush is quiet when he's picked up. He leans back a little away from the thin older man. Catherine hands him over, and as soon as he is in his arms, he flops on his shoulder with acceptance. Catherine scoops Mattie off the floor, and adorns her head with some kisses.

Ernest grins, and Daniel and I head into the kitchen to get out the supplies we think we'll need for supper. We figure these two need a moment alone to talk about geography. I also notice that Daniel doesn't move so far away that he can't hear the conversation that is going on in the living room. It makes me feel better for all the time that I have eavesdropped on them.

"Ernest, you've been gone a long time. Any chance at parenthood, even if we were adopting, has passed. Our chance at grandkids doesn't have to be gone. We can do that from across that country if we want. There are a lot of grandparents who see their grandkids a couple of times a year. I'd like to move here, to be there for them a lot. To see them every week, or maybe even more."

"I have been gone a long time, Catherine, so long that New York doesn't feel like home anymore. I'd be happy to live here," Ernest says.

"What about being a grandpa to someone who isn't genetically yours?" she asks.

The baby spits up on his shoulder, and Catherine thinks that the discussion is done.

"Well, I think I have been claimed," he says. He claims the baby back by adorning the baby with a kiss.


	13. Bloodlines

"I'm going to be gone, probably for a long time," Daniel says as he comes home. He looks upset, but I figure he would tell me if he could. After a pause he says, "Teal'c has a kid."

"What?" I can't imagine that! He's offended when the babies leek! "How old?"

"I didn't ask. There is a coming of age thing that we're going to. So he's probably like twelve or thirteen."

"Wow, so who is taking care of him?"

"Teal'c's wife. He's married with a kid, and he never even mentioned it. I'm so… frustrated. I mean. I thought these guys were my friends! They're the closest thing I've had to a family since I was eight years old and my parents died. But that's not true for him. He has a real family! He just left them behind to join our fight, and he never even looked back."

Fight? I didn't know they were in a fight? I knew that they dealt with a lot of disease, and they were looking for Daniel's wife. I was already scared for their lives before that, and now…

"How much time is he going to stay with his family?" I ask.

"Well, hopefully we'll be bringing them back."

"To America?" I say with surprise.

"Yeah, we'll have dinner here the first night. I'm sure his wife is going to need a little help getting adjusted."

"No doubt. Daniel," he looks at me and my stomach twists at the question, "Is it okay if I have Pat here for a solo date?"

He seems a bit surprised, "Like an overnight solo date?"

I blush hard, "No, I'm really not there yet. Just… I want to trust him to be with me without a body guard."

"Fine, just as long as the kids are cared for. I trust your judgment," he says.

-0-

"Where is Daniel?" Pat asks as he enters the house.

"He's gone for the week," I confess.

"Really?"

"I made you dinner."

Again his eyebrows raise as he comes into the dining room. I bought candles just so we could have a candlelight dinner. "This is nice."

Over dinner we get into a political discussion for the first time in our relationship. We have different views on anything, and at one point I shout a little bit. That just makes it a whole lot more fun.

When it's over he helps me with the dishes without he even having to ask. It gives him a whole bunch of more points in my book.

Later we sit on the couch, and he grabs my hand. That's become more and more comfortable for me lately.

"I want to kiss you," I tell him.

He leans forward and gives me a sweet romantic kiss. I've never had a kiss like that. When the monster kissed me, even before he kidnapped me, it was a possessive kiss.

"That wasn't scary," I say in shock.

"Well, I would hope not," he says.

"It always was," I whisper.

He throws an arm around me. "Someday, I'm going to replace all those nasty memories with good ones."

That's a promise that I really hope he is going to follow through on.

-0-

"Where is Teal'c's wife? Are we going to someone else's house for dinner?" I ask.

He takes Matia out of my arms, and scowls at the swing I've got Kush in.

"He likes it," I defend.

"He's going to get sick," Daniel objects.

I reach over and take him out, and hand him to Daniel. I'm still waiting for an answer on the Teal'c thing, but I can definitely wait him out.

He takes a big breath, "We left 'em."

"Why?" I say. Teal'c gets off the list for this, right? Teal'c better not be getting these babies. He's not worthy of them.

"His wife and kid had a hard time after they left. Now she thinks that she has a real chance of getting back in the good graces of the people that were mean to her. He went there to prevent his son from going through a coming of age ceremony. The ceremony happened anyway. So he… left his kid."

"That's horrible," I say.

"I almost did it," Daniel snarks back. This is the heart of the issue, everything else was bluster and cover.

"What?"

"I almost left the kids in Egypt. Don't look at me like that, or maybe do. It's horrible. You do have to understand that the kids would have been fine. I would have left them with their grandfather. He would have hired a wet nurse, and not paid any attention to them until they learned to talk. I would have swooped in every couple of months to check on them. They would have had a very different life, but they would have survived."

I nod my head. I know that I can't keep the judgment out of my voice if I speak, so I not going to bother to speak.

He looks furious at himself, and I know I have to say something even if my voice is harsh.

"You are so good with them Daniel. I can't imagine you being across the world from them," I say softly.

"Right after Sha're got kidnapped, I just couldn't look at those babies without thinking of my wife. Now I can't imagine…"

"Just leaving them?" I ask.

He nods. "Just don't judge Teal'c too harshly. He decided to give up a really high political position and a fancy house to come and fight for what he believed in."

"Why did his son go through the ceremony if he disagreed with it?"

"Scarlet fever," Daniel says.

"What?"

"Ry'ac had to go through the ceremony because he had scarlet fever."

"How would this ceremony help?" I ask, confused.

"Placebo effect?" he offers.

I give him a look of disbelief.

"How was your date?" he quips.

Part of being around Daniel is accepting that he has to lie to you sometimes. So I shrug at his lie, and say, "Good."

He gives me that look that forces more details out of me.

"We kissed."

"Good for you!"

"I'm putting the trauma behind me a little bit more every day," I say.

Daniel sits down in the chair right next to the baby swing. Kush reaches toward the swing.

"I told you he likes it," I say.

Daniel lets out a deep frustrated sigh. He hands me Matia, and puts his son in the swing. "I never would have imagined that my nanny was going to start buying things for my kids and making parenting choices for me."

"You could tell me to stop," I say. Even though I'm going to be pissed if he does.

"I think I would rather just accept that you're my co-parenting nanny who is family," he says.

"It's better than having abandoned your kids," I remind him.

"That it is," he says with eyebrows up again.

"You should probably have Teal'c over. He's probably falling apart."

"I'm not sure Jaffa fall apart."

"I'm not suggesting anything scandalous like he's made a facial expression. I'm just saying it might be tough emotional day. He could probably do with some friends."

Daniel nods.

Kush giggles from the baby swing.

"No need to rub it in, son. I'm perfectly aware you can have opinions which differ from your old man's. Even though you are a bit young for it."

By the way, he called me family, so it's not just that I'm over attached to him. We really are a family.

-0-

Pat and I have moved from kissing to making out. We finish a particularly heavy session and I pull away from him with a grin. I grab his hand, and touch shoulders.

Who would have ever imagined I could be comfortable with a man?

"I want to spend the night," he says.

Well, that didn't last long.

Deep breath, he deserves an explanation. "I mentioned trauma in the past. I know we've been dating for more than two months. I'm just not ready. The trauma… I was raped, often."

Silence for a while. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You can totally say no, if you want to. I just honestly meant spend the night in the same bed, with no funny business."

"Really?" I ask, skeptical.

"Yeah. I want to take it as slow as you need, but I would love to wake up next to you, to hold you."

Deep breath. He's like a therapist's dream. Just enough push to grow without completely freaking me out. "I think if you can really lay next to me all night without making any moves, it would probably help with the whole trust thing."

"Challenge accepted," he says, giving me a kiss.

-0-

Daniel doesn't say anything about the addition of another person at the breakfast table. The babies are still too little for highchairs to make sense, but we like to have them at the table with us, so they are often in swings at meals.

Daniel has started to pretend that the swings where his idea. Sometimes it's easier to lie to a man, so I just go with it.

After Pat takes off, I am praying that I don't have to talk about my sex life with him.

"He slept here?" Daniel asks.

"That's okay, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, are you okay?" he asks with such sweet concern that I don't mind him talking about this with him.

"I'm good. We're still turtle-pacing it."

"Okay, as long as you're good," he says, going forward to give me a big hug.


	14. Fire and Water

The whole team arrives at the house. Well, the whole team minus one.

"Where is Daniel?" I ask.

They don't answer, but they really don't have to answer. Daniel is gone. I feel my knees go out from under me, and Teal'c picks me up, tossing me over his shoulder like a rag doll. He sets me gently down on the couch.

"Stephanie, are you okay?" Jack asks.

"No."

"Of course you're not okay. None of us are really okay. I just meant, do I need to call an ambulance?"

"No ambulance, just tell me what happened," I plead.

"It is classified," Sam says.

"Daniel is dead! Don't give me classified!" I shout. My cry is loud enough to wake the babies, and Sam moves toward the crying.

"We were on a mission. There was a geyser, or something. I don't know the right word for it, but fire came out of the ground. Daniel was lit on fire. It was terrifying. He…"

I'm sobbing, and Jack goes in and gives me one of those home-coming hugs.

"The babies?" I ask Jack.

"He finished the will just last week, so it's all…" Jack chokes up, "I want to stay in the spare room here for a while. I don't want to move those babies."

"But…" I stammer, "They are your babies, do you still want me…"

"Honey, we've both just lost Daniel. We're not going to be losing each other, or you losing the kids right now. We've got to stick together," he says.

"I just can't believe… he was fine this morning."

"I know," Jack says.

"We have to… call Catherine, and your mother and…" I start.

"We'll take care of all of that," he says.

"Now," I plead.

"We will wait until you cease to express your emotions before we elicit the emotions in other people," Teal'c says.

Jack glares at him, but I can't help but laugh. It's strange to be laughing so soon after Daniel died. It still just doesn't feel real. I feel like he's not even dead.

"You saw him?" I ask.

Jack nods, and I can tell by his face that whatever he saw must have been so horrible that I'm not going to make him relive it. I want him to walk through it step by step so that it can feel real to me, but I know that I can't do that to them. This team has already been traumatized, and I am not going to be re-traumatizing them.

-0-

"Do you think there is enough food?" I ask.

Jack rolls his eyes, "You are acting just like my mom. No matter how much you feed the people at Daniel's wake…" he stops in the middle of the sentence.

"It won't bring him back to life?" I say.

Jack nods his head, and doesn't even look at me.

"I'm having so much trouble dealing with the idea that he's really dead. I mean, I'm sure it is a lot easier for you, because you actually saw him."

"It really isn't. I mean, I have that memory of him dying, but a part of me, a big part of me, still feels like he is very much alive."

"It must just be because Daniel died so young," I offer.

Jack makes a face which clearly shows he doesn't buy it, but he nods and says, "I'm sure that is it."

-0-

Someone I don't even know walks up to me and says, "Jack is outside, freaking out."

"What?" I ask, handing Kush to this stranger and running outside to help my friend.

"Jack! What the hell are you doing?" I ask as I watch him beat a car with a hockey stick.

"You're too young to swear," he says, but he stops beating the crap out of the car.

"Jack?" I ask touching his shoulder.

"I'm thinking about retiring," he says.

"What? You can't mean that! Is this just about the kids?" I ask, with no small amount of guilt.

"Partly, it's also about the fact that my best friend just died! And now I beat up my boss's car," and he turns and goes back into the house without saying anything more to us.

-0-

"I'm going to the base today," Jack tells me.

"I thought you had the week off," I say.

He just nods, and doesn't say anything more. I'm pretty sure that he is hiding something from me. I figure he is going to tell me when I need to know.

Jack hasn't been doing well lately. I mean, his friend died, but this is more than that. This is like the kind of grief that I had when I lost my baby.

Maybe it is just because when Jack says Daniel is family, he was really serious.

-0-

"O'Neill residence," I say. It's wrong. It feels wrong. I'm just going to start answering the phone with "hello". Damn the fact that technically I'm hired help, and it's not professional, and this isn't my house.

"Steph, he's coming home," Jack's voice says.

"What? Who?"

"Daniel, he's coming home."

"But he's dead. You told me he was dead."

"I was wrong."

"How can you be wrong about this?" I say with fury in my voice.

"Some… person," I think there was a swear word in that blank in his head, "Messed with our heads. They kidnapped him. Well, I guess they took all of us for a little while, and messed with our heads. I could remember him being dead, but I also knew he was alive."

"You could have mentioned it, because I've been grieving to him for days."

"I was not about to resurrect him for you unless I was sure he wasn't dead. I had to go and get him first, and I did."

"The person who took him?" I ask.

Jack pauses. That means that he knows I am not going to like the answer, "Daniel wanted me to let him go."

"I hope you didn't," I say with furry.

"I did. The guy wasn't… Daniel says he wasn't all bad. He wanted to know what happened to his wife, and he took Daniel because he knew. Daniel sympathizes with that."

"Why didn't Daniel just tell him, and get out of it right away?" I ask. He has been gone for weeks.

"It was buried deep in the subconscious or whatever."

"So this guy was a therapist?" I ask.

"I don't know, there was a language barrier too. Anyway, he's coming home."

"Is he okay?" I ask.

"He's fine," Jack assures me.

"Emotionally?" I ask.

Jack sighs, "He seems fine. But Daniel is the kind of guy who can hold it all in pretty well."

I hear Daniel's voice in the background, but I can't really make out what he is saying.

"Okay, okay!" Jack say to Daniel, "He wants to know how the kids are."

"They are doing great. Kush finally started to laugh, and Mattie is already rolling over," I tell him.

Jack relays the message, and then there is a long pause during which I hear Daniel in the background. "Daniel, you'll be at home in twenty minutes. Then you can ask her all those questions. Or maybe just ask the babies themselves, because their father is a genius, and they will probably be talking before too long."

-0-

I really didn't believe it was true until I saw Daniel standing right in front of me. I give him a really long hug.

"Are you okay?" I ask. I expect that if he isn't, he's going to lie to me, but I figure I'll at least be able to tell if he is lying.

"Yeah, this wasn't… like it was with you," he says.

"He tortured you," Jack says, calling his bluff.

Daniel glares at him. It's pretty clear that Daniel never intended me to know that. "It wasn't really torture. It was a painful machine, that I agreed to let him put me in," Daniel says.

"That's only because you are way too good a guy," Jack says with an eye roll.

"All that really happened was a guy asked me a lot of questions, yelled at me once in a while, and stopped me from leaving. I'm really not that traumatized. I felt sorry for him. He lost his wife, and I know what that is like. Listen, I think I have been pretty patient waiting for babies," he says.

"They're napping, but it's about time to wake them up anyway," I tell him.

"Wouldn't matter. He would wake them up anyway," Jack says as Daniel rushes past me, "Of course, having your dad come back from the dead is a pretty good reason to lose a little sleep."

By the time we join Daniel in the nursery, he has both of his twins in his arms. He is cooing to them in the secret language. When we enter the room he switches to English. "Daddy isn't going to leave you anymore. No, sir, don't you worry. Daddy's here."

I wish he'd switch back to the other language, because what he is doing is breaking my heart. I slip out of the room to prepare some bottles for him to give them, but Jack lingers in the doorway and watches Daniel with the babies. He's got a big smile on his face.

I know there is more between them than just friendship. It's familial, what they have, but that doesn't make it any less deep.


	15. Hathor

Jack drops Daniel off at the house. I can't believe they let him out of the infirmary. I don't know what disease he has, but he doesn't look good. He's pale and shaky, and is barely talking.

"What does he have?" I ask.

"Have?" Jack asks, completely confused. Then she shakes his head, "No, he doesn't have a disease or something. He's been drugged, but Janet though he would do better at home."

"Drugged with what?" I ask.

Jack sighs, and thinks for a while before he answers, "A date rape drug."

I have to take three breaths before I can say the next words, "And was he raped?"

"Yeah," Jack says.

I close my eyes, and try to control the nausea inside before I open them again.

"Are you okay?" Jack asks.

"You're asking me? Is he okay?" Daniel seems completely unresponsive. Then again, that might be because we are talking over him. I get close to his face, "Daniel?" I ask.

"Steph," he responds.

"Do you need anything?" I ask.

"They killed them," he responds.

"Who?" I ask.

"The babies," he says slowly.

"No, your twins are fine, Daniel," I correct with stomach sinking.

"Not those babies," he mutters.

"Jack?" I ask. I feel like this should have been the headline. Of course, it doesn't make any sense, I remind myself a few seconds later. There was no way that if Daniel just got raped, he could have made babies in that short of a time.

Jack makes a face at Daniel. "They weren't his kids. They weren't… human," Jack says.

None of this made sense.

"Daniel, do you want to go to bed now?" I ask.

"Shower," he says.

I bite my lip. That is an emotion that I remember. The desperate urge to clean. Thirteen months, and all I had was wet wipes. I didn't even have those all of the time.

"I'll help him," Jack says. I'm glad about that, because I really wouldn't trust Daniel to be alone right now, and it would be awkward if I did that.

When Daniel and Jack emerge from the bathroom later with Daniel in his pajamas, he looks a little more alert.

"You want some food now?" I ask.

"Yes, please," he says with a deep breath.

"I'm very sorry about what happened to you," I tell him now that he is with it enough that I think he can understand.

He nods his head. Still not ready to talk.

"Daniel the… babies?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "Jack is right. They weren't really mine. They just… felt like they were mine at the time. Don't feel sorry for them, they were just… worms."

That makes even less sense, but I just nod and accept it. It's definitely not the central issue here.

-0-

Daniel is laying on his stomach with the two babies in front of him. He's making faces at them. I hand them a cup of coffee. He says thanks, and then he sits up and takes a sip of it. I just keep standing there and watching him.

"I'm fine," he says, annoyed.

"You're not. Just answer a few questions for me, okay?"

"Maybe," he says crankily.

"Have the drugs worn off?" I ask.

He nods.

"Last night, was that all drugs, or was some of it shock?"

He just meets my eyes, and that is answer enough.

"How is the shock going?"

"Trying to ground myself," he says gesturing toward the babies and the coffee.

"What happened to…" I don't even know what pronoun to use.

"… Her," he supplies, knowing my hesitation, "She got away."

"They have to go get her…" I start.

He waves his hand, "She had a mind control drug. For me, she used it to get sex. For the rest of them, she used to try to take over the world. We can't risk getting her. I'm not even sure we could keep her in a prison."

"Did they at least get the drugs away from her?"

"No," he says.

"So she could just be out there doing it to someone else?" I deduce in anger.

He gives me a quick look.

I sit down on the floor, cross-legged. If I want him to talk and heal, I am probably going to need to share. I am just going to focus on not breaking down and crying.

"The guy who kidnapped me… there were three girls before. Well, he didn't kidnap them and lock them in the basement, but he raped them. They were so embarrassed about what happened to them, so they didn't tell anyone. They could have saved me."

"If I could stop Hathor, believe me, I would," Daniel says in anger.

Hathor? That's a strange name. He's been gone for three days this time. I can't imagine him having gone to Africa in that short of a time. Of course, some American hippy could have named their kid that.

"Can you explain this thing about the worm babies?" I ask.

"I'm sorry, I can't," he says softly.

"Okay, well, is there a loss there?" I ask.

He looks at me for a long time trying to figure out how honest to be, "There is a loss there, but there shouldn't be."

"I don't think we can put any should or shouldn't in this," I say.

"I appreciate what you are trying to do here. I just don't want to talk about this," Daniel says.

"I know you don't want to talk about it. Maybe you even shouldn't talk about it yet. Eventually, though, you are going to have to talk about it."

"Not with you, honey," he says softly. I forget sometimes that I am still a child in his eyes. I really don't think of myself as a child.

"Daniel, I'm sure that whatever story you have, I have a worse one. He did just about every vile disgusting thing to me that humans have ever invented."

There is anger in his eyes. A few years ago, I would have thought that anger was directed at me. Now, I know better. It's at the monster that did this to me.

"I am so sorry to hear that, and it is probably true. This wasn't even… abnormal, as far as sex goes, apart from the fact that I was drugged out of my mind and was screaming inside of my head wishing it would stop. The point is, honey, you've been through enough, and I am not going to re-traumatize you. Even if it were just a little tiny bit of trauma added on to the massive amounts of trauma that are already there. I'm not doing one single little thing to hurt you. There are plenty of people that will listen if I need to talk."

"Then you need to talk with one of them," I say, with my eyebrows raised by way of threat. Like I could really actually make him do anything he didn't want to do.

"I will. I'll talk to Janet about it."

"Not Jack?" I ask, curious.

Daniel takes a long sip of coffee before he answers, "Jack was a little flippant about some things. It's not that I'm mad at him or anything. How could you be mad at a guy who was willing to shower you when you were in shock? I just don't really want to do feelings about… this."

"Fair enough. Within the week, or I'm inviting her over," I warn again, standing up from the floor.

"Steph," he says, making me turn back to him, "Thanks for the coffee."

I am definitely going to have to do more favors for this man.

-0-

"Steph, I know that tomorrow is technically your day off, but I'm wondering if you could watch the babies."

"Of course. You know I rarely leave on my days off."

"I know," he says, crinkling his brow, "You need to get a life. Jack keeps telling this to Sam, but you need it way more than she does."

"I have a full-time nanny job, enough college credits that I had to get an adviser to sign off that I wouldn't go crazy, and a boyfriend. I think I have a life."

"Good point."

"It may all take place within your house, but it's still a life," I tease.

"I'm going to be on the deck with Janet, probably for a couple of hours. Afterwards, I'm probably going to get drunk…"

"Off a teaspoon of alcohol," I add.

"Right," he says.

"No problem, I got the kids," he says.

-0-

So I'm a spy. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not anymore. Mattie has been asleep for the past half hour. I don't need to be holding her and pacing anymore. Part of the reason I still am holding her is that I love babies, but the other part is I want to see Daniel when he comes in from the deck.

Red eyes. Emotionally drained. They did good work.

He kisses the back of Mattie's head while I hold her, and Janet gives us a strange look. He grabs the beer and heads to his bedroom m.

"Stephanie," Janet says, pausing for a second, "There isn't anything going on with you and Daniel, is there?"

"No," I say, crinkling my nose up.

"Thank goodness for your disgust," she says.

"Is he going to be fine?" I ask.

"Eventually, but not tomorrow," she says.


	16. Singularity

Daniel has pressed Walter Harriman into service. I've never met the man, but he kind of strikes me as a saint. He gives me a call whenever Daniel is going to be unexpectedly gone longer than he thought he would be. He never gives me details , because he is a little less comfortable walking the line between classified and not classified as Jack and Daniel are.

He's always able to give me an estimate as to when he'll be home, and how much danger he is in (one a one to ten scale).

"His danger level is a four, and it will probably only be a few days, but…" Walter pauses.

There has never been a but before.

"He is spending some time with a little girl, an orphan."

"You think I am going to have another charge before long?" I ask excitedly.

There is another pause. "I don't think so."

But this kid is going to be in Daniel's life.

"Thank you, Walter."

-0-

Daniel does come home that night, but it's late. The kids have become so skilled at rolling over that when he goes to check on them, both of them have rolled on their stomachs. He rolls them over. "Backs, babies," he scolds in a whisper.

"It's fine when they can roll over themselves," I say.

He makes a face that says he clearly doesn't believe me, or the parenting books, for that matter.

"So, this kid?" I ask.

He looks surprised, "Walter mentioned her?"

I nod.

"I hope Sam adopts her," he says eagerly, "I offered to help if she does." The first part of that surprises me greatly, the second part is no surprise at all. Although it might be a little bit of a surprise to him.

"You really think Sam might take her?"

He gives me a strange look, "I think we need more team nights if you are even asking that question."

"Well, I know that she loves on the babies, but…"

He interrupts me by saying, "When I was eight years old and had just lost my parents, I would have loved to be treated the way that she treats that little girl who just lost hers."

There is something really beautiful in seeing someone through someone else's eyes. Maybe I have really seen Sam wrong. I'll give her another chance.

-0-

In the distance I see Daniel and Sam swinging an eleven year-old between them. "Those are my babies," I hear him say.

She looks up at him with admiration in her eyes, "Can I hold them?"

"If you are careful," Daniel says with a smile.

The little girl bounds toward me.

"Which one do you want to hold? The boy or the girl?" I ask.

"I don't know, is one lonelier?" she asks.

Okay, now I love this girl, "How about the girl, she's lighter."

She nods. I unstrap Mattie and hand her to the girl. She seems a little leery of the stroller, so I suspect that she's not exactly used to American culture. I'm not sure where she was from. I'll have to ask.

"This is Matia, Daniel's daughter. Her brother is Kashta," I tell her.

"They're beautiful," she says looking up with a face full of absolute joy. Then a shadow passes over, "I had a sister."

"I'm sorry for your loss," I whisper. "My parents and my baby died."

Cassie seems a bit confused by that. "You had another baby before?"

"No, these aren't my babies, only Daniel's. He pays me to take care of them." By this point, Daniel and Sam have caught up with us. I hope Cassie isn't going to spread the word about the baby I lost. It's not something that I really want to share with anyone besides the policemen, my foster mom, and my psychologist.

"Daniel, your babies are awesome," she says.

He smiles full of fatherly pride.

"You want me to hold Mattie while you get Kush?" Sam offers. Okay, that was kind of motherly.

Cassie nods, and we all shuffle around to make the switch.

"Daniel, when I get my new house, can I see your babies sometime?" Cassie asks.

"Of course," he says.

-0-

I sit on the bench watching, Sam push Cassie on the swings. She is enjoying it in such a way that lets me know the little kid has never been on swings before. "They make a cute little family," I observe to Daniel.

"It turns out Sam isn't going to take her," he says.

No. Don't just fling this little one out to the wolves, Daniel. Don't be a jerk.

"Janet is going to take her."

Janet, the good doctor. "Is she married?"

Daniel sighs like she is disappointed in me, "You don't have to be married to be a good mother."

"I know that, my foster mother is single. I was just wondering how much help she was going to need."

He smiles at that, "Janet isn't really the sort of person who needs help. Ever, but we are going to give it to her. I was actually wondering," he glanced at me, "Is three kids too much?"

"You're asking if I'll watch Cassie?"

"I'd increase your pay, of course. We're not talking every day, only once in a while when she gets caught overnight at the base."

"You wouldn't have to pay me more. She's at the age where she's easy to take care of. I'd be happy to have her," I say.

"Janet hasn't said yes, I just wanted… your permission before I asked."

"You've got it," I say.

"Daniel!" Cassie yells, running toward us, "Can I take your babies down the slide?"

"I think they are too young for that," Daniel says.

Cassie looks around, "What part of this play ground is for babies?"

"The sandbox?" Sam suggests.

"They'll eat it," Daniel says.

"The grass?" Jack tries.

"I'm not sure I want to test Kush's meds like that. You can lay down a blanket for him, though," Daniel says, fishing it out of the stroller.

"I'll play with them later," Cassie says, running off.

"I'm sorry," Sam says, knowing that insults to his children are the worst thing in Daniel's book.

"It's okay," he assures her. "She's young and cute enough to get away with it."

"You still want to lay them down on a blanket?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"Your babies are perfect. They are unusually intelligent, beautiful, and they have amazing senses of humor," I tell him.

"I quite agree, thank you for mentioning it," he says, tongue in cheek.

"I'll teach Cassie to properly talk about your children the first time I watch her," I promise.

"It wouldn't hurt," he says.

"We'll invite Catherine and Ernest over tomorrow. They always have nice things to say about your babies."

-0-

"Where I come from, I'm old enough to stay by myself," Cassie says, looking at me with a glare.

"Well, apparently we're not quite as liberal here as they are in Canada," I say. "Do you want an afterschool snack?"

"Janet gave me something when she picked me up from school and dropped me off here," Cassie says.

"Do you have any homework?" I try.

"Nope." Blank face. She's either telling the truth, or doesn't have a tell that I've figured out yet. I'll just have to err on the side of trusting her.

"Do you want to play a board game?"

"What?" she asks with crinkled nose.

"You know; monopoly, scrabble, life, games."

"Why are you saying random words?" she asks.

"Okay, wow, Canada is a lot more different than America. Life. A girl your age is going to love this game."

-0-

"Daniel, you're home!" Cassie says, going up to give him a hug, "I got married and had five children."

"I think I'm going to have to talk to Steph about her supervision skills," Daniel says with a bemused smile, looking over his shoulder at me.

"She taught me what to do when you have more kids than fit in the little plastic car," Cassie chirps.

"Strap the extras on to the roof?" Daniel suggests.

"No, you jam them in around their shoulders," Cassie says.

"Babies wanted their bottle early today so they are all fed. Have you eaten?" I ask.

Stupid question. When Daniel is at work, he is so focused and obsessed that he never remembers to take care of himself.

"Cassie, can you go watch the babies for a bit, and make sure that they don't eat those plastic pieces?" Our game is across the room from them and they don't crawl yet, but with my luck this would be the day they learned. "I'm just going to heat up a plate for him."

"You don't have to do that," Daniel protests.

"I know, but you are always so grateful for it, it's kind of fun."

I decide to make coffee for Daniel, as well as heating up the food. When I zip back in the living room, Cassie has flipped both of the kids onto their backs. Her fingers are running across their stomachs like they are little people walking, "They are ticklish," she says with sparkling eyes.

Daniel comes out, "I wanted to eat in here." He doesn't say why, he's bashful about not liking to be alone. Cassie tickles the babies, and their laughter makes Daniel's eyes crinkle in a smile that doesn't quite reach his mouth.

"You ready to play again, Cass?"

"Yeah, but I think I should name all my kids. I mean, what kind of a mother doesn't name their kids?" she says.

There was a moment of panic, but I hide it before Cassie looks up. I am the kind of a mom who never names their kid. I glance at Daniel, hoping that I got away with it, but no such luck.

"What kind of a name are you thinking, Cass? Because I'm kind of an expert," I say.

"Yeah?" she says.

"I was obsessed with names and their origin for a while."

"My girls are all going to have flower names," Cassie announces. I rattle off an impressive array of flower names, and the game continues.


	17. Cor ai

When Janet picks up Cassie the next day, I know that Daniel wants to talk. I try to avoid it for as long as I can, which with Daniel is like eight seconds.

"Okay, this is probably good that I made that little slip. I went back to therapy. I'm pretty sure you've figured out that's where I've been disappearing to once a week for the past month or so," he nods, "And she thinks I need to share some of my past with you. I've got two more big things, and she wants me to tell you one, and I couldn't decide what that would be. So this made me decide what secret to tell you. I had a baby."

"Jack and I suspected as much," he says softly, "Where is your baby now?"

Hold the tears in, Steph. Then I look at him, and they just come pouring out. He puts an arm around me and guides me to the couch. He holds me for a while I sob.

"I'm sorry," I sob.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I got you so upset. You don't have to tell me everything."

"He died," I blurt out, and it feels a bit like throwing up. "I got pregnant a bit more than a month after he took me. I tried to hide it as long as could. It was stupid to love that kid, but I really did."

Daniel looks like he understands that even more than my psychologist does.

"When the monster figured out I was pregnant, he started using it right away. He told me he'd make me lose it if I didn't do what he wanted, and I believed him. So after that, it wasn't him coming away with bruises and scratches every time, and only really attacking once a week. No, after the baby was in the picture, he would be there every single night."

Daniel's face looks devastated, and I'm a little nauseous. I move to the other side of the couch, because I need distance right now.

"So he was born," Daniel looks surprised by this, "He was a month early, and tiny. I didn't have anything to take care of him. I went without a shirt so I had a diaper, but I didn't have anywhere to wash it out. I breastfed, and hoped to God it was as simple as it seemed."

I can tell by his face that he thinks my baby died of neglect. I didn't have many resources, but it wasn't that.

"He still threatened my son whenever I didn't do what he wanted. One day, he's on top of me on the bed, and the baby is laying next to us on the bed. He's crying. Because, you know, babies do that, and he was only three months old."

A sharp intake of breath from Daniel. Yeah, your kids are at the same age that mine didn't get to live past.

I think about that. Every day.

Deep breath. Worst part. "That monster just picked him up, and threw him against the wall like he was an alarm clock that was annoying him."

Daniel is choked up by this. He is trying to ask a question, and it takes like three tries to get the question out, "Death was instant?"

I nod.

"So, when we first met, I knew where you kid's names came from? It wasn't a knowledge of history, but an obsession with names. I never named my baby. I just… I didn't feel qualified. I was fifteen years old, and I felt like I needed help naming him. I felt like when it was over, I would give him the perfect name. When it was all over, I tried so hard to find him a name. I obsessed over a baby naming book, for so long. I might never have come out of it if my foster mother hadn't handed me a baby."

Daniel is silent for a little while, and then he composes himself enough to say, "I wish I could undo all of that for you."

"Except my son," I whisper.

"Just his death," Daniel agrees, "Steph, can I do anything for you?"

I shake my head.

"Please? I should feel like I should buy something for you, or we should do something you like or something to make this suck a tiny bit less. Not that anything would really make it suck less."

"I appreciate the thought, but I kind of want to hold your babies by myself for a while."

-0-

It's a team night at Jack's house. I don't know what it is about, but I know it must be something, or they wouldn't be doing it. I offer not to come, as I always do when they have team nights. This time, Daniel looked like he was taking me up on it for a little while, but then he encourages me to come.

So I do, but figure I can disappear off and rely on the fact that Jack closes windows about as often as he locks the front door.

Jack starts a roaring fire on the deck. WintersWinter in Colorado is mild, but after half an hour I just can't keep those babies out here anymore. So I head inside. The window is mostly closed, but cracked open. I just about suspect Jack knowknows I'm a spy.

Well, it takes one to know one.

"You know Teal'c, you're not the only person on this team that has done damned despicable things in the name of their country," Jack says.

Daniel hasn't, right? Daniel hasn't ever done anything despicable. The fact that Jack has isn't surprising, nor even disappointing. I guess I knew he'd done some dark things, but not Daniel. He's all innocent and young, still right?

"I believe that I have done far worst things in the name of my service to Apophis than the rest of you have done in service to your countries combined."

Apophis? That's a way weirder name than Hathor, and Teal'c used to serve him? I can't imagine a country that would have a leader or warlord named Apophis.

"That's probably true, Teal'c, but it's only because you are like a million years old," Sam protests, "Once we have lived as long as you will…"

"I do not believe that any of you have within you the type of Ibib which could destroy an entire planet."

Ib? Ancient Egyptian heart? Why would Teal'c use that word? I mean, the dude doesn't exactly strike me as a scholar.

Wholly crap, did he just say he destroyed an entire planet? I thought that deep space radar telemetry was all sciency and studying stuff, but they just go around blowing up planets?

Intense.

How could you even blow up something that was so far away?

"Teal'c, you didn't have a choice," Sam sooths.

"You are incorrect, Captain Carter," he says stoically.

"If you didn't do it, he would have killed you," Daniel says.

"Would not scarifyingsacrificing my own well beingwellbeing have been the correct choice of action? Especially if it would have spared many lives?" Teal'c responds.

Wait, he killed people, and blew up plantsplanets? While he was in the service of some sort of African war lord? No, no way. These people must be nuts. I must be working for a man who, along with all of his friends, is completely insane.

"Come on, T, letting that monster kill you won't have done any good. We know that you used your position to protect people. You made sure that as few people died as possible. Daniel proved that during your trial," Jack says.

"I sometimes killed some to save others, but there is nothing honorable in that," Teal'c says.

"I disagree," Daniel says.

"Dr. Jackson, among all of us, you bear the smallest amount of guilt of your previous actions. To you, the death of some to save others is theoretical," Teal'c says.

Oh, so just because he doesn't routinely commit murder, he doesn't get to comfort you after you do?

"I shot a thankfultankful of Goa'uld, Teal'c, so it's not as if I was completely innocent."

Goa'uld, there is athe strange swear word again. Maybe it isn't a swear word, maybe it's the name for the people that they fight against. I don't understand how they are fighting against anyone.

They are silent about that.

They think that Daniel is a murderer.

"Your actions, although difficult, were correct," Teal'c assures him.

Holy shit, Daniel is a murderer. I can't quite reconcile the kind and gentle father that I know with someone who would kill.

"I just thought of them taking over Sha're, and… I couldn't let them live. They were just babies, though."

Daniel killed babies? No, no way.

I can't listen anymore. I can't… believe what I heard. Maybe they know I'm listening, and have decided just to mess with me. The window was a little bit open, after all.

Daniel would never kill a baby.

-0-

Daniel is making faces at the babies in the swings. Each time they come toward him, he bulges his eyes big, and puffs out his lips. When they go the other way, he makes his face as small as possible. The whole time, he is fiddling with a little piece of paper.

Suddenly he looks at me. "So, this could go either way. Maybe it's going to be considered all sweet and nice, and maybe it's going to be considered super offensive. I hope you'll forgive me if it's the laterlatter." Then he hands me a piece of paper.

I don't open it, but just stare at him with a question on my face.

"It's a name for your son."

My heart is thumping as I open the piece of paper. "Phoenix."

"You know, because you are rising from the ashes, and if he would havehad lived, he would have risen from the ashes with you," he says.

I start to cry a little.

"I'm sorry, this was out of line," Daniel says grabbing the note back.

"No, it's perfect. I've looked for the name for three years, and you just give it to me. Thank you."

Daniel looks at me, sensing the change in our relationship. So I just lay it on him.

"Daniel, have you ever killed a baby?"

He stares at me in shock, and with a tiny bit of accusation in his face.

"Okay, I'm a hopeless eavesdropper," I admit.

"Well, you need to stop doing that, because it's a national security risk. I have never killed a human child," he says.

Relief. Smile. Confusion.

"Don't listen at the window anymore, because it just raises all kinds of questions that I can't answer," Daniel says. We leave it here.


	18. Christmas

When Daniel sees the Christmas tree, he makes a face like he did when he first saw the swings.

"What?" I ask.

"That's fake, right? We're not going to have to be picking up needles forever?"

"It's fake, come on, Daniel. It's Christmas. You need a Christmas decoration."

"I don't have any ornaments," he pouts.

"That's what children are for," I tell him.

"Really? The sole purpose of children is to fill your empty Christmas tree?" he challenges.

"Yep," I say with confidence.

He glares at me for a second before condescending, "You win again, Steph. Sometimes I wonder who is in charge of the family."

"The babies, right?" I ask.

He sighs, "Sometimes I wonder if it isn't you."

"What are you doing for Christmas?" I ask.

"Well, two days before, we're having a team night at Jack's. Then he's heading to his cabin to be with some extended family. Sam's going to her brother's. I don't know… I guess Teal'c and I will probably do something."

"Teal'c isn't going to see his family?" I ask.

"Well, in his country, Christmas isn't really a holiday, and it is hard to get him in to see his family. It's a border issue. His family is safe where they are, but Teal'c isn't always safe when he goes to see them."

"What about Teal'c's parents?" I ask.

"You know, I've never asked, but I don't think they are in the picture. Why?" Daniel says.

"Mrs. Wilson likes orphans," I say.

"Stephanie, this is so sweet, but please don't invite us over to someone's house without asking her."

"I did. She invited the whole team. She's got two foster kids right now, and somewhere between eight and eleven of her old foster kids are going to show up."

"That is so sweet, honey, but I think I'll probably do something with Catherine and Ernest."

"How about you do that Christmas Eve, and come with me on Christmas?"

He stares at me for a little bit, realizing for the first time that this is as much about me as it is about him, "If it's really important to you, I'll come. Tell your mom that I am bringing a pie."

"She's one of those people who shows her love with baked goods," I say. "We're not going to need any more pie."

"I figured as much, that is exactly why I thought I'd bring some. I have to be nice to the woman who kept you safe until it was time for you to enter my life."

Oh, that man can melt a heart.

-0-

"I was unaware that this ceremony included the exchange of presents," Teal'c says, with something I would accuse of being a pout if it wasn't coming from a man built like a tank.

"It's fine, Teal'c," Sam says cheerfully. She hands each of the boys small matching boxes. I notice the fact that Jack watches everyone else open theirs before he opens his own.

My dad used to do that.

She got them each perpetual motion machines, and each one of them is a little bit different. You know, you knock one of the little balls into the other ones, and they keep hitting each other, and moving for a long time. It's a very physics gift. Daniel says a polite thank you. Teal'c tips it upside down like he's trying to figure it out.

Jack meets Sam's eyes with something more than a thank you, and he hasn't even opened his box up yet.

Huh. I would say there was something going on there, if I hadn't been so wrong about Jack and Daniel just a few months ago. Maybe Jack just looks at everyone like that. But I don't think so, and I've never seen Sam's eyes light up like that. God, she's beautiful when she's happy. She deserves to be happy a lot more.

"You're just trying to give me something to fidget with no matter where I go on base," Jack accuses.

"You caught me, Sir," she says, and the sir has a touch of a purr that I find it hard to ignore.

After they finally stop looking at one another, he opens his box quickly. Then he passes out his gifts.

Simpsons DVD's. He wants to convert everyone to his insanity. Daniel and I have different ones, because he wants us to watch them together.

Daniel gave away books. He tailored them to each person, but they are all boring history books that none of them are going to enjoy.

Now it's my turn. I got them a little bit of whimsy. I've taken action figures and glued tiny pictures of their faces on them. It's a cheap gift, but it makes them all laugh; well, all except for Teal'c. I don't think he really gets the cultural reference.

"The kids are too young to unwrap their own presents, so who is going to do this?" Jack asks, rubbing his hands together.

"I think you can have the job, Sir," Sam says.

"Daniel is their father," Jack points out.

"But you are going to be the most excited about it," Daniel points out, pushing the small mound of presents closer to Jack.

They have a brief staring contest. Jack wins, and apparently that means he gets to open the gifts, even though he was arguing on the other side. It's interesting how much they communicate with body language.

All of us had the same idea about what to get the kids. Toys. Daniel is way too practical for things like that. I mean, it's not like babies at four months know the difference or really care about toys. They just play with their toes. The kids are certainly not neglected. They have everything they need by way of clothes and food, and there is definitely an excessive number of burp rags.

Just no toys.

Everything that Jack unwraps, he holds up to the babies for approval. Mattie seams to reject each of them as if they were beneath her. Kush reaches for most of them, and Jack hands him whatever he reaches for. Generally he sucks on the toy until Jack presents him with something that he decides is better. Then he tosses the other one from his as far as he can, before he latches onto another toy.

"You guys are going to be very spoiled," Daniel warns. It's supposed to be a joke, but it sounds a little bit too serious for this.

"Daniel, having a few baby toys isn't going to hurt them any," Jack says seriously, tossing a ball over to the younger man.

Daniel sighs, "It's just not the way I was raised, or Sha're was raised, or the way that we would have raised them when we were on Abydos."

"Did we overstep?" I ask. Which would have been weird, because it would have been the first time ever that I did that.

"No, it's just starting to hit me that these babies are going to be Americans."

"We'll get her back," Jack says. His voice is firm and confidence, but when I look at him I can see that he is losing hope as quickly as the rest of us.

"Daniel, I was gone longer than she has been," I say.

I can tell that Daniel wants to ask me something, but he's too scared to. I give him a little nod of my head by way of permission.

"How did you get out?" he asks.

Crap. Can I take back the head nod now? I don't know if Daniel told Jack about my kid, but I kind of hope that he did. I'm pretty sure that Teal'c and Sam know nothing.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that," Daniel says looking down.

We can't have lines like that, him and me. We're raising kids together, and he deserves to know. "After the guy who kidnapped me killed Phoenix," Sam's eyes bulge; yeah, she knew nothing. Teal'c would probably have a reaction if he showed emotions. "Ah… my three-month-old son." I have never said that word 'son' before, "After he did that, he didn't really have a threat over me, you know. He made me do what he wanted to keep the kid safe. When my baby was dead… and then there was my anger. I knocked him out, and I tied him up with the ropes he used on me, and I screamed at that locked door until the neighbors called the cops."

Silence.

I just totally ruined Christmas.

"I wish Sha're had the option to pull something like that," Jack says, quiet.

"But she doesn't. She has to wait until I rescue her, and I'm not good at that," Daniel says he stands up, and I can tell that he is going to walk off.

No. I have to stop him. "Daniel, at least you are looking for her. I never had anyone to look for me."

"What about your parents?" Jack asks. He's known there is some secret there from the beginning no doubt. I think I've mentioned enough that he knows I was not in foster care before the kidnapping, and was after the kidnapping.

"They're dead," I say. Please leave it at that. Please.

"When?" Jack prompts.

Please no. "On the day that…" Sobs. Daniel isn't leaving, he's rubbing my back, "They died when I was kidnapped. If I never screamed…"

"It is not your fault. The murderer is the only one to blame," Jack says firmly.

"I'm sorry we brought all of this up right now. We're supposed to be celebrating Christmas, and I screwed it up with my stupid question," Daniel says.

I take a deep breath, "It's okay. Let's just… move on. Forget it."

"Can we all hug you first?" Sam asks. That warms up my heart. They all take the turn. Daniel's hugs are getting familiar by now, Jack's hug that is home, Sam's quick little shy thing, and Teal'c. Yeah, Teal'c is a good hugger, too, and I did not see that coming.

-0-

It turns out that Teal'c will not be joining us for Christmas Eve. The General is taking him over to his daughter's house.

I guess I should have known that Catherine and Ernest were rich. I mean, Daniel mentioned that when they offered him a job they were sitting in a limo.

I guess I just assumed the limo was work-related.

Then Christmas comes. Daniel's face is bright red the whole time, and he keeps insisting they don't need all of this stuff. Catherine keeps telling him this is what it's like to have grandparents.

"This is not what I remember of grandparents," he objects.

They get the twins clothes, but not the onesies and little shorts that they actually wear in a daily basis. No, they get Matia cute little dresses, and a little suit for Kush. Then there are baby pants that look like jeans, and t-shirts, and sweaters. There are enough of these cutesie outfits for them to have two weeks' worth in every size they could possibly be for the next year.

There are toys, too. Three toys for each of them for six-month-old babies, and nine-month-old babies, and one-year-olds.

Daniel might have accepted all of this, grudgingly. Then Ernest goes out of the car, and comes in with the stuffed animals which are so big that he can only carry one at a time.

Daniel puts his foot down, and pretty soon there are three adults screaming at each other about the appropriateness of a giant monkey and dog for four-month-olds.

I take the babies into a bedroom, because this is getting a little bit out of hand.

Catherine comes into room a little later, "I'm sorry, did we get a little out of hand?"

"I just didn't want the babies to hear that," I explain.

"You get that it wasn't a real fight, right? I mean, it was about presents."

"I'm not sure you understand how serious it is for Daniel. Christmas is making him feel as if he doesn't have that much control over his life. Also, I think all this bling is making him feel a little bit judged for the way he raises his kids. Which, by the way, is really awesome."

"Perceptive little thing," Daniel's voice says behind me.

I turn to him, wide eyed, and he picks up a kid in each arm. "It's okay, sweeties. Daddy wasn't mad at you. Daddy wasn't really mad at anyone. He understands that your Grandpa and Grandma love you so much. Maybe if we invited them over more often, they wouldn't have to show you love with things. No, they could show you love with lots of cuddles."

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Catherine says, giving the babies and Daniel a hug.

"We will keep them all but the stuffed animals," Daniel concedes.

"Can we get smaller ones?" Catherine asks.

He makes a face of uncertainty, and then he nods his head. "So, these little angels are old enough to try baby food, and I was actually thinking you and Ernest might want to try."

"Seriously?" Catherine gushes.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you aren't going to regret the fact that you weren't the one to do it for your babies?"

"Oh, I am sure there will be plenty of chances for me to feed these little babies," he says.

"Thank you," Catherine says, giving him a hug.

-0-

Daniel looks at the presents in my arms with alarm, "I didn't know we were supposed to bring presents to this! We'll have to stop somewhere."

"No, you won't be expected to have a gift. It's a tradition that Mrs. Wilson's former foster kids bring presents for the current ones. Guests bring nothing."

"That's… cool," he says.

"It's actually a bit more specific. Like, you only bring presents as a former if you've… you know, fallen on your feet."

"Ah, so these are statements," he says with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Yeah."

-0-

When Mrs. Wilson opens the door, she stares at Daniel long enough that he blushes bright red and thinks about running away.

"So you're the guy who gave my little Stephanie a chance," he says.

"And I've very glad I did. She's very good at her job."

Then Mrs. Wilson pulls her into a long tight hug. "You're family now, hun," she informs him.

"I come bearing gifts," I say with a big smile.

"You certainly do, honey. I'm so proud of you! You go out in the world for a few months and you get yourself a job and a family. Good job, love," she says, kissing me. She puts the gifts under the tree.


	19. New Year's

"We have to teach Cassie to play a real game," Jack grumbles.

"'Life' is a real game. It's based on, you know, life," Cassie says, shaking the box before him.

"I swear I wouldn't have taught her to play that game if I would have known how obsessed she was going to get with it," I say apologetically, bouncing Kush. He's big enough that he sits comfortably on my hip now. He's not a tiny baby anymore.

"Chess, we're going to teach her chess," Jack says.

"Life," Cassie objects.

"Poker?" Sam suggests.

"Seriously? No poker," Janet scolds.

"Life," Cassie repeats.

"Learn to play chess, honey. It would be a good life skill," Janet says to her daughter. Cassie starts to object, but Janet gives her a look that silences her.

When Sam and Cassie go off to find the chess board, Janet says, "I seriously could not take another round of that game."

"Can the grown-ups play poker?" Pat asks.

"Are you a grown-up?" Jack asks.

"Play nice," Daniel says, handing Jack a beer. He takes it with a smile before going to look for Sam and Cassie. Apparently he decided to follow the 'if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all' motto.

"Let's play," Janet says.

-0-

"Happy New Year!" They all shout. Pat moves in to kiss to kiss me, and even though the kiss is quite long, when he pulls away I catch a glimpse Teal'c locking lips with the good doctor. Janet's face is bright red, but she's got a dopey look on her face that clearly shows the kiss wasn't exactly torture for her.

Teal'c then moves toward Sam, but is stopped by Jack's voice. "Hold up, big guy. Let's make a 'no kissing your teammate' rule."

"According to television, kissing at midnight is an important part of this holiday," Teal'c protests.

"And that's why I've been telling you to stop watching TV. Or at least realize it has nothing to do with the real world. People kiss on New Year's if they're dating or something. You don't just go around making your co-workers weak at the knees."

Janet starts to protest, but looks down at the offending members and shrugs her shoulders. "Cassie, it's time to say goodnight and head home," Janet says instead.

"Mom, it's New Year's Eve," Cassie whines in a way that lets everyone present know the teenage years are not far away with this one.

"It is New Year's Eve, and your mother is so kind and indulgent she let you stay up until midnight. Now get in the car before she decides next time to be less nice," Janet says the whole speech with a smile on her face. I can't tell if this is some tongue-in-cheek way of dealing with her daughter or if she is still a little awed by Teal'c's kiss.

I sort of wish Jack hasn't stopped him until after he'd worked his way around to me. It seems to be something worth experiencing.

"You ready for bed?" Pat asks.

"Sure," I say, grabbing his hand. Pat has spent the night at my house a couple of time since the first time. We thought tonight would be a good night since Pat is old enough to drink - for two weeks now. It's not like he exactly got drunk tonight, but he's buzzed enough that I wouldn't let him drive.

I'd drive him home, but I never exactly got my license. Being, you know, locked in a basement when my friends were getting their permits.

"What's happening?" Jack asks in shock and dismay. "Daniel!" He calls, even though Daniel is just across the room. Jack might be a bit more than buzzed. Good thing Daniel is putting up all of SG-1 for the night, Sam in the guest room, Jack on the couch, and Teal'c in the middle of the living room floor, because apparently he sleeps sitting up anyway. "Daniel! Stephanie is trying to sneak a boy into her room."

"We're not sneaking, Jack," I defend.

"You knew about this, Daniel? You knew her boyfriend had intentions to take advantage of her, and you did nothing to defend her honor?" he accuses his friend.

Okay, first of all, the honor thing died long ago on a filthy damn mattress on a concrete floor. Second of all, Pat and I still haven't done anything. Okay, not quite true, but we haven't done much, not sex anyway. Third, when exactly did Daniel and Jack start co-parenting me?

Daniel puts a hand on Jack and on my shoulder, and gives us a gentle push as we walk toward his room. For once, Daniel is stone cold sober. Mostly because he only drank half a glass of wine, but also because he's starting to develop a tolerance for alcohol.

Jack is a bad influence on him.

"Jack, you're embarrassing Stephanie," Daniel scolds.

"Embarrassing? How does that even register? I'm trying to protect her!" Jack protests.

I start to open my mouth to stand up for myself, but there is really no need, "Protect her? She's old enough to make her own decisions. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?"

Oh, young Jack secrets. Yes, please. "That's different," he spits.

"What? 'Cause she's a girl? Don't be sexist!"

"I am not sexist! It's different, because she's been through hell!" Jack protests.

"Exactly! So, she's even older than most eighteen year olds!" Daniel retorts.

"No, she has been hurt enough," Jack says, shaking his head.

"Jack, Pat is not going to hurt me," I protest, finally managing to get a word in edgewise.

"You think that, but…" Jack begins.

"Jack, Pat is awesome. He is patient with me. We are moving turtle speed, and have probably done way less than you imagine. Where else am I going to find someone who is willing to lay next to me chastely? Besides, I want to replace all those horrible memories with good memories."

Jack's eyes soften.

"See now? Do you feel like an ass yet, Jack?" Daniel asks, looking very smug.

"She's still a kid, Daniel, and you should still protect her," Jack defends once more.

"Her life, and my house. You don't have a say in it."

"I do to have a say in it. 'Cause I care about her," Jack says.

"Well, if I ever need an overprotective dad figure I know where to go to," I say.

"Oh, you do need an overprotective dad figure, and I've signed up for the job. In fact, you're never going to be able to get rid of me," Jack says.

"She's an adult," Daniel warns.

"Child," Jack argues.

"Adult," I say, by way of tie-breaker.

Jack raises his eyebrows and walks out of the room. Pat is standing in the hallway, far enough away that he probably didn't hear the conversation.

I'm going to have to teach him to eavesdrop.

"If you ever hurt that little girl you are going to regret it," Jack warns him, "I am just in the living room… so if I were you, I'd keep up the chaste streak while I am here."

"Jack!" I scold, turning red.

"Listen, I don't want to cause conflict. I'll just get a taxi and head home," Pat says.

"I'll drive you," Daniel offers.

"Pat," I protest.

"Respect your family," he says, kissing me.

"They aren't family," I protest.

"Don't say stupid crap like that, of course they are," Pat says, earning a wide grin from Jack. Daniel grabs his keys, and he disappears.


	20. Enigma

"You do not need to take me up to the door," I sob.

"I do, you're hysterical," Pat says.

"I'm sorry, we were so close this time. I swear one day we'll actually have sex," I murmur.

"I am not worried about that. I am worried about the fact that you can't stop crying," he says, ringing the doorbell.

Daniel opens the door with me sobbing and Pat standing there. I run past him to my room, embarrassed. I see Daniel clench his jaw on the way past, and I hear him say, "Sit down on the couch and don't move until I come back!" he commands Pat.

Daniel follows me.

"Please just leave me alone," I beg when he enters my room.

"What the hell did he do?" Daniel asks with his eyes on fire.

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing," Daniel says with his teeth still grinding, "I will get Teal'c over here to kill him."

"Daniel, I swear to you he didn't do anything!" I say desperately, "We were doing consensual stuff. I had a flash back, and went nuts. He was a perfect gentleman. He insisted on walking me back here even though I'm a psycho."

Daniel lightly touches my shoulder. "You swear that boy didn't hurt you?"

I nod my head.

"I'm going to un-yell at him, I'll be right back," Daniel says. He walks out of the room and I hear him talking softly to Pat.

"I understand. She needs a little protecting, you've got her now?" Pat asks.

Then he comes back into my room.

"Daniel, I swear that I'm fine. I just want to be alone."

"You're not fine, but I guess I'll have to respect the second part of that, if you're sure?" he asks.

I nod.

I really just want to be a normal girl who doesn't go nuts on her boyfriend. He is going to dump me, sooner or later.

-0-

Daniel comes home covered in ash, like volcanic ash.

"Where were you?" I can't help but ask.

"Can we wait until after I've showered before I lie to you?" he grumbles.

"Why didn't you shower at work?"

"It was Sam's turn to have the shower first, and I was completely unable to wait," he says, walking past me.

-0-

Daniel looks tired as he comes out of the bathroom. He's put on another pair of work clothes. "Where are the babies?" he asks.

"Catherine and Ernest took them on a walk in their strollers. They should be back any minute now. Are you going back to base?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd grab a little time with the babies and a quick nap, and then I'm going to head back. We've got a lot of refugees."

"Refugees?" I say in surprise. I'd ask refugees from where, but I know I wouldn't get the answer.

"One of them has a crush on Sam."

"That's nice," I say.

"Is it, though?" he asks, "I mean, he barely saw her, and he's already obsessed."

"Don't pull a Jack on her," I scold.

"Pull a Jack," Daniel says, shaking his head. Just then the door opens and Catherine and Ernest walk back into the house with a twin in each in their hands. Daniel takes both of them into the rocking chair. He coos to them in their secret language.

He falls asleep before they do. I steal them out of his arms when it's time to get them ready for bed.

-0-

Two days later, we are all gathered to play a board game. It took us twenty minutes for us to convince Cassie to go with something other than Life, but apparently Cluedo was acceptable in the end.

"So, Sam, how did the refugee boyfriend go?" I ask.

Sam glares at Daniel, "He was NOT a boyfriend."

"You kissed him," Daniel points out.

"You kissed Narim?" Jack asks in shock. I was expecting him to show the same kind of emotions that he shows when I have romance, but instead I actually see something that looks a bit like… jealousy.

Sam glares at Daniel.

"Are you going to marry him, Sam?" Cassie asks eagerly.

"No," Sam says, still glaring at Daniel.

"You should get a life, preferably with someone that lives in the same country as you, but…" Jack says. There is sacrifice in his face as he tells her to get a life, but I am pretty sure that Sam misses it.

"I thought we weren't going to play Life because we wanted Cassie to think about something other than marriage and kids," Sam says.

"Like murder!" Cassie exclaims with a grin.

"I'm not sure we thought this through," Daniel says cautiously.

"Steph, you know you could have invited Pat," Jack says.

I try to think of an answer, but not fast enough.

"Did you break up with him or something?" Jack asks.

I still can't find a way to answer, so Daniel does it for me, "I think maybe they're having a cooling-off time?" He looks uncertainly at me. He's trying to get them to stop worrying, but he's actually doing a lot of worrying himself.

"I think we're done," I say. I think that because I don't answer his phone calls.

Jack's eyebrows rise up dramatically. "I really hope it isn't because of anything I said?"

I shake my head.

Jack just keeps staring at me. I squirm. "I think he could do better than me."

"Impossible," Daniel says with feeling.

The door bell rings, and I take the chance to escape the conversation. It was really one of the 'out of the frying pan and into the fire' kind of deals, though.

"Hi, Pat," I say.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and he looks completely panicked.

"Yeah," I say, still standing in front of the door, blocking his entrance into the house.

"I haven't been able to get a hold of you for four days. After that reaction you had the other night, I… didn't know what to think. Are you sure you are okay?" He asks. I feel bad for how panicked he is.

I nod my head.

"Stephie?" he asks, obviously not believing me.

Okay, fine, I guess I have to do this. I step aside so that he could come inside. I let him follow me to my bedroom. I sit on the bed, and fold my legs up underneath me. He sits on the desk chair, backward so the he can rest his arms on the back of the chair.

"You don't need this," I say.

"What?"

"A woman who goes hysterical every time you touch her," I say, looking down.

He breathes a sigh of relief, "That's what this is about? You're trying to let me off the hook because of that? Steph, I don't care. I like you so much, more than I've ever liked anyone before. I get that we have a hard road in front of us. I don't care. If we need to back off on the physical stuff, that's fine. I'm sorry if we moved oto quick."

"What if it never happens? What if I don't get over it?" I ask softly.

"Then I still get you."

"No, seriously," I protest.

"Turn it on its head for a second. What if you were in my place? If this was a deal breaker for me, I would have told you a while ago. Besides, I honestly just think you need more time."

"I never told you how bad it was, Patrick. I told you I was raped. What I didn't tell you was that a sadistic bastard kidnapped me and put me in a basement. He threatened my family if I didn't do whatever he wanted. He did every sick perverted thing you can imagine to me, and probably some things you can't even imagine. I'm not sure I am ever going to get over it."

He has such a look of pity on my face that my heart is breaking. But he's not leaving. He should be leaving by now. I guess I'll have to tell him more.

"When they rescued me I didn't leave the house for more than two years."

"But you're leaving the house now."

"I know, but you saw me at the grocery store. That was one of the first times I was out of the house. It wasn't pretty."

"I thought it was very pretty. You know that was the first time we met? I gave you my number. That is when you caught my eye."

"You probably thought it was my worst day, and it wasn't. My worst day was me rocking in a corner, crying hysterically."

"I am so glad that you are telling me this," he says, moving off the chair to sit next to me on the bed, "I just think your motives for doing it are stupid. Do you honestly think you are going to tell me something that is going to make me change my mind about you? All of this just proves to me how strong you are, how amazing you are. It's not going to make me stop liking you!"

All of a sudden, I believe him.

I lean against his shoulder, and he wraps his arm around me. He makes me feel safe. He accepts the crazy. I haven't told him how much crazy there is yet. I've only told him a small part of the crazy. I can tell the rest later. Right now I just want him to hold me, and make him feel safe.

After five minutes of silent comfort conveyed by him holding me tight I whisper, "We're having game night. Do you want to join?"

"If you want me to," he says.

I nod, and we get up together. Everyone seems pretty surprised when Pat walks into the room. Which I shouldn't be surprised by, because I just told them that I was going to break up with him. Jack stands up and gives him a big hug.


	21. Solitudes

The two babies are sitting up in the middle of the living room. Kush's eyes are bulging, obviously absorbed in the effort. Mattie is shaking a rattle. She shakes the rattle so much that she starts to tip over a little bit, and then has to right herself. She'll sit there still for a couple of seconds, and then she'll begin to shake the rattle and unsettle herself again.

Daniel walks in, and just stands at the door, mesmerized by the action of the babies. After a few seconds, he sits down next to me. "You know what we need? Pixie dust."

I turn to him in shock.

"You know, that Peter Pan stuff?"

"Pixie dust makes you fly."

"What makes them stay young?"

"An island. You'd have to leave them there," I say, tongue in cheek.

"Hmm… I guess I'll have to accept that they are going to continue to get older," he says grudgingly.

Kush's focus apparently wavers, and he falls into his sister. His sister glares at him, and sort of tries to shake him off her shoulder.

"Honey, it's not going to be the last time that you and he are going to have to support each other," Daniel scolds, moving forward to get his son back up into the sitting position.

Kush's eyes bulge again with the effort.

"Don't worry, Daniel, I don't think they are going to be growing up to fast."

-0-

"Hello," I say into the phone.

"Steph, I don't know when I'm going to be home next. It is probably going to be a couple of days."

"No problem. I'll see if Catherine and Ernest can watch the munchkins when I have my psychologist's appointment," I say lightly.

"Jack and Sam are missing," he says.

"Missing?" Honest to God, what do these people do? What job could you have where people think you are dead when you really aren't, and you can go missing?

"The General officially declared them 'missing in action'," Daniel continues. I don't know the significance of that, but the tone of voice that he says it in makes my stomach hurt.

"You're going to find them, right? You're going to get them back?" I ask hopefully.

There is a long pause, but when he finally speaks his voice is strong, and forceful, "Yes, we are going to find them."

-0-

"You okay?" Pat asks.

"Yes, really good," I say, snuggling in next to him.

"I'm surprised, there are no tears," he says, running a hand against my bare back.

"Nope, no insanity this time," I say, hiding my blushing face in his chest.

"We had sex," he whispers.

"Yes, we did," I say with a little happy sigh. I can't believe that it didn't hurt or was scary, and honestly I am as surprised by the lack of tears as he is.

-0-

"I have to go," Pat protests, pulling away from my kiss.

"No, stay forever," I tease.

He pulls away and looks at me critically. "Are you not okay? I mean, are you scared to be alone? Or do you need me close after… last night?"

Great, here is the side effect of being a crazy person. When you tease, they think that there is something super serious going on. "No, I was just teasing. I mean, I do like having you around."

"I will be around again. Right now, I am going to go do classes, and a little bit of tutoring," he says giving me a quick kiss again before disappearing outside of the door.

The phone rings, and I pick it up.

"We found them," Daniel says. His voice doesn't sound joyful though. It actually sounds pretty serious.

"Are they alive?" I ask.

Pause. It's a pause so long that I can't help but wonder if he isn't a little afraid that the answer is going to change by the time that he answers it. "Yeah. Sam is going to be just fine. Jack is pretty beat up. I don't think we really know how bad it is going to be just yet. I really don't know when I'm going to be home."

"You do what you have to for your friends," I say.

"Thanks, kiss those babies for me."

Kush is doing his own version of crawling. He gets up on his hands and knees, and launches forward, falling on his stomach. Then he crawls back up onto his hands and knees before launching forward again.

He's almost made it to the hard tile floor. I scoop him up and flip him around so that his movements are on the carpet.

"I think we need another baby gate. I used to think that protecting you from tumbling down the stairs was enough, but your method of travel is a bit dramatic for a hard floor," I tell him.

Mattie is sitting in the middle of the living room floor. The only part of her body that is moving his her head, which is bobbing up and down, just as if she were saying, "Yes, I'm glad you were able to tell my little brother that his is stupid. Thank you for stopping him from hurting himself."

"Don't you fret, Mattie. My job is to take care of you and your brother. You don't always have to act like you're responsible for him."

She rolls her eyes, and falls backward.

"That whole sitting up thing, totally overrated," I tease. "You'll be doing that for most of your life," I tip her over on her stomach, "Lay around while you can."

I wonder if Jack is laying around right now. How bad is he really? I wish I could go and see him. You can just tell when you are in the room with someone how bad it is. It's worst when you can't go into the room, when you just have to wait to get news.

"Babies, Steph needs some distraction, have a tantrum or something, please," I beg.

Just then Kush misses his leap, and lands on his head instead of his stomach and begins to scream.

"I wasn't asking for actual bodily injury, baby," I say, picking him up.

-0-

"Steph, Jack's out of surgery," Daniel says the second I pick up the phone. He is very out of breath, and a little relieved-sounding.

"So he's okay, now?"

"Well, he is not going to die. He's not going to be up and around any time soon," Daniel says.

"Can I visit him?" I ask.

There is a pause. His voice is more sad and serious when he continues, "I don't think that is going to happen. He's on a secure military base."

"Right, of course," I say, disappointed.

"He's fine, Steph, I promise," Daniel says.

"Your son is crawling," I toss out, by way of revenge.

"What? When did this happen? Did you get video?"

Okay, now I feel like a bit of an ass. He really is a good dad. A good dad with a crazy job, but still. I could have broken the news to him a little nicer.

"I guess I don't know if it really qualifies as crawling, but he's mobile."

"I have a sudden urge to double check all of our baby proofing," he bemoans.

"I already did that."

"I definitely made the right choice when I hired you," he says, and I can hear the grin in his voice.

-0-

When I pick up the phone, I expect to hear Daniel, but it's Jack's voice. "I heard someone was worried about me." His voice is tired, but he's joking, and he sounds with it.

"Surgery?" I ask, trying to keep the fear out of my voice.

"Yeah, well, internal bleeding. It's fine now. It was looking pretty bleak before Daniel found us. He's pretty good at saving our asses."

"Internal bleeding doesn't sound fine," I say.

"Well, it is fine after you stop the bleeding."

"Seriously, Jack, you can barely breathe."

"Broken ribs, it is not big deal."

"Cut the crap, Jack. What would you say if I called you up, and said, 'hey Jack, Cassie has a couple broken rips and some internal bleeding'. Should I be worried?"

"I see your point," Jack says grimly.

"I appreciate you calling me, Jack. I am less worried then I was. You sound like you."

"I am me," he says.

"Sam is okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, she's fine, great even, tried to dig us out. It would have worked too, if she had anywhere to dig us to."

"You get better, Jack."

-0-

I glare at Jack as he walks through the door of the house. No, not 'walks', he's on crunches.

"You failed to mention the broken leg, Jack," I scold.

"Did you really want me to mention every single tiny problem I have?"

I'm not going to bother arguing with him.

Daniel and Jack stare at Kush doing his strangle little crawl. "That kid might be walking normally before me," Jack observes.

"This kid, walking normally?" Daniel asks with an eyebrow raise.

"He's mobile," I defend.

Mattie is watching her brother. As he makes her way past her, she leaps from the seated position and latches onto his back. He drags her with difficulty.

"Now they are both mobile," Jack points out.

"Mattie!" Daniel scolds, scooting over to pull her off her brother. She screams and isn't even comforted by being in his father's hands, which is usually a big winner. "Does she always do this?"

"No, she's always been pretty protective of her brother. I can't imagine why she would do that," I say.

"Does Kush have a bruise?" Jack asks, plopping down painfully in the chair to do a super long reach to scoop him up.

"That's from two days ago," I say, "His crawl didn't come without a price."

Please don't hate me, Daniel. I swear I was watching him. I swear I love your kids like my own.

Daniel quickly switches babies with Jack, and kisses the bruise. "Poor baby. You're under attack from your sister and yourself," he doesn't look at me as he says, "Stop blaming yourself, Steph. Babies injure themselves."


	22. Valentines Day (Drunk Daniel II)

"It's noon," I say to Daniel reproachfully, looking at the beer in his hand.

"It's also Valentine's Day; why aren't you with your boyfriend?" he retorts.

"It's noon," I repeat. "You're missing Sha're?" I ask, sitting down on the floor separating the babies with my legs. No more attacking.

"There was no such thing as Valentine's Day in her culture. I wasn't even sure when it was. I just made my very best guess. She was about half way through the pregnancy by then. Well, exactly half way, since they came a little early. I was pretty sure it was twins for months and months. Sha're was in denial. But she was huge, and miserable. It was the dry season, which in Abydos means it's like a million degrees. Sha're turned crabby, and I didn't blame her. So for Valentine's, I took her up on this hill where there was a little bit of wind. I put up a nice tent, but just the top. Then I fanned her for like two hours until my arm went numb. They don't have fans there… can you imagine? It's the simplest device ever, and they just never invented it. Anyway, they kicked her, one from each side. She believed me that she was having twins. She cried."

I know the kids aren't old enough to understand what we are saying, but I still feel the need to shield them from this.

"It was one of those 'I'm not sure I can do this' things," he says, leaving his beer bottle on the end table, and sliding on the floor to move his daughter from a sitting position to her stomach. He grabs one of the toys that he was so against, and rolls it before her. "In her culture, the woman was supposed to do everything. She's twenty-four years old, been married for less than a year, and suddenly she has two babies. She doesn't think that she can do it alone. Then I tell her she doesn't have to. We're in this together. We'll double-team them."

"And now you're alone," I say.

"She was a good mom. She deserved more than three weeks with her kids."

"She'll get more," I assure him.

Mattie still hasn't made a movement, and he wiggles the ball in front of her, "This is supposed to make them crawl, right?"

"It's months before you need to start worrying about them not crawling," I caution him.

"I know," he says. "You know what, baby girl, you're perfect, and that's what I'm going to tell your mom next time I see her. I'm going to tell her that her babies are perfect in every way. I'm going to tell her that I'm glad there are two of you. I only wish that your Mom was here," he cries.

Mattie pounds the spot in front of her with her arm. "You want your Mama, too, baby?"

She drags herself like a legless dog.

"Good girl, comforting your father," I say. "Daniel, I'm going to cancel my date with Pat."

"No, don't do that."

"Daniel, you're already too toasted to be alone with these kids, and you're probably going to continue drinking."

"Call Jack," he says.

"How do you know he doesn't have somewhere to be on this holiday?"

"He's still in love with his ex," Daniel says, as if it was obvious. "Call him over to watch the babies."

-0-

Daniel was right about Jack not being over his ex. I just didn't take into account the fact that that would make Jack drink, too.

"I'm calling Sam," I inform them, going into the next room to follow through on my threat.

"I dated a Sarah," Daniel slurs to Jack.

"You dated Sara?" Jack looks positively homicidal.

"Not your Sara. A Sara," Daniel corrects. "She had big hair."

"Sha're had big hair, curly," Jack observes.

"Sara's hair was way bigger than Sha're's. Sha're's hair is nicer, though," he ponders, "She didn't use all that product, so when you touched, it was like silk instead of all crinkly with mousse."

"Silky with oil," Jack observes, "No showers on Abydos. Only yak smell."

Daniel slumps down in his chair to kick Jack. "My wife did not smell like a yak."

"You smelled like a yak when you lived there."

"I did. I did smell like a yak when I got married. The stupid foot washers," Daniel observes.

Jack giggles.

Wow, the Daniel/Jack show is even funnier when they are drunk.

"When I got married, I smelled like whiskey," Jack observes.

Daniel wiggles himself around in the chair so that he can see Jack better. "You were drunk when you married Sara?"

"No, damn groomsmen spilled it all over me," he says, "Made my mom cry."

"Moms are supposed to cry at weddings," Daniel says with a firm nod of his head.

-0-

When Pat arrives, Daniel and Jack are singing the national anthem. Daniel is singing it in that language he uses with the babies, and Jack keeps stopping the song to correct him, like he just got a word wrong or something. He doesn't seem to be quiet getting that the man is not singing in English.

The babies are making their rounds of the living room toys. Kush by flinging himself forward, and Mattie with her broken puppy crawl.

"We're going to have to cancel," Pat observes.

"I've got it covered," Sam says, emerging from the kitchen where she has just finished baking a batch of heart-shaped sugar cookies. I'm not going to be one of those women who say it isn't fair that she gets the body, the brain, and the skills in the kitchen.

But really, it isn't.

"Are you sure you can take care of all four of the babies?" I ask.

"Not a baby," Jack objects.

"No problem. Two of them are going to be sleeping before long," she observes.

"It's nowhere near the babies' bedtime," Daniel objects.

"I know," Sam says with a smile.

"Not going to sleep," Jack says, shaking his head, but I can tell by his drooping eyelids that he's full of crap.

-0-

Most of the time, Pat and I don't do the whole fancy restaurant thing. We're college students, and while being a shut in with a decent pay check has made me fairly flush, part-time tutoring barely keeps Pat in room and board. Then there is the whole issue of the fact that I am often working, and Pat comes over when the babies are asleep.

Or sometimes when they are not, because he has figured out that nothing melts my heart like a man holding a baby.

So it's nice, for once, to go to a fancy place to eat.

It's crowded, of course, because this is a holiday when everyone else is going to a nice place to eat as well.

Pat looks nervous, and I just chalk it up to the unusual circumstances that we find ourselves in. Then, as soon as the waiter leaves with our orders, he takes my hand and says, "I love you."

I grin so hard that I can barely get my lips to return the words, but when I finally do, his grin back at me matches.

-0-

It's six o'clock the next morning when I hear Jack's angry voice shout, "Carter!" It's followed by a giggle from Sam.

I go out into the hallway to enjoy the show that I know is coming.

"Why exactly did I wake up in Daniel's bed, Captain?" he asks.

"Because that is where you went to sleep last night, sir," she responds.

"Why did you put me in Daniel's bed?" he asks with a glare.

"I wanted the guest bed," she says.

"Why didn't you put me on the couch?" Jack continues the interrogation.

"Come on, sir, you've slept next to him before on missions."

"In a tent. Sleeping next to a guy in a tent is totally acceptable. Sleeping next to a guy in bed is not," Jack says.

"Chill out, Jack, it's not like anything happened," Daniel says emerging from the bedroom next to him with a big yawn, and pushing past the distressed Colonel so he can check on his babies in the nursery.

"That's not the point!" Jack objects.

"It was just a tiny bit of revenge for you getting drunk when you were supposed to be babysitting. Next time, stay sober so I don't have to cancel my Valentine's day plans to babysit you," she says.

"You had plans?" he says. Okay, I am definitely not imagining that. He has a look of devastation on his face. I know that I was wrong about Jack and Daniel, but I am pretty sure that I am not wrong about Jack and Sam.

"Yep, I was supposed to be making those cookies with Janet and Cassie," she says flippantly.

His face relaxes.

She gives him some kind of a look that is flirty, and maybe has a touch of a promise in it.

I get the feeling that Sam's kind of glad I gave her an excuse to spend this holiday with her commanding officer.


	23. Tin Man

Water's voice sounds worried on the phone. "Daniel might be a while before he comes home."

"Is he coming home?" I ask uncertainly.

"He is in custody right now," Walter admits in a whisper, like he is committing a crime.

"Custody?" I say alarmed, "What did he do?" I can't imagine Daniel having done anything that would get him into custody.

"That is classified, ma'am," he replies.

"Don't give me classified Walter. Can I do something? If I show up, and tell them how amazing he is will that help?"

"I'm sorry, you will not be permitted on base."

"If I bring his babies to the front gate, will someone be able to let him see them?"

"That wouldn't be safe."

"Safe?"

"He's quarantined."

"He's sick as well as in prison. That doesn't sound good?" I know that I am pressing things, that if I got too far he's going to stop telling me anything.

"I'll let you know when there is more news," the man assures me, before hanging up.

I wonder if I can break someone out of a prison on a secure Air Force base. No, I definitely couldn't do that. I do know someone who could do that.

I call up Jack, and when it goes to voice mail, I leave the message. "Hey, I want to talk to you about Daniel."

I can't help but wonder if he isn't in the same place as Daniel.

I give Sam a call next, and get her voice mail too. She didn't even make a real message, but just has a machine recite her number and request a message. I don't bother to leave one, and I don't even have Teal'c's number.

-0-

Daniel has been gone three days, but when he comes back in, he just sits down on the floor next to his babies like nothing has happened.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Sure," Daniel says, as if nothing happened. Apparently he doesn't know how much Walter told me. He probably assumed I got my usual vague answer. It makes me wonder how many things like this Walter keeps from me.

"So you got out of prison then?" I ask.

He stares at me for a while before carefully answering, "It wasn't me."

"Huh, Walter seemed to think it was," I observe.

"It was just someone who looked like me," he says.

"So much like you that Walter though it was you?" I ask.

"Yep."

"I assume this look alike was the same person who had some illness that made you quarantined, and you were never actually sick."

"Yep."

"Your team had sick look-alikes as well?" I ask.

"Yep."

I glare at him, knowing that I am not going to get any more words out of him than this. "Just tell me that you're alright."

"I am, and so is my look-alike."

Huh, Daniel is really committing to this look-alike story. I'm thinking that Jack has given him some lying lessons.

-0-

I am behind in my reading. I shouldn't have taken twenty-one credits. I did it before, but my child care work ended when my foster mom came home at the end of the night. I had eight waking hours a day to work on nothing more than my online classes.

Daniel was gone for four days, and the only time I had off baby duty was when they were sleeping. I spent most of that time sleeping myself. The little bit that I wasn't, I cleaned.

So I'm now like eight chapters behind on my reading.

And then Mattie goes light on her nap. She's always been a huge fan of people talking to her, so I say. "We're going to make this work." I rock her in the chair lightly as start to read to her out of a psychology text book. We're twenty minutes into it before the doorbell rings. Right, Catherine and Ernest are coming over. So much for the study time.

Catherine glances at the book when she comes in.

"Sorry, I was studying, with the baby. She didn't care," I defend.

"Honey, do you want us to take the babies for a while?" Catherine asks.

"That's the plan. I'll go get Kush," I say, handing her Mattie before going for her brother.

"I'm talking about it for more than just a walk around the block. Why don't we take them for the rest of the day, or even over night?" she offers.

"It's my job to take care of them," I say.

"Sweetie, you work pretty hard for your money. You work way more than forty hours a week. We love our little grandkids. We would flip over having them for having a whole day. Get caught up on your work."

"Thanks," I say, "But not overnight."

She smiles, and I think she knew that I wouldn't be able to be separated from these kids that long. I like that she knows me that well.

-0-

Daniel walks into the house, and walks past the living room into the nursery. "Hey, did you lose the kids and not mention it to me?" he asks.

"I'm sorry. I let Catherine and Ernest take them. I needed to study. I hope…"

I don't get to get out my hope. "Honey, its fine. I should pay you a whole bunch of overtime. Whenever you need a day off, ask for it. There are a lot of people who will love those babies."

Now I have a brand new worry. "Daniel, maybe things have changed since you hired me. Maybe you just want them to stay with their grandparents for free."

"Right now they are desperate for more baby time, but if they had to take care of those kids as much as you did, they would get sick of them pretty soon. Besides, I wouldn't feel right. I don't even feel right about the way that I overuse you."

"You don't overuse me," I say.

"Go back to studying, while you have the chance. When are they coming back?" he asks.

"Before bed," I assure him.

-0-

Mattie is crying. Not that desperate cry she makes when Kush starts crying, or that sharp alarm she lets out when she's wet (that girl hates a wet diaper, she's going to be so easy to potty train). It's not even the whiney thing she does when she is hungry. Nope, it's something else.

I pop into their room, glad to see that Daniel was able to sleep through it. He has to go to work early tomorrow.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" I whisper not even flipping on the light.

She stills at my voice. I check on her. I touch her, and she's dry as a bone. She had a bottle two hours ago.

She stares at me, with big eyes in the darkness.

"You missed me?" I ask in surprise. "Okay, little one," I say, picking her up.

Kush whimpers, "You want to join the party? You guys do know that one day you'll be too big for me to hold at once, right? Maybe we do need to all move to that island your Daddy is always talking about, so you don't get any bigger. For now, I think I'll just take you into my bed. One night of co-sleeping won't hurt you."

-0-

A gentle knock on the door of my room wakes me up the next morning. "Steph, I assume you've got my kids in there, and they weren't abducted by aliens last night."

"Yeah, they're in here, you can come in and say goodbye if you want," I tell them.

He walks in, wearing those BDUs which always hint at the fact that he's probably going to be gone longer. He smiles at his kids. He has this unbelievable smile when he looks at his kids. He gives them each a little pat on their sleeping head.

"They missed me when I was studying," I observe.

"The babies are definitely in charge of this house," he says.

"We are so doomed when they learn to talk," I mutter.

"I'll be home late tonight, but it should be tonight," he reports as he leaves the room.

I find myself wishing he'd pat my head like he did to his kids. I long for a little kiss on my forehead. I don't even know when I first started wishing that Daniel was my father, but it's not new, this feeling. I may have even felt it since the very beginning.


	24. Ides of March

"Daniel, can I have the fifteenth off?" I ask.

"Sure, that will work out fine with my schedule. Something fun, I hope?"

"I'm meeting Pat's parents. Apparently they have a quirky family tradition where they all recite Shakespeare and have a meal on the Ides of March. I have a part."

"Which one?"

"We're doing the Taming of the Shrew, and I am Cat."

"That's a pretty great role. You don't have to memorize the lines, do you?" he asks, concerned.

"I guess I don't have to, but they would probably be impressed if I did, so I'm going to try," I explain.

"You have a lot of school work going on, do you have time for that?"

"I really want his family to like me."

"They're going to like you as soon as they get to know you. You're not going to have to perform some superhuman feat to get them to like you," he says.

I give him an incredulous look.

"Okay, I've got the kids, go memorize your lines."

-0-

"One more time," I plead.

"We've been through your lines a thousand times. You know them."

"Twice," I correct.

"That's enough, you got it perfect."

I give him a pleading look, "One more time."

"Fine," he says, turning to the beginning of the play.

-0-

"You look so nervous," Pat giggles.

"I figure there is a reason that you waited almost seven months before you let me meet parents."

"That would be because you turned pale every time that I mentioned it."

"Your girlfriend is crazy. Are you sure that you want your parents to figure that out?"

He kisses me, "They are going to love you as much as I do."

"Hopefully in a very different way," I say.

"Yeah," he says, grabbing my hand.

-0-

"Mrs. Wright?" I say, extending my hand to the woman before me. She is beautiful. She definitely doesn't look like she gave birth to six boys. I can definitely see her son in his eyes.

"Finally he gets you here! I've been hearing about you for months and months," she says, hugging me.

His father shakes hands with me. We head into the kitchen. Apparently the Wrights have the same philosophy about food as my foster mom does. They show love with food.

"So, you're a nanny?" his mom probes.

"Yes, of two little babies. I've taken care of them since they were three weeks old."

"Quite a responsibility. The dad is gone a lot, isn't he?" Mr. Wright prompts.

"Yeah, but it's not because he is like a deadbeat or something. He works for the Air Force, and he goes on trips. He's a great dad when he's around," I defend.

"I didn't mean to insult him," Mr. Wright says quietly.

Pat puts a hand on the small of my back. Obviously I need to chill out.

"So, you're a teacher?" I ask Mrs. Wright.

"Yes, junior high drama," she says with a wide grin.

That changes the subject for about half of the meal. When that conversation runs out, I change it to Mr. Wright's job, and all of Pat's younger siblings' schooling.

That subject is brief, it's obviously not their favorite question, and they tend to respond with a "fine", and a shoulder shrug.

By the time we get to desert I wish I'd spent more time prepping conversation instead of spending so much time memorizing my lines.

"So how did the two of you meet?" the teenage brother, Frank, asks.

"In the grocery store," Pat says, but it sounds a bit like a question to me. Is he protecting me, or himself?

"It was the middle of the night. I was getting diapers. The twins were crying. I was crying…"

"There was vomit on her shirt," he points out.

Damn, I was really hoping he hadn't seen it. Or smelt it, that would have been worse.

"There was; it was from one of the kids, though. It wasn't my best day, and he sort of swooped in and saved me."

"What did you need saving from?" Mr. Wright asks.

"She was trying to use her bosses' credit card, and the clerk was being a jerk because he was bored," Pat says.

"And so he bought a bunch of diapers and stuff for a stranger. Then he followed me out to the parking lot, obviously thinking I was some abused wife or single mother or something," I defend.

"You just looked like you were having a really bad night," he defends.

"And then he gave me a business card from his tutoring business," I say, making eye contact with Pat and grinning.

"And it took her weeks to call."

"Yeah, I was not really planning on dating at this point in my life," I say.

"So you're doing school online?" the same brother asks. He's better at interrogation than either his parents or I am.

I nod.

"You're a freshman?"

"Junior, actually," I correct.

Pat blinks at me in surprise.

"You're eighteen, right?" Frank presses.

"Yeah," I admit.

"You've been hiding the fact that you're a genius from me?" Pat asks.

"I'm not a genius," I say with an eye roll. I really hate that word. "I just took a lot of credits when I was doing online school between the ages of sixteen and eighteen."

"In order to take a lot of credits you have to be pretty smart," Mrs. Wright says. Oh, she's smart enough to have noticed that I don't really like that word.

"Or obsessive," I say.

Her eyes go soft. Crap. Pat has told him about my history, or at least whatever part of my history that Pat himself knew.

By now the dessert is over, and it's time for the play to begin. Everyone else is using a script. I falter a couple of times on my lines, but they are impressed that I went through the work of memorizing them.

"Genius," Pat whispers, and I am too busy trying to remember my next word to correct him.

When we finish the play, the two youngest kids (an eight- and a nine-year old Kenny and George) make root beer floats for everyone.

"So, are you going to marry my son?" Mrs. Wright asks.

"We're really not there yet," I say.

"Oh," she says, but she doesn't look like she believes it. There is still a question on her face.

"Maybe," I say.

She smiles, relieved.

I can't marry him right now. The babies need me.


	25. The Talk

"Say it again, son," Daniel encourages.

"It's a random string of syllables," I say without looking at him.

"Nope, he said, 'Dada,'. Say it again, son, say 'Dada,'" Daniel encourages. Daniel is laying on the couch with his knees up, and the baby is leaning back against them.

"I'm not denying that the sound 'dada' came out of his mouth, I am just saying he doesn't know what it means," I say, holding Mattie up like she's standing. She takes a couple of reflexive steps just like I knew she would. Daniel grins at her, but she doesn't get the reaction her brother's babble does.

"He was looking right at me when he said it," Daniel says.

"Of course he was looking at you. He's always looking at you."

"Dada," Kush says.

"Atta boy, son!" Daniel exclaims, raising him by his armpits over his head. "First words," Daniel says to me.

"Nope," I defend, "Come on, I'm a child psychologist. I should know."

"I'm a linguist," he defends.

I roll my eyes.

"Fine, I'm his Dad, and that makes me uniquely qualified to judge on this. I know that he said 'Daddy'," Daniel says, grinning and looking at his son the whole time he talks to me.

"Dada," Kush repeats.

All right, he's starting to make me change his position. He might not understand the word, but he does know it's a magic key to his Daddy's joy.

"Dada," Kush says, earning a tickle on his stomach from his father.

"I never thought his first word would be in English," Daniel observes sadly.

"You still have a chance, because that's not his first word," I tease.

"Fafa," he says.

"Da is a much easier syllable," I say.

"Fafa," Daniel repeats near his son's face.

"Ah!" Mattie yells from my hands.

"Good girl!" I say with a grin.

Daniel puts out a hand reaching for his daughter. He nestles both of them on his knees. "Look at my babies talking. "Fafa."

"Dada," Kush says.

"Ah!" Mattie repeats.

Daniel tickles them both.

"So, did the dinner with his parents go bad?" Daniel asks.

"I told you it was fine when we came back," I remind him.

"I know, but then you haven't seen or talked to him for a week, so I thought you might have lied. Dada, Fafa," he says, earning repeats from both of them.

"The kids are talking now, maybe we shouldn't talk about adult things in front of us," I say.

He grins, "You admit my babies are talking."

I roll my eyes.

"Come on, what happened with Pat?" he asks.

Damn, I thought that I could distract him. "I may be avoiding him, just a tiny bit, but he didn't do anything wrong."

"So he did everything right, and that ended up with you avoiding him… why?" Daniel asks studying me before eliciting words form the babies again. Yeah, they have no idea what they are saying, they just know magic words that make Daddy happy.

I sigh, "I think he might be thinking about marriage, and that freaks me out."

Daniel's eyebrows go up, "Yeah, you're pretty young to be thinking about marriage. You haven't finished school. You haven't even known each other for an entire year yet!"

"My thoughts exactly," I say.

Daniel grabs his arms and wiggles them, making his kids do a funny little dance.

"You talk to him about this?"

I shake my head.

Daniel gives me one of those naked soul looks for a few seconds, "Who was hinting about marriage?"

"His mom," I admit grudgingly.

"Yeah, moms do that type of thing. It doesn't mean that's how he feels about it," Daniel points out.

I twist my mouth around in a grimace.

"If you like him, call him. He's twenty-one years old, he's probably as freaked out by the idea of getting married as you are. I know when I was a twenty-one-year-old guy, the idea of marriage would have made me want to run. Then again, he's already doing a lot better than me. I never made it to the two month anniversary."

"What if he really is thinking about marriage?" I ask.

"Tell him you're eighteen, and it terrifies you. He might be willing to forget about it," Daniel says.

"It might be a deal-breaker. That is sort of why I am avoiding him."

"Well, unless you want your relationship to stay in limbo forever, you are going to have to talk to him about it. If you do, there is a good chance you can work through it."

"There is a chance that we can't," I say with a sigh.

"Steph, work through the fear," he encourages. "Come on, two weeks before finals. Deal with the relationship stuff now."

Deep sigh. There is no way I'm going to win the argument I leave the room hearing choruses of "Dada," and "Ah!" as I walk down the hallway.

"Pat," I say when I hear him pick up.

"Hi," he says. He's concerned, but he doesn't want to push it. I've hurt him by being all stubborn.

"Sorry I haven't talked to you lately," I say.

"You ignored my phone calls and didn't return any messages," he clarifies.

"Yeah," I say. There is no point in denying it.

"What did they say? What did my family say that freaked you out?" he demands.

"You're mom sort of tried to feel me out on the issue of marriage."

Silence. When he starts to talk again, he is pissed, "I'm furious that she said that to you, but it wasn't me. I'm not ready for marriage. You're barely an adult."

"You're older than me. You're going to be graduating from college in a couple of weeks and…"

He cuts me off, "That doesn't mean that I am ready to get married. We're still new. I don't think we need to get that serious right now."

I decide to let the whole truth out. I could keep dancing around it. He and I might even be able to have a few more months together before the whole thing blew up in our faces. I just think about how much it's going to hurt if it goes south. I'd better be honest, right now. "I'm going to be in school for a long time. I'll have my bachelor's by the end of next year. Then I have to work my doctorate which will take at least three more years. I don't want to get married before that. And if Daniel's wife doesn't come back by then, the kids will be in school so I won't feel like I am leaving them."

"You're their nanny, not their mother," he reminds me.

"I know, but that line is sometimes finer than you might think," I say.

"All right, again, I'm not exactly thinking about getting married right now."

"I know, but you're older than me, and you are probably going to be ready sooner than four years."

"Listen, I am serious enough about you that I definitely want to stay with you for as long as you can put up with me. I'm not so serious that I'm going to be ring shopping any time soon. My mom is grandkid crazy, but she's going to have to wait a while. I don't know, Jamie is the mostly likely candidate to give her grandkids. She should start bugging him."

"He's only seventeen," I point out.

"Yeah, only a year younger than you," he says, and suddenly I get why he's pissed. Some part of my boyfriend views me like Jack does… a poor little baby that needs to be defended.

"I had a baby," I suddenly say.

"What?" It's surprise, not anger that I hear in his voice.

"When I was kidnapped. I had a son, Phoenix. He died."

"I'm so sorry," he says.

"I was only fifteen."

"Fifteen is way too young to have a kid. I don't think you would have if it was your choice. Seventeen is too young, so is eighteen, even twenty-one is too young."

"I was a good mom to him while he was alive," I defend.

"Oh, I'm sure you were. I've seen you with Daniel's kids. You'd be a good mom if you had a baby right now. That doesn't mean that you and I should get married and start reproducing."

"Sorry I freaked when you talked about me not being ready to have a kid," I mutter.

"If you were the single mom of a three-year-old, I would still be with you right now," he tells me.

That makes my heart bubble up, all warm. Suddenly I want to talk about the future, even the idea of the future used to terrify me just a couple days ago. "After I finish my internship, I want to start turning out babies - like four or five. I would love it if I could only work part time until they were old enough to go to school, but I guess that would depend on my husband's job."

"Five?" he asks, sounding a little bit worried.

"I don't know. It will probably change. Two years ago, I never wanted kids. A year ago, it was one," I say.

"And that is exactly why we are not ready for kids yet," he says with a giggle.

"How many are you thinking right now?" I ask.

"Three, spread way apart so that you never have more than one in diapers at a time," he says.

"Oh, two in diapers is fun," I say, referring to the twins.

"Not for me. I want to be one of those involved fathers, and I still want to have the parenting load spread out enough so I can still sleep, and work, and go on dates with my wife without going nuts. I also want to be settled in my job. Tenure track, maybe even tenured. That would make it less likely for me to move, and it would mean I had way more time and way less stress. Besides, I am already enrolled in a doctorate program. I'm probably not going to be out of school much sooner than you are."

Deep breath. "Okay."

"I'll tell my mom to lay off the pressure," he says.

"It wasn't her fault. I mean, she just said one thing. I was the one who focused on it for the next couple of days and turned it into this really huge deal."

"I'll just mention our plans to her, and she can start applying the pressure elsewhere," Pat says.

"Or maybe tell her to get a dog."

He laughs.

"Or she could get you another brother. You know, something to hold onto and cuddle until one of you is ready to give her grandkids."

"Yeah, I've got five brothers already. I so don't need any more. Maybe you're going to have to bring Daniel's kids over."

"They do sort of fill the gap, don't they?" I ask.

"Yeah. I love you. Can we have a date soon?"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, walk in the park or movies?"

"Both."


	26. The Kiss

Jack bursts into the house, "Pack your bags, kiddo. I've come to kidnap you."

I know what he means, but I still back up into the wall and have to work hard to re-catch my breath.

"I'm sorry, that was the worst choice of words ever. I didn't mean that. I just mean you should come live with me for a week. Catherine and Ernest will take care of the babies, and you can study in silence." I am about to object, "Daniel approved."

"Okay, but I could do it without that," I tell him.

"Of course you could! You're a superhero. Sometimes, though, you should let people help you. Life doesn't have to be hard, Steph, and it's not better just because you let it be really hard."

-0-

"You shouldn't be having a party," I object to Jack, "I'm not even graduating."

"No, we'll have your party for that next year. This is a 'you survived a semester' party. You'll be going to your boyfriend's graduation tomorrow, won't you?"

I nod.

"What about after?" he asks.

"I've got two weeks before summer school," I observe.

"Summer school? I thought that was just for losers who failed."

"And overachievers who want to finish eight years' worth of schooling before they die of old age."

"Says the eighteen-year-old college senior," he observes. "So, I have this little cabin in Minnesota. It's got a little lake. We've got five days off, and I am going fishing."

"I can see you as a fisherman," I say.

He chortles, "You want to come?"

"What?" I say, thinking he's joking.

"I have not been up to the cabin since Charlie died. I really don't want to go alone. Now going with the closest thing I have to a daughter…"

"I'd love to, Jack," I say.

"Daniel is kind of excited for some solo parenting time with the babies. He feels a lot of guilt about not being there enough."

"Please, he has a baby in his arms pretty much every second he's not at work," I say with an eye roll.

"Well, the Daddy guilt is a big thing in the military. I know Daniel isn't technically in the military, but…"

I nod.

"I was in Iraq for Charlie's sixth birthday. He got the measles when he was three, and I was in Russia for the whole thing," he says, taking a swig of beer.

"I bet you were a good dad," I tell him.

Deep sigh, "Good dads don't let ten-year-olds get a hold of guns."

Three breaths before I can respond to that, "Good moms don't leave their babies on a bed next to an abusive rapist," I say.

"Thanks for the attempt at empathy, kid, but I bet the other option was worse."

"Cold concrete floor," I admit.

Jack nods. "Don't try to pretend you killed your kid. You didn't. I did."

"You didn't," I insist. "If I hadn't screamed when he kidnapped me, my parents wouldn't have come into the room. Then maybe he wouldn't have shot them."

"You were trying to prevent him from hurting you, hun, no-one would blame you for that," Jack says, giving me a hug before walking over to the fire.

Daniel walks up to me, giving me a huge hug, and then he gives me a little kiss on my temple like he does to his babies. "I'm so proud of you." Then he head inside to get more snacks.

I sit down next to Jack at the fire he's built in the backyard. Teal'c and Sam are each "walking" a twin across the grass in the backyard. Mattie's feet are level on the grass. It probably won't be long before she's actually walking. Kush is just trying to avoid actually touching the grass. Teal'c is having none of that, but is gently placing the kid's feet on the grass.

"Daniel kissed me," I reveal.

"You're kidding! I'm going to kill him," Jack says.

"No…" I start to protest.

"No way, kiddo. You guys can give me this you're an adult crap when the guy is three years older than you. Daniel's got what? Twelve years? That's way too much! Plus…"

"Jack, shut up! It was not a kiss like that. It was a kiss on the temple like what he gives his kids. It was like he was claiming me as his kid, and then he said he was proud of me."

Jack sits back in his chair, but looks critically at me, "You're sure?" I nod. "Okay, I won't kick his ass if you can give me three reasons why you and Daniel would be a horrible idea."

I giggle, "He's married, and old (I'm done with the older than me thing), and my boss, and he's family."

"You gave me four reasons."

"Yeah, well, it needed to be said," I said.

"Same goes for the two of us, you know," he says, giving me a glance.

"Well, you're not married, but you are way, way old." I grin at him, "Damned near ancient. Almost more like a grandfather than a father," I tease.

"Yeah, I'm not Daniel's father," he says.

Interesting. Why the protest?

"Maybe his wife's father, then?" I suggest.

"Sha're has a dad."

"One that gave her as a gift to a stranger. I think she could do with another," I tease.

"How about you just have two dads and settle for that?" Jack asks.

"Yet you keep saying that you weren't in a gay relationship with Daniel," I quip.

Jack shakes his head at me. Daniel puts marshmallows on the stick, and holds it over the fire, "What are you guys talking about?"

"You and Jack being romantic," I say, and the same time Jack says, "You kissing your nanny."

"What?" Daniel asks looking at me in alarm. "I'm sorry, did I make it weird between us? I probably stepped over a line."

I glare at Jack, "It was fine. Familial."

Daniel nods.

"So what did I do that made you get back on that crazy thought about Jack and me?" Daniel asks.

"I mentioned she had two Daddies," Jack says.

"Can we just stick with the word 'familial'? I like that. She's a little old for 'daughter'," Daniel asks.

"Little sister?" I suggest.

"Yeah, that's better," he says with a smile, smacking my leg. His marshmallow starts on fire, and he shakes them into the fire. That earns him a glare from Jack, who takes the stick from his hand and refills it.

"This child refused to be comforted," Teal'c says.

"Kush is doing his 'lonesome' cry," I inform him. Daniel holds out his hand and Teal'c eagerly puts the baby into his arms. Sam comes to sit down with Mattie still on her lap. She is making an angry face, but isn't fussing.

"Daniel, are you really okay with me going to the cabin with Jack?"

"Yes. If you charged me overtime, I'd be broke. You need a break. Plus, a few days alone with my little ones sounds like heaven," Daniel reports.

"What are you doing during your time off?" Jack asks with his head nodded toward the rest of his team.

"A few science experiments, and some work on my Indian," Sam reports.

"I am going to continue to study Ta'uri culture," Teal'c reports.

"Watching bad movies doesn't count as studying culture," Sam retorts.

Teal'c raises his eyebrow at her.

-0-

I am sitting in a lawn chair next to Jack on his deck when my phone rings. A quick glance at it confirms it's Pat. I just shut it off, because he's not the kind of man to just call once.

Jack looks at me through his sunglasses. I can see myself panicking in the reflection.

It's like two minutes before he presses it. That man has patience, "Problems in paradise?"

"Pat's being a baby," I say, reeling in and re-casting just to have something to do.

"How so?" Jack presses. He is really not going to let this go. Damn. I didn't want him to know.

"He's angry that I went to the cabin with you," I admit. Leave it there Jack, please.

"That's a bit controlling," he says with concern.

"Well, not really. He just thinks that it's weird… his girlfriend going on a trip to a remote cabin with some guy twice her age."

"First of all, I am _way_ more than twice your age. Second of all, did you tell him that he doesn't have to worry about that?"

"I did. Yet the phone calls," I mutter.

"So your man doesn't trust you?" Jack says.

"You should get married again, Jack," I say.

"That's a little bit out of the blue," he objects.

"Well I was a little desperate for distraction. You should, though, and have kids."

He smiles at me, "Okay, kiddo, we'll stop talking about your boyfriend now, if that's what you really want."

"Why don't you want more kids?" I ask. I had started this interrogation as a distraction, but now I'm curious.

He pauses for a really long time, probably wondering if I will drop it. "Sara was the love of my life. I am pretty sure that she and I are never getting back together. I don't know if I even want something else, but I know I don't want it now. Kids? You've got to be kidding me. Sara and I struggled for years to have kids. It was highly unlikely I would ever have a baby. Then little miracle Charlie came along. I let him die. I don't even deserve another miracle."

"Jack, I see what you're like with the babies, and I see what you're like with me. Any kid would be lucky to have you, whether they were biologically related to you or not."

"I think, for now, I'll just keep playing uncle with Cassie and Daniel's twins, and enjoy what we've got right here," he says.

Then he leans over, and gives me a kiss on the temple. He pulls away, "That was super weird, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I think we should stick to the hugs. You are a very good hugger, Jack."

"Thanks," he says staring out over the water. "Do you want me to call up the kid and tell him to chill out before I have Teal'c beat him up?" Jack offers.

I should have known that there would not be a conversation in the world powerful enough to distract Jack from me and my boy troubles.


	27. There but for the Grace of God

Sam and Jack are arguing when they practically carry Daniel through the doorway of the house. There is no obvious injury on him, but his shirt is bulging in a way that leads me to suspect there are a great deal of bandages under it.

"I don't see why you couldn't just stay in the infirmary like a good little patient," Jack says in a voice that is clearly annoyed, partly with the effort he now has to go through with his stubborn friend, and partly with worry.

"You're one to talk, sir," Sam points out.

"I was not going to stay in a place where no-one believed me!" Oh… Daniel is pissed.

"You have to admit, it was quite the story, Daniel," Jack says warily.

"Yeah, but I have the wound to prove it! Huh? How do you explain that if my story isn't true?" Daniel says.

"I'm sure there is a…" Sam begins.

Daniel cuts her off, still in a fury, "Just get me down on my damned bed, and get the hell out of my house!" Daniel demands.

"We can't just leave you here, Daniel. You're hurt, who is going to take care of you?" Jack asks.

"I will," I volunteer.

"Great, so she gets credit for believing you, because the story is classified and she doesn't get to hear how nutty the whole thing actually is," Jack objects.

"It is not the nuttiest thing that has happened since we started our jobs. I have believed _you_ when you said some crazy crap, and I'm just not sure why I don't get the same benefit of the doubt."

"Daniel…" Jack starts to object, but by this time they've made it into his bedroom. They lay him down on the bed.

"Do you need anything?" Sam asks.

Daniel shakes his head.

"Well, I'll come back to check on you later, even if you don't want it. Not that I don't trust your nursemaid here," she says, smiling at me, "But you're not even going to be able to tell her what really happened to you."

"Wouldn't matter if I could," Daniel points out. "No-one really knows how to treat this type of injury yet, do they?"

"Call us if you need us," Jack says to me, because he has given up talking to Daniel.

"What happened?" I ask after letting them out.

"A science experiment went bad at work, and I got burned by a laser."

If I hadn't heard the whole discussion that they had when they brought him into the house, I might have believed him. As it is, I just give him an incredulous look. "Why would they have trouble believing that story?"

"I told them that I wasn't the one who touched it," Daniel says.

Holy crap. Jack has definitely been giving Daniel lying lessons. He's getting pretty good at it, but I know that he is just completely full of crap.

"Tell me what really happened?" I demand.

"Why? So you can think I'm crazy just like they do?" he asks.

"I would never think you were crazy."

"Fine. I touched a magic mirror and was transported into a never-neverland where everyone I knew, including my precious babies, were dead. No. That's not right. It's even worse than that. In this neverland, I was a jerk to Catherine, so I never got a job at Cheyenne Mountain. I never met my wife, and I never had kids."

I stare at him for a minute. My first thought is that he's joking, but if I am wrong about that, he's going to get as pissed at me as he did at his team, and then who is going to bandage his laser wound? There has to be some way where that story doesn't sound like something a homeless guy with a tinfoil hat would whisper at you as you walked past.

"Parallel universes," I suggest.

"Shit!" Daniel exclaims.

"What, are you hurt worse or something?" I ask, reaching toward his side.

"No, Jack is going to kill me when he finds out I actually told you the truth! I just didn't think you'd ever in a million years believe it."

"Well, then, let's not tell him. How did you get hurt in an alternate reality?" I ask.

"I touched a laser," he says.

Right, I've gotten as much classified stuff out of him as I'm going to for the day.

"Can I check it?" I ask.

"When it needs changing. I should probably take a nap," he grumbles.

"That's the same idea your _very alive_ offspring had. I'll bring them in when you wake up," I say.

"Thanks," he mumbles, rolling over in his bed, and obviously causing himself some pain in the process.

-0-

"I was promised babies," he grumbles.

"I thought I'd tend to your wound first," I offer.

He lifts up his shirt. He lifts off one of the giant hospital bandages. Jesus, there is a chunk missing. The burnt flesh is so big the bandage sticks to it.

"Daniel, you need to go back to the infirmary," I tell him seriously.

"It's just a scratch," he says dismissively.

"Let me get something to clean it with," I say.

"No, the burn cauterized it," he defends.

"Yeah, the only way I'm not cleaning out that thing is if you get Janet in here to do it."

He groans, but he knows he lost the battle. He flinches a few minutes later as I dab the wound with medicine.

"You'd think that they could look at this huge gaping wound, and believe me when I said how it happened." His angry speech ends in a yelp when I press the medicine to the hole.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask with concern.

"Oh, yeah, I've had a lot worse than this," he assures me. I can tell he regrets it when he sees me panic at the words.

"Daniel, maybe you should quit your job. Jack could get your wife back," I say.

He is silent for a long time, and when he speaks it's slow and thoughtful, "Well, whatever it takes to get my wife back might require some rule-breaking. Jack will do it, but I sorta need to be there to make it feel like the majority opinion. Besides, I don't want them out there without me."

Daniel has apparently taken his job into account in the making of his first aid kit. It's pretty complete. He's got giant hospital gauze. I lay on three of them, and then I tape around it with the medical tape. I'm not going to adhere it to the actual burn like the person in whatever chop shop he was treated in did.

"So they frequently need someone in the social science to battle diseases, and play with lasers, and blow up planets?" I ask.

He seems a little surprised by my list. I don't think he knew I was piecing together as much as I was.

"Yeah, I'm a pretty vital member of the team," he says. "I've even learned how to shot a gun," he says defensively.

I pull the shirt down. "I wasn't calling you useless or anything, Daniel. I know you're awesome. You are just really not military."

He pauses a bit longer, "That's why I need to stay on the team. They're all different shades of military. They need a civilian sometimes, reminding them to be human. Now, you've promised me babies."

"Right," I say, taking away the first aid kit and bringing the babies to him in bed.

-0-

"Whatcha doing?" Pat asks as I answer the phone.

"Just crawling out of Daniel's bed," I say.

"I get that you're trying to piss me off in revenge for me being mad about your little field trip with Jack, but don't say crap like that."

"I _was_ just in bed with Daniel," I defend, "He's injured again."

"I'm sorry I was jealous," he says with a sigh.

"You've got to trust me. I have so learned my lesson about older men. I have my qualms about you, you are after all three years older than me."

He giggles. Then he turns serious. "So the guy who hurt you? He was older?"

"Yeah, mid-twenties, and I was fourteen. I dated him. He probably never would have kidnapped me if I had never been stupid enough to date him."

"Nothing justifies what he did. You could have danced naked in front of him, and it still wouldn't justify him raping you," he says firmly.

"Yeah," I mutter.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Steph. I might be a little overprotective sometimes…"

"You don't have to protect me from Daniel and Jack. They're even more overprotective of me than you are."


	28. Serpant

"I have to go to a bunch of boring meetings," Daniel says.

"No way, you have a freaking hole in your side. They'll be fine without you," I argue.

He sighs, "They might shut down the program."

"What?" I ask with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, they want to shut down the program. So I won't get to find my wife, and I'll be out of a job. Which is great, for a single dad," he mutters.

"Holy crap!" I say.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say all of that. Don't worry. I'll… figure something out, no matter what they decide about this."

"You were homeless and unemployed before Catherine got you this job, weren't you?" I ask.

"Don't worry, pretend I didn't mention it," he says, giving me a kiss on his forehead.

Daniel is gone for twenty minutes before I realize that he tricked me into letting him go. He has a hole in his side, and he went off to explain to people how awesome he is.

I stand there, stunned for a couple of seconds before I pick up the phone. "Mrs. Wilson, how serious were you about me coming home if this job doesn't work out?"

-0-

"Hey, don't freak out, just listen. I don't have long, and I shouldn't be making this phone call. I'm going to be gone for a while. Maybe… We're about to do something nuts. I mean, nuts is kind of our MO, but this is going to be… just beyond. There is a very real chance I'm not coming home, ever. You have to get ready for that. If I don't come home… well, it will be the first three coming off the list, so Catherine and Ernest."

"Daniel, if it's that dangerous, why don't you just not do it?"

"You have to tell those babies that I loved them. You explain why I had to do this," he says with a voice choked in emotion.

"Fine! Explain it to me first. Why are you doing this? Why would you leave your kids?"

"I can't watch them die again. The world doesn't get to end today."

There is a click on the line.

He's not serious about the world ending, is he? Is he?

Well, at least I'm not going to have to worry about finding another job.

-0-

"Open the door," Pat demands.

"No," I say.

"Why the hell not?" he shouts back.

Because I'm back to the first day that you met me. I am wearing dirty clothes covered in baby food, not spit this time. I'm crying, although the twins are holding it together this time.

"I'm not presentable."

"I don't care, and I'm not leaving," he says.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, and open up the door. He looks up and down before he says, "You've dropped off the radar. You're not answering my calls or texts. Well, that's nothing new. But I talked to your mom, and you've been out of contact with her too… apart from a call about how you are going move back in with her. You missed your psychology appointment, and I don't think you've left the house in days."

"The world is ending," I inform him.

"Have you joined a cult?" he asks.

"No, Daniel left, because…" I begin.

"What? He left his kids?" Pat accuses.

"No, not like that. He left on some suicide trip to save the world."

Pat grinds his teeth, "I cannot believe that he would do this to you. He knows you were in an abusive relationship before, and…"

"How many times do I have to tell you that Daniel and I are not like that?" I ask, matching his anger.

"I don't care what sort of a relationship we're talking about, even if it was a parent/child thing. It's abusive, and it ends now."

"What does that mean?" I ask, holding Mattie close to my chest.

"It means, I am getting you out of here today. Stay with me, stay with your mom, anywhere but with the mad man."

"I can't leave. I'm watching the babies," I say shaking my head.

"Call someone to look after them. Or better yet, take them with. Get those little innocent things away from the crazy person."

"He's not crazy," I say firmly.

"Look, either you come away with me right now, or I am going to have to call someone."

"What do you mean by 'call someone'?" I ask critically.

"I mean, maybe I should contact some mental health professionals," he says firmly.

"You mean that you will forcefully commit me to a nut house," I clarify.

"Not if you go willingly," he says.

"Get out," I demand. He pulls out the phone, and starts dialing.

Shit, he is serious. I never would have thought he'd do that for real. I'd better call Catherine.

-0-

"You have a visitor," the nurse says gravely.

"Is it the asshole who put me in here?" I ask.

"I don't know, he's tall, glasses, handsome," the nurse offers.

She said tall, so it's not my ex-boyfriend. I guess Daniel survived, and the world is not going to end. That's good news. I should have known that SG-1 was the most amazing team ever, and they would save our bacon.

"I'll see him," I say with a smile.

I was right, it's Daniel. He has his back to me, and he's pacing.

"Daniel," I say softly. I'm embarrassed. It's humiliating enough to be in a mental hospital. It's way worst to be here because your boyfriend lost all faith in you.

"You okay?" he asks with concern.

I nod.

"What happened? They said you were suicidal?" I can tell that he is beating himself up for missing this.

"I told Patrick that the world was going to end," I say, sitting down at one of the tables in the visiting area.

Daniel sits down next to me with his forehead crinkling in worry, "So this is my fault."

"No, it isn't. He freaked out with no reason."

"I should never have said that to you. It was classified, and I should have known that I was going to make you worry. If I had just kept my mouth silent…"

"My ex-boyfriend should have trusted me," I say. Daniel's mouth twitches in a way that clearly says he agrees with me, but he doesn't want to admit it, "The world didn't end," I observe.

"No, it didn't. We did a crazy thing, and got so lucky you can't even believe. But we're all safe now, and you wouldn't have had to worry if I had just kept my mouth shut."

"When the world is really about to end, I'd rather know it," I say.

"So, what was your reaction?" he asks.

"I didn't leave the house. I held your babies close," I say with a shrug.

"So you were acting exactly like you did when you were abused. Your boyfriend tried to save you from what he thought was an abusive relationship."

"I told him a million times that he didn't have to save me from you. Why couldn't he just listen to me?" I demand.

"Honey, if I thought you were abused, I would get you out of there any way I could," Daniel says.

"Well, they can only hold me here for 72 hours, so my time will be up tomorrow," I say.

"Then you are going to forgive your boyfriend."

"Daniel, he couldn't even wait for Ernest to pick up the kids before he called."

"He stayed with them, though; I mean, he didn't leave those babies alone in a house or anything, did he?"

"I don't even know, Daniel. Are they in foster care? Because that was my concern when they pulled me off to the loony bin," I say, pissed.

"Catherine and Ernest had them," he says softly.

"Great, so he didn't screw up your kid's lives, but he could have," I say.

His forehead crinkles with a new worry, "You were fine in foster care weren't you?"

"I was lucky, Daniel, but I know enough to realize how lucky I was. How about you? Were you lucky?"

"Almost completely," he says.

"Let's talk about the part that wasn't lucky?" I say.

"I know you're training to be a psychologist, but in here you're a patient," he points out.

"I play patient every week, I know therapy from both sides," I retort.

"Do you need help getting out of here?" he asks.

"I can wait it out. I'm mostly done."

"Okay, I better get back to my kiddos. The world isn't going to end, all of SG-1 is fine, and… forgive your boyfriend," he says standing up.

That's when I notice, he doesn't have anything wrapped around his wound anymore.

"Daniel, did you heal super fast?" I ask.

He smiles, "Yep, sure did, all better."

What the hell happened? He saved the world, and healed himself? How?


	29. June

"I am going to a team night at Jack's," Daniel tells me.

I notice the pronoun. "Not me, and the kids?" I ask.

Daniel looks all uncomfortable. "I should have lied to you. Jack told me to lie. I'm just not very good at lying to you, and that's the whole core of the problem, isn't it? You have a habit of listening at windows during team nights, so I can't chance you coming."

"So your plan is to tell me nothing about what's happening?" I ask.

He nods.

"And I never get to see the team again?" I demand.

"Of course you will. There will still be game day with Cassie."

"Right, so I get the same amount of information as an eleven-year-old? You do realize that I am almost nineteen, right?"

"Why do you do that? Always throwing in the 'almost'? Why can't you just be the age that you are without trying to grow up so fast?"

"Fine, eighteen is still way different than eleven," I explain.

"It's not really about age. It's about the fact that you don't work where we do, and you can't have classified information," he says.

"Daniel, I'm sorry I freaked out, I swear I am not going to do it again," I promise.

His eyes go all soft and gentle, "Honey, you didn't freak out. You had exactly the reaction a person would have when they are told that the world is ending by someone they believe and trust. What happened was my fault, it was all my fault. If I hadn't told you that the world was ending, it never would have happened. I won't do that to you again."

"So the next time the world is ending, you'll just let me go on like it isn't ending?"

"Wouldn't that have been better?" he asks.

"No. If the world is going to end, I would rather know about it."

"But the world didn't end," Daniel points out.

"No, but it was damned close, wasn't it?" I ask.

He is stoned faced. He's been working on the whole lying thing. "No, I over-reacted."

I roll my eye, "You know, Daniel, if you stop giving me details, I am going to have to be worried all of the time."

"Well, you are just going to have to not worry," Daniel says.

"You say that like it is easy, but it's not," I point out.

-0-

Usually if the doorbell rings during game night, I am the one who gets it. So, I am more than a little surprised when Jack jumps up to get the door. I'm even more shocked a few minutes later when he returns with Pat trailing behind him. Jack grins like he's carrying a bag full of gold.

"No," I say.

"He's my friend, and I invited him," Jack says, like this is some sort of a clever comment.

"Great, I'll be in my room," I say, pushing past them.

"Just talk to him," Jack urges to my retreating form.

Does this man seriously believe that this is the sort of thing you can just talk out?

Jack comes into the room to talk to me. Pat probably doesn't have the guts to withstand my withering stare.

"You're going to forgive him eventually, so why don't you get around to it, right now?" Jack asks.

"What the hell makes you think that I am going to forgive him?"

"He was looking out for you."

"Jack, this wasn't some little mistake. This was him putting me into a mental hospital."

"Because he thought you were suicidal," Jack says.

"Bullshit. I said I thought the world was ending, I did not say that I was going to kill myself."

"I was suicidal once, and I wish someone would have turned me in and got me help against my will."

"I was not suicidal," I repeat.

"I know, but he was worried about you. He thought that Daniel and I were hurting you, and he tried to protect you. He screwed up how he did it, and you have a right to be pissed about that, but it shouldn't be a deal-breaker, honey. He loves you."

"Jack, I was in a fucked-up relationship before, and I don't want to do it again," I say.

He flinches at the swear word coming out of my mouth. Jack is obviously trying to think of something else to say, but he can't come up with anything, so he walks out of the room.

I think he thought I would crack. Well, I really love team night, but not enough to go play with my ex-boyfriend.

Five minutes later, Daniel comes in.

"Really, you are going to come in here, and convince me to make up with him, too?" I ask.

"Actually, I'm here to commiserate," Daniel says, sitting down on the floor.

I look at him in surprise.

"Did I ever tell you that most of the world thinks I am crazy?" he asks nonchalantly.

"What?" I ask, sitting up to look at him better.

"Yeah, I came up with some pretty wackadoodle theories about Egypt, and I was mocked out of an academic conference. That's actually why I was homeless and jobless when Catherine offered me the position."

"Are you trying to convince me that people thinking you are crazy is actually a good thing? Since it worked out so well for you?" I tease.

He shakes his head. "It sucks. If I talked to any of my colleagues right now, they would still think I'm crazy. It hurts. I get it."

"So, you don't think I should forgive him?" I ask. Once again, my co-parents have opposite views on everything.

"I think Pat is a really good guy. I also think he hurt you a lot. I know that Jack doesn't get how much he hurt you."

"You did not state your opinion anywhere in there," I point out.

"My opinion about your life doesn't matter Steph. I'm not going to give you my opinion unless I think I need to in order to protect you."

"Pat thought he was protecting me," I say softly.

"I know, and he was. I hurt you, too, Steph," he says, looking at me with an absolutely wounded expression on his face.

"Daniel…" I start to protest.

"Why have you forgiven me?" he asks.

"I was never even mad at you."

He pauses, "Then, Steph, you have to consider that part of this is about the fact that you've been hurt by boyfriends before, but you haven't been hurt by father-figures."

"I was really mad at my dad once," I sat softly.

"I think all kids get mad at their parents sometimes," Daniel observes.

"The night I got kidnapped, my parents got shot. I knew that my mom was dead. Her brains were all over the wall. My dad, though, he was shot in the arm. It looked like a flesh wound. The whole time I was in that basement, I was pissed at him because he didn't come find me. I mean, he knew who took me. He should have just been able to tell the cops, and they could have looked up the address. He bled out, Daniel. He couldn't get help in time."

"I'm sorry," he mutters.

"That's the thing that hurts about all of this. I _am_ crazy. I am nuts, and you can't even be surprised when you know all the shit that I have been though. But I'm not the kind of crazy that needs to be locked up, Daniel. I'm the kind of crazy that needs to be accepted."

Daniel smiles, "You've got that right, Steph."

"I can't trust him, Daniel," I shrug, "Dating is so hard for me. I can't do it if I don't even trust the person that I'm dating."

"Fair enough," Daniel says.

"You can go back to your game now."

"You can, too, Pat left," he says.

Way to bury the led. "You got rid of him, Daniel?"

"Cassie," he says with an eyebrow raise, "She swore at him."

"Wait, that little girl knows swear words?"

"Didn't you, at that age?" he asks.

"I know, but she's…." I try to define why it was okay for me, but not for her, and find it surprisingly difficult.

"Careful," he tells me, "I think you are pulling a Jack."


	30. July

When Jack swore me to secrecy a thousand times, I figured it was just a normal surprise party stuff. Then I see Daniel's face when I walk into the back yard, and I realize that I am wrong.

This man seriously didn't want to a birthday party.

I hope to God Jack didn't know that, because I don't want to have to kill him.

Daniel hides his aggravation well, and tries to smile, knowing that everyone here is trying to do something nice for him.

Mattie is wiggling in my arms, and I know exactly what she wants. I place her feet on the ground. I lightly hold her arms for balance, even though she barely needs the support anymore. She starts walking toward her dad, and I follow along, straddling her awkwardly.

She lets go of my hands, and I'm about to catch her as she falls, but there is no need. She takes three full steps into her father's arms.

"Baby girl," Daniel says, his eyes filling with water.

"Ah?" she says, concerned. She was expecting one of her father's more exuberant shows of happiness, and is distressed to get this instead.

"I'm so proud of you, honey," he says, smiling. Suddenly he realizes that he's got a huge audience for this. He looks at them, embarrassed. "My baby girl can walk," he says with a shrug.

There are claps and cheers, and Daniel uses the moment to blend into the crowd.

-0-

"Ake," Kush demands.

"Eat some food first, son," Daniel says softly.

"Ake," the boy says, narrowing his eyes at his father.

"You're lucky I'm even letting you have some. You're not even a year old, and I'm not fully convinced it's safe."

"Ake," the baby replies.

Daniel lets out a big sigh. "Where did you get that stubborn streak from, son?"

"That's a joke, right?" Jack asks, looking critically at him.

"I'm not stubborn," Daniel says, narrowing his eyes in exactly the same way that his son just did. Everyone at the table laughs.

"Ake," Kush says.

Daniel takes a slice of cake, and smashes it with a fork. "I hope you realize that you just made me the worst dad ever," he says to his son.

"Every kid needs cake," Jack defends, ruffling the little kid's hair. The hair is kind of new for Kush. He'll be a year old in a month, but he still has the look of a little kid.

Mattie points to the cake.

"You want some too, Mattie girl?" I ask, "Say 'cake'."

She points harder.

"Say it, baby," I prompt.

She bursts into tears.

Jack gives me a glare, before smashing up the cake and handing it to her.

"I was teaching her to talk," I say.

"You were upsetting the little princess. She told you what she wanted, why couldn't you just give it to her?" Jack says.

"Please don't call my girl a princess," Daniel says.

"Isn't she, though?" Jack asks, "I mean, her mom was a princess, so that makes her…"

Daniel sighs, "Technically, yes, I just don't like all the things that word connotes in this culture. You can call her Princess in Abydonian, 'Pra'ya'."

"Pwa," the little girl says excitedly.

"Yes, you are my little Pra'ya," Daniel says smiling at her.

I hear a voice behind me. "Would you like to dance?"

There is music playing, but no-one is dancing, so the request is pretty odd. I turn toward the voice and my heart skips a beat. He's in a uniform, and usually that doesn't do anything to me. Uniforms tend to mean danger, after all. But this man, he fills out a uniform. He's younger than most of the people at the party. I doubt if he's even twenty.

"Hi, I'm Stephanie," I say, giving him a hand to shake as I stand up.

"I know, you're Daniel's nanny. I'm Joseph Taylor," he says.

I smile.

"Daniel? You know this man? Is he allowed to dance with our Stephanie?" Jack asks.

"Jack, if you have any illusions that anyone has a say in that apart from Stephanie herself, you are crazy," he mutters.

Jack turns his glare upon Joe.

"Yes, let's dance," I say, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him away from my over-protective father figures.

"So, do you work at the same crazy place that Daniel and Jack do?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I'm enlisted, so I don't get to do any of the really exciting stuff."

"I forget how classicist the military is sometimes," I mutter.

"I don't mind."

"Speaking of danger, how old are you?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him in a way that I realize I've picked up from Daniel's son.

"Nineteen," he says.

"That's good; I don't do older men, and I'm almost nineteen."

Someone has turned the music off. I don't know if it was just to make us stop dancing, but I think it might be, especially if it was Jack.

Without pretense, we are standing in the middle of a crowd of people, holding on to each other. I drop my hands from his shoulder and hip.

He takes a step back, and seems to think that this conversation was over.

"So, what do you do?" I ask. I can see on his face what the answer is going to say.

"Classified," we both say together.

"So you are familiar with the secretive crap? Not everyone can take that," He observes.

"I know, my last boyfriend couldn't. He thought I was nuts," I admit. That was not something I told many people. I firmly believe that we have to lift the stigma that is around mental illness, and that the best way to do that is to talk about it.

I'm just not brave enough to be the one that starts the conversation.

"Well, you are a little bit nuts to work for someone who works where I do."

"Helping someone who saves the world with their kids, not a bad way to spend your life," I observe.

"Helping those that save the world," he says shaking his head, "You do have a way of making the mundane sound powerful. "

"So, you know Walter?" I ask.

"He's my boss," Joe admits.

"Mmm. I'll have to see if he likes you."

"You trust his opinion over your own gut?" Joe asks with a brow raised in a way quite similar to Teal'c's.

"I trust just about anyone's gut over my own. In fact, I should probably run away from you right now, because I like you. I should find someone who I really hate. Someone who just repulses me. That's the sort of guy I should be with."

He laughs, "Well, I'll get right on that, be as disguisting as possible."

"The baby is in distress," Teal'c says, handing me Kush, who is wailing with all of his might.

"You know, you always have the option of not picking them up," I scold. I am getting really sick of a tank of a man making my babies cry.

"It's okay, little man. I've got you now. Stone-faced is gone," I coo, bouncing him.

"He's a cute kid," Joe says smiling.

"You want to hold him?" I ask.

"He was just crying because someone else was holding him. Do you really think passing it off to another stranger is a good idea?"

"Babies are very good judges of character," I point out.

"Not really, Teal'c is kind of an all-star," he says, looking after the man.

"He abandoned his kid," I say, rubbing the kid's back.

"Wow, you really are a bad judge of character. I can't explain to you why that was the right choice for Teal'c, but trust me, it totally was," Joe says.

I hand the baby over to him, and he takes him reluctantly, just to avoid dropping him.

Kush curls up into his shoulder. The kid may be a month away from a year old, but already he has the body of a toddler. God, I love the way that toddlers mold into your body when you hold them. I thought I wanted them to be babies forever, but I kind of like them being able to tell me what they want.

Toddler, we'll go with toddler forever. But no more growing up after that. Actually, they can stop before they hit two years old. That's supposed to be bad, right? I've never actually dealt with two-year-olds.

Jack comes up behind us, "So, I have done the research, and I have decided to conditionally approve you to date her."

"You talked to Walter?" I ask.

"Yep," Jack says.

"I'm not actually giving you any right to approve or disapprove of guys in my life," I warn with a raise of an eyebrow.

"It's interesting to me that you think you have to give me that right," Jack says.

I glare.

" _Conditional Probationary_ Approval," Jack warns, walking away.

Joe looks more than a little stunned, "I still can't believe you know him. That you know _two_ members of SG-1."

"Well, I actually know all of them, and I live with one of them," I quip. I'm more than a little confused as to why he is so impressed by this.

"They are heroes, way beyond what you imagine," he says with reverence, "Like superheroes."

Kush whines, "Yeah, your Daddy is a superhero," Joe tells him.

"I think this little guy is ready for a nap. Duty calls," I say.

"Oh, come on, it's a party. Are you really working?"

"I'm pretty much always working. Besides, I am a nanny for a single dad, and this is his birthday party, so you can see how the kids are sorta my job."

"Yeah," he says, reluctantly handing the kid over.

"Do you have a pen?" I ask.

He fishes one out, and I scribble the number on his forearm. Wow, he is enjoying that… a lot. Big grin.

"I'll talk to you later, angel."


	31. In The Line of Duty

"So, are we going out tonight?" Joe asks.

"Not quite yet," I say.

"Well, it's been like three dates, all in your house?" he prompts.

Nope, not going to work. I am not going to show my damage this time. If you can't take me as I am without any explanation, then I don't want to be with him.

"If you'd rather not continue dating…" I say quickly.

"Wow, testy," he says, but he sits down. "You're not on duty, are you? 'Cause Daniel's home," he points out.

"That's not why I like to date in the house," I mutter.

"Okay," he says. "Hey, I'm sorry about Captain Carter."

"What?" I ask in shock. Apparently Daniel has gotten pretty good at hiding things from me.

"Oh, I thought you knew," he says awkwardly.

"What's wrong with Sam?"

"She's going to be fine," he says.

I get up, and head into the kitchen, "So, Sam?" I ask with my eyebrows raised.

"She's a little bit sick," Daniel hedges.

"With…"

His lips pinch together.

"Daniel, tell me the truth, because whatever I'm imagining right now is probably worse then it."

"She's sick with what killed Kowalski," he admits.

"And he died," I remember grimly.

"But Sam isn't going to," Daniel says, touching my arm.

"So is that what we are doing here? You are pumping me for information? I mean, we haven't left the house yet. We haven't done anything physically. We're not really dating. You're just trying to figure out what I know about your friends, since this one clamed up," Joe ends his rant, pointing at Daniel.

Daniel's eyebrows lift above his glasses, and he crosses his arms, "You haven't told him anything?"

"No, it didn't work so well the last time I told someone everything," I say pointedly.

Joe looks carefully at me.

I sigh. "Look, I have a lot of trauma in my past. I won't talk about it with you. I get it if you want to leave."

I'll just be alone forever. No big thing.

"Just to be clear, you actually do like me?" Joe asks insecurely.

I nod.

"Okay, sorry."

-0-

"I bought a car!" Daniel says excitedly, bursting into the house.

I glance out the window to see the old junker still in the parking lot. "Ah, Daniel, that's your old car."

"Right, I drove it home. I'm going to have Jack drop me off by the dealership later on, and get the new car. I didn't trade the old car in, for a variety of reasons. First of all, they offered me an insultingly small amount of money for it. Second of all, I happen to know a young woman who could do with a car, and whose birthday is coming up… in a few weeks, although I don't actually know the exact day."

"No, Daniel, you can't give me your car!" I object.

"It's a piece of crap with almost no trade value, trust me. It's barely even a present."

"It's a car," I say, narrowing my eyes at him.

"It's a hand-me-down," he corrects. "Families do these things for each other."

"Daniel, I don't even have a driver's license."

"I know, and I thought I could fix that," he says, holding out a driver's ed manual.

"You're offering to teach me to drive?" I say.

"Yeah."

"Can I accept that without the car?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes, "It's a piece of crap, and you taking it off my hands would really be a present to me."

-0-

Daniel has been gone for a couple of days. That has happened a couple of times since he started keeping secrets. Now I realize that Daniel keeps the big things from me, as well as the small things.

So when he goes AWOL, I panic.

Then the call comes. Sam is fine.

"So they found a cure for what your wife has?" I ask with excitement.

"No," he says. One of those long pauses, "It was a different strain. She kept telling us that it was a different strain, but we didn't listen."

"Sam could talk when she had it? I thought it was all brain-washy," I say in confusion.

"Different 'she'," he says.

I'd press it if I thought I could get any answer.

"Still, hope," I say.

"Maybe," he says in a way that lets me know he isn't actually holding out a whole lot of hope.

-0-

"Hey, Daniel is busy, but he did not forget about your test. I'm here to drive you to the permit test."

"What kind of busy?" I ask, concerned.

"The 'lots and lots of dusty old books' kind of busy."

"The safe kind?" I ask.

He nods.

"Good," I say.

"Where are the babies?" he asks.

"Catherine and Ernest have them this afternoon," I say.

"Awesome, then we get to go, right now," I say with a grin.

-0-

"Great job passing the test!" Jack exclaims, slapping me on the back as we leave the DMV. He tosses me the keys.

"I can't drive," I protest.

"Really? Because the state of Colorado says you can," he says.

"It's a truck, Jack, aren't they harder?" I ask nervously.

"Okay, I'm assuming your anxiety is part of the reason you are almost nineteen and don't have a driver's license. Toss me the keys, and we'll go out to the country and find a nice dirt road to drive on."

"It's still a big truck, Jack. Daniel has a junker car that it wouldn't even matter if I screwed up."

"It's your car, from what I hear," Jack says.

"Well, that remains to be seen, but it would be a good car to learn on."

We both climb into the pick-up. "My grandpa taught me to drive. It was in a beat up truck, with a floor eaten through with rust. That one was a clutch. This one will be easier. I know you can do this."

"What if I can't?" I ask nervously.

"Then you keep at it until you can," Jack shrugs.

"You make it sound so simple," I complain.

"It is. It's natural, like walking or swimming. You'll be great," he says.

"You know, Jack. When I was little, my mom said I could always use her as an excuse. I had a friend who was a complete idiot. So she'd say something like 'hey, let's sled down this hill into barb-wire', and I'd say my mom would kill me. Or she'd want to meet some guy off the internet, and I'd say that my mom would freak out. It was nice, always to have someone to use as an excuse if I wanted to get out of something I thought was wrong."

"You're asking me to be your excuse?" Jack says.

I nod.

"Always, kiddo," he keeps driving, and a part of me is watching the movements of his hand. It was a poetry, a dance. "Is this about Joe?"

"Yeah, he keeps asking me to have sex. I say 'no', and he's okay with it, but then the next night… he asks again. I don't want to tell him about my whole stupid past, because that blew up in my face last time. I just want him to stop asking until I decide to ask _him_ ," I say with a shrug, "So I thought I could tell him that you'd kill him if he made a move on me."

Jack smiles, "You want me to come over and deliver the line in person?"

"I think I can do you justice," I assure him.


	32. Prisoners

It's my birthday. Not that anyone knows that. I decided not to tell them. It was my choice. Just because I happen to be regretting it right now doesn't mean that it wasn't the right choice.

It's not like there is really a whole lot to celebrate. Daniel is missing. He's two days late in coming back from wherever he is, and I'm mostly panicking.

Joe is here, and he's not making a move, not making one because he honestly believes that Jack will kill him if he tries. Still, his eyes are saying all sorts of things that his body isn't. I'm pretty sure I am going to lose him if I don't do something soon. It's an awkward place to be in, but if he's going to leave because I won't sleep with him, I want him to go.

Weird, I know.

Then the doorbell rings. I'm shocked when I get the door and see Pat behind it.

"What are you doing here?" I demand.

"I just had to check if you're okay. I worry about you all the time. Even if we're not together, can't you just tell me now and again that you're okay?" he begs. He looks rough. Almost as rough as I did the first time he met me.

Maybe I should commit him to a mental hospital.

"I'm fine, bye," I say.

"Who is this?" Joe asks, coming up behind me and putting an arm around my back in that way that men have that clearly says they are claiming you.

I roll my eyes.

"This is my ex-boyfriend. He's leaving," I tell him.

"You're dating?" Pat says in surprise.

"Yeah, it turns out you aren't the only man in the universe," I say.

"Is she okay?" Pat says.

Oh, my God, is he seriously talking over me? I'm not some freaking coma patient that can't talk for myself. I am right here, whole and complete, and if I can't find a guy who sees me like that I am going to keep looking.

I'd rather be single than with someone who treats me like a little child.

"Yeah, why wouldn't she be?" Joe asks. He's now looking at me with concern.

Great. Now he's going to start treating me like I am some sort of a freak of nature.

"Oh, I don't know, she was just kept in a basement and raped for over a year," Pat says with sarcasm.

Joe looks at me in shock.

"He had no idea?" Pat asks me with something that is closer to accusation than question.

"No, I decided not to share that this time. I didn't exactly want him to think I was nuts. Thank you, so much, for screwing it up for me," I say, slamming the door in his face. If only I had done that the second I found out it was Pat, I would have been so much better off.

"Is he serious?" Joe asks.

"Yeah, and I had a baby who was murdered by my attacker. He also killed my parents. Can you just wait to leave until after he's gone for sure? I can't stand the thought of you two talking about me."

"I'm not leaving," he says, using the arm that is around me possessively to pull me closer to his side.

"Don't stay with me out of pity. I can't stand that," I protest.

"Hey, I was with you before I knew this. Why would you think that this is the only reason I'm with you?"

"Look, I don't want you to worry about me, and look at me like I'm breakable, or think I am crazy," I protest.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. This explains why you didn't want to have sex. I feel like such an ass for asking you," he says sadly.

"Don't be sweet, okay," I plead.

"Did that ass-hole leave you when you told him? 'Cause I am not leaving," Joe says firmly.

"No," I say closing my eyes, "I had a bad day. I was not leaving the house, or showering, and he had me go to a mental hospital."

"Wow," Joe says, "He is an ass."

"He was trying to protect me. Everyone is trying to protect me," I say with an eye roll.

"Okay, obviously you want me to pretend like there is nothing going on. So that's what I am going to do. Unless you tell me you need me to change what I am doing, I'm going to keep dating you just like you haven't been through hell."

His eyes have pity in them, but along with that there is the same affectionate look in them that they had before they found out everything about me. I lean forward, and plant a passionate kiss on his lips.

When I pull away, there is just sparkly affection, and the pity is all but gone.

He is a keeper. For sure.

-0-

Daniel comes home and grabs a beer out of the fridge.

"Oh, one of those days?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"Well, since I know that you're not going to talk to me, do you want me to get Jack over here?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "In order to get out of jail, I helped a war criminal escape from jail," he admits.

I am pleasantly surprised that he is talking to me about it, and I am not going to shine a lantern on it. I school my face not to be shocked at the information that he just gave me, "When I was in that basement, I would have done anything to get out of there," I admit.

"I didn't know what she was when we helped her escape," he says.

"Daniel, you have a way overdeveloped sense of guilt. You did nothing wrong," I say with a touch of an eye roll.

"They called her the Destroyer of Worlds, Steph. I can't imagine the number of people who are going to die because of what I did."

"It's her choice what she does. It's her responsibility," I counter.

"Doesn't feel like it," he says.

He's about half way through the beer now, and I know that things are about to get interesting.

"Nie!" the shout comes from the nursery.

Daniel hasn't heard that yet. Mattie started calling me that, the best that a 13-month-old can say my name. Her brother followed suit.

"Duty calls," I say standing up.

"I'm glad that they have a mother," he says.

Wow, even drunk that is quite the statement. Mother? When I came here, I wasn't looking for anything so permanent, something with so much responsibility in it.

It's what I am, though. "Thank you," I whisper, going to get the baby.

Both of the babies are up form their nap, and they obviously want to get up and play. "Why don't we play in the nursery today? You guys just use this room as nothing more than a place to sleep, but there is no reason why you always have to play in the living room."

Nope, you guys don't need to see your Daddy toasted. I mean, Daniel is definitely not an angry drunk, but still.

"Fa!" Mattie says hitting the floor in a fully-fledged tantrum.

Okay, so she'd heard her father's voice, and viewed me as nothing more than a vehicle to bring her to him. She was pretty young to start her tantrum phase. Hopefully, it was going to be short lived.

Daniel comes to the door, and looks at her, concerned. He left the beer in the other room. He stoops down like he is about to pick her up.

"Leave her," I command.

"She wants her Daddy," he says looking at me like I was a heartless thing.

"And if you give her what she wants because she is screaming, she is going to learn that screaming is the way to get whatever you want. Please don't do that to us," I tell him, "Honey, as soon as you calm down, you can have your Daddy," I tell her.

A blood-curdling scream. Then silence. She sits up, and holds out her hands. Daniel scoops her up, and coos to her in the secret language.

I hand him a teddy bear.

He stares at me in shock, "How did you know what I said? I wasn't speaking English."

Wow, I learned a foreign language, and I didn't even notice, "I guess I speak Abydonian," I say.

"How?"

"I don't know, I guess I picked it up when you were talking to the babies," I say with a shrug.

Then he kisses me on the temple, and tells me he's proud of me.

 _ **Author's Note: In my nanny days I learned some Nigerian without noticing.**_


	33. Gamekeeper

"So, you're practically a psychologist," Daniel says. He returned from a mission about half an hour ago. He changed out of the BDUs, and hugged the babies for as long as they would let them. Now, they have squirmed out of his arms, and are playing in the living room. Mattie is presenting him with toy after toy, hoping for approval at her toy-grabbing prowess, which she always gets. Kush is couch-cruising. I know that Daniel is bothered by the fact that he isn't really walking yet, even though I keep telling him it's fine.

We've got five more months before we have to start fretting about his lack of mobility

"I'm halfway to being a psychologist," I correct, grinning at Kush as he passes by me on his trip around the room.

"Right, well, close enough for now," he says.

I look at him in surprise.

"So, like re-living bad things is good, right?" he asks.

"No?" I say confused.

"I mean, if I were to go to therapy about my parents' death, they would make me talk about it, right?"

I nod.

"So if something happened that brought back the memory of what happened to my parents, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, right? It could actually kind of be a good thing. Help me get over it."

"Yes, provided it wasn't something that re-traumatized you. For instance, if you lived through a similar incident with other people, it would make you worse, not better. If you are just thinking about it, or talking about it, you're going to be more traumatized for a short period of time, but it will eventually make you get better."

"What if I saw it… saw it like just happened?" he asks.

"Hallucination?" I ask, concerned. What is going to happen if my boss goes nuts?

"More like a video game, one with really good graphics."

"Well, this is completely new territory. I would guess… bad," I say.

"Bastard," Daniel mutters.

"Stard!" Kush exclaims.

"That's a bad word, son, and Daddy never said it," Daniel tells him.

"Stard!" Kush says with a wide grin on his face.

"First swear word, thirteen months," I say with fake enthusiasm.

Daniel glares at me, and then mutters, "I can't even get him to _swear_ in his native tongue."

"They'll know both languages," I assure him.

"I shouldn't speak to them in English ever. I mean, they have so many hours a week with you that one is pretty much covered."

"Okay, then speak more Abydonian to them," I encourage.

"See, the problem is, I can't stand to say something and not be understood," he says softly.

"They are caught between two worlds, Daniel, but that's not always a bad place to be. They are going to understand both of their worlds better."

"Kush, come to Daddy," he commands.

His son couch cruises over to him. Daniel grabs onto his hands, and the kid walks with that support. Then Daniel lets go of the hands. One step, and then he falls on his diaper-padded bum. Kush doesn't show any signs of getting up. He is not about to risk falling again.

Mattie runs toward Daniel.

"I know, Mattie! You are such a good walker!" he encourages her. In the course of her running, she tramples on her brother's leg.

He blinks at her, obviously offended, but then doesn't make a wail of protest.

"Careful, baby girl. Your brother is not a rug," Daniel says ,scooping the girl up. Kush gets jealous and crawls into his daddy's arms. Daniel carefully examines the trod-upon leg.

-0-

It shouldn't be scary. The only reason it was scary with Pat was because it was the first time that I had done this since my rape. All the times with Pat were good experiences. So when I am with Joe, I should be remembering the good times.

Only, Joe moves sort of aggressively. I mean, it's not like he's aggressive. It's not like he is doing something to me that I don't want him to do. It's just that when he does it he, moves fast. Pat was always slow and gentle. He'd touch me like he was revering some sacred item.

I'm not supposed to be comparing guys when I'm in bed with one of them, though. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to even be thinking about Pat right now.

I mean, I broke up with him because I wanted it to be over, so there is really no reason to be obsessing about him, is there?

Shit. I'm crying.

"I'm sorry," Joe says, and even the apology is aggressive.

There is a knock on the door, and it is followed by Daniel's voice a second later, "Don't worry. I'm not coming in. I just wanted to make sure that whatever is happening is… consensual," he says, and I can hear the blush in his voice.

"Yeah, flashback," I mutter.

"That's what I thought," Daniel's voice says with no small amount of relief, "I'm going to move out of earshot now."

"Well, that was awkward," Joe whispers.

"I know, but he's just trying to protect me," I explain.

"He doesn't need to protect you from me," he says.

"I know. But the one who hurt me… I trusted him," I mutter.

"Sorry," he says.

He leans forward, and I think he is going to start our romantic encounter all over again, instead he just graces a kiss on my nose.

"Do you want me to go?" he whispers.

"No," I say, folding myself into his chest.

He isn't Pat. He's Joe, and that's a good thing.

-0-

"You haven't had a driving lesson in more than a week," Jack accuses, with his arms crossed before him.

"I had a research paper due this week."

"I think you are losing your nerve. You know that you are getting pretty close to being ready to take your test, and that scares you. So your plan is to stop doing anything to prepare for the test, and then you are never going to have to take it."

"Jack, I am the psychologist, you are not."

"Prove me wrong," he says with teasing eyes.

I glance at Daniel. He gives a nod. I grab the keys to the car that I am working very hard on not to think of as mine.

"We're taking the truck," Jack says.

I whine.

He glares at me, and I can't help but realize we are having a disgustingly cliché moment.

"You have to be able to drive anything," Jack points out.

"Fine."


	34. Need

Jack comes to my door after Daniel has been gone for a long time. Long enough that when I see him, I am worried he is going to tell me that Daniel's just lost whatever battle he's been off fighting. Jack's face is grave, but not the devastated face that he wore the time when he actually told me that Daniel was dead.

Not that he really was dead; that time, at least.

He doesn't say anything until we're both seated in the living room, and I've offered him a beer. He rejects it in favor for taking two small children in his lap.

"Daniel doesn't believe we should tell you what is wrong, ever."

"I know," I say.

"I disagree. I was married for twenty-two years. I was working special ops most of that time. I couldn't tell my wife what was happening. She knew that, and she didn't press. I got so much in the habit of not talking to her about anything that when my son died, I didn't talk to her about that either. You've thrown in your lot with this crazy group of people, for better or worse. Daniel's whole life is going to be defined by his job as long as he keeps his current job. I think he needs to be able to talk to you about it."

"I quite agree," I say with a smile.

"I thought you might," he says with a rather mischievous grin. "So, our last mission was a bit of an adventure. It started off with a bit of slave labor. Then, Daniel almost died. He was nursed back to life by a crazy women who decided they were soul mates, because he saved her from committing suicide. She drugged him."

My eyes are terrified, and he waves me off.

"No, not like last time. He wasn't a date-rape drug. More like cocaine, but not at all. Anyway, they drugged him, and he forgot that we were still being held as slaves." I can tell by his face that this wound is still fresh, "Anyway, he decides he is going to marry her."

"He's already married," I point out.

"I mentioned that to him. Not that he cared, he was pretty far gone. He made the decision to come back though. She had him brainwashed, and so very screwed up, but there was still enough of him left to make sure that he got home."

"That's good," I say, but there is a question in the end of my voice. If Daniel decided to come home, why is Jack here by himself?

"It is," Jack says with a fake smile, "But the hard scary part of the story actually started after that. The withdrawal on this stuff is killer."

"Literally?" I ask with a sinking stomach.

"No. It was touch and go for a while there, but that's over. He's going to be okay, but it is going to take a while before the he's himself again."

"Thank-you for explaining it," I say.

Jack stares at me for a long time. I feel like I am being tested, and squirm under the scrutiny. "I plan on doing more than that, if you want me to."

"What?"

"You want to see him?"

"They'll let me do that?" I ask.

"Let," he repeats, moving his head back and forth slowly.

"Your plan is to sneak me into a secure military facility to see my boss, who is suffering from withdrawal from a drug you can't even name?"

"That sums it up quite nicely," Jack says.

"You realize that you are insane, right?" I ask.

"Please tell me that it did not take you that long to figure that you," Jack teases.

"We'll have to drop the babies of with the Littlefields."

"We'll take you car. Moving car seats is always a painful process," Jack adds.

-0-

"Daniel?" I ask softly. When Jack told me the life and death part of the withdrawal was over, I guess I thought he meant that the bad part was over. I wasn't expecting to see my boss tied down to a bed by every limb.

"Steph, are you a hallucination?" he asks in confusion.

Leave it to Jack to start a plan like this without telling one of the main participants what he was planning.

"No, I'm really here. Jack thought you might need some company," I say, bending over him at a strange angle so that he can see my face without having to strain himself.

Daniel smiles, "Leave it to that crazy man to take a life as complicated and dangerous as his and add a little more complication and danger."

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Like my stomach is being eaten from the inside by many-legged ravenous beasts with hyperactivity disorders, my head is a forge for medieval dwarves, and there are a million angry fire ants dancing in my veins," Daniel responds in a monotone.

"So, better, then?" Jack asks.

"Yes, much better, thank-you for asking," Daniel says with only a touch of sarcasm.

"So I hear you had aspirations to bigamy," I say.

Judging by Daniel's flinch, I know that it's probably a bit early to joke about his. "It was a lie," he defends.

"Sorry," I mutter.

"I'm glad to see you," Daniel says earnestly. Perhaps a bit too earnestly.

"Can I untie you?" I ask, reaching toward him.

Jack stops me with his hands while Daniel does it with a firm and decided, "No!"

"Okay," I say, a bit abashed that neither of them trust Daniel.

"How are the kids?" he asks.

"They're great!" I say cheerfully.

Jack's face goes black, "The kids? They weren't enough to bring you back when you went all dark side."

Daniel's face falls. "I told her I had to come back. I had to get my babies, and bring them back to her," he whispers.

"So this psycho bitch drugged you and enslaved your friends, and you were going to offer up your little babies on a platter to her?" I accuse.

"Steph," Jack warns.

"Hey, you were the one who brought it up. If you wanted me to come here and only say nice pleasant things, you should have warned me before I came," I say, with no small amount of bitterness in my voice.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says.

"Listen, kiddo, addicts do some damned stupid shit. We've got to forgive them for it," Jack says.

"I'm sorry a woman messed with your mind yet again," I say.

"Yeah, it is getting to be a habit, isn't it? Women capturing and drugging you," Jack points out.

I have to ask the question, because I'm not actually sure that Jack would, and I'm not sure that Daniel would tell him the truth even if he did, "Daniel, did that woman..."

I don't even finish the sentence. "Kissing, that's it," Daniel assures me. He says it with such confidence that I can't help but believe him, and breathe out a sigh of grateful relief. Daniel had been through enough already, he does not need one more thing to add on to the endless list of burdens.

"Well, you're going to have a really good story to tell your kids to keep them away from drugs," I say.

Yeah, I should have known better than to try to make a joke.

"My kids are never going to know about this," Daniel says firmly.

"I think I'm really bad at comforting," I offer sadly.

"Just seeing you is all the comfort I need," Daniel says.

"And actually, we should probably sneak out of here pretty soon," Jack says, looking over his shoulder nervously.

I bend over the bed and gave him a huge hug. It's weird that his arms can't come around me. It's a hollow hug.


	35. Thor's Chariot

"Bacon and eggs," I announce.

"What?" Daniel asks.

"For Halloween. I think they should be bacon and eggs."

Daniel scrunches up his nose.

"Luke and Leah from Star wars?" I suggest.

"Teal'c would love that," Daniel observes.

"Thing One and Thing Two. It's literary?" I suggest.

"So we're doing this whole Halloween thing?" he asks.

"Yeah, they are little kids," I say, wondering if this is some sort of a cultural thing that makes him want to keep his kids away from this holiday.

"Exactly. They are too young to remember it. They can't even eat the candy. I don't really get the point."

"When they are this young, it's not really about them. It's about a bunch of people telling you how cute your kids are."

"I know how cute they are."

"Okay, then I'll take them around."

"Abydos has Halloween," he mutters, "I mean… obviously not exactly. There was a harvest festival which involved going door-to-door begging for food."

"In costume?"

"In traditional outfits," he admits.

"That look like…?" I prompt.

"White, drapey…" he starts.

"So ghosts?" I suggest.

He raises his eyebrows.

"We dress the kids up as ghosts, eh? Then it's more Abydos than American."

He nods.

"You're going to take the ghosts around with me?" I ask.

"I'm not sure you can carry both of our little ghosties at once," he admits.

-0-

"Oh, you are the cutest little family," the old woman gushes.

"Thank you," I say.

Daniel glares at me. I shrug. When we are out of ear shot he says, "You didn't correct her."

"Hey, I corrected the last four people that thought we were a couple. I figured we could roll with it this time."

He rolls his eyes.

"Okay, I'm not up for making people feel awkward for their assumptions all night. Do you want to make this just a daddy-kid time? You can carry both of the ghosts yourself. Maybe you can let Mattie walk. Of course, that's going to mean that you could only make it to half as many houses."

"Less than that, you're not taking into account that fact that she would tire out quick," he points out.

"Exactly."

"Okay, we'll stop explaining to people that we're not a couple. Just try to look older, or something."

"Next year, I'll be a witch with drawn-on wrinkles."

"Thank you, that's all I'm saying," he teases.

-0-

Daniel is in a really good mood. He sings for a long time to the babies in Abydonian. That's not weird, he sings to them all the time. Usually he does it when he is trying to get them to go to sleep. He doesn't want to get them to sleep though. He's sort of dancing around the room with them.

When the babies babble to him in English, he repeats it in Abydonian.

It's not exactly a correction, but it's also not anything that Daniel has ever done before.

"You don't want them speaking English?" I ask. Half the sentence is in Abydonian. That's the best I can manage. I could understand a decent amount of the language, but I can't do so great with speaking it.

"I do. I just think they'd better learn more Abydonian," he says.

"You're going to take them home when you can in a couple of months?" I ask.

He bites his lip, "I just have a little more hope that I might be able to get their mom back."

"Really? Way to bury the lead!" I exclaim.

"It's not for sure. We met some people who know how to do a surgery to save her. We'd have to get her first, and contacting these people might be hard."

"Still," I say.

"Still," he says firmly.

"Maybe you should teach me the language, and I could talk to it with them more," I offer.

"You already know more Abydonian than anyone else on…" he freezes. I give him a look which dares him to finish the sentence, "Outside of Cheyenne Mountain."

"You have quite the problem with prepositions, for a linguist," I point out.

"Well, English isn't my native language," he shrugs.

I know it is a distraction, but I take the bait anyway. "Really? I thought you only learned Abydonian that year you were with Sha're."

He nods, "Arabic," His brow furrows, "Well, I suppose Greek was my first language, but I was so young that… Arabic feels native to me."

"So… Abydonian is written in hieroglyphics?" I ask.

He nods.

"I didn't know there were any modern languages written in hieroglyphics."

Pause. "Well, you're not a linguist."

"Do you have like an Abydonian/English dictionary, or something?"

"I'm writing one, yeah," Daniel says.

"Wait, you're writing a _book_ and I never knew?" I say in shock.

"It's not like it's going to have a very wide audience if it's ever finished. It's not like it's even going to be getting published."

"I'd like to read it," I say.

"I'll bring you a photocopy, and help you learn to pronounce it, but…" he pauses, "You're busy with school."

"I took a more sane semester this time. It's kind of boring," I offer with a shrug. He gives me a skeptical face, "Daniel, this is a big part of you. I want to have it, and I want to help your kiddos have it, too."

He nods. I wonder though. He's all excited, because Sha're might be coming home. I want to be excited about it. I should be excited about it. She's their mother. Only, I've loved them longer. I've even known Daniel for longer than she did, at this point. They are my family as certainly they are hers, even if we aren't related by blood or marriage.

If they just leave me for her…

I'm going to be all alone again.


	36. Message in a Bottle

Daniel isn't quite as brave as Jack. If the shit hits the fan, they are both about equally useful. It's just that Daniel's utility rests more with his intelligence, and Jack's rests more with his bravery.

So when Jack manages to get himself all sick in some mysterious way, I don't get snuck in. I do, however, get a phone call.

"Daniel feels pretty guilty about what happened to you," I tell him.

"Well, he shouldn't," Jack says, and his voice is gruff and bitter, but I don't necessarily think it is anger at Daniel.

"He said that he begged you to bring home some artifact, and it made you get sick."

"Yeah," Jack says. The roughness of his voice is no doubt partly from his sickness.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask.

"Oh, yeah. Takes more than this to keep me down," he says with false cheer.

"Are you going to be able to get out of there for Thanksgiving next week?" I ask.

"Really, where would be a better place to spend a national holiday than a military base?" he asks back.

"I'll talk to Janet and see if I can get you out of there," I say cheerfully trying to give him something by way of distraction.

"I didn't really have plans for this holiday before I… got sick," he says with a little pause that clues me in to the fact that this 'sickness' is a lie. I can't help but wonder if all the 'sickness' this team has gone through in the last more than a year weren't the same kind of a lie.

"Jack, you've got to come over to our house," I suggest.

"I'm not going to be well enough to get out by then. Besides, I don't want you inviting me just because I'm sick."

"That's not the only reason, Jack," I protest.

"You guys didn't invite me last year," he points out.

"We didn't celebrate Thanksgiving last year," I inform him. We were both still way too lost in grief for that.

He pauses, absorbing that fact for a few seconds before he says, "I'm glad you guys are celebrating this year. I just don't think there is much chance of Janet springing me before that," he says.

Well, we'll just have to see about that, I think to myself before changing the subject to something that would make Jack more cheerful instead of just spending all of his energy evading my questions.

-0-

"So what are you plans for the holiday?" I ask Joe, leaning against him.

"I'm working," he says.

"That sucks! It's totally not fair you have to work on a day that everyone else has off."

"I volunteered. Everyone else had plans, and a family that they wanted to spend the holiday with. I really didn't have anything important to miss."

I pull away from Joe enough that I can look at his face, "You don't have any family?"

"Well, I do. I just don't spend any time with them. Least of all holidays."

"Why not?" I say grabbing onto his hand.

"It's nothing big or dramatic. My parents worked a lot when I was a kid. My dad is super-critical of everything that I do. I have never done anything right. My mom told me not to join the military, and has never really forgiven me for ignoring her advice."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I so, don't have a right to complain after all that you've been through," he says, embarrassed.

"Hey, I got fourteen good years with my family. It doesn't sound like it was ever really good for you," I say with sympathy.

"Well, I haven't given up on having a happy family someday," he says with a grin that makes my stomach do a little happy dance.

-0-

"I can't believe you got me out of the infirmary," Jack says as he lies on Daniel's couch.

"You'd been there for eight days, and that was long enough," I tease.

"You've got Janet twisted around your little finger, use that power wisely," he warns.

Just then the good doctor comes into the room. She's always wearing heals that are almost as large as Daniel claimed long ago when he drunkenly held out his hands and said "so big". She always wears big heals, but these are a bit beyond the par. "Colonel, I've got your dinner," she says holding a glass with a straw in it.

He can't see her from where he is, so he's confused, "I thought dinner wasn't done yet."

"Yours is," she says cheerfully, handing him the glass.

"Steph, forget everything I said about you having the Doc under control. Keep working on it, aim high."

We all sit down on the floor of the living room while Jack eats. We might have had the whole dinner there if he hadn't drifted off to sleep. His shirt slips when he moves in his sleep, and I see a huge red welt on his shoulder.

I glance at Janet in alarm. Her lips go tight together, and she nods her head. Then she looks at him in a way that melts my heart. It's sort of like the protective way that Daniel looks at his babies in the cradle, but more so.

It's got to be hard to be a doctor to these people. They are always out there doing crazy stuff, and risking their lives, and she is the one that puts them back together when they fall apart.

She's got to know that there is going to be a day when she won't be able to put them back together again, and that's got to kill her.

"He's going to be fine, right?" I whisper.

She nods, and then she stands up from the floor and walks into the kitchen in those giant heals. We all follow her, and sit down around the table to eat.

-0-

I am going to be taking a couple of grad classes next semester. I still have two undergrad classes to finish, but they are going to let me take some grad classes too. I'm actually going to be doing them through the local college. The kids are old enough that I can't get any online work done when I am in charge of them. It would actually be easier to get out of the house a few hours a week to do the classes.

Daniel supports me, of course, but he would probably support me no matter what I decided to do. Catherine and Ernest are going to be taking care of the babies whenever I am out of the house and Daniel isn't home.

That means that I actually have to go on campus for an orientation day, though. Each new graduate student is assigned an existing graduate student as a mentor. Can you guess who my mentor was?

That's right, the ex-boyfriend.

"Please tell me that you didn't arrange this," I plead.

"I just found out an hour ago," he says.

"Well, you actually gave me a tour of this college when you were going here, so we can probably skip it."

"Let's go for a walk anyway," he says.

"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I just want to talk, okay? We were together for long enough that a ten minute conversation as part of a campus event shouldn't be a big deal for you," he says.

"Fine, but if this is going to be a thousand rounds of 'are you okay', I think I would prefer the actual campus tour."

"I'll just assume you're fine unless you tell me, then," he says. We take off walking together, and I can't help but be glad I'm going to be coming onto campus a few times a week. It's beautiful. "Joe works with them, doesn't he?"

"It's not a cult. It's a military job," I defend.

"I know, I'm not telling you not to date him. I'm not delusional enough to think I have a say in that. I'm just concerned that you don't have anyone in your life that isn't involved in that place."

"I do so," I defend.

"Right, you've got a foster mother that you see every now and again. Who else?"

"The babies," I say.

He smiles, "I just think you should make some friends when you come here. You need someone in your life that isn't all about that place."

"This conversation actually fits well in with your mentor duties," I say surprised.

"Imagine that," he says.

I'd planned on requesting a new mentor, but I'm not going to. "I miss you," I admit.

"Whose fault is that?" he asks with so much pain in his voice that I wonder if I should be the one asking if he's okay.

"I'm sorry."

"I am too. We've both got someone else now," he says softly. My stomach twists. I don't like the fact that I am a dog in the hay. I rejected him, I have no right to be jealous. "That doesn't mean that we can't be friends."

"No, it doesn't," he says.

When we first broke up, I never would have imagined that I would be able to be friends with him.

"You still have to make other non-military friends, though, preferably ones somewhere between two years old and thirty."

"Do not disparage friendships with small children," I scold.

"How are the munchkins?" he responds.

Right, this one likes kids.


	37. Family

"I'm going to be taking an unexpected trip in the next couple of days. So you'll probably have to cancel your date with Joe. I'm sorry."

"That's fine, we'll just hang around the house," I say. I'm not surprised when Daniel gives me with a critical look. Even I can hear the boredom in my voice.

"Everything okay with him?" Daniel asks with raised eyebrows.

"Sure. He's great."

"But…"

I smile at him. For a man who doesn't share much about himself he sure has a way of getting me to share things about myself. "I don't know. There is no spark. I'm not putty every time he talks, like I was with Pat."

Daniel shakes his head, "Don't do that. Don't compare Joe to Pat. If you like Pat, you should date Pat. If you like Joe, you should date him."

"I know. I don't want to date Pat. I can't trust him. I like Joe. I mean, he really hasn't done anything that would justify me breaking up with him. He just isn't doing anything that makes me go weak in the knees, either."

"I don't think you are giving him much of a chance. You never actually leave the house when you go on dates with them."

"I never left the house with Pat either."

"I know, but Pat is the kind of guy who shines in the living room. Joe is the kind you actually need to go out and do something with if you want him to shine. I'll find someone to watch my kiddos, and you should actually go somewhere with Pat tomorrow."

"Where am I going to go?" I ask.

"Let Joe choose, trust him," he prompts.

"Okay," I say.

"And stop comparing. If you feel like you should be with Pat, then you should dump Joe right now, and be with him. It would be better for everyone involved."

"Pat's dating someone else," I say.

Daniel looks at me in surprise, "You talk to Pat?"

"Well, once, at college. But I think it is probably going to be more often, now. We're going to try being friends."

Daniel examines my face for a few seconds before he says, "Well, good for you."

-0-

"So your big date is to take me to a playground?" I ask skeptically, "You do realize that I am a nanny, and the kids and I walk to this playground several times a week, right?"

"Yes, but this time you're here without any kids. Let's swing!"

"I haven't been on a swing since I was like ten," I object.

"I know, that's the point," he says.

He looks way more alive than he has all of the time when we were sitting around the house. Daniel was right. Boxing Joe in with four walls was like clipping a bird's wings.

The swinging is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. A giggle escapes, and Joe gives me a huge grin. He's swinging next to me, and suddenly he lets go, flying through the air. He's a lot higher in the air than you would expect him to be, and I scream.

"I'm fine," he says, sticking his landing with a present like a gymnast before turning to me with a grin. "You never jumped off a swing when you were a kid?"

I shake my head.

"Do it!"

"I'll get hurt! I'm not as athletic as you are!" I protest.

"You can do it!" he encourages.

I slow down so that I am only at about half as high and fast as the swings could go. I let go, and still fly harder than I thought I could. I scream and laugh midair.

Joe has a cocky grin on his face when I turn to him after landing. "Fun, eh?" he asks.

I nod as I sit back down on the swing for another round. This time, I swing as high as I can, and honestly I feel like I am flying.

I land, and run into his arms kissing him. I can't remember the last time that I felt this alive.

"Now, you can see why I want to be a pilot, don't you? Flying is pretty amazing!" he exclaims.

"Wait, you never told me that you wanted to be a pilot!" I exclaim.

"Well, I guess that is why I got into the Air Force in the first place. It's not my goal as much as it used to be. The thing I'm doing now is more amazing even than flying," he says with a happy smirk on his face.

"You have to be an officer to be a pilot right?" I ask.

"Yeah," he admits, "And I didn't have the grades for college right out of high school. I've studied since then, and maybe with a new SAT score…"

"You should try it, even if you don't want to be a pilot anymore," I encourage.

"The work that I do now would be a whole lot more exciting if I was an officer. I work in maybe the only place in the world where the officers get to do the dangerous, exciting part." He pauses, obviously having exhausted the serious part of the discussion for the day. "Do you want to run up the slide?" he asks with a grin.

"Race you!" I respond.

-0-

"No! Go way!" Kush's voice shouts in the night. My heart sinks into my shoes, thinking that someone might be taking the babies away.

I'm there in a second to see the child batting at his father's arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Daniel says, obviously looking embarrassed. "Or him."

"Nie!" Kush says, holding out his hands as if he wanted protection from his father.

Daniel's eyes look hurt as I scoop him up, but he's the one grabbing babies out of cribs in the middle of the night for no reason.

"Are you okay?" I ask my boss.

"Yeah, just a tough mission," he says.

Ah, probably one of those missions where you really appreciate all the not-dead people in your life. "Kush, won't you let your Daddy hold you, like a good boy?" I prompt.

"No," he says, burrowing into my shoulder.

Daniel gives a head nod that makes me follow him out of the room before we wake up his daughter.

"We went to see Teal'c's family. His son was brainwashed."

"Brainwashed like your wife?" I ask with concern.

He shakes his head slowly. "No, and he's fine now. But the bad guys had his head and his heart. He tried to kill his own parents."

"Wow, that's… terrible," I mutter.

"I know, and Teal'c takes it all in stride. I wouldn't," he says slowly.

"I seriously think he should get his kids out of there," I say with raised eyebrows.

Daniel nods, "It's not my choice. It's not even really his. His wife wants to stay there. She got remarried."

"What?"

"To a good friend of Teal'c's. The guy is dead now, but Teal'c's marriage is pretty more over. Their culture doesn't have divorce, per se. Only a 'pledge break'. It's kind of a neat idea, actually. Like, it keeps everything old intact, but it just says going forward, you're allowed to be with other people. I mean, it's the same as divorce, only more…"

"Poetic?" I suggest.

Daniel nods. "His wife publically proclaimed that she wanted a pledge break. Normally he would either accept it or protest it within a certain period. I don't know what the protest entails, except for the fact that 'weapons are required'. I think Teal'c might have protested if he was there, but as it is… he just sort of got divorced without his permission."

"That's too bad," I say.

"Yeah, I mean, he shouldn't be surprised right? He left her," there is no bitterness in his voice, it's sadness.

"Daniel, do you think that your wife is, um… with someone?" I whisper.

"Almost certainly, but not by choice," he says, looking at me with concern to see how these words might have affected me.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. That must be really hard to think about."

"It's got to be a whole lot harder to live through," he says in sympathy.


	38. Secrets

It has been a long time since we had a team night at our house. It might have been because it was only a week before Christmas, or it might have been because of what Teal'c has just gone through. Most likely, it's because Matia has developed separation anxiety long ahead of schedule.

She'd better get over it early as well, or this is just not fair.

"You know what you need, big guy? To get a girlfriend. You won't feel so bad about your wife moving on if you move on too," Jack says with certainty.

Teal'c pauses with a held tilt in confusion, "On previous occasions, you have prevented my advances on women."

"Are you talking about New Year's? I don't want you to date your team members. I'm fine with you dating other people."

"To be fair, sir, you didn't exactly seem excited about him being with anyone from his work. For Teal'c, that is pretty much everyone he knows in the country," Sam says with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, he can date anyone that's not on his team," Jack says.

"I am confused by this prohibition. Are warrior pairs so sacred that their relations cannot begin before a team has been separated from the planet for a certain amount of time?" Teal'c asks.

Jack says, "What?" in confusion.

Daniel's face goes pale at Teal'c's words, and he asks, "Warrior pairs?"

Teal'c nods to Daniel.

Daniel looks at the rest of us who are staring him waiting for an explanation. "Well, in some ancient cultures, like Sparta…"

"We don't want to hear about ancient cultures, Daniel," Jack says, annoyed, "We want to hear about Teal'c."

"Well, Jack, I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to start with Sparta, because up until five seconds ago I had no idea that Jaffa did this."

Sam's mouth forms and "oh", because apparently her history education was a little more complete then mine.

"When Spartans were away from their families for long periods of time, they would rely on their, well, their warrior pair for…" Daniel glances at Teal'c.

"Sexual companionship," the big man finishes.

Sam is giggling. Jack is choking. Daniel has on his best diplomatic face. Teal'c just seems confused by their reactions.

"Do not the Ta'uri do something similar? I had assumed that you and Samantha had promised to be one another's warrior pairs if the need arose?" he asks.

"No," Sam says, swallowing her giggles with all of her effort.

"Actually, warriors… pairing… would be forbidden by frat regs," Jack continues, with a glance at Sam.

"Generally warrior pairs would not engage in romantic or sexual activities until they had been away from home for a long period of time, often years," Teal'c says.

"Well, it's still not allowed amongst the Ta'uri," Jack deadpans.

"If we are stranded, we will be expected to live our lives in celibacy?" Teal'c asks, obviously disappointed.

"If the four of us are ever stranded with no hope for return, I'll be your warrior pair," Sam offers.

"Carter?" Jack warns.

"He's not military," Sam reminds Jack.

"Still…" Jack says.

"Teal'c, were all of your other warrior pairs male?" Daniel asks.

"Indeed," Teal'c says.

"Don't tell me you also want to volunteer to be his warrior pair," Jack says to Daniel with a tongue in cheek.

Daniel glares at him, "I was just curious."

Sam holds a giggle in.

"If we become stranded, the two of you will be a warrior pair," Teal'c proclaims.

"Not happening," Jack says.

"Nope," Daniel repeats.

"I guess everyone isn't as secure in their masculinity as you," Sam says to Teal'c.

"This goes a little bit beyond that, don't you think? Secure in your masculinity is wearing a pink shirt, Carter," Jack says, "Which, by the way, I'm totally willing to do."

"Okay, let's just say 'cultural differences' and leave it at that," Daniel says, taking a bite of his pie.

"I still say we get him a girlfriend," Jack says, "Unless he'd prefer a boyfriend?"

Teal'c shakes his head.

"What about Janet?" Sam says. The table turns to look at her, surprised that she has cast her friend out before the group like this. "She still talks about that kiss."

Wow, maybe Sam is sort of hoping that they are getting stranded so that she can experience all things Teal'c first-hand.

Jack raises an eyebrow at her.

"Mostly when she's had a little wine," Sam admits. Then she looks at Teal'c, "If you are open to it, I could mention it to her," Sam offers.

"That would be much appreciated," Teal'c says formally.

-0-

The team missed Christmas. Daniel was off seeing his father-in-law in a country that doesn't even celebrate Christmas. Jack and Sam went off to get an award in Washington D.C.

Teal'c was apparently taken home like a stray puppy by Janet to her family for the holidays. It's a strange way to start a relationship, but whatever works for them.

Catherine and Ernest came over with excessive amount of loot for Christmas Eve, and I took the kids with me on Christmas Day to Mrs. Wilson's. I didn't feel very festive. How could I, when they were gone?

Jack and Daniel come in together. Jack is holding a baby that looks like a newborn.

"I'm fine, Jack," Daniel says.

"I just thought I'd help get you settled," Jack protests.

"You just want to make sure that I don't drink massive amounts of coffee and never sleep."

"That does pretty much sum up your reaction to the first time you lost her," Jack says softly.

"Sha're?" I ask in concern.

"Not dead, just… still missing," Jack says.

"I'm going to bed," Daniel announces walking past us.

Jack hands the baby to me, "Hey, sweetie, who are you?"

"Sha're's kid," Jack says.

"What?" I exclaim, my stomach sinking, and the thoughts of my own little baby running through my head.

"Yeah, Daniel ran into his wife when he went to visit Kasuf. Apparently, she'd been home for a while. Ap…" he pauses seaming to remember who he is talking to, "The guy who kidnapped her got her pregnant. He had plans to, well, basically torture the kid. Well, when she was pregnant he couldn't use the brainwashing stuff on her. So, for months his wife has been in her right mind, and just hanging out. I think the fact that he didn't know about it is pretty hard for Daniel to take. Then she gave birth, and the brainwashing started working again."

"Wow, where is Sha're?" I ask.

Jack's eyes go sad, "He left her there." My eyes flash in anger, but he waves it away, "It wasn't his fault. He didn't have another choice. It's eating him up inside."

"So this is his step-kid?" I ask.

Jack nods.

"What's his name?" I ask.

"Shifu," he responds, staring at the door to Daniel's bedroom with worry.

"Well, little one," I say, holding him closer as he fusses, "Stephanie has got you now, little guy. Your Mama's going to be coming home soon."

"Daniel hasn't exactly… bonded with that little guy yet," Jack warns.

"He's grieving," I defend.

"I know, but… just take care of them."

Jack comes close to the baby, and gives him that look. It's the look that Daniel gives his babies every time that he looks at them. I didn't know Jack's face could do that.

I'm tempted just to hand this kid over, and say, "Hey, Jack, here is your son."

Because Daniel doesn't want him… right now, and Jack really does. I think he's now over his son's death enough that he can really start to think about being a dad again, at least in some form.

It's not my kid to give away, though, and I know that in no time at all Daniel is going to love this kid as much as he does his twins.

Even if it isn't really his kid.


	39. Bane

Two cribs. Three babies.

"Who wants to sleep with Stephie tonight?" I ask.

Two twins shout their names. "Ush!" "Attie!"

They are probably a bit young to attempt to understand the concept behind flipping a coin, huh?

"Three in a bed? You guys are lucky Jack bought me the big one. Come on, then," I say.

I'm sure Daniel will get a crib tomorrow.

-0-

I'm not sure that Daniel even realized that Jack had left the baby at our house until the 3am screaming match. This kid has a set of lungs on him, and not the gentle temperament of Daniel's babies. That's okay, the loud ones are quite fun.

Daniel stumbles out of his bed, intent of taking care of the kid. He doesn't realize who is crying until he gets into the room. I think, in his half-awake state, he was transplanted back in time a year and a half ago when his twins made that sound.

He just stares at the screaming baby in the crib.

"Pick him up, Daniel," I prompt. I've got Mattie in my arms. She was so tangled up with me that I couldn't get up when the crying began without taking her with. If I move too much, she's going to wake completely up, and I don't want to mess up her sleep schedule.

He turns to me, looking broken, "He should be mine."

"He will be," I say.

Daniel turns and takes his daughter out of my arms, and returns to his bed with her.

"He'll come around," I promise Shifu as I care for him. "He'll be your Daddy before long."

I might have to be the one that buys the crib, though.

-0-

Daniel still seems kind of stunned the next day. I'm going to call it grief, so I don't have to start hating my boss. By noon I figured out I'll have to take the newborn shopping. He's feeding the babies, but he hasn't touched the little one yet.

"Daniel, I'm going to the store," I tell him.

He looks at my arms, and sees the baby. His face contorts in a way I've never seen before, and he reaches for the

"Are you sure?"

He nods.

I place the kid in his arms, and I realize this must have been the first time he held his own baby. Later Jack confirmed it. Daniel delivered the baby, but only held him for a couple of seconds. His grandfather held him for a while. He'd been in Jack's arms ever since his arrival at base, besides when the good doctor made sure he was healthy, and he General watched him when Jack went home to get his son's old car seat.

Then, right here, right now, Daniel takes that baby in his arms and falls in love. His lip quivers. I'm actually really honored that I got to witness this.

"He's beautiful. She would have loved him so much. I'll love him for her," he whispers.

"Thank goodness," I say, giving Daniel a kiss on the forehead as if he were my child.

-0-

Janet is wearing the giant heals again. I think it's a Teal'c thing. You can't blame her. There is a bit of a height difference. She's fussing over him, too. I mean, not like girlfriend fussing. She is doing doctor fussing.

She gets him his food, and actually scoops it up to put it in his mouth, and that's when he puts an end to it. He takes the fork out of her hand, and says, "I have been feeding myself for far more years than you have drawn breath."

Funny, I never would have thought there was an age difference between them, or at least not much of one.

"You almost died a week ago," Janet complains.

"He can still feed himself. I saw him devour a week's worth of food just yesterday at lunch in the mess hall," Jack says.

Janet is still looking at Teal'c with that protective doctor way that she has.

"My health has been restored," Teal'c assures her.

Janet seams uncertain. Then he takes her hand, and a faint little smile quirks on the edges of her mouth.

She stops fussing, for like half an hour, which is about as much as you can ask for.

-0-

"Daniel, are you sure that you can handle all three of the babies tonight?" I ask.

"They are _my_ babies," Daniel says.

I grin. He might not be so good at prepositions, but he's ace with pronouns. "I know, but three of them."

"The twins are really too old to be calling them babies," he points out.

"Okay, then I'm going to leave. Joe told me that I will be away from a phone all night. You're not going to be able to change your mind all night," I warn.

"Oh my, my nanny is really taking a night off! Whatever will I do!" he teases.

"Be good to your Daddy," I say, warning Shifu while rubbing his back.

"Nie!" Kush says mournfully.

"I know, little one. I'll see you in the morning."

"Ory?" he asks distressed.

"I'll have you know, young man, that I am better at telling stories than your nanny," Daniel says.

I've only started reading books to them for a couple weeks, and they have refused to give Daniel a shot.

"I do voices," he points out.

"Nie read ories," Mattie corrects her father.

"Be good to your father," I advise, thinking that he might have bigger problems with the testy toddlers than with the fussy baby.

"We will be fine," Daniel says.

The doorbell rings, and I leave them to their own devices.

-0-

"I thought you told me that a college degree was keeping you away from being a pilot," I scold my boyfriend.

"Well, it was only a partial lie. It is keeping me away from being a pilot in the Air Force. Back in high school, I used to fly with my uncle's crop dusting company in the summers."

"That is not a crop duster," I point out.

"Nope, that is the plane that I rented for the occasion," he informs me.

"This is way too much," I protest.

"You need to know what it feels like to fly," he says, and I give him a kiss for the effort.

-0-

Up in the clouds at a million miles an hour, I understand what Joe means. I also understand Samantha a little better. She is a pilot, you know. I'm not a pilot, I don't have that sort of thing in my heart, but up here, I can understand them. I can understand getting addicted to the speed and the height, and the little jump your belly does when you take off or land, or make a quick turn.

Watching Joe operate her, he comes alive. There is something beautiful in watching someone do the thing that they were meant to do.

Have you ever seen a bird dog on a perfect point in a field? Have you ever seen a dolphin swim, or a bird of prey caught in an updraft, gliding forever with barely a swat at the wing?

Yeah, that's what it was like watching Joe fly.

"You definitely need to do that all the time, always," I tell him after we've landed.

He laughs.

"I'm serious. Go to school. Start your own airplane business. Whatever it takes to make sure you get to do that every day. I like to see you come alive."

"I'd better get you home. It's late," he says.

We don't go home right away. Now I understand all the movements he makes. I used to think he was aggressive in bed, but he's not. He handles me just like he does an airplane.

And I'm happy to oblige.


	40. Tok'ra

Joe has me on another one of his adventure dates. This one is to an amusement park. I've been on all of these rides before (well, except the terrifying one). He just rides them differently. He leans into the curves, and he doesn't hold onto the handrails. He just looks the rides in the eye and says, "do your worst".

And he screams. Seriously, there is a crazy amount of screaming. I'm hoarse from all the screaming. Which makes it awkward when I answer the phone and hear Catherine's voice.

"I know that you're on a date honey. I just wanted you to know that Walter called. Daniel is fine, but he won't be coming home for a couple of days. We can keep the kids tonight."

"No, it's okay. I'll be over to pick them up soon."

"We're cutting in short?" he asks. Bless him, he doesn't look disappointed. "You know that most people who don't have a life because their job gets in the way are, like, high-powered executives or something."

Pat would never say something like that.

I try to get the thought out of my mind as soon as I can. It's not fair. It's even a little bit like cheating. Which is a bigger deal now that Pat and I are friends.

The whole friendship thing has an overlay of guilt, because Pat and I talk, and talk about deep stuff. Stuff I don't really talk about with Joe. Then again, Joe and I weren't talking about that stuff before Pat and I went back to friends.

Maybe I would feel less guilty about the whole thing if Joe knew that I was friends with Pat again.

"Sorry," I say.

"It's fine, I was just teasing you," he says easily, "We'll head home."

"You can stay, after we pick them up if you want."

"It's okay, we're pushing up on feeding time aren't we?" I flinch a little at his words. He says defensively , "Hey, I wouldn't ask you to come and sit next to me when I did my job."

"I won't turn you down if you did," I say.

He giggles, "No, I don't suppose you would. Honestly, though, my job is mostly boring."

"It's just the few parts that aren't, right?" I ask.

"All right. I've got to drop you off, right? Cause my car doesn't have the kiddy seats."

I nod.

-0-

Just yesterday, Daniel moved his desk into his bedroom, and moved Shifu into his old office. I'm glad. Toddlers and newborns are not on the same sleep schedule. They have been constantly waking each other up, and it's going to drive me batty.

The older ones get fussy when Daniel's gone. Kush learned to escape from his crib, and then he springs his sister. So pretty much whenever he's gone, I end up with two little kids in my bed.

When they were only a couple of weeks old, Daniel wanted to break them of the habit of co-sleeping, and now I am encouraging it once again.

Honestly, I don't know why Daniel hasn't fired me yet.

My phone rings, and there are three tiny limbs that I have to push through in order to answer it. It's answered with a sob. "What's wrong?" I say. I don't recognize the voice right away, but this has to do with the amazing disappearing Daniel, right?

"She's gone," the sobbing person says. Pat. That voice is Pat.

"Who is gone, Pat?" I ask.

"Adrianne. She broke up with me, and dropped out of school. She won't even answer my calls. I'm worried about her!"

"Pat, do you need to come over?" I ask.

"Thank you," he says.

"Just give me like an hour, because everyone over here needs to get dressed and fed."

"Okay, or I can help with some of the feeding and dressing." He coughs, "Not dressing you, obviously."

"No, I'm pretty good at that myself, actually," I say, "Twenty minutes."

-0-

When Pat arrives thirty minutes later, I'm knee-deep in screaming children, and he just pitches in, and helps. He would make such a great dad. I'm not sure that Joe would. The only person I know that's worst with kids than Joe is Teal'c.

But Pat would never rock the basket on the top of a Ferris Wheel until the carnie yelled at him. Pat could never make me feel as alive as Joe does.

We get the kids settled down. Shifu's in my arms, and his big brother and sister are playing with blocks. Kush is making towers, knocking them down, and laughing hysterically at the action. Mattie is mostly knocking the blocks in her hands together until one of them flies out of her hands, and then she just crawls around to get it.

Then Pat and I commiserate over the woman he lost.

At some point we start to talk about my problems with Joe. It should feel weirder than it does. Pat is my best friend. He is my link to the world unrelated to the Stargate. I know that he told me I needed to get another friend at college, but I do talk to people. I just don't have the time to invest in a real friendship, except with him.

"Do you ever talk about him real stuff?"

I shake my head, "He doesn't even know about my past."

"You need to tell him the real stuff if you want this relationship to work," he cautions.

"I'm just scared to tell him," I confess.

"It's because of me," he says softly.

"I know you didn't hurt me on purpose," I qualify unable to see him in pain, and know that I cause it.

"Let me help fix it," he says softly, "Trust your boyfriend."

"He is the only person I have known since it happened that didn't treat me like I was a fragile piece of glass that will break if they breathe too much."

"Then you will keep looking until you find the one that won't treat you like you're breakable. You'll keep looking until you find someone that makes your heart sing and your brain dysfunction every time you try to think of something besides him. That's what you deserve."

"You deserve that, too," I tell him softly.

I send him home a few hours and a pint of ice cream later.

-0-

"I'm sorry that we have to have a date in the house. Daniel still isn't home," I say.

Joe gives me a quick kiss on the lips. "It's fine. I like hanging out with you no matter where you are."

"They're in bed, but there is no guarantee that they aren't going to wake up before too long." I planned on talking to him about real stuff. It's just a little hard to jump into it.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Let's sit down. I feel like I should tell you about the stuff that happened to me. You know, the trauma I hinted at."

"Okay," he says, looking serious.

Then I tell him the whole story. He holds me when I cry. When he's done he says, "Thank you for telling me."

"I'm sorry it took so long to tell you. I was scared."

"Sacred of what?" he asks.

"That this would change things between us," I admit.

"You think I would like you less because of what happened to you? I would hope that you knew I was better than that."

"I was afraid you would start protecting me and fussing over me," I say.

"Like Daniel does?"

"I don't mind it from him. It's different from someone that is dating me."

He nods. "I think you have proven that you can take care of yourself way more than anyone else. I think I can trust you to ask for me to help you need it."

I'm crying again.

"Was that wrong?" he asks as he holds me.

"No, you did something that was very, very right."

-0-

There is a team night when Daniel's team comes back from wherever they were trapped. Sam's father is at it. Apparently he just had some sort of experimental treatment which cured his cancer. Basically, he's just had a death sentence be lifted from him. So everyone is in a pretty good mood.

I like Jacob, but I know there are some issues between him and Sam. He also really likes Jack, but every once in a while he gives him a nasty look. It's usually when Jack is looking at Sam. Yeah, it really didn't take him that long to pick up on whatever that is. He doesn't need to worry, though. Jack is so bound by whatever rule there is against them being together. His daughter could not be safer than with Jack.

Actually, that's crap. Sam can very well take care of herself. She's not about to risk her career on some boy. She's just really not that kind of a girl. Her dad should really know that.

There is an interesting thing going on between Daniel and Jacob as well. Daniel is sort of pandering for his attention. I don't know if it's some genuine longing for parents or if it's a habit that's left over from when he was a foster kid. The ones who are old enough to talk usually either end up pleading for attention or acting like jerks because they've given up on ever getting it.

I'm not surprised that Daniel used to be a pleader.

Jacob is holding Shifu when he starts to wail, and he tries to hand him to me. Daniel intercepts, and once he's got the little on in his hands, he walks him out of the room.

"I'm sorry, I just assumed, as the nanny…" Jacob says, more confused than he is embarrassed.

"Daniel feels pretty bad about the fact that he's gone so often. So whenever he is around, he spends a lot of time with his kids," I explain.

There is a trace of something on his face. Did Jacob have the same guilt buried deep in his heart?

"You know, sir, I've never seen anyone with better marksmanship or hand to hand skills than your daughter," Jack says by way of distraction.

Sam beams at him in gratitude, and Jack grins back until Jacob shoots him with a quick look.

"Sam is very impressive! You should have seen her fight the Mongolian warlord! He had that big knife, and she had this tiny one," Daniel exclaims.

Now Jacob is giving Jack a whole other reproachful look.

"I had it under control," Sam says.

"She kind of needed to get her revenge on that man, anyway," Jack adds.

Now Sam is giving her commanding officer a look which definitely shows that she is her father's daughter.

"Why did she need revenge?" Jacob asks.

The table is in silence until finally Daniel cracks. "She was sold as a wife to him."

"What?" Jacob bellows, standing up as if he were prepared to do battle with the man himself if someone would only be so kind as to point the way.

"Nothing happened, Dad," Sam says.

Jacob turns to Jack, "Thank you for keeping my daughter safe," he says seriously.

"Your daughter is pretty good at keeping herself safe," Jack says with a look of approval he usually only gets on his face when he is looking at me.

"Well, that's good to hear, since apparently she fights Mongols with giant swords," Jacob says, and then his voice takes on an incredulous tone, "And you say your job is deep space radar telemetry."

"Yes, sir, and you have to travel all over the world just to get the right sort of reception for those deep space things," Jack says. The man is a really good liar, I've said that plenty of times, but Jacob is like a living lie detector machine.

"I see," Jacob says, slowly and incredulously.

"So when are you heading back?" Jack asks the older man. It seems that he spends more time changing the subject than he does talking about one of them.

"I'll stay with Sam for two or three days," Jacob says.

"You're leaving so soon? I mean, you just got better, didn't you?" I ask.

Jacob pauses for a long time, and when he speaks at last his voice is full of regret, "The going away is sort of the price of getting better."

"You don't regret it, do you?" Sam asks with concern.

"No, of course not," he says, giving her a kiss on her cheek, "I would like to spend a bit more time with my daughter, but I suppose we'll have time enough, now that there are years before me."


	41. Spirits (Drunk Daniel III)

"Daniel?" I ask from the door of his bedroom. I am not quite willing to go into it. I can see from the doorway that his desk is covered in books.

He looks up, sounding quite confused, "Stephanie?"

"I was just wondering if you planned on going to bed tonight?" I ask softly.

"Right, I will. I just have a little research to do. Is he still up?" he asks, looking at Shifu in my arms.

"Well, his middle of the night feeding is just over," I say with a quirk of the brow.

He looks at me in confusion.

"It's three am, Daniel," I say.

He blinks, "I don't think I've worked through the night like this since I became a father."

"So what had you so interested?" I ask indicating the books.

"The Salish, a Native American tribe," he says, pushing his glasses up on his face.

"Proving once again that you and I have very different tastes in late night reading," I tease.

He smiles, "Well, tomorrow I'll be going to make a deal. We found a valuable mineral on their reservation, and I'm going to negotiate for them to let us use it."

"Typical," I mutter, "The government says to the native Americans 'here, have some land' and then as soon as find out it's valuable for any reason, we take it back. That whole phrase 'Indian Givers' should be 'American government givers'."

He chuckles, "Well, that sort of thing is actually what I am trying to avoid here."

"I know you'll do right by them," I say with confidence, "Of course, if you fall asleep in the middle of the negotiations…"

"Right, going to bed then," he says.

"Good boy," I say in a fake condescending voice.

-0-

This year, I try to get on top of the whole Valentine's Day thing. I drop the kids off with their grandparents. The twins, at more than a year and a half, are old enough that they shouldn't see their father completely wasted. I invite Jack over, this time not expecting him to do any babysitting.

Daniel probably needs a little company while he gets drunk.

Jack shows up with his arm in a sling.

"What happened?"

Jack shrugs, "Angry locals."

"So apparently, Daniel can't soften the message of 'we want to steal your land'," I say.

"Oh, no, he totally can. This is what they had to say before he stated talking. Afterward, it was all unicorns and sunshine."

Daniel glares at him, "Yeah, Jack, you weren't exactly there. Some of those unicorns had some pretty painful horns."

"They usually do, Danny boy."

-0-

I'm kind of hoping that they'll be sloshed before it's time to leave for my date with Joe, because a drunk Daniel is always good for a nice laugh. They go pretty easy on the beer in the morning.

Joe and I leave to make snow angels in the park, climb trees covered in frost, and then have a very traditional romantic dinner, which is not at all Joe's style, but is nice, considering the holiday.

He also kisses me while going about ten miles over the speed limit on the highway, which does all sorts of things to my stomach that I would never admit to a living soul.

It's only when he drops me off a little before midnight that I realize with pleasure I did not miss all of the drunk Daniel/Jack show.

When I enter the room, they are already in the middle of an argument. "The cave girl!" Jack yells at Daniel. My boss is slumped on a chair to such a marked degree I'm nervous he's going to slide right off it onto the floor.

"Kynthia!" Daniel retorts, and I wonder what word or name he's mangling with his drunken linguist tongue.

"Sha're!"

"She's not an alien chick, she's my wife!" Daniel explains in anger. I never would have pictured either Daniel or Jack to call a foreigner 'alien', they both strike me as pretty politically correct.

"So is Kynthia," Jack says confidently.

"Na-ha, it was annul… annilated," Daniel says, apparently thinking he finally landed on something that was not only a word, but also the correct word for the situation.

"The princess with the sarcophagus," Jack counters.

Where do these guys _go_ when they leave town? Seriously!

"Drugged," Daniel defends.

"Not when you first crawled in," Jack says.

"Are you guys _seriously_ arguing about who has been with the most women?" I ask.

The two men turn to me, obviously completely unaware that I had entered the room. Their minds are doing a rapid dance trying to remember exactly what I might have heard and if any of it might fall under the broad range of what they count as "classified".

"You heard nothing," Jack says in a conspiratorial whisper.

"Nothing that made sense anyway," I admit.

"Just ravings of drunk people," Daniel says with a firm nod of his head. The nod apparently causes a wave of dizziness that causes him to slink onto the floor the way it looked like he was headed ever since I came home.

"He's drunk," Jack announces.

"So are you, honey," I tell him.

He knits his forehead together as if he were really considering the possibility, but after a moment he rejects it with a firm shake of the head.

I think about what Joe said about finding someone for Daniel. I still think it would be crazy inappropriate for him, but it would be great for Jack.

"Jack, maybe I could help you find someone to spend next Valentine's Day with."

"You don't know anyone old 'nough," he grumbles.

"It's a pretty narrow-minded person who only has friends their own age," I counter.

He stares into the distance for a while before he says, "Only one I want, 'n I can't 'av 'er."

Oh, he still loves his ex-wife, "Isn't there any way she could take you back? I mean, you're not depressed anymore, right?" I ask.

Jack stares at me for a good long time like he can't quite make heads or tails of what I mean, and then he answers slowly and carefully, "I'm not in love with Sara anymore."

I look over at Daniel trying to figure out if he already knew this great reveal. That Jack is in love with some forbidden fruit, and is over his ex-wife. Daniel is snoring in a very awkward-looking position half on the chair and half on the floor of the living room.

I guess it will just have to be Jack and my little secret for the time being. It will be extra secret, because I don't even know if Jack is going to remember telling me in the morning.

"Come on, Daniel. Let's get you to bed," I say, trying to pull the man off the floor.

"No! Your bed is not for me!" he exclaims.

I can't help but giggle at how angry he looks as he says it, "You're right. Only toddlers are allowed in my bed," I tease.

"And chemists," he says with a nod, "And gate technicians."

Huh, I never heard Joe described that way before. "What does a gate technician do?" I ask, hoping for more drunken slip ups.

"They technician the gate," Jack says, laughing like he just told not only a joke, but a funny joke.

"Technician isn't a verb, Jack," Daniel says with disdain.

"Oh, yeah? They sit there and technician it," Jack retorts, before dissolving into giggles once again.

"They operate the dialing computer," Daniel corrects.

Dialing computer? On a gate? They really don't want people getting into that mountain.

"Close the iris!" Jack shouts.

Daniel grabs me and pulls himself up, "He keeps out the Goa'uld, Steph. If the Goa'uld get in, we all gonna die." There is such seriousness in his voice that a chill goes down my spine quite against my will. "Joe's 'portant," Daniel says, with a nausea-inducing nod of the head.

There is that strange swear word again, Goa'uld, said as if it were a body of people who needed to be kept out of a military base in the middle of America. I can't imagine there is much risk of incursion in Colorado Springs.

I heave Daniel up, and we start walking toward the bedroom. "Joe's 'portant, but you don't like him. You like Pat, but you don't like him 'nuf either. Make up your mind, girl," the last part is said in a remarkably good impression of a large black women. I am trying to picture where Daniel would have picked that up. Maybe a foster home along the way.

"Are you cheating on Joe?" Jack says drunkenly, following us down the hallway.

"No," I say, annoyed at Daniel and his unwanted drunken advice. Especially when it casts me in a bad light in Jack's eyes.

"She's got one for adventure and one for emotions," Daniel explains.

"How many for kissing?" Jack asks.

"One," I say with an eye roll, "I'm with Joe."

By now I've managed to get the archeologist into his bed, fully dressed, per our usual. Jack follows him into bed. Daniel gives him an amused look.

"We spilt beer on the couch. So now you have to allow Colonels in your bed."

"Kay," Daniel says, rolling over so his back is to Jack.

"Night," Jack says grinning at me.

"I'm assuming you two cleaned up the spilt beer?" I ask.

"Assume away," Jack says with a wave of his hand.

"Ass… ume," Daniel giggles. "Stephanie said ass!"

"Is my assumption based on reality?" I prompt.

"No," Jack giggles.

"Next year, you two are getting a babysitter," I grumble, leaving the room.


	42. Touchstone

Jack spends most of the next day at our place. I can't tell if it's because he is still too drunk to drive, or if he's so hung over that moving is hard for him.

"So, Jack, you mentioned you had a secret crush last night," I say over the breakfast table.

"Is this coffee, or just black water?" he asks, glaring at the cup before him.

"If she made it any stronger, I'd throw up. Go to your own house if you don't like the coffee," Daniel snarks at Jack. I can't help but wonder if the 'who slept with more foreigners' argument hadn't been a bit nastier before I came home. Daniel definitely seems to be mad at Jack about something.

"Can I at least use your coffee-maker to make it?" Jack asks.

Daniel waves his arm in the general direction of the coffee maker.

"So do you know who Jack is in love with?" I ask Daniel.

His eyes meet the back of Jack's head for a long time. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you think he should just be with her, no matter what the consequences?" I ask.

Jack turns toward Daniel, searching his friend's face.

"No," Daniel says firmly, like he is defending someone. There are not that many people that Daniel defends.

"It's not me, is it?" I ask nervously.

"You're kidding, right?" Jack says, "No, little girl, it's not you."

"Well, you did say forbidden," I defend. "So do I know this mystery girl?" I must know her, right, if it's someone Daniel would be willing to defend?

"Talking about it isn't going to help," Jack says in a firm tone.

"Jack," Daniel says softly.

Jack violently slams the carafe into the coffee maker, "Last night I got drunk. Talked about some feelings that I will never ever get to act on. Can we just forget it?"

"You know she feels the same?" Daniel asks, looking at the back of his friend's head.

Jack's shoulders sag. "That doesn't matter, and you just admitted that you agreed with me, Daniel."

"You should let me weigh in," I say, feeling really left out.

The coffee is percolating now, and Jack really has no excuse to keep staring at it. He turns and sighs, "In the military, there are rules about who you can be with."

"So it's someone from work?" I ask. Then I get it. "Sam? You've got a crush on Sam."

"Kid, I'm about four decades too old for crushes," Jack corrects.

Love. The idiot is in love with a soldier in his chain of command. They might think I don't know much about the military, but I've been around for a while, and I know that that is a big no-no.

I walk behind him and give him a big hug. "It will be okay, Jack."

"Sure it will, kiddo. I'll burry my feelings, and we'll forget all the things that I admitted when I was drunk."

-0-

"I'm going to be taking a trip in Nevada. I should only be gone a day or two," Daniel says to me.

I can count on one hand the number of time Daniel's actually told me where he was going, and yet he is gone all the time. I wonder what the difference is. Why is Nevada not classified, but all the other places he speeds off to are?

I swear I am going to solve this riddle one day. Maybe I should start making flowcharts or something.

-0-

If I didn't know that Shifu was way too young for it, I would be suspicious that he was trying out each and every one of the vowel sounds in sequence. Systematically, like a little robot baby checking his systems.

"Baby Boo boodala," Mattie says, sticking her face in her baby brother's face.

"Give him some space," I warn.

Shifu grabs onto the back of her head, to hold her closer.

"He likes it," Mattie objects with a roll of her eyes.

"Baby Boo like talk to us," Kush says.

"Yes, and someday, he'll know real words," I say.

"Baby Boo know otsa words," Mattie says.

"His name is Shifu, and he's just babbling," I say with a smile.

"He want be called Baby Boo," Kush says.

"You guys are so sweet to pretend you can understand him. Come on now, let's have story time."

"Baby Boo wants the 'airy tales," Kush informs me gravely.

"'Airy tales it is, little loves. Come on up to the couch with Stephie," I tell them.

"Nie," Mattie corrects.

I might as well accept that my young charges are in control of naming everyone around them.

-0-

"Cassie, is everything okay?" I ask when I notice how thoughtful the teenager is on one of our babysitting nights.

She nods her head. I'm not buying it. I just raise my eyebrows at her.

"Jeez, I'm trying not to think about Teal'c."

"Why?" I ask, shocked. I thought things were going pretty good between him and her mother.

"It's been like two weeks since he spent the night. Mom hasn't said anything official, but I'm pretty sure they broke up, or at least had a fight or something. I just wish she'd tell me."

"He used to spend the night a lot?" I ask.

"Yeah, a couple of times a week. He like never talked to me or anything, but I think that is just 'cause he never talks to anyone."

"I'm sure it is, sweetie," I say. I'm not actually sure, or course. I suspect it is just because he doesn't like kids, but that doesn't exactly seem like the kind of thing that I am going to share with the kid.

"I shouldn't care, right?" she says nervously.

"You are definitely allowed to care if someone goes out of your life."

"He's nice to me, you know, in his own way. He terrified this kid that was bullying me."

"Yeah, that sounds like Teal'c," I say.

"He reminds me of my dad, you know," she says.

"You never really talk about your parents," I observe.

"When I was little, I used to feel bad because I had never really 'bonded' with my dad or whatever. I mean, a lot of my friends were closer to my dad than I was. Heck, I was closer to come of my friend's dads than I was to my own. But he was a good man, you know. He provided for our family, protected us. I don't think I got how much he loved me until after he was gone."

"I'm sorry about your parents. I know how that feels," I say.

"Sometimes I forget that you're an orphan too. You're so normal."

I snort at that.

She looks up at me, and suddenly I realize _I_ am this little girl's hope that someday she's going to have a normal life. Besides, everyone from my boyfriends to my boss to my therapist says I am pretty normal for what I've been through.

"You're very normal too, Cass," I tell her.

"Do you think that Teal'c loved me?" she asks.

"I'm sure of it," I says with confidence. It doesn't actually matter if it's true or not. She needs to hear that. "In fact, I'm sure he still does."

-0-

"Daniel, do you know why Janet and Teal'c broke up?" I ask.

There is a long moment of silence in which he raises his eyebrows high over his glasses. "I had no idea they did."

"I guess I don't know for sure they did. Cassie just mentioned that he wasn't coming around anymore. She's sort of sad he's out of her life."

Daniel nods seriously, "And Teal'c isn't the sort of person who's going to stick around to hang with the kid after he's broken up with her mom. Maybe we should invite her over."

I smile.

"What?" he asks at my facial expression.

"It's just, you've got three kids, and you want to take on parenting of another one. You're just too good to be true."

"I've done the 'adults walking out of your life' thing. Not a fan," he says.

I nod.

"I'll see if Teal'c wants to talk about what went wrong, maybe we'll be able to fix it."

"You want to see if Teal'c wants to talk?" I ask.

"Good point. I'll talk to Janet," he says.


	43. A Matter of Time

Cassie can't stop grinning during the team night. I guess the talk between Daniel and Janet went really well. She keeps looking at me, and I can't help but figure she's trying to tell me some kind of message with her eyes. So when she tells everyone she's going to the bathroom and stares at me the whole time I figure I'd better follow her. Discretely, a few minutes later, of course.

She's in my room, and she grabs onto both of my arms as she talks. "I'm pretty sure that Jack spent the night at our house last night!"

"What? Jack?" I say in surprise. That can't be right, because Jack likes Sam. I mean, his whole drunken confession that he liked Sam happened only about a week ago. He couldn't have changed his mind that fast, could he have?

"He came over to hang out with me. You know he does that a lot, ever since I came here," she says. I nod my head. Cassie is about the same age that Jack's kid would have been if he lived. I'm not even sure that the little girl knows that Jack lost a kid. Still, he's close with her. "Well, he's been over there like all the time ever since Teal'c stopped coming over." Apparently Jack and Daniel really think alike. "Well, last night I went to bed at, like, midnight, and Jack still hadn't left. He was just sitting next to mom on the couch. He was gone in the morning, but…"

Oh, the poor girl. She's gotten all attached to the idea that the closest person to a father to her is having a relationship with her mom, and I'm pretty sure that it's not true. "Cassie, your mom was probably just a bit upset about breaking up with Teal'c, and Jack was comforting her. Just because he was at your house late doesn't mean that anything happened between them."

The kid looks totally crushed for a couple of minutes.

"You know, kid, your mom doesn't have to be with Jack in order for him to be your dad. I know this from experience."

She nods her head. I give her a quick hug before heading back to the party before people come looking for us.

Cassie comes out, and now she's looking at Jack with twice the intensity that she was looking at me before.

"You wanta play chess, kid?" he asks picking up on the hint. She nods eagerly, and runs for the chess board so quickly that she almost trips.

They set it up far enough from the rest of the group that Jack might be able to fool Cassie that we should not hear. It's not the first time that Jack has aided and abetted me in my spying. They don't even get three moves into the game before Cassie looks up at Jack with a face full of hope, and says, "Will you be my dad?"

Jack looks super uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I wonder if there isn't a little bit of truth to their claim. "What do you mean?" he asks so softly that I can't help but wonder if he isn't regretting how close the game was placed to us.

"I just…" she says looking down, "You know, for a while it looked like Teal'c might be my stepfather." Jack looks like he's going to choke to death on air. Oh my goodness, something is seriously going on between him and the good doctor. Something that is at least emotionally serious. "He wouldn't have been the best stepdad or anything, but… I don't know if Mom's ever going to find someone. I don't want to wait forever for a dad. I feel like I've almost had once ever since I came here. So I just wanted to make it official. I wanted to ask you to be my dad."

He looks at the kid kindly, "What would I have to do differently in order for you to consider me your dad?"

All along. All along he was playing the role of father to her just as surely as he was to me. How had she missed it? I hadn't. Maybe I should have told her that Jack was her father a long time ago.

She looks up at him, and her lip quivers, because she can see that she has hurt him. "I… I didn't know. I'm sorry," she says, focusing hard on the game, even though it is to no avail, because it is Jack's turn, and he has no intention of making a move on the chest board anytime soon.

"No, honey, if you didn't know, I was doing something wrong. You have to tell me what I was missing. I would do anything for you. I love you," he says.

Those are words that I've never said to the babies. It's weird to say it to other people's kids. It feels like you are stepping over your bounds. Not that I don't do a million things that are probably way over my bound, but, well, that's just the real line in the sand, you know?

It doesn't mean that they don't say it to me. Kids see love, you know. It's an action. Not words.

I can tell by Cassie's face that Jack has never said those words to her before. Her heart has been longing for these words for a long time. That's fair, because this is a kid who heard it all the time from her parents until they were taken from her quite suddenly by death. She deserves to hear 'I love you' from her father.

She knocks over the game board leaping into his arms.

"What?" he says in surprise, apparently having no idea why she suddenly on his lap.

"I love you, too," she says.

"Didn't you know that, little one?" he says with his eyebrows going together. "Well, I guess you were right. I wasn't really your dad until right now, because a real dad would have made sure that you knew you were loved. Cassie, I have loved you ever since I knew you. You were so terrified that first day, and you melted my heart."

"I'm sorry, Jack," she says.

"Quit apologizing kiddo. Please, tell me anytime you need something from me. What else do you need me to do? Do you want to tell your friends I'm your dad? Do you want to call me it? Is there anything else?"

"I shouldn't have doubted you," she says.

-0-

Someone I've never heard from before calls to tell me that it will be while before Daniel comes home. The voice is all distorted, and slow.

Secretly, I'm glad, because I have no idea how I'm going to tell Daniel.

The smiling face on the pregnancy test continues to mock me. Why is it smiling? Right, because most people who get pregnant are actually happy about it. They aren't nineteen-year-olds with careless boyfriends.

That's not fair, it's not fair to blame Joe for all of this. I liked to take risks as much as he did. Risks are fun at the time, because they make you feel so wonderfully alive. It's only later with the thrill is over, and the consequences are before you that you actually remember what the word 'risk' means.

Besides all the terror of having a baby with a guy who isn't great with kids, and disappointing my surrogate fathers, I have to deal with all the memories of the son that I lost.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be married with a degree when this happened. Daniel's kids were supposed to be off at school, so that I could leave them without so much guilt.

It's too early; it's all wrong; and it's all my fault.

-0-

It's two weeks before Daniel arrives back. He doesn't try to offer me a single world of explanation as to why he'd been gone for so long.

He kept looking at me intensely and strangely. I couldn't figure out whether the man had some sort of near-psychic powers, and knew there was something wrong with me, or if his odd looks were caused by something he'd seen when he was gone.

It's the next morning at breakfast that he finally asks me, "What is going on with you?"

I'm poking at my breakfast, unable to convince my stomach in flip-flop mode to eat anything, "Nothing I just don't feel that great."

He doesn't believe me, but after a further examination of my face he decides to let it go. I am pretty sure that this is only a temporary reprieve.

-0-

I was right about the temporary reprieve. As soon as the kids are in bed, Daniel says, "Okay, now you're going to tell me what you're moping about."

I can't hold in the emotions anymore, and I bury my face in his chest and sob for a long time. After a while I feel his chest start to go up and down and I pull back to look at him thinking that he was laughing at me. He was crying too.

"Please tell me, and we'll find a way to make it okay," he pleads.

"Baby," I mutter.

"Something is wrong with Shifu?" he asks.

"No, I'm having a baby," I tell him.

He sighs with visible relief. "You're pregnant? That's the only reason that you're so upset?"

"Isn't that enough? Daniel, I like my job," I say.

"Good. I like the way you do it. You think I'm going to fire you because you got pregnant without being married?"

"No, I think that you are disappointed in me because of that. I think that you're going to get another nanny, because four kids under the age of four is going to be too much for one person."

"Well, Steph, if you think it's too much, I completely understand. I'll help you find another place to live, and another job if you want one. If you look at human history as a whole, caring for four kids that young is pretty normal. And," he says tenderly, "I am not disappointed in you. I knew you were having sex, I knew this could be the result. Besides, you could never do something that would disappoint me," he says with a sad smile.

"Jack is going to be very disappointed," I say. Daniel never told me not to have sex, but Jack certainly did.

"No, he's not. He's going to be so excited to be a grandfather that he's not even going to worry about anything else. When you tell him, you should pretend that you told him before you told anyone else. Have you told Joe?"

I shake my head, "He's not that big on kids. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to end up doing it alone."

"You are not going to do it on your own. You've got your family here for you," Daniel corrects, "Also, I think you are underestimating Joe. He might surprise you when it's his own kid."

"I'm not going to keep him from the kid if he wants to be involved. I'm just not holding my breath."

Daniel gives me another hug. "Tell them, and you'll see that they'll love you just as much as they do now. Is there anything that I can do to make this easier?" he asks, pulling back from the hug.

"You could tell Jack for me?" I suggest with a touch of humor.

He shakes his head, looking a little frightened. Great, the unscareable Daniel Jackson is scared.


	44. The Fifth Race

I start talking to Daniel as soon as he enters the door, "I'm ready to tell Jack about the baby. I think you're wrong about him being completely cool with it, at least at first. I think he is going to freak out for a while, but I think in the end he's going to accept this kid. So I want to get the telling part over, so that by the time the baby really enters the world he will have accepted it…" after I get that far I realize that Daniel isn't listening. He has this hurt expression on his face.

"Daniel?" I ask softly.

"Jack's hurt," he says in almost a whisper.

"How hurt?" I ask concerned.

"Well, he's not hurt, not really. It's more like his mind got scrambled. He interacted with a piece of technology we didn't understand, and it's making him speak another language."

"What?"

"It's a derivative of Latin."

"No, I wasn't asking what language. I was asking how on Earth he could get brain damaged in such a way he could _learn._ "

"That's what the machine was supposed to do, teach. The people who built it messed up, and now it's killing him. I don't know, I think they messed up a lot," he notices that I noticed the verb tense, "They are all gone now."

"We have to figure out some way to help him," I say.

"I don't think we can, Steph. We've done everything we can for him. I'm not sure that he's going to make it. He's at his house for a while. He'll have to go back to the base before too long. He wants to see you."

"What about the kids?" I ask.

"He didn't ask for them, and I'm not sure that I want them to see him in this state."

"I figured as much. I meant, who is going to stay with the kids?"

"I am," he says. I look at him in surprise. He shrugs his shoulders, "Jack and I have already said what we need to say to one another."

This must really be bad if it got Daniel and Jack talking about their feelings.

-0-

"Salve," Jack says as he answers the door. I'm going to go ahead and assume that this is some kind of greeting.

"Hi, Jack, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," he searches my eyes, "Did Daniel let you know how bad this is?"

I nod.

He walks away from the door, and I trail him into the kitchen. He grabs a beer for himself, and a pop for me, and then we sit down on the couch.

"I'm leaving you the house. Cass gets the savings and the car," he says.

"Jack, I can't let you do that," I say with my eyes welling up with tears.

"It's been done for more than a year, puer," he says. I don't need that one translated.

"Jack…things have changed since then. There are things you don't know," I say stumbling over my words before I stop them completely with a sip of pop. I so don't want the truth slipping out. Jack has enough going on he doesn't need me to add another burden on. I'll tell him if he gets better.

"There is nothing you could ever say that would change my mind about how amazing you are," Jack says firmly.

Well, I guess I'll have to tell him then, because I'm not going to let him leave a house to me not knowing what I've done. "I'm having a baby."

He doesn't say anything. His face just goes all soft and warm. "Even better then. I'll leave you the money too, and then you won't have to work when the baby's little. You can just go to school and take care of your little one."

"I want to keep working. Besides, being a nanny is one of the few jobs that you can do while taking care of your own kid. This way I'll just have to get someone to watch it when I'm in class."

"That someone is going to be the baby's dad, right?" Jack asks.

"He really doesn't like kids."

"My grandpa was the same way," Jack says, "He'd be in a public restaurant, and a kid would cry and he'd be angry. Some kid would wipe his buggers on his sleeve in church, and he'd freak out. Yet, when it was his grandkids…" Jack shrugs, "Sometimes it's different when it's your own kid. Have you told him yet?"

I shake my head. "You're the first one I told."

"Daniel told you to say that. It's sweet, but you can't pull off a lie, honey," he says with a faint smile.

"Jack, leave the money and the house to Cassie. I am fine, and I could never live with the idea that I robbed the girl of something that she deserved."

"I'll go back to the original plan then. You and your family can live in the house once you've got your degree, and stopped being a nanny at least. You can rent it out until then or just sell it now, and help pay for school and the baby."

"Thank you Jack, I don't deserve it," I mutter.

He shakes his head, "Don't feel guilt over how this kid came into the world. Lots of people do the same thing without getting babies. There is no more shame in what you did than in what they did. Besides it's right. You and a baby that's rectus. That's the way it's supposed to be."

"Rectus?" I ask giggling. I know it's wrong to giggle at a man who said the wrong word, because he might be about to die, but seriously?

"Yeah, you know, rectus, as in not malum."

"Do you mean right?" I ask.

He nods, "Isn't that what I said?"

My stomach drops down at the look on his face as he says it. It is equal parts confused and frustrated. I've seen it before a few months before my grandmother died of Alzheimer's. I nod my head. He gives me a look which clearly says that he thinks I am full of crap.

"I know that you are scared about this kid. It's going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Is there anything I could do to make this easier for you?" he asks concerned.

"Yeah, you could live," I tell him.


	45. Serpent's Song

Jack lived. No-one even pretends to tell me how. The first night I see him after whatever-it-was, I just keep trying to get him to talk. I'm waiting for one of those Latin words to slip in. He seems to know what I am aiming for, and he talks far more than he usually does.

He keeps looking at me with that face that Daniel uses when he's got his babies in his arms. I still can't believe that someone loves me like that, but I know part of the love isn't even aimed at me. I know he's thinking hard about my pregnancy.

He's kind enough not to say anything, which is good since the grand total of people who knows about the baby is two.

I really need to get into expanding that number. I just hit the eight-week mark, and that's long enough without the father of the baby knowing.

It's just a hard topic to broach. Well, hard in these circumstances, anyway. When I was a kid, I used to read cheesy romances. Not those like graphic sex things, but like the subtle prairie romances that come in long series that cover generations. My favorite parts used to be the way that the wife told her husband that she was pregnant. I used to imagine a thousand ways that I would reveal it.

Only, he's not my husband, and he's probably not going to jump up from his bedroll and take five trips around the campfire like the heroes of my imagination. Yeah, apparently in my childish daydreams, I was going to build a time machine so that I could go back in time and marry a real cowboy.

Anyway, this is going to be nothing like that.

I'm trying to bribe myself. After I tell Joe, I get to tell Daniel's kids, and they are going to be thrilled.

The twins have been telling me that 'Baby Booboo' has been asking for a baby sister. Well, my kid might not be a girl, and it wouldn't really be a sibling, but it's probably as close as they are going to get.

Although, since Sha're is still missing, you never know. Shifu wasn't exactly expected.

-0-

It's funny. Last week, pizza was just about the only thing that I could keep down. Now the smell of it is offensive.

"Are you okay?" Pat asks softly.

"Can we just… not with the smell," I plead.

He runs it out to the trash, and comes back looking very concerned. "You've been sick for a long time," Pat says. Suddenly his eyes get big, "Oh, you're having a baby."

I shut my eyes, "I haven't told Joe, so I'm not going to tell you."

"I completely understand," he says. Then he pauses, "Congratulations. Unofficially, of course."

I struggle to keep away the wish that it was his kid inside of me, but it's futile. He's grinning, and it's not even his kid.

-0-

The guilt of not having broken the news to Joe yet is really getting to me. I had my second prenatal appointment today. I've kept my secret for almost nine weeks now. Way too long. I don't even notice when I start to cry.

"Steph? What's wrong?" Joe says, reaching over and holding me close to his chest.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, whatever it is," he says.

"I should have told you a long time ago," I admit.

"Tell me now," he sooths.

"We're having a baby," I admit. An amazing amount of relief flows through my body as soon as the words have left me.

He's silent, and I pull back enough to see his face. It isn't the face that the fictional cowboy wore when I told him that he was a father. Still, it's maybe a little bit more excited than I was when I found out about it.

"So, I'm guessing were counting from the night we ran out of con…" I'm embarrassed to have him finish that sentence, so I nod. "Then two months? Is that right?"

I nod again, still crying.

"It's okay. Stop crying. We're going to get married. We'll get some housing through the Air Force, and then you can get into the commissary for cheap groceries, and you can get the medical benefits. I mean, the Air Force takes care of its families…"

"I'm sorry, did you just propose?" I ask.

He nods, smiling at me.

"Umm… no way. You don't propose to me with talk about insurance. We're going to pretend that this didn't happen."

"Okay, fair enough, I'll do it better next time, with talk about love, and give flowers or something."

"You're still going to be proposing to me because I'm pregnant. You don't have to do that," I protest. "You don't have to do anything more for this kid than you do for Daniel's kids."

He actually rolls his eyes at me. "Are you kidding me?"

"You don't like kids," I protest.

"I don't like babies that much, it's true. I'm better with them when they are older. I'm going to love _our_ baby, though."

He sounds so sure, but I am not sure at all.

"Will you move in with me, then? If you won't marry me?"

"You live on the base," I say in confusion.

"I'd get a house for you and the baby."

"I'm still going to be Daniel's nanny."

"You know you don't have to, right? I could support you if you wanted to stay at home with the kid for a little while."

Another man in my life that is trying to protect me. I shake my head gently. "Do you seriously want to be a dad to this kid?"

"Of course!" he says.

"Okay, then let's do it like we are right now. You stay here sometimes. We date, sometimes we'll bring the kid, sometimes we won't."

He stares at me looking, slightly disappointed. "If I got a place, could I have the kid there sometimes? Or both of you?"

"You want to do the whole diaper and bottle thing?" I say, still surprised. It seems so different from the Joe that I am used to.

"Yes."

"Okay," I say, snuggling up against him. He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head. Maybe this really isn't the disaster that I thought it was right away. Maybe the stupid pregnancy test was right: this is something to smile about.

"I think you should probably meet my parents now," he says.

Never mind.

-0-

After the kids are in bed, Daniel comes into my room and sits down on my bed. He's never done this before. This has got to be about the baby.

"We got the guy who took Sha're."

Or not. How self-centered am I? "What? Did you find her?"

He shakes his head.

"Do you want me to help you beat the shit out of him until he tells you where she is?" I offer. He is holding in a laugh. Well, that's better than tears at least. "I suppose you could get Teal'c to do that if you wanted," I say.

"Oh, I think if the government wasn't holding him back, he would have on his own account. Apparently it's wrong to torture prisoners," he says with pain in his eyes, "Anyway, it's too late to get an answer now."

"What do you mean, too late?" I ask with a knot twisting in my stomach. Sha're is okay, isn't she?

"He's dead."

"What about Sha're?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Is this a good thing? I mean, does this mean there is a greater chance of her coming home?"

"I don't think so. There is still the brainwashing, and the whole army," he says.

"We're going to get her home," I assure him.

He doesn't look like he believes me. After a pause, I ask, "Daniel, if Joe got an apartment, would you care if I stayed there sometimes when you were home?"

His eyebrows raise above the glasses. "That would be fine. I take it he knows about the kid."

"He proposed."

"You said no?" he prompts.

"It was about insurance and housing to him."

"Yeah, there are a lot of benefits to being married to an Airman."

"Maybe I'll get them someday, when it's real."

"Fair enough, but maybe you should consider the fact that your baby might want those things."

"My baby will be fine," I say offensively.

He flinches a little. "I wasn't saying you can't take care of your baby. Lord knows you've taken care of kids in a lot worst circumstances than this. I just mean that it doesn't have to be hard. You could actually let someone do something for you for the first time in your life."

"I didn't do a good job the first time, Daniel. Good parents keep their kids alive."

"That was not your fault, Steph."

"I don't deserve another chance," I whisper. Have you ever said something that you didn't even know you were feeling?

"Steph, you have got to be kidding me!" he says. Then his eyes get all soft, "If eight-year-old Daniel could pick anyone in the world to be his mom after his died, he'd pick you."

"Eight-year-old Daniel didn't know me, because I wasn't born yet."

He grins a bit, "You get my point. I don't take choosing the person to raise my children lightly. That kid is so unbelievably lucky."

"Thanks," I say, giving Daniel a big hug.

Daniel gets up to leave, but turns back to me, "You should probably not tell Jack that you refused a proposal from the man who knocked you up."


	46. Holiday

"Daddy is 'eabing!" Kush says in alarm, staring out the window.

"No, I'm sure your father is just running a little bit late."

"No, he ouside 'eabing," Mattie says, confirming her brother's comment.

Holding Shifu, I throw open the door to see that Daniel is in fact walking away from his house. "Daniel!" I shout.

He turns and blinks at me, "You're very beautiful."

"Great, your kids are wondering why you're walking away instead of spending time with them," I say as the twins hide between a leg each.

"I am quite sorry," he says, walking up to me, putting his arm around me, and kissing me. On the lips. This is weird. Then his tongue touches my lips.

I pull away, "What are you doing?" I ask. I seriously contemplate slapping him, but I might traumatize the children.

"I do not understand what I have done to offend you."

"Really? Well, maybe I should call up my boyfriend/father of my unborn baby and see how he feels about my boss kissing me," I say.

"These are not my children?" he asks, gesturing toward the three.

"No, they are your kids," I tell him.

"Our family is very complicated, is it not?" he asks.

"They are not my kids. I'm your nanny. Why don't you know this?" I ask nervously.

"Daddy boken?" Mattie suggests.

"Daddy is going to be just fine. Can you take him into your room and get him to read a book for you?" I ask her.

The twins each take one of his hands, and draw him out of the room. He looks back at me suspiciously. "Do you not have any food?" he asks.

"I'll bring you some," I say. Right after I call Jack, because whatever is going on is not normal.

-0-

"Come on, Daniel," Jack says.

"I deserve this body," Daniel replies.

What is happening right now?

"Steph, please get his babies out of here," Jack says. I don't even have to say anything to the kids. They squirm past Jack to get behind me with wide terrified eyes. I'd like to stay for the rest of this conversation, but I've got to protect these kiddos, so I'm actually going to get out of earshot this time.

Anyway, I'll ask Jack what happened later. I have a feeling that Daniel is not going to be in any state to tell me the truth about what is happening any time soon.

He deserves his body? What does that even mean?

-0-

When Daniel returns to the house four hours later, he's walking like an old man. I'm desperate to get him to talk, because I want to check to see if he's going to talk like him. I just can't think of anything to say to him, any question to ask him. So we just stand there and stare at each other for a while.

"Don't worry, kid, he's back," Jack says to me.

"Then who's the father of my baby?" I demand.

"There isn't a question about that, right?" Jack asks, scandalized.

I roll my eyes.

"Joe," Daniel says.

"Right? I mean, there are no other contenders, right?" Jack me asks nervously.

I give him a glare which silences him instantly. " _I_ know that my baby is Joe's. Daniel knows, too. I am just checking to see if this is really Daniel."

"What did, ah… I do before?" Daniel asks nervously.

"You kissed me," I say.

"Well, that's not so bad. He's done that before," Jack says.

"Yeah, he's never used tongue before," I say, narrowing my eyes at Daniel.

Daniel's cheeks go red, and he covers his eyes with his hand. Then he peeks at me between his fingers, "I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry, Steph. You have to know that I wasn't myself."

"I gathered that. I am curious who exactly you were," I say.

Daniel coughs, and looks at Jack. Deferring to the expert liar.

"You see, at work Daniel was accidently exposed to a mind control device…" Jack begins.

"Not buying it. That wouldn't give you a whole new personality," I reply.

Jack nods his head, "You're right. He was high on drugs."

"Drugs would not change your pattern of speech," I protest.

Jack and Daniel make eye contact with each other for a really long time. Then Daniel shrugs, "It wasn't really me. It was someone else in a clever disguise."

"He looked exactly like you. The only difference was the way he acted, and his speech patterns," I point out.

"It was a _very_ clever disguise," Jack says with a nod of his head. This is the story that they are going to stick with, interesting.

"Such a clever disguise that he wore you like a suit?" I ask.

Daniel looks so uncomfortable with the description, that I almost believe he finds it too accurate. Or I would believe that if it wasn't completely crazy.

"Can we just drop this?" Daniel asks. Then after a pause he adds, "After you assure me that I didn't do anything else that was weird or harmful."

"Yeah, I called Jack pretty quick after the weirdness began."

"You definitely made the right choice in nanny," Jack says to Daniel with a proud nod of his head.

-0-

Joe looks over at me in the car, and flashes me a warm smile. I know he is giving me a hidden sign that I need to calm down, right now.

I give him a weak smile in return, "Can you give me a run-down of what we should and should not talk about when we meet your parents?" I ask.

"Well, we're not going to tell them that you are pregnant quite yet. We're going to get them used to the idea of my having a serious girlfriend first," he says.

"Okay, but what about the fact that we're going to be living together?" I ask.

"I wasn't aware we were going to be living together," he says with a grin on his face.

"Right, that was a conversation that I had with Daniel, not with you."

"I hate to break the news to you love, but you've been living with Daniel for a while now," he says.

"Smartass. I just asked him if it would be okay if I stayed with you whenever he was home and I wasn't on nanny duty. He was cool with it. So I guess it's not completely living together. When I'm in charge of the kids, you can still stay here some of the time like you have been doing."

"That sounds great," he says. "Are you going to help me pick out a place?"

"Yeah, and I'd like to pay half of it," I say.

"No, please let me take care of it."

"Look, I've been working for Daniel for a long time, and I've barely spent anything I made, since my room and board are taken care of. If I'm going to be living with you, I want to be able to take care of at least some of the expenses."

"Alright, then you've got to let me go in _at least_ fifty/fifty on all of the child stuff. I mean medical appointments, maternity clothes, all of the equipment and copious amounts of cloth that it takes to raise babies."

"That sounds fair," I agree.

"And we are not telling my parents that we are sort of moving in together," he says just as we pull up in front of his house. I can see a woman in an apron standing before the window. When she sees Joe's truck, she turns and says something over her shoulder, and a man appears beside her.

"How long has it been since you last saw them?" I ask.

"Christmas before last," he says softly.

Wow. If my parents were still around, I would never let that much time pass between seeing them. "Okay, then let's do this."

No-one hugs. There are handshakes all around, and the eager burst of the kind of questions that families ask each other after separations.

The supper is ready, and within minutes of us entering the house, we fall upon it. It's like everyone is excited and eager for this to begin, but no one wants to let it last too long.

Dennis, Joe's father, places a glass of wine in front of me.

"No, thank you," I say bashfully. Joe shoots me a panicked look. Apparently he thinks that this is going to reveal my pregnancy. "I'm not actually of legal age yet," I say, by way of explaining my refusal.

"I'm sorry, I thought Joe mentioned you were in grad school," Dennis says.

"I am, but I'm also nineteen."

June, Joe's mother, raises her eyebrows in surprise. "What is a smart girl like you doing with a high school dropout like my son?"

I blink in surprise at the cruelty of her words, but Joe is apparently used to it. "Mother, I got my GED."

"It's not the same as a diploma," she says.

"Joe is very smart. He's even thinking of going to college," I defend.

Joe shakes his head, "Not now."

Oh, I hadn't known that my having a baby had put a damper on his high-flying dreams. That puts a little ache in the pit of my stomach.

"What's changed?" June asks.

I am so not the one that is blowing our cover.

"I just think one of us in college at a time is enough. In a couple of years, Steph will have her degree and be working as a psychologist. That might be a better time." Yep, they definitely give lying lessons up in that mountain. That was actually quite smooth.

"We could make it work," I tell him, "If you wanted to do school now."

He shakes his head, "It was just a pipe dream, anyway," he says.

Wow, he is so different around his parents. Where did that daring risk-taker I fell in love with disappear to? How did someone that brave come from a home like that?

"You could do it easy," I say.

"It would be nice to have him away from that dangerous job he insists on doing," his mother says with a tst-tsk.

"He doesn't want to quit the Air Force," I explain, "He wants to be got to college so he can be a pilot."

His father spoons a bit of potato onto his plate before saying, "Well, at least he'd be an officer. Officers are safer, aren't they?"

I nod my head, knowing it's a lie in his job.

"So, you're going to be a psychologist?" June asks.

"Yes, I'm a nanny now," I say.

"I did that once, back before I was married," June says, "Mom was too lazy to take care of her own kids."

"It's not like that. I work for a single dad. He spends a lot of time with his kids. It's just that his job keeps him away a lot, and there are three very young kids."

"I didn't mean to insult him," she says, smiling.

I defend Daniel a bit too much, but I can't help it if people are judgmental about people who hire nannies.

"So, I take it the two of you are pretty serious," his father says.

Joe locks eyes with me for a few seconds before he says, "Yeah, pretty serious."

"Marriage serious?" his father considers.

I look down. I'm sure Joe wishes that he could say 'yes' right now. Back when I said 'no', I think there was just a tiny bit of relief. Now, though, now he wants convention.

"Not quite yet," I say, meeting Joe's eyes briefly before looking at his parents. I can give him that at least.

"I see, you needed a trial run to see if his parents were really as batty as he said before you could commit," June says dryly. I'm a bit surprised, up until now everything she's said has been of the passive-aggressive variety, this takes the passive right out of it.

"He never said anything bad about you."

"We'd like to meet your parents sometime," Dennis says. I never pictured that sort of a comment to be that difficult for me still.

I take a deep breath and try to keep my hand from shaking. Damn, and I thought I was ready to start weaning myself off therapy, but today has proven me wrong. "My parents are dead. I have a foster mother, and my boss, and my sort of surrogate father that you could meet, though."

"I'm very sorry about you parents," Dennis says quietly. Joe reaches across the table to take my hand.

His mom smiles at the action. We just might win her over yet.


	47. One False Step

"We want an 'airy tale," Mattie declares.

"Okay, but first, I have to tell you guys something pretty important. Get into your story telling pose."

I sit down on the couch, and the three kids climb up all around me. Kush is wrapped around my neck. Mattie is tucked safely under my arm, and I'm holding Shifu. Lately he's been doing this thing where he starts crying every time he can't see the book, so I am forced to open up the book even though I don't want them to be distracted.

"I'm growing a baby inside of me."

"Sister?" Mattie asks hopefully.

"Well, I don't know if it is a boy or a girl yet. Also, it won't really be your brother or sister."

"Why?" Kush asks.

"Because you belong to your Daddy, and this baby is going to be mine," I say. I leave off the other side of those equations, because that would just make it a little too complicated for the little ones.

"Don't you 'ov us?" Mattie asks, looking devastated.

"Of course I do," I say quickly. The words are out of my mouth before I even have time to think about it. I haven't said that to them since they were old enough to understand. It's not something a nanny is supposed to say. It's not like they don't know that I love them, though. Actions speak way louder than words, especially to kids.

"Why isn't she sister?" Kush asks.

"Well, because your Daddy is Daddy, and this babies' Daddy is Joe," I try.

"Joe bad man. Keep sister away," Mattie says with a murderous look on her face. Whoops. How did this end up making him look bad?

"Joe isn't a bad man. This baby is going to be around you guys a lot. He or she is just not going to be your sister or brother," I explain.

The kids are staring at me like I am insane. I probably am. I don't know what is more crazy: the fact that my life is this complicated, or the fact that I am trying to explain it to kids this young.

"Baby with Joe?" Kush asks.

"No, the baby is still inside of me. It's going to take a long time before it is big enough to come out."

"Baby smart like Baby Boo?" Mattie asks.

"I'm sure it is," I say, looking affectionately at the little baby in my arms. Apparently, as I do, I make the book tip, and Shifu screams.

"You're a strange little duck," I tell him.

"Baby Boo is perfect!" Mattie corrects angrily.

"Oh, I love my little odd duck," I say, giving him a kiss on the top of his little bald head.

"I'm duck!" Kush informs me, swinging his head around so that his face is right before mine. It results in a one foot in my neck and the other pressed against his brother's shoulder, lightly enough so he isn't hurting the kid, though.

"Yes, and I love you, too, ducky," I say giving him a kiss. Then I kiss Mattie before she has a chance to voice her objections as well.

-0-

I can't blame Daniel for having a headache when he comes home. Three children as young as we've got aren't exactly quiet. Shifu is screaming. I had to put the book I was reading down, which means that it is out of sight. It's also a little bit past feeding time.

His siblings, by the way, are the reasons that I am late on the feeding. They are running around playing some game that involves a lot of screaming. I actually haven't figured out any other aim of the game, besides just the screaming.

I get all the kids quiet, even though it takes a while, and then I head into the room to check on Daniel. He's sprawled on his bed with his eyes closed.

"I'm sorry," I say. People don't hire nannies so that the kids can give them headaches.

"It's not your fault," he says.

"I'll keep them quiet," I promise softly. I am not going to add on to his pain by making loud noises.

"I had the headache before I came home."

"Is this a 'call Janet' kind of headache?" I ask.

"Janet knows. It should go away," he assures me.

Well, I am not going to take any chances. I'm going to call Janet anyway.

It's not Janet that answers the phone a few minutes later. It's Jack.

"Hello," I say, trying hard to keep the grin out of my voice.

"Hi Stephanie. I'm here with Cassie."

"Oh, babysitting?" I ask.

"Something like that," he says.

"Well, that is too bad, because I really wanted to talk to Janet. I'm a little worried about Daniel. He has a headache."

"Janet's here," he says, sounding as if he is admitting defeat, "I don't think you have too much to worry about with the headache." Then suddenly his voice sounds excited, probably because he just invented a lie, "Actually that's why I'm here. Janet wanted to monitor my headache."

"Really? Your headache is something that Janet should worry about but Daniel's is not?" I ask.

I can tell that Jack is trying to produce a lie, but he is failing miserably.

"Is that because you and Janet are dating?" I ask.

"Cassie is a snitch?" Jack asks.

"I don't think the kid is sure. She probably should be. She needs consistency," I tell him.

"Well, that was kind of our motive of not telling her. We didn't want her to know about a new relationship unless it was something that was going to be around for a long time."

"Let's face it, Jack. No matter what happens between you and Janet, you are going to be around for a long time. That was what started this whole thing right? You being there for Cassie?"

"Yeah," Jack admits.

"That is a super sweet way of starting a relationship," I tell him.

"I'll hand you over to Janet now, so you can ask medical questions," he says quickly, obviously not wanting to make this conversation go on any longer.

"Yeah, hand me over to my future step-mother," I tease him.

-0-

Even though Janet assured me that the headache was nothing to worry about, Daniel is still in bed with it the next day. The kids are worried about him, really worried about him. When I warn them enough times they lay in bed quietly with him in the dark.

Well, as long as Daniel keeps the book that he is reading held up.

I half-cancel a date with Joe, making it a stay in the house sort of thing, because I don't think that Daniel is quite up to childcare. Joe's been a lot more accepting about these things ever since the baby came around.

It's a good sign, and I am going to push it a little bit, and just really hope that I am not pushing things too far.

"So what are you reading right now?" I ask, and I know that my carefully scripted words are sounding anything but natural.

"Are you trying to convince me to go back to school?" he asks.

Well, this wasn't where I wanted the conversation to go, but it is as good a place as any, "Would I be successful?"

"I just don't think this is the right time," he says.

"There is no time that is perfect. It might be easier to do it now than when the kid is older. Besides, you really don't want this kid to go through life knowing that he stole his Daddy's dreams away."

"I would never let a kid know that," he defends.

"I think you are underestimating how crafty kids are. Go ahead and assume that no secret you have is going to last forever."

"If I go back to school, my job is going to be more dangerous. I don't want to leave this baby without a father."

The thought of that twists my stomach. "Look, the thought of losing you terrifies me, but you are all about risks. You can't stop taking risks just because we're having a kid. You can't change who you are."

"I will take the SATs. If by some miracle they don't proclaim that I am a complete idiot, I'll think about going to college in the fall."

"I can help you study if you want," I say cheerfully.

"I'd appreciate that," he says. Then he narrows his eyes at me, "This is not what you were hinting at a few minutes ago was it?"

"No, but it's not important now," I say.

He raises his eyebrows.

"Okay, so maybe I was going to ask you if you wanted to read a couple books on like, parenting, but you have more important things to read. It's not a big deal," I say quickly.

"This kid is always going to my priority. Hand the books over."

I obediently do.

-0-

The phone call from Cassie comes after the kids have gone to bed for the night. Got to love how perceptive the kid is, it's perfect timing.

"Thank you," she says.

"For what?"

"For making Jack be honest. He totally admitted that he's dating my mom," she says eagerly.

"That's good," I agree.

"He kept saying that no matter what happened, he would still be my dad. Like I didn't already know that. He was my dad long before the two of them got together," Cassie says.

"Yeah."

"So, if Jack is almost your dad, and he keeps saying he's my dad…" Cassie says.

Oh, yes, girls her age are very into the idea of sisters. Especially secret sisters. "Yes, I suppose we are everything that implies," I tell her.

"Sisters?" she asks tentatively, wanting to be sure.

"Sisters," I assure her. Yeah, I could do with one of those myself.


	48. Show and Tell (a drunk Jack Story)

Jack beats Daniel home. Which is weird, considering Jack doesn't live here. He grabs two beers out of the fridge, and double fists it, taking a drink from one and then the other.

"What happened?" I ask.

"We lost a kid," he says.

My stomach sinks. "I'm sorry. I didn't even know you worked with kids."

A sip from each bottle, "We usually don't. This one sort of walked up and introduced himself."

"How did he die?" I ask.

"Well," Jack hedges slowly, "He isn't really dead. At least not yet."

"Is he alone?" I ask. Jack looks at me sharply, surprised by the condemnation in my voice. Frankly, I'm a little bit surprised by it too.

"No, we sent him off with Sam's dad. I probably would have kept him myself if that wouldn't be a death sentence."

"So he might live?" I say, confused as to why Jack said they lost him then.

"Live, after a fashion," he says and he just takes one sip after that, but it is a really long sip.

"What does that mean?"

"A bunch of classified crap. But it has to do with the quality of life that the kid is going to have on the treatments that he's getting."

"Cancer treatments?" I ask.

"Worse than chemo," Jack says. "At least with chemo you are still you." Jack takes a good long sip of the beer. "The kid asked me to be his dad."

"Maybe he'll get healthy," I offer.

Jack shakes his head while he looks at me like I have just said the most offensive thing in the entire world. "Even if he gets better. he is not going to ever be able to come home."

"I'm sorry. But at least Jacob will be there to make sure he's okay. I think he was a good father to Sam, right?" I ask.

Jack takes another superhuman swig, "I think he tried to be. I don't know that he always was. He was distracted by his job. The job that he is doing now is way more exciting than the job that he was doing back then."

I just sit in silence not finding any other words that I could use to comfort him.

"His name was Charlie."

I feel like I've just been punched in the gut.

"He wanted to be named after my son. Some kid that just met me wanted to be my kid so bad that he went and named himself after my dead son."

"I'm sorry Jack, that must have been hard to go through."

He takes a few more swigs before he looks at me and says, "I'm sorry I'm such a horrible dad. You're lucky that you aren't my really my daughter."

"Jack, I am so lucky to have met you," I say getting closer.

He takes another swig, "I don't get it. You and Cassie and this new little Charlie, you act like I'm something. Don't you get that Charlie died? I had a kid, and I let him die, and I don't deserve any of you." Another huge swing.

"Jack, I feel the same way about my pregnancy," I admit.

He stares at me, and I have no idea what he is thinking. Maybe it's that I am really am not worthy of having a kid. Tears start to form in my eyes.

"Steph," he says, and that is it for a long time. "Your kid is so lucky. You're, like, the best mom ever. How on Earth can you not see it?"

"Jack, how can you not see that I feel exactly the same way about you."

"Stephie, I need to get you a real father," he mutters.

"I wouldn't accept anyone but you for the position," I say.

Jack looks down at his beer bottle. He's crying. Shit. What do you do when a warrior cries? Should I hug him?

Daniel enters, and I look at him, panicked.

"Jack?" he asks softly.

Thanks, I could have thought of that.

Jack coughs, and pretends like he was never crying. Daniel goes with it. "He'll be fine, Jack."

"Right, it's not like we just gave a little kid over to a band of evil people in order to save his life," Jack says.

Wow, this is complicated. What do these people do? I thought that I would have it figured out by now, but every time they talk about it I have less and less of an idea.

"Jack, they are not all bad. Jacob is going to look after the kid."

"Don't get me wrong, I love Sam's dad, but I don't trust the rest of them any farther than I can throw them. Besides," long sip, "You're missing the fact that this very young kid is going to spend the rest of his life sharing his body and his brain with someone else. Not only that, this kid is going to have a very long life. Is he going to regret his decision in a hundred years? Does he even understand what he is getting himself into?"

A hundred years? Did Jack just claim that some kid is going to live a hundred years? And how exactly is he going to be sharing his body with someone?

I look at Daniel to see if Jack has gone nuts. That's not what Daniel's face is saying. "Jack, Steph."

"I don't give a shit, Daniel," he says taking another long drink. "She should know everything. If she knew everything, she would not want to claim me as her dad," Jack says.

"Jack," Daniel warns.

Jack makes eye contact with me, "You know when Daniel first met me, I was on a suicide mission? My son had just died, but that isn't an excuse. I went through the gate, and I was going to blow it up. When I found that planet was full of people, full of little _kids_ who trusted me, it didn't change my mind. I was still going to set off a nuke and blow it all up."

Planet. He said planet. He's not that drunk, is he?

"Steph, go outside," Daniel commands.

"No, she needs to know that I'm an ass," Jack says.

I really want him to go on, and spill everything, but I know he is going to regret it in the morning. "Jack, there is nothing that you could do that would make me love you any less." Love, that's not a word that I've used with him before. It's the truth, though, and he needs it.

"How can that be?"

"Don't you feel the same about me?" I ask.

There is no doubt it's true by his face. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, and he says, "I want Charlie back."

"Which one?" Daniel asks.

"Both," Jack and I say together.

-0-

"How do you think the SATs went?" I ask Joe.

"It was long and hard," he mutters. I can tell by his face that he doesn't think that he did well. He's not really a good judge of that though. He always thinks he is a failure.

"I'm sure you did great," I say.

"I need a back-up plan. If I can't get into college, I have to think of another way to take care of you."

"Well, first of all, I can take care of myself, and the baby. Second of all, what about the Air Force? You know, your job. The one with benefits so great that you thought I should marry you just so I could get them."

"I know, but this is not something I'll probably be able to do forever. I don't even know if I want to do it forever."

"I thought you loved your crazy job," I say.

He nods, but I can tell he is keeping secrets in the same way that Daniel and Jack always did.

"Joe?" I prompt.

"I just think there might be a day where the job gets too crazy for me," he says.

"Well, I've got no problem with a backup plan. I just hope you realize that you are so awesome that you are not going to need one."

"I finished the pregnancy and parenting books," he says, handing them to me.

There are sticky notes poking out at odd spots. Wow, he took this seriously. Took this seriously while he was studying for possibly the most important test of his life. "Joe," I say.

"Sorry. I just… didn't know much, so I had to take lots of notes. I put them on sticky notes so I wouldn't ruin the books."

"You can ruin all the books you want. I can't believe you studied so hard," I say. I never really knew how sweet my boyfriend was until I got pregnant.

"Well, I really want to do this right," he says, "I don't exactly have a lot of positive examples."

"You're going to be great," I say kissing him.

"There is this parenting class at the adult learning center. I know that you don't need it, but I would love for you to come with me."

"Of course, I will!" I exclaim. "Wait, I got you a still from the last ultrasound."

-0-

The twins are loving their birthday party. Being the center of attention is basically their dream. Daniel doesn't seem to be having any fun. He is sitting by himself. I take a seat next to him.

"They're going to be old enough to form memories soon," he says.

"Well, probably not for a while," I say.

"I remember my second birthday party. I was in China at the time. Over there, everyone has their birthday during New Years, so I was closer to two and a half."

"Well, Daniel, you're extraordinary."

"Even if they don't form memories until they are older, they're going to be forming them before too long."

"I don't get why you're upset about it. I mean, are you worried they're going to remember eating cake and having fun with people who love them?" I ask.

"Sha're should be here. I figured I would have brought their mother back to them before they ever realized that she wasn't around."

"She'll be home soon," I say.

"Maybe she never will be. Maybe they will get no memories of their mother," he says.

I can't think of anything I could say to make it better, so I just put an arm around his shoulder.


	49. 1969

The real estate lady walks out of the room to give us a second to talk to each other about the two-bedroom condo that she just showed us.

"I like it," I say.

"I don't know, maybe we should get a house. Give the kid a yard to play in."

"We can walk the kid to the park to play," I point out.

Joe nods, but looks uncomfortable. "I just don't want this to seem like I'm cutting corners. I want our baby to have everything it needs," he says.

I give him a kiss. "We can keep looking if you want, but I can picture our little baby being really happy here."

"Okay," he says.

I am about to buy a house with a man. That's progress, right? That's normalcy? This is me growing up, right? Then why am I so terrified by the idea?

-0-

Teal'c drives a van full of the team to our house.

"Was it 1960s dress-up day?" I ask, looking at their clothes.

"Yep," Jack says, but his eyes are laughing. He seemed so open about what they did for a living a few weeks ago I was hoping for something more honest. Not that I really believe that they travel to other planets. I mean, even if they discovered something faster than the speed of light, they couldn't go so many places in such a short amount of time.

"When did you learn to drive, Teal'c?" I ask. I've never seen him drive before, and always assumed that it was because he was from another country and hadn't taken the American test.

"1969," he replies, nonplussed. His teammates are glaring at him.

"So you've known the whole time I've known you? I guess I just assumed you couldn't, because someone always brought you to team nights."

"Your assumption was correct. For most of the time that you knew me, I did not have the ability to drive."

I stare at him. Jack and Daniel glare at him.

"What?" I ask. It can't hurt, right.

Teal'c opens his mouth, but Jack interrupts, "He's just messing with you. Aren't you, Teal'c?"

"I am unfamiliar with this Tau'ri phrase," Teal'c replies.

"It means that you're teasing her. You're joking, telling funny little lies," Jack supplies.

Teal'c looks at me. Sighs, and then says, "I am 'messing' with you, Stephanie Connor, I have in fact only learned to drive very recently."

I cock my head at him, not buying it. He cocks his head right back at me. Yeah, I'm not going to win a staring contest with this man.

"I missed you," Daniel says, coming forward and giving me a hug before he scoops up his kids.

"You were only gone for three hours," I point out.

"Well, it felt more like a week," he replies.

"Okay, well, you have been gone a week before and didn't miss me," I say, suspicious.

"Kind of felt like decades to me," Jack says, coming forward to give me another hug.

"What's going on, guys?" I ask.

"Put on some bell-bottoms and some disco music, kiddo," Jack commands.

"You think I own bell-bottoms?" I ask.

"Daniel, you've got anything '60's?" Jack asks.

"I have some of my parent's clothes. They are a bit more seventies, actually, but early seventies," he says.

He's lost almost everything the owned more than once. I know for a fact it was packed into suitcases at least twice. Yet he kept some of his parent's clothes. "I couldn't wear that," I squeak out.

"I'd be honored if…" Daniel begins.

"Daniel, I'm pregnant. I wouldn't even fit!" I protest.

"You're not even showing," Jack says. That might be true of my stomach, but I can't believe Jack hasn't noticed by boobs have doubled. Okay, actually I can. Jack has never looked at my boobs.

"You guys are just going to have to pretend that I am wearing something 1960's," I say.

"I think we'd better. You don't cross a pregnant woman, boys," Jack advises.

"Sexist," Sam accuses.

"Yet true," he retorts.

"We don't have disco music, either," I point out.

Jack glares at Daniel, "What kind of house do you run?"

"One who is full of children's whose favorite song is 'Wheels on the Bus'," Daniel retorts.

"And apparently two adults who don't have one lick of taste between the two of them," Jack says.

"Sir, when is the last time that you actually listened to disco music?" Sam asks skeptically.

"It's not about listening to it. It's about owning it," Jack says with a frown.

"I could drive you to your place of residence to retrieve the music, O'Neill," Teal'c offers.

"Let's go," Jack says, leaving with the bigger man.

"He's really excited about driving," Sam explains with a shrug of her shoulders.

-0-

I finger the note that Daniel gave me long ago. I read my son's name. My first son, because now I have two. Daniel is rocking Shifu, even though the kid has been asleep for a while. Daniel and I really do have similar parenting styles. I wonder if Joe and mine will mesh quite as well.

"Daniel, I'm having a boy," I tell him.

He looks up at me with a grin.

"I want you to name him."

"What?" he says shocked.

"I just think… you did so well with Phoenix."

"That's different. That name is all about healing you. The kid didn't have to walk around with that name his whole life."

"Daniel, I trust you with this important task more than I trust myself," I confess.

"I won't pick the name, but I will choose three, and then you and Joe can fight it out from there."

"Deal," I say.

"You wish it was a girl?" he asks softly.

Oh, this man can see right through me.

"No. I mean, the kid is what he is. It will be harder emotionally, but it's probably stuff I need to deal with."

"I'd give you a hug, honey, but it would wake the baby."

"I'll take the emotional hug," I say with a smile.

-0-

Joe grabs my hand under the table during the parenting class. I hope it isn't distracting to him as it is to me, or we might as well go home.

That man does things to my stomach more and more every day.

The woman tells us we're on our ten-minute break, and he looks at me. "You need a glass of water?" he asks with concerned eyes. I never knew how much Joe could fuss until I got pregnant.

"I'm good. Did you want to know the gender of the baby?" I ask.

He look startled, and excited, "Yes, I mean you know, right?"

I nod my head.

"Lay it on me," he says.

"It's a boy."

"Wow," he says, looking stunned, "You're okay?"

Okay, enough, "Honey, I've got a boss, a father figure, and a psychologist to fuss over me. Can you just… not?"

"I love you," he says.

"I know, but can't we just do all the exciting things, and let me do all the hard emotional stuff with someone else?"

He pauses for a long time. "I'm glad you've got other men in your life. I'm not jealous of them or anything. I want you to spend time with them, and I want you to get emotional support from them. You just have to understand that you can't let us be a half a relationship. If this is going to work, if this is going to be forever, then we're going to have to be everything to each other. Even if that means we double up on the emotional sharing."

"You're right," I say. "I also wasn't taking into account that you don't have as many people to share your life with as I do. So I won't hold back. I'm freaking out a little about having a son after the one I lost. I think that in the long haul it is going to be a good thing."

"Thanks," he says, squeezing the hand that is still connected to mine under the table.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom before it starts back up," I say.

He uses the hand that is still connected to mine to help lift me out of the chair. I am getting big. I think at twenty-one weeks I am already bigger than I was when my son was delivered last time. That is what proper nutrition will do to you.

When I come back, there is a cup of water sitting next to my place. I'd glare at him for it, but the truth is I will probably drink it before the class is over. He knows me better than I know myself.

I think I should probably put some effort into making sure that works both ways.

-0-

Everyone who works in the mountain is trapped there for one of the viruses that seem to break out there every other day. Catherine and Ernest are on a cruise. So, I have been on baby duty non-stop for three days. Shifu is teething, and working on escaping from his crib. His older siblings have gotten bored with their play kitchen set, and have made every effort to move onto the real one. No matter how many times that I tell them that it is dangerous, they are just as determined to turn the stove on.

I haven't got a lot of sleep, and with the pregnancy I just can't do it anymore. I should have followed Pat's advice to make more friends at college, but, well, there is him.

I don't even know how long I slept, for, but I suspect it was closer to a day than an hour. When I wake up, I hear Joe's voice. It's restrained, far from a yell that would scare the kids, but it's definitely full of anger.

"What are you doing here?"

"Steph needed to get some rest," Pat says.

"She's still asleep?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"Well, I've got it now. So you can take off."

"Has Steph asked you to care for the children before?"

"No, but I can handle it. She and I are going to have a kid ourselves soon."

"Right, but that's a little different than caring for three little kids."

I enter the living room right then, "Thanks Pat. I've got this," I say.

He leaves without further comment.

"If I was still tired, I would go back to bed. I totally trust you," I inform Joe.

"Thanks. You okay?" he asks concerned.

"It's just pregnancy exhaustion, nothing to worry about. Everything at the mountain get figured out?"

"We're good," he says, grabbing the frying pan out of Kush's hand as he goes by. "So you're spending time with Pat?"

"I was asleep."

"So, you just called him, because you were in a pinch, and this is the first time you've seen him since you broke up?" he asks critically.

I make a face which clearly shows that that isn't the truth.

"That's what I thought. So how long have you been spending time with Pat?"

"Since I went to grad school. This isn't anything that you have to worry about."

"If I didn't have to worry about it, you would have told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not a big deal. I just need a friend, and with my life I didn't really have the time to make a brand new friend. I already knew him."

"Right, you already slept with him."

"I don't anymore," I say.

"If you are just friends, why didn't you tell me?"

"I should have. Listen, if you don't want me to see him anymore, I won't."

"You need friends," Joe says reluctantly.

"I will tell you every time that I see him from now on, okay?" I say.

Joe nods.

"If it makes you feel better, he is the one that convinced me I needed to tell you about the trauma in my past a while back."

"So he's cheering for us?" Joe asks.

"Definitely."

"That helps."


	50. Out of Mind

"Nie!" a small voice calls from outside of my bedroom door.

"Shhh!" Is that Joe?

"What's going on?" I ask.

Joe pushes the door open to reveal three toddlers carrying breakfast in bed to me. I hope that the glass of orange juice that Mattie is carrying started off being only a quarter full.

"Happy birthday!" Kush exclaims, flinging himself on me, much to the detriment of the waffle on his plate.

"This is why we didn't put the syrup on yet," Joe says, handing the bottle to me.

"So you are still expecting me to eat a waffle that has been pushed against my pajamas?" I ask in surprise.

"They're clean, right?" he asks.

Men. "How about I have my breakfast at the table?" I ask.

"They are a little young for this, aren't they?" he asks as we walk toward the kitchen.

"They are, but I really admire you for trying. It must have been very hard to keep them safe when you were cooking."

"It really was," Joe says in awe.

I kiss him.

"Joe said he weally wanted to yell at us," Mattie tattles.

Joe looks all guilty.

"And he still didn't? Wow, what great self-control. Maybe when you guys grow-up, you'll be able to be gentle even when it's hard," I say.

"You are really good at this, our kid is so lucky," Joe grins at me.

"You good daddy," Kush says assuredly as Joe pours half a glass of orange juice into each of the plastic cups for the twins.

"Thanks," Joe says obviously surprised.

"Good daddies make 'affles," Kush explains.

"Well I hope my 'affles don't taste awful," Joe jokes.

-0-

"Oh, Joe," I say.

"You loved a plane the last time you were up in it," he says, looking disappointed.

"I know, but I wasn't six months pregnant then."

"I looked it up, it's safe."

"But it doesn't sound fun. I mean, that cockpit is small, and I'm going to want to pee or end up puking or something. Just… no. But thank you."

"I'm sorry, maybe surprises aren't the best plan anymore."

"At least not until the baby is born."

"Oh, so you think you will be up for a lot of surprises when you've got a newborn on your hip?"

"Yeah, they don't really go on the hip that little," I say.

"I still have a little to learn about being a Daddy. I admit it. But I've got a really good teacher," he says, smiling at me.

-0-

Daniel always spend a lot of time with his kids when he comes back from a mission, but tonight he seems unusually clingy. I practically have to drag the kids away from him as they fall asleep one by one. When they are all safely tucked away in their rooms I sit down next to him. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I had one of those experiences that I can't begin to explain to you. I made me pretty convinced that a whole lifetime had passed. I thought everyone I knew was gone. I thought my kids…I thought they would have grown-up, and spent their whole life without me. I almost didn't want to get up and keep fighting. What would be the point if my babies was gone?"

"They're fine," I say.

"Yeah, but I'm thinking maybe I should re-think who gets my kids. I mean… maybe not. Maybe it's too much."

"You left out some nouns in that."

"I'm asking you and Joe, obviously."

I'm so stunned that no words get out of my mouth.

"No worries, Steph. It's a lot to ask. You'd have four very little kids. Jack is still totally willing to take care of my children."

"No, I was just surprised. I would be so honored, Daniel."

"Seriously, say no if you want to. It's a huge responsibility, and I wouldn't want you to feel like you had to. It's way out of the realm of the duties of a nanny."

"That it is, Daniel, but I love these kids like my own. I would be honored. So, if there isn't anything else you want, I'm going to head to Joe's place for the night."

"I didn't realize you were planning on doing that tonight! I would have let you take off hours ago. I'm sorry!"

"It's fine. It's not like there is a certain time that I have to be there by. If I had really wanted to leave, I would have asked to go."

"You called it Joe's place, but it's your place too," Daniel says.

"Right, it doesn't really feel like it yet. It's not Joe's fault," I say quickly, when I catch a glance at Daniel's scowl.

"No, I really don't think it is. I think it will start feeling like your place when you start spending more time there than just sleeping."

"I know, it's just a little hard," I complain.

"Well, honey, it's not going to get easier with a newborn," Daniel says.

"You're right," I say.

"Take tomorrow off. Spend it with Joe."

"He's working."

"Spend it making your place all girly, then. I don't want you to be in this house for twenty-four hours."

"You're kicking me out?" I tease.

"It's for your own good," he teases back.

-0-

"Wow," Jack says, looking at my belly, "Is it okay to touch?"

"I'm six months pregnant, everyone's touching," I say with a smile.

He puts his hand down tentatively, and my son responds to the heat of his hand by squirming.

"So what are your plans for after this little one enters the world?" Jack asks.

"I thought you knew I was going to keep working for Daniel."

"I meant, like, right after. You're going to take a maternity leave, aren't you?"

"People do that so they can take care of their kids. If those kids were mine, I wouldn't be taking a break from them."

"They aren't yours, though," he says.

"Jack, I'm fine."

"I was offering my place. You hid out there for finals; this is a bit more intense than that."

"I love those kids. I don't want a break from them," I protest.

"I'm not talking a long one. I'm saying a month, or a week, or something. Honey," he says in sympathy. "There are a lot of really young kids at your house."

"Jack, if I need some time off after the baby comes, I will stay at my place."

"Your place? You've got to be kidding. Daniel's kids are going to climb right into bed with you and the newborn," Jack protests.

"I meant… Joe's place," I clarify.

"Joe's place is your place? That's new."

"Well, the place is new. The two of us bought it together."

He stares at me, and suddenly I wish I had lied to him. Daniel always tells me to lie about shit like this. "You moved in with your boyfriend?"

"Well, only sort of. I mean, I still work for Daniel. So it's not like I'm there all the time, but yeah, whenever Daniel's home, I'm over there."

"Wow," he says, sitting back.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" he asks, looking at me, "Because if you're actually sorry, you should stop living with him."

"I'm just saying I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"Never, kid," he says smiling, "But is this just about the kid? I mean, you know that I'd be there for you. You know Daniel will be. If you're just looking for a co-parent…"

"It's more than that," I tell him.

Jack nods, "So, are you getting married then?"

"Not yet. I know that's the right thing to do or whatever…" I begin.

"Not always," Jack says.

"I love him. I'm just not sure about forever, right now. I won't get married until I am sure about the whole forever thing."

"Wise, divorce sucks," Jack says.

"How about you and Janet?" I ask.

"We're good," he says with a face blank of any expression.

"I just mean, like how are things going between the two of you?" I prompt.

"What about this relationship between yourself and I made you think that we would talk about the details of my romantic relationships?" he asks.

"We just talked about my romantic relationships," I point out.

"Right, but you're the kid. That's normal," Jack says.

I glare at him.

"It's going well. We're fine."

"'Cause Cassie was bothered when Teal'c disappeared," I point out.

"I'm not disappearing," he says, "Also not spending the night with her unmarried mother and corrupting a teenage girl's mind, but… whatever."

I raise my eyebrows.

"I'm just not thrilled about the way that Teal'c treated my girls," he says.

"Your girls?" I say with a smile.

He glares at me.

"So you're not spending the night? You're just totally hiding the fact that you're having sex with her mother?"

"I want to give Cassie the impression that when you have sex, you are miserable, and when you don't, you are happy."

"But you and Janet are having sex, right?" I ask.

"I sort of want to give you that impression, too," he replies with a sigh.

"Hey, don't go around insulting my baby," I say, touching my stomach.

He laughs. "Are you really putting the oopsie baby that you are having with some guy you don't want to marry forward as a stunning example of positive consequences?"

"My baby is perfect," I defend.

"Yeah, the baby is perfect. You're perfect, too. The sleeping with your boyfriend…" Jack trails off.

I roll my eyes.

"I'm serious about taking some time off when the baby comes. Even if it is with your live in boyfriend."

Another eye roll.


	51. Seth

"Isn't Sam coming to the team night?" I ask.

"Sam is with her dad," Jack says.

"You could have invited him," I point out.

"That's what I said," Daniel says, grinning at Jack.

"They're family. She doesn't get to see him very often," Jack defends.

"We're family, too," I say.

"I think it is a little different for her. She's got a real family in the way that none of the rest of us do. Sometimes she needs time with them."

"I don't know, Jack," Daniel says, picking up Shifu, who has crawled over to him. " _My_ family feels pretty real, too."

"They don't count, because your real family is part of our fake family," Jack says.

"We could say the same for Sam's dad, if we'd let him," I point out.

"Fine, invite her over, but don't you feel bad if she says 'no'," Jack says. Daniel runs out of the room to comply with her request.

Janet grabs Jack's hand. I don't think she realizes that anyone can see her. She's been showing up at a lot of team nights. Actually, all of them. I mean, she and Cassie were always a regular feature, but… I think she and him are more serious than he led us to believe.

She sees me looking at their hands. Crap. I look away quick.

"I'm going to go get more dip," Janet says, shaking an empty bowl.

"Need help?" Jack asks, starting to stand up.

"Yeah, Steph?" she says, smiling.

Jack looks suspiciously at her, but doesn't say anything. I stand up and follow.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I asked Jack about how you were doing the other day, and he was… cagey about it."

"We're good," Janet says.

"I'm glad."

"How are you?" she asks.

"How do you make the decision to marry someone?" I blurt.

She tilts her head, "Baby daddy proposed?"

I nod, "A while ago. I said no. But… I'm sure the offer is still on the table. I love him. I don't think it's enough. I think Jack thinks so, though."

"Honey, if Jack thought love was all it took to get married, he'd be my husband by now."

I look at her in surprise. "Why aren't you getting married?"

"We've both been divorced. Which is, by the way, the reason you should have this conversation with someone else. I don't know how you know it's forever. I married my husband because I thought I was supposed to. I thought after you dated someone for two years, marriage is what you did. I'd advise against that reason."

"Why did you and Teal'c break up?" I ask.

She grabs the dip out of the fridge before she responds, "I started dating Teal'c because he was a really good kisser. You don't stay with someone forever because they are a really good kisser. I was with him so long I felt myself saying 'should', making a whole list of things I 'should' do. I didn't want to end up marring another guy because I feel like I'd passed the point of no return in our relationship."

"Was he good in the sack, too? I imagine he is," I say.

"That's also not a reason to stay with someone," she says, but suddenly her face breaks into a grin, "But for the record, the whole Jaffa meditation thing has benefits in the area of self-control."

"Really?" I say with a smile.

"Although, I must say Jack is a big improvement. You cannot beat a guy who is so attentive to your needs. I mean… wow."

"Gross!"

"I'm sorry, but you did begin the discussion of my sex life."

"Yeah, with Teal'c. Not with Jack, he's like…" I don't know how to finish that without offending the woman, not old enough to be my mother, who is dating Jack.

She smiles, "He's like your dad."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that we have to..." I say, not sure how to finish that sentence either.

"Honey, I'd be honored to be your sort of step-mom," she says.

"Is the 'sort of' from the you-and-Jack part or the me-and-Jack part?" I ask.

"We can just leave off the 'sort of' part all together," she offers.

I throw my arm around her. Daniel walks into the room, "Is there something I am missing?"

"Janet adopted me," I tease.

"Okay, great," he says, looking at us oddly, "Sam and Jacob are coming," Daniel says.

"Ha! Jack was wrong. We _are_ a family people want to be a part of," I declare.

"Everyone wants into the craziness," Janet agrees.

When we return to the deck, Jack is looking at us suspiciously. "Did you have to run to the store for the dip? You girls took a long time in there."

"We were talking about sex," Janet says, causing his mouth to open in dismay.

Cassie is giggling.

"Talking about how it was very, very bad, right?" Jack suggests, looking at the teenager.

I make eye contact with him.

"No… no she wouldn't… Janet?" he squawks desperately.

Not that I enjoyed hearing about his sex life, but it's going to be fun to mess with him, "All good things," I say with false casualness.

Jack looks like he's about to hyperventilate. "Relax, I told her pretty much nothing, and she still freaked out," Janet says.

Cassie grins, "Jack, you might as well spend the night now."

"Great job, Janet, you let the cat out of the bag," Jack whines.

"Oh," Janet fake pouts, "You mean I get to have my boyfriend in my bed all night? Bummer." Then she goes over, and sits down on Jack's lap, "I'm kind of liking the idea of not hiding anymore."

"We weren't hiding," he grumbles, "We were being discrete."

"Do you want me off your lap?" Janet asks playfully.

"Not really," he mutters, holding her close.

Cassie grins at them.

"Cassie, your new role model is Daniel. Observe him, and imitate his behavior," Jack says, pointing, before kissing Janet.

"I do not think I want that responsibility, Jack," Daniel says.

"What? You're married, and faithful to your wife. Perfect example," Jack says.

"But do I have to be Cassie's role model in _everything?"_ Daniel protests.

"Naw, just romance. The rest she can get from her big sister," Jack says.

"Wait… you don't mean me, do you?" I ask, shocked.

"Resilient, poised, smart, and compassionate, what more could we want?" Jack asks.

I blush.

-0-

"Seriously, Dad, it's fine, I'm sure they're out on the deck," Sam's voice says.

"We are!" Janet calls.

Sam lets herself in through the gate, and laughs at seeing Janet perched on Jack's lap.

"I see he got over that whole 'won't show affection in front of the kid' thing that was driving you nuts," Sam says conversationally to Janet as she jumps over a bush to get onto the deck without walking around to the stairs.

Her father snorts at her actions and mutters something that sounds like "unladylike" before walking around himself.

"Well, she shared details of our sex life with my kid, so I figured what's the point?" Jack teases.

"Jack has a kid?" Jacob asks, looking around at Daniel's children as if one of them was going to suddenly change eye colors to look more like Jack.

"Not technically, but he means me," I offer.

"You're his kid all right, Steph," Sam says with an eye roll as she plops down on a chair, and scoops up some dip with the chips.

Her father stares at her in horror.

"Dig in, Jacob," Jack offers, trying to ease the tension.

"You say that like it's your food. When, in reality, everyone begged me to provide the catering, because you burn everything, even vegetable platters," Janet teases.

"If someone is sitting on your lap, you can play host with their things, it's a rule," he teases.

"Oh, then I suppose I should get off your lap the," Janet teases back, following her own suggestion.

"I'm not sure I like them flirty," I say conspiratorially to Daniel.

"I blame you for creating a monster," he replies.

"Jacob, seriously, if you're going to wait for someone to offer you a seat, you're going to be standing a long time," Jack says.

"Especially since Janet and Jack are having some sort of weird power-grabbing host-off," Sam adds, dipping another chip.

"Exactly how much time do you spend over here?" Jacob says, looking very out of his depth.

"Someone hand him a baby," Jack mutters.

Mattie volunteers herself by crawling into the older man's arms and doing that heart-melting toddler thing where she curls up into his shoulder. He smiles.

"I knew it would relax him," Jack says smugly.

Kush holds out his hands toward Jack, and the older man picks him up. Kush curls up into him. "Good boy," Jack says. He glances at Janet with a look I can't miss.

Oh my, Jack wants to have more kids. Grandkids and kids all mixed together with ages, interesting.

Janet looks away blushing. Yeah, she's okay with kids, too.

"Whose kids are these?" Jacob asks.

"Mine, sir," Daniel says, pushing glasses up on his face.

"All four of them?" Jacob asks.

"Janet is my mom, and Jack is my dad," Cassie says, sticking out her chin, just daring someone to contradict her. Her mom considers it, but shrugs.

"Okay, but all the little ones?" Jacob asks.

Mattie pulls back from him, "Baby Booboo isn't his blood, but Daddy is his daddy."

"What?" Jacob asks.

Daniel sighs, "They call my youngest that. He's… technically, he's my stepson, but he's only ever lived with me."

"Where is your wife?" Jacob asks.

"Kidnapped by the Goa'uld," Jack says, when it becomes clear that Daniel isn't going to answer.

Jacob swallows three times, bows his head, and I swear his voice is deeper when he says, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Dad!" Sam scolds.

Jacob rubs Kush's back, "When you giving me one of these?"

"Dad!" Sam scolds again. Jack hands her a beer.

"I know, I know. Your career," Jacob says.

"You already have grandbabies, dad. Ones you never see," Sam says with reproach in her voice. She curls her legs up around herself like they are protection, and she takes a swig of the beer.

Kush pulls back from Jacob enough that he can see his face, "You a grandpa?"

"Yes, honey, I am," Jacob says.

Kush laughs, "Grandpas wear dresses."

Daniel's face goes pale, "It's a robe, and you're not supposed to tell people I showed you that picture."

"Actually, I wear robes too, most of the time," Jacob says.

What?

"Well, if anyone thinks I'm going to give up pants when Steph pops her baby out, you're all crazy," Jack says.

Kush shrugs his shoulders, "Then you can't be a grandpa."


	52. Fair Game

"Damn politics!" Jack says, bursting into the house and grabbing a beer.

"You do get that you don't live here, right?" I ask.

"You should always be happy to see me," he says, giving me a quick hug before sitting down with the beer.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing. At least, nothing life threatening. Annoying. Politics," he says.

"Don't get all pouty, but I'm not sure why you are here, Jack."

"Daniel is stuck on base, I'm here to relieve you with baby duty," he says.

"I'm fine, Jack, it is not the first time that Daniel has gotten stuck at work."

"Go home to your boyfriend," he says.

"You don't have to…" I say again.

"He matters too, kid. You've already got them in bed. This will be an easy gig."

"It's funny that you think that. Expect company in bed. They do understand locked doors, so you can do that if you need to."

"I'll be on the couch."

"It's going to be a crowded couch. Don't let anyone pour their own anything in the morning, especially syrup."

"I did have a son, you know. I'm not stupid enough to give a two-year old a bottle of syrup," Jack says.

"If you use the bathroom, close the door. Baby Boo has mastered the toilet seat – which he thinks is a tub – but not the door yet."

"When did you start calling him that?" Jack asks with a laugh.

"I spend most of my time around the very little people who gave him that name," I say, "At some point I gave in." I grab my stuff, "You know the phone number at Joe's place?"

"Are you seriously asking if I know your phone number? We're family."

"Okay, just… use it if you need to. You've never been in charge of three kids that young before."

-0-

This place is really starting to feel like home. Especially when Joe is here. He always stands up and gives me a kiss right when I get home, always.

"I didn't think you'd be coming tonight. Isn't Daniel stuck at work?"

"Jack's covering. It's kind of weird. I mean, he's practically my dad, and he just gave me permission to go have sex with my boyfriend."

"No, he gave you permission to come to your home. Don't make it sound like you are some teenager sleeping away to have an illicit affair with me."

"I know, it's just weird. He's not really wild about the idea of me living with you, but he still helps me do it. It's strange."

"It's family."

"Yeah, I guess. You know I am a teenager, right? A pregnant teenager."

"You're nineteen, sweetheart, not exactly a baby."

"Speaking of babies, ours is kicking," I say, placing a hand on my stomach.

He slides his hand undermine, and grins. "We've got to start talking names for this little one. He's going to be here soon."

"I asked Daniel to name him."

"What?"

"He, ah… named Phoenix."

"Your first son," Joe infers. "I still have veto power, right? I mean, his kids all have Ancient Egyptian names."

"His wife named them, after relatives. He's actually going to give us three options, but if you hate them all, we'll figure something else out."

"When are we going to get the options? I don't really want to leave this all until the last minute."

"I'll get an update the next time that I see him," I promise.

"Did you eat? I made noodles," he offers.

"It's nine o'clock at night, and I'm pregnant. I already had two suppers."

"Good. You know, Steph, you shouldn't feel guilty about living here. If you do, you should probably move out. You don't have to be here because we made a baby."

Damn. I hurt him. "I feel bad about it, sometimes, if I look at it through the eyes of Jack. I mean, he likes you, but…"

"I get it, you're his little angel. It's normal for him to be a little uncomfortable with this. You ever called him dad?" he asks.

"No. I mean, I've told him he's like a father to me. I've just never said it like it was a name."

"You'd make his day."

"What I've got with Jack, it's great. I am so grateful. But I had a dad. He died. He died because I dated a guy my dad wouldn't have approved of."

"It wasn't your fault, but I didn't think about how you might not need a replacement dad," Joe says with a flinch.

"I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want to stop living with you. I feel weird that Jack approves, but if he didn't like you…"

"Oh, I knew that either of your boys could talk you out of me in a second flat for a long time. I also know they would never wield that power unless they thought I was going to hurt you."

"You'd better not do that then."

"I don't plan on it," he says earnestly.

"You've got tomorrow off, right? Do you want to set up the nursery?"

Joe grins. It's funny. You wouldn't think that someone who was as much as an adrenaline junky as my boyfriend would feel at home with stuff like that, but there are all kinds of adventures.

-0-

"I hate to call you…" Jack hedges after I pick up the phone slightly after ten the next morning.

"Try to get the kids ready. I'll stop by and pick them up."

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"Baby shopping with Joe. I already promised, so I can't get out of it. Don't worry though, I can take the kids along."

"I wasn't calling 'uncle', kid. I'm fine staying with them. I just need to know where Shifu's blanket is."

"Shifu's blanket?" I ask, confused.

"The twins say that's why he's crying."

"Well, they're messing with you. That kid doesn't have a blanket."

I hear a muffled conversation at the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry to bother you. Apparently he actually wants me to hold open a book for him."

"That sounds a lot more like our little one. Call me with any problems. It makes me worry less."

"Go have fun," Jack encourages.

-0-

"I'm sorry. I swear I've read all of those baby books that you gave me, but I have no idea what this is," Joe admits in a whisper.

"It's a bassinet. We can put it right next to the bed. So it's kind of like co-sleeping without all the danger of rolling over the baby."

"That's possible?" he answers in horror.

"Not very likely, but trust me, when it's two o'clock in the morning and you've got a baby in the bed with you, that is all you can think of. I'm not willing to give up sleep worrying when we're going to be getting so little sleep in the first place."

"So the baby is going to be in the room with us?" he asks.

Oh. I pushed and make decisions by myself when they were Daniel's kids. That is just the way that I am. It was different with Daniel. He was already confident in his parenting ability. I am probably going to have to trend a lot more gently when it comes to Joe.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be making decisions without you. Can you stop me if I start to do that again?"

"It's fine, you know way more about kids than I do."

"There isn't really a right or wrong way to do this. Well, there are wrong ways, like abuse. But I'm not worried about you going there. We need to do more talking about how we are going to parent this little one."

"Yeah… I have kind of been getting nervous. I mean, the kid is coming soon, and even though I have read so many books about it, I still feel like I have no idea what is going on."

"You're going to be fine," I say, grabbing his hand, "What are you worrying about?"

"Are you going to breast-feed?" he asks.

"To start, I think. It's a lot of work, so I might give up after a couple of months. Are you okay with that? I mean, it makes it harder for the father to bond with the baby."

"If the only reason my son loves me is because I feed him, I've got a real problem," he teases.

"I want to do elimination training. You read about that."

"The whole diaper-free concept?" he asks. "Yeah."

"As a person who is currently potty-training toddlers, I think we should use diapers too, but yeah, the concept is getting the baby to go to the bathroom from the very beginning. So hopefully the diaper changes will be few and far between."

"That sounds amazing," he says.

I bounce my head against his, "What color are we going with for the nursery?"

"I don't know, don't you pretty much need to go with blue for a boy?"

"I'm pretty sure they aren't going to come after us if we choose to use a different color for our baby's room."

He smiles.

"Please make a decision so I don't end up feeling like a total jerk," I say.

"Please tell me that you really don't think that the color of the nursery is the same as the other two decisions you've already made."

"Okay, you pick a big one," I tease back.

"Okay, I want one of those backpacks that turns the parent into a kangaroo."

"I love it!" I exclaim.

"We're going to be fine," he says.

I squeeze his hand. "I was planning on running back to work right when we were done here. Now I think you and I should go on a nice long walk together and talk. We really don't talk enough."


	53. Legacy I

"What do you need?" Daniel asks.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"You didn't call my name? Huh. Must have been one of the kids," Daniel says, giving me one of those award winning smiles before he walks out of the room.

-0-

"You guys have been working Daniel way too hard," I tell Jack with reproach when he comes into the house.

"You've got that right," he says gravely. My stomach sinks at his voice.

"Kush, take your siblings in the other room."

"What 'iblings?" he asks.

"Us, stu'id," his sister replies, putting an arm on each of her siblings' backs.

"Don't call your brother stupid," I say as they disappear into their bedroom.

Jack shuts his eyes, and takes a long breath before he begins, "Kid, I know that Daniel put you on his 'take the kids' list first, but that's only because he's stupid. Let me take them."

"What?" I gasp. "Daniel is dead?" How could he tell me like this?

"No, no. Not dead," Jack says, sitting down. It could only have been a couple of seconds, but it feels like the pause lasts forever. "Apparently the job we have has some side effects."

"How sick is he, Jack?"

"He, ah… developed schizophrenia," Jack says.

"Shit. That's… that's progressive."

"Yeah," Jack says.

"When is he coming home?"

"He's not."

"What do you mean? He can't be that bad yet."

"He's seeing things that aren't there. He doesn't want to put his kids at risk by being around them. Don't worry. We don't have him locked up in a padded room. He's in a VIP room on base. It's nicer than where he was living before he got married. I'm going to go play chess with him later."

"Jack, you have to bring him home. I am a psychologist. Who would be better to take care of a crazy person?"

"Someone who doesn't have three kids in the house and another in her stomach would be."

"Then you take him, Jack. I can teach you what to do. We can come up with a home treatment plan."

"I can't take care of him," he says softly.

"Why not?"

"Did you miss the start of this conversation? I want to take care of the kids."

"Jack, I've got this. It should be me, anyway."

"Why is that?" Jack asks with his eyes flashing dangerously. Oh, he thinks that I am talking about Charlie. Oh, if we are taking dead children into account, I am not more qualified than he is.

"Because I'll view it for what it is. A trust. I'm taking care of his kids until he gets his medicine and treatment plan figured out in such a way that he can take care of them himself. You would view it as 'oh, wow, I have kids'."

"I have kids," Jack says.

"No, Daniel has kids," I correct with no small amount of edge to my voice.

"Yeah, I'm not talking about them," he says, meeting my eyes. Cassie and me. We're his kids. "You could be their nanny, just like last time."

"Jack, I want to do this. I want to do this until Daniel comes back."

"What if it is forever?" Jack asks. The look in his eyes clearly shows me that it's not completely impossible.

"Then I'm the person he picked to raise his kids. I wouldn't let anyone else do it," I say honestly.

"He gave me this for you," he says, handing me the note.

I open it to see the three names for my kid. I can't help but be disappointed, because I was expecting a commentary on the meaning of life, or "save me", or something.

"Okay, I'm going to get back to Daniel, then," he says, looking a little disappointed.

"Wait, you're going to make me explain this to the kids alone?" I ask, feeling panic rise up in my heart.

"I thought we sent them out of the room so we wouldn't have to tell them," Jack says.

"Their dad isn't coming home for goodness only knows how long, and your plan is not to mention it to them? I don't think that is going to work."

Jack sighs, "I don't know how to do this. They are so young. How can we explain it in a way that won't terrify them, but which they are going to be able to understand?"

I shrug my shoulders, trying to keep at least some of my terror inside.

"You're the psychologist!" he accuses.

"Okay," I say. We walk into boys' room. The twins had been sharing up until a few months ago. But now that Baby Boo is old enough to sleep through the night, we decided to segregate them by gender.

They are all on the floor. Baby Boo is on his belly with a book spread before him, and his siblings creating a ramp for their train set.

"We've got to tell you guys something not so great," I tell them. They all turn to me with worried expressions, including the one too little to actually understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. "Your daddy is sick."

"I kiss 'im better," Kush declares, smacking the air with his lips in a dramatic way.

"Well, I'm sorry, but you aren't actually going to be able to see him."

"Daddy vevy sick?" Mattie asks.

"His mind is the part that is sick," I say.

Shifu starts to cry, and I pick him up in an attempt to offer him some comfort. Sometimes it's hard to remember that this baby doesn't understand everything that we are saying.

"He's going to be fine though, your father. He's going to be just fine," Jack says.

I've always talked to the babies like they were adults. I've always been honest with them. I refused even to lie to them about Santa Claus. (Actually, Daniel was all about that as well. He wanted to use Santa as an opportunity to talk to them about the evolution of myth in multiple cultures.)

Jack's right, though. There are times when you have to lie to a baby. When you look at the face of a small child, and make the decision to teach them to hope, or to keep their innocence pure for just a little bit longer.

"You know what else? Jack is going to see Daniel. I am sure that he will be willing to kiss your Daddy better for you."

Jack shoots me a shocked look of dismay.

"Like this!" Kush says, leaning forward and gracing Jack's cheek with one.

"I'll tell your Daddy that you wanted to give him that," Jack offers, clearly hoping that will be enough.

"No!" Kush says, distressed, "Kiss him!"

"What is with this house and thinking that I should be with Daniel," Jack says, laughing at me with his eyes over the kids' heads. Kush just continues to look at him super seriously.

"I'll kiss him!" Jack exclaims. I'm hoping that is another one of those 'it's okay to lie to them if they are kids' things. I'm sort of over the whole thinking Jack and Daniel should be together thing.

-0-

"Daniel?" I say, surprised to hear his voice when I pick up the phone.

"Steph. I don't have a lot of time. I'm going to be transferred."

"Transferred? Like they are giving you a job on another base? We're all moving?" It was my understanding that people in the military moved all the time, but in the two and a half years that I've known Daniel, it's never come up.

He does this shallow laugh. I've heard it before when he was drunk, or the time when he accidently got high on drugs. Shit. Is this the psychological medicine making him sound like this? "No, like they're sending me to the nut house."

"Jack said they weren't going to do that," I protest.

"I know, but that was before I attacked him."

"Is he okay?" I ask concerned.

"Yeah, he's fine. I just don't want to attack anyone else. I am so glad Jack and Janet convinced me not to come home."

"They did that? I wanted to take you home," I tell him.

"Well, thank God you didn't convince him. I couldn't stand it if I hurt you or the kids."

"Someday, you are going to have to stop putting me in the same category as your babies," I mutter.

"I'll probably do that about the same time you stop carrying a baby around inside of you," he tease back.

"Well, two more months, then." There is a pause, and I feel like I should end this conversation with something important, something of weight. I just don't know what you say to someone you care about that much when they are going away for goodness knows how long. "Daniel, is there anything that I can do for you?"

"I'm good," he says.

"Can I come visit you? When you get settled?" I ask.

"Yeah, Jack can take you," Daniel says.

"He wants your kids, Daniel. Do you still want me to take them?"

"Yes, as long as you still want to."

"I've got them, until you're ready to come home."

"I don't think I'm ever going to," Daniel says sadly.

"Oh, come on, people get better from this all the time. Just give the medicine some time to work," I encourage. I know it's a whole lot more complicated than that, but I don't want discourage him right now.

"My grandfather didn't."

"I didn't know you had a grandfather with mental illness," I say softly.

"Well, it's not exactly the sort of thing that I like to advertise. He doesn't have the same thing that I do, though, so you never know."

"Jack said this was all caused by exposure to something you work with."

"No doubt. I just say it is a different something than they say it is."

"Do you regret your job, then?"

"No. I could never do that. My job gave me my wife and my kids. I could never regret it, because I could never regret them."

"You're going to get better, Daniel," I assure him.

I swear I can hear him cleaning his glasses at the other end of the line. "Well, I hope so. I've got to go now. Jack's taking me to the place."

I wish we flung the words 'I love you' around like a period on the end of our conversation. This would be the perfect time to lay it out. It's going to sound fake if this is what draws out the first words.


	54. Legacy II

I can't believe the scene that greets me when the guard at the psychological hospital opens the door to his cell. It's a padded room. I didn't even know they still had these. I have to hold back my tears as I stare at Daniel curled up in the corner of the room. When the door opens he jams himself further in.

"Daniel?" I ask softly.

"Steph?" he asks, as if he's not sure if I am real or just a hallucination. I'm not sure how I feel about my boss hallucinating about me.

"I'm here," I say softly.

He laughs, that creepy drug-induced laugh. I walk across the room to sit next to him, and really hope that my face isn't showing as much distress as I am feeling.

"How are the kids?" he asks.

"They're worried about their Daddy," I say honestly.

He nods his head over-dramatically, "It's not fair. I mean, they lose their Mommy to the Goa'uld, and then they lose their Daddy because he went through the 'Gate to find their Mommy."

"The gate?" I prompt. I thought that Joe worked on the gate. Why would an archeologist be doing security?

"The Stargate," he says, "I went to all of those planets to get her back, but I couldn't get her back! If I'd never gone, I would be able to go back to my kids. Now I've left them."

Okay, definitely crazy ranting. Other planets? Although, he has talked about other planets before. I mean, he was always drunk. Every time he gets lowered inhibitions, he talks about going to other planets.

"Daniel, you're going to get out of here," I say.

"I don't think so. Machello made me go crazy. Machello and his tiny robots."

"Okay, sweetie, can you tell me what meds they have you on?" I request. Please tell me anti-psychotics.

"I don't know," he says, waving his hand, "It doesn't matter, because Machello's robots won't go away."

Holy shit. Unless this is him pre-meds, he really isn't coming home. People with schizophrenia don't get better. They get worse.

-0-

Jack walks into the house and plays with the kids, but I can tell by the way he keeps looking at me that he wants to have a private conversation. So, I walk into Daniel's room and wait.

"Daniel thinks he's better," Jack says.

"Did the meds finally kick in?" I ask hopefully.

"Actually, Daniel claims the meds are making him worse. I mean, I'm sure it is just crazy ranting, but I think you would be better qualified to figure it out than I am. I'll watch the kids if you want to go pay him a visit."

-0-

"Steph! I'm better," Daniel announces. He doesn't really look better. He is walking the perimeter of the room, running his hand against it.

"What makes you think that?" I ask, wondering if crazy stuff is going to come out of his mouth.

"I can't tell you."

Yep, crazy, "Why not?"

"It's classified. I asked for Jack. Why did Jack send you?"

"I'm a psychologist. He thought that I would be pretty qualified to tell whether or not you are crazy."

"See, I still look crazy because of all the meds."

I looked at his medicine list the last time that I was here. If he really had got a miraculous cure, that medicine would be enough to make him act crazy. "Why did you suddenly get better?" I ask, because that was the only thing about his story that didn't make any sense.

"The worm left," he says.

I just look at him.

"I know that doesn't make any sense. There was this little robotic worm in me, I swear, and it went into Teal'c, and now I am getting better, and he is getting sick."

"Daniel, can you just listen to what you just said? You know what it sounds like, right?"

"I know, but can you just call Jack and find out if Teal'c is sick?"

"What do you want us to do if he is? We can't just let you out of here. They wouldn't have put you in a padded room if you hadn't tried to hurt yourself."

"I had to get the voice out of my head, and I might have tried to bang it out of my head with the wall," he admits, looking completely ashamed of himself.

"Okay, so I don't want that thought to come into your head again, and for you to end up actually doing damage to yourself."

"I just need to get off the meds. If I could just clear the meds out of my system, everything would get clear. I would be able to think."

"Daniel, you understand that every schizophrenic says that, right?"

"Yes, but I promise it's not like that," he says seriously.

"I want you to get better as much as you do."

"Then please, help me. If Teal'c is sick, you have to convince them get me off the meds."

"If you stay in this room, and they slowly wean you off the drugs, we'll see, okay?"

-0-

Teal'c is sick. I figure that Daniel might be on the road to recovery. I didn't think that meant that he would be back the next day.

"Are you sure that you're ready to be home?" I ask, concerned.

"I wouldn't have brought him here if I didn't know he was all right," Jack says.

"I wouldn't have asked to come if _I_ wasn't sure," Daniel retorts.

"Daddy!" Kush says, running up to his father. Daniel picks him up, and Kush awards thousands of kisses on his forehead.

"All be'er? He asks.

"Yes, honey, I'm all better," Daniel agrees.

Mattie latches onto his leg in a way where you are sure she's not going to be going anywhere else for a while.

Shifu looks at his father from around the corner.

"Don't be scared of Daddy," I encourage.

He hides his face.

I go over to pick him up, but he looks terrified, and crawls away from me. I scoop him up, and he's crying. I hand him to his father.

"Hey, did you forget me already?" he asks the baby.

Shifu screams.

"It's okay, Baby Boo, Daddy isn't crazy anymore," Mattie says.

Daniel looks at me in offense.

"I did not use that word."

"Where did you hear that word, little girl?" Daniel asks his daughter, touching her head.

"Baby Boo taught me," Mattie says.

"No, really, where did you hear it?" I ask her.

"Baby Boo," she says again.

"Hey, he stopped crying, and she got the whole pretending babies understand everything you say thing from the two of you," Jack declares.

"I'm glad you're home, Daniel," I say hugging him.

-0-

"You don't have to check on me," Daniel says.

"I'm sorry," I say. I was really hoping he wouldn't wake up. But I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and after checking on the kids, I had to check up on him as well.

"It's okay. I can understand why you might not totally trust me right now. I promise that they wouldn't have let me come back if I wasn't okay."

"I can't imagine those medicines wearing off that quickly."

"I may have cheeked some," Daniel says.

"Got help us if you ever really go nuts, Daniel."

I can see that his face is grave even though it is dark.

"Your grandfather?" I ask softly.

"He thinks he saw giant aliens."

"Huh, you were talking about other planets when you were, ah…"

"… in the nut house. I guess raving about aliens is a family trait," Daniel says.

I'm suspicious, and I let my face show it.

"Maybe the crazy went into you. You seem to be really considering the fact that I go to alien planets."

"Right, of course, sleep well," I say.

"I think the medicine is making it hard to sleep. I might get up and watch some TV."

I walk back to my room and lay awake, worrying that I might actually be going a little crazy. Either that, or my boss really travels to alien planets and makes it back by dinnertime.


	55. Learning Curve

"So, Daniel gave us the three names. It was a few days ago, but you know that things have been pretty crazy," I say.

"Have you looked at them yet?"

"I did, but only because I was expecting some sort of profound note from him," I say, handing it over, "If I knew what it was, I would have saved it for when you were with me."

I hand it over, and he opens it, "Shiloh, Levi, and Gerwyn."

"He's sort of making fun of me, but in a super sweet way. Shiloh means, like, 'someone you belong to'. Levi means 'someone you cling to'. Gerwyn means 'one who is loved'."

"If he's making fun of you why, would he pick that name?"

"Well, first of all they are good names. Second of all I am going to be possessive and clinging to this kid and it will be loved. So, they are accurate. I'm sorry, do you hate them all?"

"No, I really like Levi."

"Me, too," I say.

"Did we just decide on a baby name that quickly and effortlessly?"

"Well, we still have to discuss the middle name. I want to go with two of them: Daniel and Jack."

"Our son isn't royalty like Daniel's kids are, they don't need a whole bunch of names," Joe responds teasing. His teasing is just as sweet as Daniel's.

"Just tell me if you like it or if you hate it," I request.

"I think all we have left is to discuss the last name."

I never even thought about that. If I gave him my name, it's going to sound like I am not considering marrying Joe, ever. If I go with his name, it sounds like I've already accepted the proposal that he would probably take back if he could.

"What do you think it should be?"

"I think it's your choice," he says.

Crap. "What if we go with mine, for now? We can always change it later if we want to."

His eyes are disappointed. Maybe he was more serious about the proposal than I thought he was.

-0-

Daniel is pissed. If I hadn't lived with him for so long, I would have absolutely no idea. He's not the kind of person who throws crap around when he's mad. It's just a look on his face.

"Mattie, can you go read a book to your brothers?"

"I can't read, but Baby Boo can."

"Okay, then you can hold the book," I say.

"Are you sure that it's healthy for us to keep feeding into their little fantasy that their brother is speaking to them?"

"What's wrong?" I ask him, deciding to ignore his grumbling.

"We went to a place with child labor. It was even worse than that. They just used their kids. They threw them away like they were nothing."

"What did you do about it?" I asked.

Daniel laughs. There is just a touch of the mental hospital sound to it. "I did nothing. Jack did. He called me the moral conscience of the team, but I didn't even notice. I didn't get what horrible things they were doing to these little kids."

"I'm sure…" I don't even know how to finish that.

"I was so caught up in my work that I just let them destroy a kid."

"But they're okay now?" I ask.

"Well, better. It was complicated, and there was a lot of culture, and…"

"Aliens," I offer. I don't smile with the words, and there is a moment of panic. Then I smile, and he laughs. It's the madhouse laugh again. Is that just his normal laugh now?

"No, just inter-country politics," Daniel says.

"Right, well, you're a good person Daniel, no matter what happened," pause, watching him get nervous, "Wherever you where."

He looks at me with those x-ray eyes that see through everything. Crazy must be contagious, because I am starting to believe this whole other planet thing.

-0-

Daniel looks like he's about to choke on air over when he his twins waddle out wearing their Halloween costumes.

"What is that?" he asks, even though the costumes are pretty obvious, thank you very much.

"They're aliens," I say with a wide grin on my face.

"Why?"

"That's what they wanted to be. Who knows how those ideas get into kid's heads?" I say. I am really hoping that the kids are not going to rat out my blatant lie.

"I'm p'etty!" his daughter declares.

"Yes, you certainly are," he says, "And you are handsome son," he adds.

"'Plain Hallerine again, 'ease," Kush demands.

"Well, you guys have gotten dressed up, and soon we are going to go knock on the doors of lots of people. You are going to say trick or treat," I say.

"Ick or eat!" Mattie declares loudly.

"Right, and then they are going to give you candy."

"Eat all the candy?" Kush asks hopefully.

"Well, you are only going to have a little bit of it tonight, and the rest of it you are going to have to save for later," Daniel warns.

Mattie holds up her arms to her father, clearly asking to be held. When he complies with her demands she tosses her arms around him and says, "Ick or eat!" before smacking him with a huge kiss.

"Nice try, little girl, but I'm not changing my mind that easily," he says, giving her a little kiss on the check in return. Then he turns to me, "You can take off now, thank you for putting them in their costumes."

"Wait, you think that I'm not going to go with you guys trick or treating?" I ask, disappointed.

"It's after your work hours, you can go home," he says, like he's giving me some sort of a present.

"Well, first of all, I really want to go with you guys. This is one of those fun parts of taking care of kids. Second of all, the kids are going to get tired very quickly, and there is no way you can carry all of them."

"We are taking the stroller."

"You want to take them in and out of that thing for every house?" I ask.

"We can go home when they get tired," Daniel says.

"I don't want them to miss out."

"And I don't want you to miss out on time with your family because you were spending time with mine."

Family? Was he nuts? He knows that I don't really have a family. I hope my face isn't looking as angry as I actually feel right now.

Apparently it does, because his voice goes all soft and gently, "I mean Joe, he has something planned for you. He asked me to make sure you didn't stay too late. It's a party or something."

Adventure. Joe likes adventure.

"You know, he's going to have to get used to this," I say, waving my hand over the scene before me, which includes Shifu trying to eat his alien tentacle.

"He will. I think he just wants one last Halloween party with you before he does the kiddy version. You know, this," he saves his hand over the scene, "Lasts a while."

Yeah, especially when someone adds a kid to this family every single year.

"Let us compromise. I mean kids trick-or-treating has to be a lot earlier than a party for adults. I will call Joe and find out what time I actually have to leave by."

"So, you've avoided making a choice for yet another day, but just make sure that you make the right choice if it ever really comes down to it," he warns.

-0-

Joe lifts up his head from the bucket of water with an apple in it, and water dripping from it. He's smiling even with his mouth full. This is exactly why I love this man. He enjoys every bit of life. He takes the apple out of his mouth – bite mark and all – and offers it to me.

"No, thanks," I laugh.

"I just figured that you must be hungry, it has been about ten minutes since you ate," he teases.

"It's dangerous to make fun of someone whose is pregnant," I tease back.

"Hey! We're playing ghost in the graveyard," someone calls out, running out of the room. Joe takes off after them.

Well, he's a child, so I suppose he'll have to be good with children, right?


	56. Point of View

"Me read!" Kush declares, jamming a book in my face the second that I walk through the door.

"Me too!" his sister says, jealously pushing another book in front of my face.

"Oh, you can read," I say, pretending to believe the two-year olds.

"Baby Boo taught us. He made it easy," Mattie continues.

"'Sept silent letters," Kush says with a pout.

"Why don't you guys read to me?" I say. After all, kids who pretend to read do read earlier. Not that I'm worried about the mental development of these little munchkins.

They take turns then, pulling the book back and forth between themselves violently. They say the words on the page, more or less, which isn't much of a surprise because I've read the book to them endless times. They can't turn the pages yet, their chubby baby fingers are helpless at things like that. They grab at my wrists to direct them toward the page whenever they want it turned.

-0-

I've never really dated like this, getting all dressed up and going to a fancy French place. I'm not sure that I like it. I much prefer adventures with Joe or a quiet night at home like I used to have with Pat.

I'm also huge with baby. I hate the way I look in a black dress. It's not really my style to begin with.

I'm just going to smile and pretend that I am enjoying myself, because I know that this whole thing means a lot to Joe.

Then I look at his face, and I know that I am not fooling anyone. "Do you want to leave?" he whispers.

"No, let's finish eating," I say.

His foot brushes mine beneath the table. I am pretty sure it is an accident, but it still makes my heart skip. Oh, what this man does to me.

"I'm sorry. I just felt like this was right, like this is what we should be doing."

"I think we should just do whatever the two of us like, and not apologize for that," I say, offering him a grin.

"On that note," he says, taking a box from his pocket. A small velvet box.

He proposed before, but he didn't mean it, did he? I mean, he just did it because he thought it was what was expected of him. He thought it was what was right. It's just like this restaurant. He wasn't really Joe.

"You don't have to," I whisper, looking to my lap.

"I know that," he says, and the confusion in his voice causes my eyes to rise up and look into his eyes. "I got this wrong. I thought I needed to do the ordinary proposal to make you say yes. I should have done something more… us. Like a treasure hunt, or surprise you with it at work, or go on a hike and ask you on the top of a mountain or something. I did it wrong, but that doesn't mean you have to say no."

"Joe, we're doing fine. We don't have to get married just because of the baby," I say with my cheeks turning red. The box has caused a lot of the eyes of the restaurant to turn on us. My giant belly and our ages had already caused more than a few people to be looking at us.

"I know that," he seems, completely confused. "That's not why I'm asking you. I love you."

"I love you, too," I say, hoping that it is going to end the conversation.

"Yet you are saying it like you are saying no."

"I am. I'm sorry, Joe. I do love you, and I feel like there is a very good chance that someday I will be taking a ring from you. I just… I'm not sure yet. There is a lot at stake in our relationship. I don't want to say 'yes' until I'm sure. For the baby's sake. Please understand," I plead.

His face is hard, and he doesn't say a word for a long time. Then he says, "You're not thinking about anyone else being your happily-ever-after, are you?"

"No. Seriously? Is this about Pat? You said you were okay with me being friends with him, but if you've changed your mind, I will stop seeing him right now."

He looks relieved.

I reach across the table to squeeze his hand, "You've put yourself out there twice now, and I know that had to be pretty hard, so I am going to tell you when I'm ready to say yes. Then you can ask," I wave my hand over the table, "Sans fancy dinner."

He nods.

"I'm sorry. I'll… make it up to you somehow," I offer.

"You are growing my son, I think we're pretty even," he offers.

-0-

"Let me do that," Pat says, grabbing Shifu before he heads out of sight. I'd object with some sort of feminism stuff, but I'm pregnant enough that I am more than willing to let him do it so I don't end up with a sore back later.

"Thanks," I say.

"You seem… distracted," Pat says concerned.

"Joe proposed… you know, again, last night."

"Wow," Pat says, and I don't miss the fact that he glances at my hand. He's looking for a ring, and I can't tell by his face whether or not he is disappointed when he doesn't find it there.

"I still said no."

"Right," he says, making eye contact with me and obviously hoping that I am going to say more, even though he isn't willing to ask for it.

"I guess I'm closer to saying yes than I was before. I think I am probably going to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm not sure. I don't actually know how I will ever know if I am going to be sure."

"Well, what's holding you back?" Pat asks.

"I don't know that anything is. I'm just not getting that impulse to go for it. To just jump. Maybe I'm unreasonable to keep waiting for that. Maybe that only happens in fairy tales."


	57. Dead man's Switch

I hear the scream as I am pulled from the dream, and it takes me a couple of seconds to figure out that the scream is coming out of my own mouth.

There are arms around me, and I desperately try to shrug them off.

"Steph, it's me, it's okay," a voice says.

Not just _a_ voice. _Joe's_ voice.

"I'm okay," I say, and I sound unconvincing even to my own ears.

I lean against him as soon as the contact doesn't make me more panicky.

"What is your psychologist treating you for?" he asks.

"Anxiety and post-traumatic stress," I confess.

"I'm glad she knows about the second one. I've never seen someone who wasn't a soldier coming out of a dream like you just did."

"You've had dreams like that?" I ask, concerned.

"Sometimes. Not lately," he confesses.

"It was about the baby."

"Phoenix?"

"Well, Phoenix-inspired. I dreamt that the doctor delivered the baby, and then snapped his tiny neck."

I wanted to share the dream so badly before because I thought it would make it less horrific, but it just spread the horror. Joe looks like he's about to throw-up.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry that you have to go through this."

"I'm so worried that I'm going to do something that is going to make this baby die," I confess.

"You take care of kids for a living. The last time I checked, Daniel's kids were all alive and well."

"Yeah," I mutter.

"And great kids, too, right? I mean they are kind, and smart, and just all around awesome interesting people. Man, if you raise our baby as well as you raised them, we'll be lucky indeed."

"I think some of those things might have to do with their awesome genes."

"Isn't the nature-nurture thing about 50/50?"

"Well, they do have a father, you know," I point out, "So I can't really take full responsibility for all of them."

"My point is… you've proven yourself to be really good with kids."

"He could still die," I say, rubbing my belly.

"Yeah, he could."

"And you were doing so good with the comforting thing up until now," I say.

"Well, I could lie to you, or I could just be honest, and tell you that our kid is almost certainly going to live to adulthood, and that he is going to be taken care of and loved by two parents."

"You're right. It was just a bad dream," I say.

A memory comes back to me from the dream.

"Weird thing, though. The doctor in the dream had eyes that flashed. Like not normal human flashed, but weird supernatural flashed."

Joe freezes for a long second before he says slowly, "Well, dreams are weird like that."


	58. Demons

For the first half hour or so, I try to convince myself that it's Braxton Hickes contractions. I knew it was labor the whole time. I was in labor before, and that time was early too. This time at least I am only three weeks early instead of a full month.

My first call is to Catherine and Ernest to come and watch Daniel's babies. The next call is obviously to Cheyenne Mountain, but when the Airman asks who to transfer the call to it gives me a second of pause on who deserves to know first.

I decide on Joe, mostly because Daniel and Jack aren't going to get angry if I call someone else first.

"Did you call the ambulance already?" Joe asks in panic.

"You can come pick me up. I'm still in the early stages."

"The ambulance is allowed to speed," he points out.

"Joe, I promise I'm okay. Besides, remember I did deliver my own baby before."

I can tell that that is the wrong thing to say based on the panic I hear in his voice as he says, "That's not going to happen this time! You're not going to be alone! I'll be there soon! Don't let the baby come before I get there!"

"Honey, can you get Daniel or Jack to drive you? I need you to get here safely."

"I'll be safe," he promises, and I can hear him shuffling through things in the background.

"Please," I beg.

-0-

When Jack arrives in front of Daniel's house, I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have been better driving myself. I consider heading back into the house to ask either Ernest or Catherine to give me a lift. I happen to know they are dealing with one of those diaper explosions where you need to bathe the baby after, though, so I just get into the backseat of the car.

Joe slides in right next to me, and offers me his hand. I take it, but he suddenly looks distressed. "You are supposed to squeeze it," he demands.

"I'm really not in that much pain right now," I assure him.

"I need to do something," he says.

I lift up his arm, putting it around my own shoulders, and snuggle under it. "You are."

"I wish I could do this for you," he says.

"I don't. Women are built for this. If it was you, you'd be way too dramatic about it. We're lucky that it's me."

He giggles, and I can feel the muscles around me relax.

"I promise this will be okay," I assure him.

-0-

It hurts more than it did last time. Either that or I am not as strong as I was the last time that I had a baby. Or maybe it is just a whole lot harder to pretend that it was no big deal when people you love are around you.

Jack just keeps looking at me like he's angry. I know he's not mad at me. He's pissed at the pain. I can tell that he wishes there was something he could beat the crap out of to make it better. I'm half worried that Joe is a risk for getting beat up for this one.

Joe keeps muttering things about how he is sorry, and how he wishes that he could do it for me.

"It's time to move to the delivery room," the doctor says as a few orderlies start pushing the bed around.

"I need my daddy," I suddenly say.

Jack's face looks devastated.

Shit. Joe was wrong. I really believed that if I ever called Jack 'Daddy', it would be a good thing, but I can see that it was not.

"I wish that I could get him for you," Jack says.

"No, I mean you. Come," I plead, holding out my hand to him.

"You are asking me to come into the delivery room with you?" Jack says.

"Yes."

He jumps up and takes the hand. He is forced to let go of it a few seconds later as the wheel me out of the room. I notice that Joe isn't near me.

"Joe!" I call.

"Oh, you want me too," he says, looking unbelievably relieved.

"Of course! It's your baby!" I say.

"I know, I just thought you just wanted him."

I can't believe that the last time I did it, I was alone. I keep having flash backs to the panic I felt when I saw how much blood came out of me.

I'm pretty sure that I bled more this time than I did last time, but back then I didn't know that any blood was normal. I was so young, and I thought I was going to die on the floor of that basement.

This time, I know what my body is about to do. I know that it will be fine afterward. That it is going to heal from this trauma.

I'm going to be fine.

So I can feel the pain.

"Hey, his head!" Joe says.

"Yeah, hair?" Jack asks.

I let out a guttural scream, because as stupid as it is I feel like they should still be focusing on me, and not the baby that is coming out of me.

"You're almost there, honey," Joe says, and he looks so worried that I wish I had kept the scream inside.

The head is out, and Joe starts doing a little dance where he shifts from one foot to the other.

I feel the shoulders slip out of my body, and the baby's cry comes a second later. They place the baby on my chest and I feel that wave of love.

I felt that with Phoenix, too, but I couldn't protect him. My love for Levi and my grief over Phoenix gets all mixed up together and tears are streaming down my face. I honestly can't tell if it was happy or sad tears.

Then I look up at Joe.

Oh, my God.

He's got that face on that I saw on Daniel's face when he looked at his babies the day that I met him. That look, and I knew that he and I were fated to be together forever.

Joe and I, we're going to be together forever. He loves our baby. Loves it with that intense kind of love so strong that most people never get to feel it.

"Joe," I say.

"What's wrong?" he asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yes. You love him," I say.

"Levi? Of course I do! He's my son," he says with no small amount of pride.

"No, you don't just love him. You really love him," I blabber.

"Don't worry, being overly emotional is completely normal when someone has just given birth," Jack assures him.

"Shut up," I say, taking Joe's hand. "I'm telling you, Joe, next time you ask me to marry you, I'll say yes. Don't do it now. Sometime with a little less blood, but I'll say yes."

Joe takes a look at Jack. I don't know what hint Jack gives him, but whatever it is, Joe says, "We'll talk about it when there is a little bit less emotion in the air."

"Okay, but I am sure you are the man I want to spend my life with," I say.

Joe cuts the cord, and then they lift the baby away from me. I try really hard not to freak out. Joe is so focused on our kid that he misses my reaction, but Jack doesn't. He puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Can the father look on as you run your tests?" Jack asks.

"Sure," the nurse nods, and Joe steps forward tentatively, grinning when the baby is in sight.

It's all perfect. It really is. I shouldn't be wishing for more.

Yet… is it wrong that I want Joe to look at me the way he looks at our kid?


	59. Rules of Engagment

"You'd better be careful, I am getting spoiled here," I warn Joe as he brings be breakfast and bed.

"Unfortunately, I go back to work on Monday, so there really isn't a whole lot of time for you to get spoiled," he says looking genuinely sad about the prospect of returning to a world without a screaming baby in it.

"Come on, you'll be back home at the end of the night before you know it," I sooth.

"They're starting me off with a _twelve-hour_ shift!" he complains. Then he looks even more serious, "Besides you never know when it's going to be a lot more than twelve hours."

I pat the spot beside me, and he sits down. I lean against him, "I didn't realize your job was that dangerous." I mean, I sort of figured Daniel and Jack's jobs were super dangerous, because they were always sort of dying, but I never knew that Joe did anything that bad.

"It's not. I was just talking about getting stuck on base."

I almost believe him, until I look into his face. He is full of crap. He's scared.

"You don't have to go back," I tell him.

"I can't quit my job. We have a newborn," he says.

I like that we've started talking like we're married. Joe hasn't proposed again, but it's only been two weeks since the baby came, and we're still kind of knee deep in diapers and breast pumps.

"We've got savings," I tell him.

"Don't worry about it," he says giving me a kiss on the forehead.

I want to scold him for treating me like I'm a little kid. I want to tell him that I'm a powerful independent woman, but the baby cries, and Joe hands me my son, and I completely lose my train of thought.

-0-

"Hello," I answer the phone. A couple of years of working for Daniel has completely ruined me for answering the phone in any sort of formal way.

"It's Joe," he says.

I wait for him telling me why he called, but as the seconds tick by I don't get any sort of answer.

"Are you okay?" I ask starting to wonder if his fears about going back to work are starting to come to fruition.

"I just missed you guys," he says, and my heart absolutely bubbles within me.

"Levi finally pooped," I offer. Inwardly I am kicking myself. He's being all sweet and considerate and I talk to him about excrement. It's just that it's been days, and we were worried. Maybe in a larger sense it's because I was still in my little new parent bubble, and he wasn't anymore.

"Good," he says with a chuckle.

"I'm sorry," I mutter.

"No, it's what I wanted. It made me feel like I was still with you," he says. He still wants to be part of our little bubble.

"I timed it, his naps are longer under the ducky blanket."

"You're going to have to tell our son he's too young to have opinions like that," Joe retorts.

"Don't worry. I think he was close enough to hear it directly from his Daddy's mouth," I tease looking at my son in my arms. He's got that sleep half-awake thing going on, and it's melting my heart.

"So, I know you didn't want to accept my proposal back at the restaurant, but it wasn't because of the ring was it?" the whole question spills out of his mouth as if it were a single word.

"No, it definitely wasn't, because of the ring," I say grinning.

"Okay, just making sure. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay, I love you."

"Back atcha," he sounds bashful. Of course, he IS at work.

-0-

I'm nursing the baby when Joe comes home, and he just stands there, and looks at us for a long time. I'm not sure if that face is about the baby or me.

"How was your day?" I ask.

"Good," he says absently.

I catch his eye and grin.

He walks over, and kisses me on the forehead before dropping down on his knees before the chair.

Oh my god. It's happening.

Then, silence.

"You have a question to ask?" I prompt.

"Just waiting until Levi finishes up there," he says.

I extend a hand to him, and we fiddle with each other's fingers for a long moment.

Levi falls asleep, and his lips pop free. I cover myself, and adjust the baby before tapping his back.

Joe waits for three burps, and tears are springing into my eyes.

"Will you be my wife?" he finally asks.

"Of course," I say, and the irony of sing those words after I had turned him down several times.

The ring was apparently in his pocket, out of the box, because the only puts them into his pocket for a second when his hand comes out with the ring on his pointer finger up to the first knuckle. He transfers it onto my finger.

"Come up here," I say.

"There isn't a lot of room, and there are already two people in that chair," he points out to me.

"Come on," I say moving over.

He slides into the chair, and Levi makes a sound of protest until his father's hand comes to rest on his chest. The tiny bit of pressure calms him, and his eyes blink shut again.

"I'm really happy," I tell him.

"So am I. I love you so much," he says. We're so close that I can barely focus on his face, but I don't mistake the look of love. That powerful rare kind of love that most people never get to see in their whole life. I thought he only had that kind of love for our kid, but no, he loves me like that.

I'm crying.

"Shit, what's wrong?" Joe asks.

"I'm just so happy!" I whimper.

"Jack was right. I never should have proposed until all of the pregnancy hormones were out of your system."

"You talked to Jack about this?" I ask.

"Yeah, sort of an asking someone for your hand kind of thing."

"Oh my god, that is the sweetest thing," I gush.

"It was in theory," Joe objects crabbily.

"Did he say no?" I ask peering at him worriedly.

"No, he just enjoyed it too much. He asked questions, and made me sweet, and tortured me forever before he started laughing and called me son, and gave me this really long hug during which I'm pretty sure he cried."

"Yeah, that sounds like Jack."

"I sort of believe him when he said that he would kill me if I ever hurt you, though."

"He won't kill you," I protest.

"But he would make life pretty miserable for me."

I nod.

Levi on my lap starts doing that slow sucking thing he does when he sleeps that absolutely melts our hearts. We just stare at him in awe.

It reminds me of a quote that I heard somewhere. About how true love isn't just staring at someone, it's sitting next to someone, and starring at the world.

"I'm really going to love being married to you," I tell him with absolute confidence.

"And when were you thinking that was going to start?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't want to wait forever, but like three months? Six months? That should be enough if we keep the wedding pretty simple."

"Okay."


	60. Forever in a Day

Before my son was born, I thought I was going to miss Daniel's kids so much I wouldn't be able to stay away for my full six weeks of maternity leave. It turned out that my own kid absorbed so much of my brain power that I hardly had time to think of them at all, and when I did it was mostly to scold myself for not thinking about them a whole lot more.

I was three weeks into my maternity leave before I saw head or tail of a Jackson.

When I finally saw one, it wasn't one of the pint-sized ones. It was Daniel.

When I first met him, I thought that he was cloaked in grief, but this was worse.

He didn't talk about it at first. He held my son, and said the sorts of things about him which make a mother's heart soar. Then I gave him Daniel-coffee from our fancy new coffee maker and he talked about the merits of a good foam on a cappuccino.

It wasn't until he started to talk about Ancient Greek politics that I pulled the plug on the whole charade.

"Daniel, what's wrong?"

"My wife is dead."

The words hang between us, heavy. I don't say anything for a long time, because I know from experience just how useless words can be in a situation like this. When I finally speak it's so obvious and trite that I am all the more embarrassed about the long gap it took me before I could speak.

"I'm sorry."

"It's selfish to grieve. For two and a half years, she has been in a living hell. She was probably glad to die."

"I wouldn't have been," I offer.

I don't know if that makes the whole thing better or worse. Maybe I should lie to him. Talk about her being in a better place. But Daniel doesn't need to feel like he's doing something wrong by being sorry that she's dead.

"I was there."

"When she died?" I ask in surprise. I had assumed this was just a piece of news, maybe even old news, that had reached him.

He nods.

"She was thinking about the kids… her last thought."

"So she was… herself… in the end?" I ask, confused as to whatever top-secret brainwashing the poor woman had been through.

"I think so, yeah, but I could never be sure. The thing that had her was a pretty tricky thing, and it could have deceived me."

I nod in sympathy.

"She loved me."

"And you loved her," I remind him.

He smiles, but shakes his head, "No, you don't quite understand. You never saw us together. Yes, I loved her, but not like she loved me. I don't think very many people in the history of the world have been loved like she loved me."

"I don't know, Daniel, you really loved her."

"I was always distracted. Always naming the Pharaohs in my head or comparing her culture to others I knew. When she talked to me or kissed me or…" he pauses and turns bright red, then he clears his throat and moves on with the conversation just as if there hadn't been a blank in the middle of it, "She was all in it, completely absorbed in the moment. I was always half there and half somewhere else. I loved her the best way I knew how, but I don't have a lot of experience with love."

"Well, Daniel, you're right in that I never saw you with your wife, but I have seen you with your kids, and you have no shortage of love."

"She deserved to grow old. She deserved to know her children."

I nod.

"I'm sorry to come here and be so gloomy. You should still be high off new baby fumes, not grieving with a widower."

His voice chokes over the last word in a way that assures me it is the first time he's thought of himself like that.

"I'm glad you came to me," I offer.

"Jack was trying to get me to talk to him, can you believe it?"

"Yeah, actually I can," I say. Jack might not be big on sharing emotions himself, but he tends to be pretty eager to get other people to open up.

"I couldn't do that, but I did need to talk to someone."

I remember when I was too young for Daniel to burden with everything that went wrong in his life. That wasn't that long ago. What made me grow up in his eyes? Is it the baby in his arms?

Am I really a grown-up? That's a scary thought.

When I first arrived at Daniel's door, I was seventeen years old and positive that I was a grown-up. Now I'm twenty, and a mother, and soon to be a wife, and I am pretty sure that I'm not grown up.

Oh, I bet Daniel doesn't know about that last little bit of information. I've only been engaged for a couple of days, and I never really thought to call anyone with the information (I blame baby brain). I should probably make sure the important people in my life know.

I'm just now sure if Daniel is quite ready for good news right now.

"Daniel?" I ask uncertainly.

He meets my eyes with such pain behind those glasses that I know if there is even the tiniest chance of my news making some of that pain go away I am going to have to take it. "I'm engaged."

I hold out the hand adorned with the ring to him.

I know I made the right choice. He practically jumps out of his chair, causing my son who is still in his arms to let out a loud wail, and starts hugging me. I stand up to make the hug less awkwardly-angled, and for the safety of my son whose head is pointed at the floor.

"That's just what I needed right now, a little good news."

But a thousand new worries are toppling over my old ones now. What if this is all wrong? What if getting married is just inviting my heart to open up and take in a whole lot more pain that it's not even close to be ready for? What if Joe dies or gets tired of us and leaves? What if I lose him, and my heart breaks?

How could I possibly have the strength to put together my shattered life yet again?

When the hug finally ends, Daniel looks at my face and responds with a flippant remark which chases at least a bit of the worry away.

"Not all good things go up in flame, an even the ones that do are worth it."


	61. Past and Present

I decided to check on Daniel. I meant to go out and see him every day since his wife died. The baby got in the way. Do you know how hard it is to leave the house with a baby? I mean, I thought my anxiety was getting in the way before, but I'm pretty much over that the-whole-world-is-scary thing now, and it's still hard.

Babies just take way too much stuff to take care of.

Amazing that I had one before with no stuff at all, nothing.

In case you couldn't guess, this whole baby thing is bringing up a lot of feelings for me. I'm just not letting on, because I am really happy about my son. Like, over the moon. I'm just sad about his brother too.

Anyway, I've had Joe check on Daniel a few times, and I know Jack has been with him pretty much all of the time, and I've talked to him on the phone.

It just took me a week to actually get there.

His whole table is covered in photo albums. The three kids are sitting on the floor "reading".

"How are you, Daniel?" I ask. Daniel's kids turn and run toward me at the sound of my voice.

"Fine."

"You want to see the little one?" I ask.

That draws him out of it, just like I knew it would. He stands up, with pictures falling to the floor, and takes the kid out of my arms. "God, he's beautiful."

"Yeah, and your little angels are pretty great, too," I said picking them up one by one and bestowing a kiss on each face.

"They are, they are such a gift," he says with tears in his eyes.

Shit. I thought kids would be a safe subject, but clearly they are not.

"Yeah, they really are."

"What would it be like if I couldn't have kids? I mean, if Sha're was just gone, and there was nothing of her left?" he asks.

"It's okay, your kids are right here," I encourage.

He shakes his head like he's coming out of a dream, "Sorry, I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

"Just a little bit."

"We visited a village where there were environmental contaminants, and they couldn't have kids. They almost did with this risky thing with a scientist so they could have kids."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I let her go free."

"Why?"

"The scientist who almost killed them. I never should have let her go free."

"Oh, is this the one that…" I try to think of a way of saying 'rape' without actually saying it around these little ears.

"No, not that one," he says, understanding me even though I never landed on that elusive word.

"Oh," I say.

He looks really squirrely, and then, "It was all consensual."

Holy shit. Daniel was with someone? Some scientist? Some evil scientist?

I just never saw him like that, probably because up until last week, he was married.

Although, his wife is dead, and she's been gone for as long as I knew him.

"I'm sorry," he says, looking completely ashamed.

"No, I mean, you don't have to apologize to me. I mean, you are single."

"It was stupid."

"Did you know she was evil?"

"No, of course not. And she's not completely evil."

"You told me that she almost destroyed a village."

"It's complicated," he shrugs.

"So are you still dating her?" I ask, trying to figure out how I would feel about his little kids having a step-mom, or any kind of step-mom-type figure.

Daniel laughs. "No."

"Are you going to start dating?" I say, wishing that I hadn't gotten how weird this was for me into my voice.

"No, I'm not quite ready for that."

"You could be," I say.

"Yeah, no."

"So this photo project is all about your gratitude for reproduction?" I ask, examining the table.

"Yeah, that is part of it, but… I only have one picture of Sha're."

"I'm kind of surprised you had any."

"Feretti took it. Back on our first mission."

I don't know who Feretti is, but I just nod like this made sense.

"You could make lots of copies of it."

"There aren't any pictures of her with the babies. None."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"How can I explain their mother to them?"

"You can use that very smart head of yours, and all the fancy words you know in all your languages. You don't need a whole lot of visuals to go with it."

"I only knew her for a year."

"A year is a long time."

He touches the photo on the table. Wow, his wife was beautiful. I always assumed the gorgeous looks of his children were all Daniel, but man.

"Don't they have a grandpa?" I ask.

"Yeah," he admits.

"Well, that might be a way to link them to their mom."

"That's a good idea. It's probably about time that I go see good father, anyway."

"Good father?" I ask.

"It's a cultural thing. Although he is the closest thing I have had to a family in a long time."

I forget how lucky I am. Ever since I lost my parents, I have had people swooping in to be my family.


	62. The Devil You Know

My first day back at work ends in a team night. I don't know what happened, but I do know none of them can talk about it.

Jack keeps handing Sam Guinness. She only finishes about half before he hands her another one. She just keeps taking it from him like she's a robot, though.

Teal'c's muscles are all tight. I mean, honestly, his muscles are always tight. He always looks like he could fend off an army in the blink of an eye, but tonight, it's like that times a hundred.

The symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder flit through my mind.

Daniel has a spot next to Sam that he refuses to give up.

At one point I catch him squeezing her hand.

Now Sam I could live with being a step-mom to these kids.

Not that I really think that is going to happen. They are too good friends for that.

But maybe I could just trust Daniel about whoever he ends up picking to mother those kids (if he does pick someone).

I'm not going to stress if Daniel starts dating. In fact, maybe I am going to help him start dating. After all, if anyone deserves to be happy, it is him.

-0-

One of the advantages of being in grad school is that the students are more grown-up. I don't just mean age-wise, I mean they are a lot more mature. If I hadn't skipped so many grades, I never would have been able to stomach being around kids my age.

Another advantage is there are quite a few people around that are old enough to date my boss. One of them is named Diana. She's gorgeous. I mean, not Sha're gorgeous, but pretty close. She's smart, too, she could definitely give him a run for his money. Plus, she is a former military brat. She's lived in four countries and speaks five languages.

Also, she loves kids. She's the only person who actually lets me get through all sixty pictures of my son that I carry around. And her sister has five kids, who she watches one day a week.

And she's recently single. Not by death, but by a really nasty break up.

We'll start with a study session.

-0-

Daniel obviously plans on working all night. He's got a large coffee in his hand, and is balancing five books on his forearm as he opens the door.

"The kids go to bed all right?" he asks.

"Shifu put up a bit of a battle, but he went down by 9:30," I respond. He still hasn't noticed that I have company. I'm afraid to startle him right now.

Diana apparently has no such qualms, "Hello, Dr. Jackson," she says, rising from the couch and smoothing her skirt.

He still hasn't seen her, but her voice is enough to cause him to lose control of the stack of books, and the coffee. What follows is what I can only assume is a string of curses in some other language. What language, I am not comfortable guessing, but I can only hope it is one Diana didn't speak.

"I'm so sorry," she says, rushing forward to help him. Daniel zips into the kitchen to grab some rags which he throws down at the mess, and some of them bounce off her head first.

"It's only these books are very old," he says, like he's scolding a young child. I guess that shouldn't be surprising, considering the age of his children.

Diana and Daniel work together to dab the coffee off the old books. He thanks her, and bundles up his books in his arms to head for his bedroom, only throwing a, "I'll leave you girls to study," over his shoulder.

"Wait, Daniel, Diana was really excited to meet you."

"Really?" he asks skeptically, pushing the glasses up on his face.

Diana seams almost as surprised by my words as he is. Little wonder, since I didn't exactly let her in on my matchmaking scheme. She thinks she really is here to study statistics.

He places the books on the coffee table and sits down.

"Please tell me you are not here because you read the _last_ paper I published," Daniel pleads.

The one about the aliens? I think. No, I sort of left that out when I bragged about my boss on the way over here.

"I actually haven't read any of your work," she admits.

Daniel gives me a suspicious glance that lets me know he's probably figured out _exactly_ what is going on here. "I see."

"She used to be a history major though," I point out.

"And what made you give up the dusty old books?" Daniel asks.

"Well, it was fascinating to study. I just couldn't picture it being a very interesting life after graduation," she begins. Then she realizes that she's put her foot in her mouth and tacks on a hasty, "Sorry."

"No, it's all right. I guess it depends what you do with it. On a daily basis, I probably use the linguistics end of my training more than the archeological one."

"What do you do exactly? Steph was a little… evasive on that measure," Diana says. She might have started off a bit rough today, but I think right now she has figured out what I am trying to do, and is completely on board with it.

"I wasn't evasive, I just don't really know."

Daniel adjusts his glasses again, "Most of my work is classified."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

"Oh, not it's just… I really couldn't say, and you wouldn't believe me if I did," he says.

Aliens, I think to myself. It's quickly becoming my favorite joke.

"Nie!" Mattie calls out, and both Daniel and I stand up. It's kind of a stare off.

"You're off duty," he points out.

"She called my name," I return.

"You have company," he replies.

I ignore the stare-off, and run down the hall.

"That was weird," I hear Daniel say.

"Nie, I thought you lefted," Mattie pouts.

"Not yet, little one."

"Do you 'ove Levi more than me?"

"Of course not."

"You left me for Levi long time," she says with bulging eyes.

"I know, honey, it's hard when you have new baby. But you will always be one of my loves."


	63. Foothold

When Daniel comes home, he barely says a word to me. He usually says something somewhat official to let me know that he is taking over the children for the night, but tonight, nothing.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Of course, young lady," he says.

"Young lady? The last time someone called me that it was when my dad was still alive, and I was in trouble."

"I am sorry to hear that your father is dead," he replies.

"Daniel, you know that my dad is dead. Are you high?"

"No, but I think I will go to bed now," he says.

I know there is something wrong, because he didn't even say goodnight to the kids, let alone put them to bed like he normally would. I call up Joe, and tell him that I am not coming home tonight, because there is no way that I am going to be leaving the little babies alone tonight.

-0-

He left the next day before dawn to go back to the base. I didn't think that he was going to be working today, but I'm not overly surprised by that. His schedule seams to change from minute to minute, let alone from day to day.

I call up Sam to confirm that she'll be watching the kids when I have class latter today, but she doesn't answer. I hope she isn't working like Daniel is.

A few hours later, she calls me up, and the phone call consists of nothing more than, "I am very sorry to cancel on you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to babysit. I can't tell you why, and I don't have time to talk."

Catherine and Ernest are able to cover, I discover after a quick phone call, but I am getting more and more worried about my favorite military team.

-0-

A picnic on a roof; nice idea, that. In practice, though, it is windy, and there is a lot more pigeon poop involved.

We grip our plates as we talk to one another, and I find it hard to focus on making sure that my dinner doesn't blow away, what might be happening to Daniel's team, and the conversation all at once. Joe stops in the middle of a sentence, and I'm pretty sure it's a long time between when he stops and when I actually notice that he has stopped.

"You're a million miles away, love, care to share with me where you are?" Joe asks lightly.

I have been making a real effort to be more open and honest with the man, so I answer, "I think there is something wrong with Daniel. He was… off."

Joe makes a strange face, but doesn't say anything. "Are you okay?" I press.

He looks away for a long moment before he answers, "I don't think you should worry about Daniel." His voice is strange and full of warning, and not at all like the man I have grown to love recently.

I wonder if the same thing is wrong with by fiancé as what is wrong with my boss.

-0-

Its two days later when I see Daniel again. He won't meet my eyes at first, and at first I thought that he was still under whatever strange spell he was under before.

The he asks me, "The last time I was here, did I say or do anything strange?"

"Besides calling me 'young lady', apparently not knowing that my dad was dead, and refusing to touch your own children? No."

"Well, I stayed away from the kids then, there is a blessing in that," he mutters.

"Were you high or something? Having trouble dealing with your wife's death or something?"

He looks at me slowly, and then he grins, "Yes, Steph, that was exactly what happened."

"Okay," I say slowly, "Well, I have to say that it's pretty weird that you are excited about that. I think maybe you should stay away from whatever drug that was again."

"I think I will," he says, "It's much better to face what happens to you then hide from it." And then he hugs me long and hard, and I can't help but think that there is a whole other story there that is much weirder than the one I'm given.

He leans over, and picks up the baby off the floor, kissing him while he talks to his siblings. Whatever is wrong with Daniel is gone, and he's back.

-0-

Sam barely talks when it comes to the team night. She just keeps staring at her teammates as if there was a snake inside of them that was going to bite her. She's watching every little motion they make, and obviously comparing it to something inside of her mind.

"Relax, Carter, it's over," Jack says.

"Yes, sir," she says, looking away from them for the first time all dinner.

"It's us, Sam, I promise," Daniel says.

Her eyes go soft, and I don't dare move, because I am pretty sure that they've forgotten I'm in the room.

"I shot you," she tells Daniel.

"Only because you knew it wasn't me," he says.

Her lip quivers, "I leveled a gun on your head, and I shot."

Daniel goes to sit next to her, and wrap an arm around her. "You did the right thing. You trusted your gut, you were right, and you saved the world."

"What if I'd been wrong?" she bewails as she buries her head in his shoulder.

"You weren't."

"Carter, I command you to trust your gut at all times. It's a retroactive command. So now you were just following orders. The results of your action are on my head," Jack says.

"Sir, you just want the credit because it all worked out. If a member of your team shot another member of your team…" she trailed off.

"Carter, you were right. Let it rest at that," Jack says, more than a little annoyed at the whole conversation.

Then Daniel looks at her naked soul and says, "I forgive you, Sam."

It doesn't make sense, but it is the only thing that she would be able to accept. The only thing that would make her feel better. She sobs in his arms.

I look away, suddenly feeling guilty for helping them to forget that I was here. Jack meets my eyes. He didn't forget I was in the room. I think that he often lets me know things the others wouldn't let me. I think he always knows exactly how much of a spy I really am.

He gives me a grin.

"So who did she shoot?" I ask.

"Ah, Steph, I thought you'd been around soldiers long enough to know that is just the sort of question you never ask," Jack warns.

I level my eyes at them by way of challenge.

"It was a someone who wore my friend's face and tried to use it to take over the world," Sam says. The tears seem to have purged all of her emotion, and she is able to be calm for the first time in the day.

"How could they wear his face?" I ask.

"There is a question we can't answer," Sam says sadly.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't make out a theory of what these people do for a living that makes any kind of sense.

-0-

I know that before Daniel had kids, he used to get obsessed with things. Still, this is ridiculous. It's been twenty hours since he's eaten. I think he's drunk a little juice that I left for him, and he has made a trip or two to the bathroom. He's taken some old notebook with him the whole time, and he's muttering.

It's some mixture of a language that I don't know, and mutterings about all kinds of scientific elements.

"Daniel, you need to sleep," I prompt.

"If you had to sum up all of our species' accomplishments for aliens to read, you'd put the important parts up first, right?" he asks nervously.

"Is that what you have been doing when you haven't been sleeping? Writing some message for aliens that will never be received?" I ask.

He pauses, and stares at me with the sort of 'oopsy' face that usually only Drunk Daniel wears. "No, it was just a metaphor. You know, a historian who writes about their own time period is really someone who is leaving behind a message for people that are going to be from a culture that is so different from their own that you could almost call it an alien culture."

This is not the first time that this man has talked about aliens around me. It's a joke, right? I mean, it has to be. There is still the whole idea about distance. I mean, there is no way that he could be going to other planets and getting back before supper time.

Of course, the whole idea of traveling could be a lie. Not a very clever or convincing one, but it has distracted me this long, so you would have to say that it was successful.

"Daniel, I've never quite understood why your team would need the unique talents of everyone that are on them," I say.

He looks hurt, like I am questioning whether or not he belonged. The last time I did that, he started going to the shooting range with Sam once a month. No, it's not about the fact that Daniel isn't a soldier. It's just a question of what those four very diverse people could ever have to do together.

"I mean... You're this brilliant archeologist. I just don't get what job would require both yours and Sam's talents," I say.

"Deep space radar telemetry," he says slowly. It's a well-rehearsed statement for him, and he barely puts the smallest part of his heart into it.

"What do you contribute to that?"

"I negotiate with the natives for my team," he says.

"I bet you are sick of having to lie in order to make yourself less impressive," I say.

"You found it, then. I should have known you would, sooner or later," he says.

I have no idea what he is talking about, but now I desperately need to know. I would never go through Daniel's stuff, and I would hope that he knows it. Maybe he just figures that I stumbled over whatever 'it' is. "You're right, you couldn't have hid it forever."

"I still can't believe they put that damned thing on the internet."

Thank you, Daniel, now I know where to find 'it'. What sort of youthful indiscretion is he guilty of?

Luckily, Shifu starts to cry just about then, because I didn't know how to get out of this conversation without totally blowing my cover.

-0-

The first few papers are not that weird, they are about how the pyramids are way older than most people think they are. How the writing systems are far more ancient than people had ever guessed.

The last one was the craziest. It was all about how the Ancient Egyptians couldn't have done anything as amazing as the pyramids all on their own.

Holy crap. My boss is an Ancient Alien theorist.


	64. Pretense

I might not have warned Diana about my intentions the first time that I brought her over here, but she catches on quick. Either that, or Daniel is just so handsome and winsome that he won her heart completely over without needing any advice from me.

Either way, she comes over to study with me almost always on the exact hour that Daniel gets home from work. She's always holding one of his kiddos (but never mine), and she's always wearing something that shows off her cleavage to the best advantage. Daniel sort of drools over cleavage. Which might just be why he practically flees the room every time I start to breastfeed.

That's all right, Daniel, I'm not that excited about you seeing my breasts, anyway.

Awkward.

Anyway, she stands way nearer to him than most people do, and practically swoons over every word he says. She asks him all sorts of questions about his work, and he seems flattered by her interest, and starts giving more and more technical responses.

My eyes glaze over at his explanations, but she just keeps leaning on his arm, saying things like, "Really?" "What was that like?"

I want to throw in a "how does that make you feel?" so he can feel like he's being psychoanalyzed, but I don't.

I'm pretty sure Diana thinks this is going really well.

I know it's not.

Once, on walking out of the room, he leaned over and kissed Shifu in her arms, and she gushed about how it was like the most romantic thing ever!

I didn't tell her that it happened to me almost every day. No need to make her jealous when there was absolutely no way, ever, that anything was going to happen between Daniel and me.

I wish he wasn't so oblivious to her advances, though. I mean, seriously, does he plan on grieving for his wife for literally forever?

We're two weeks in, and I think Diana's feelings might be getting deeper by the day. It's probably time to broach the subject with Daniel, before the poor girl gets her heart completely broken.

"So, what do you think of Diana?" I ask him as he pokes his head in to check on the kids.

"I think she's pretty nice. I'm not so sure she hasn't gotten over her early history in the social sciences though. I'm not sure how great a study partner she is for you."

"I don't think that is why she keeps coming over," I say.

Daniel looks at me, confused.

"I think she's coming over here for you."

"I think she should just switch majors and get it over with, then," Daniel says.

Oh my God, how did this man ever get married? Did his wife just smack him over the head and drag him back to her cave?

"Daniel, she likes you."

"Well, I like her," he says, and I would be rejoicing if the tone of his voice wasn't so mundane.

"No, I mean, she's interested in you," I press.

Then he really looks at me, "Wait, you don't mean… like, romantically, do you?"

"Yes," I say, trying desperately not to roll my eyes at him.

"She's a child!" he exclaims.

"She's older than me!" I retort, insulted.

"Great, then, she's a big kid," he replies.

"She's twenty-three!"

"I've still got almost a decade on the little thing."

"Eight years," I correct.

"Practically a decade."

"Come on, Daniel, it's not that big of a deal. Lots of people date people that are a few years older or younger than them."

"That's true, and there are stages in life where it wouldn't be a big issue. But man, I'm thinking about all the changes that I've been through in the last eight years. I mean, eight years ago I was still a college student. I had a roommate, and had never lived on my own. I didn't know how to cook on a stove, just a microwave. I hadn't had the unpleasant experience of getting evicted from my apartment, or the amazing experience of all the things I do at Cheyenne Mountain. I had not been married, or had kids! I was a completely different person."

"But she likes kids, Daniel," I point out.

"Oh, Steph, I am so not ready to pick out a new mommy for my kids!" he says, pushing back in his chair in an unconscious effort to get more space between us.

"I'm not saying that anything has to be serous, but…" I begin.

He cuts me off with a voice that clearly says he thinks the matter has been settled (in his favor, of course), "When I decide that it's time to date after my wife, I will find someone on my own."

"But Daniel, you work **all** the time, and you already dated someone."

His eyes darken, "That wasn't dating so much as royally screwing up. Besides, there was never any chance of anything there. She lived a long way away, and we sort of had an understanding that there wasn't going to be anything beyond what we did. It was… complicated on her end. I couldn't stand anything solid, anything that could last long enough to fail. My heart… it's not ready for more heartbreak quite yet."

"Okay, I can respect that," I say softly.

"Good, now tell me how to get out of this without breaking the little girl's heart."

"Well, I probably wouldn't call her a little girl when you did it," I retort.

"Come now, I'm going to need a lot more than that! You got me into this mess, and you are going to help me get out of it!" he says.

"Okay, do you have a picture of Sam?"

"Why?" he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I could show it to her, and tell her that you started dating her."

"Oh, that sounds like a really bad idea!"

"Come on, what's the harm? It's not like she's going to want to come around here after she finds out that she doesn't have a chance with you, and it's not like she runs in any of the same social circles that you do."

"You are a very bad influence on me, young lady," he says.

"So that's a yes?" I ask.

He nods his head, and then bumbles off to his room to find the picture. Meanwhile, I wonder how I would actually categorize the relationship that he and Sam share. It's definitely not romantic, but… it's a bit hard to define. Actually, every relationship the members of the team have with anyone, including myself, is pretty hard to define.


	65. Urgo

When Daniel first called up to tell me that he and the rest of the team were not coming home for what he thought would be weeks, I was worried.

Then, in the background, I hear them singing "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down. In stereo. They actually make a rather nice quartet. You've got Teal'c on bass, Jack doing tenor, Daniel with an alto, and Sam with a soprano. It's just so out of character for each and every one of them that I feel like my next comment has to be, "Daniel, are you guys drunk?"

"No."

"Care to elaborate on that?"

"You know I can't, Steph," he says, and he sounds just about as tired of this whole secret thing as I am. The more I get to know them, the more convinced I am that something crazy is going on in the mountain, and the more I want to know what it is.

Not really in a 'curiously killed the cat' kind of way, but in a genuine, I care about these people and I want to understand what makes them tick kind of a way.

"Okay, well, are you sick?" I ask.

He pauses, "Yes."

"How sick, Daniel?" I ask, and my voice sounds just a touch bored to my own ears. There is a real possibility that people I care about could be seriously sick, and I'm so used to tragedy in their lives that I'm bored by it.

"Not seriously. I'm not in any pain or anything. Just under quarantine, and more than a little worried that they might not ever let me out."

"Ever?" I ask.

"Sorry," he says seaming to come out of some funk, "I'm just being gloomy. We'll find the solution. We always do," his words seem false, and just a little bit too cheerleadery for him to pull off.

"Daniel, can I bring your kids to see you?" I ask, knowing that that is a guaranteed way to put a big smile on his face.

"Quarantine, remember."

"Well, how about me?" I ask.

"Steph, I wouldn't want to get you sick, either."

"So, this thing spreads fast?" I ask, concerned. For a long time I've thought that one of these days that team was going to bring home the zombie apocalypse, and the way he's sounding so depressed, I'm starting to wonder if that day isn't today.

"It's not actually the spreading that's troublesome. It's just… I… the whole team, we're not really ourselves."

"Daniel! It's your move at chess!" Jack says in the background.

"Shhh! I'm on the phone with Steph," he says, as if Jack just revealed the deepest secret in the universe. Come on, it's not like chess is classified.

"Sorry!" Jack replies, sounding so contrite that I can't help but think that he is also under the impression that chess is classified.

I'm going to go ahead and push this one to its logical conclusion, because my days of sitting ideally by while they talked about classified things are so over, I'm going to find out what these people do for a living if it's the last thing that I do.

"Why did he sound like chess was such a big deal?"

"It wasn't that, it's just that he's been asking me to play for a while, and I was ignoring him."

"Asking you, I didn't hear that," I say.

"Actually, we sort of were playing, and he was getting pretty pissed that I wasn't taking a turn," Daniel says.

"What do you mean sort of playing?" I ask.

"Well, the game was in our h…"

"Daniel!" Jack's voice cuts him off, and I hear the click of a phone. Yep, I pushed that one too far.

-0-

I don't know if Daniel didn't think it was wise to contact me (you know, after revealing the fact that chess exists) or if he wasn't allowed, but for the next week, I receive messages through Joe. He keeps telling me that they are fine, and he actually has the nerve to laugh when he does it.

"I swear that you're worrying about nothing!" Joe exclaims when I glare at him for the laughing.

"You wouldn't say that if you were the one that had the chance of being separated from your kid forever!" I exclaim.

His face gets really grave, and I can't help but wonder just how close he was to whatever outbreak there was. I also can't help but wonder how close he is to his college plans.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He nods his head, but I don't really believe him, and he doesn't really expect me too. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and it's becoming more and more clear that I am never going to be able to believe a single word that comes out of my husband's mouth.

-0-

Daniel shows up out of the blue, without one speck of warning. I'm watching him oh-so-carefully for any signs that he might have escaped from whatever quarantine they have him from, or not be fully recovered or whatever.

Honestly, the only odd behavior I see is him not commenting on the fact that I am watching him a lot more closely than I am watching the children. He's grateful, I suppose. If I went crazy on a regular basis, I would want there to be someone who would keep me from doing crazy things to my little baby.

Sometimes I worry about the future. Not my future, exactly, but the future of Daniel's kids. Someday, I am going to stop being their nanny. In two years, I am going to have my degree, and I'm going to be a psychologist. The twins will be in kindergarten by then, Shifu will be in preschool, and it will be my own little baby who will be going to some nanny or a day care. Honestly, I will probably go to day care, because it's just all together to weird to be a nanny and have one all within the space of a year.

There they will be, still little and vulnerable. To be sure, they will have someone to look after them. But when their father picks them up for the night, there will be no safety net.

Catherine and Ernest, I suppose, they are only a phone call away.

But how often has Daniel been in such a state that he wouldn't have made the phone call when it really needed to be made?

I'm not saying that he's not a fit parent. I'm really not. Daniel is great with his kids. His life is just… a bit unpredictable.

Maybe I'll talk him into getting someone to replace me. Maybe I'll even get to help pick her out.


	66. 100 Days

The human heart can get used to anything. I really can. When Daniel told me that Jack went missing, my heart didn't panic.

Then he missed Christmas. My baby was a huge hit at Mrs. Wilson's, and Catherine and Ernest showered gifts on little Levi almost as much as Daniel's kids (much to my embarrassment and my fiancé's injured pride).

Still, it wasn't Christmas without Jack.

Then New Year's comes and goes, and he's still not back, and I start to worry, because we're only a week out from my wedding now.

Daniel look across the table from me, and says, "So, are you excited for you wedding?" his voice has false cheer in it, and I think about lying to him, too. I am excited to be married, but the wedding… it's kind of a downer.

"Do you think Jack will be back by then?" I ask hopefully.

Daniel looks down at his own plate for a while, "No, probably not."

"Maybe I should just put it off."

Daniel looks up at me, and my heart absolutely stops at what I read in his eyes. It probably does not matter how long I put this wedding off for. Jack is almost certainly not going to be a part of it.

"I could walk you down the aisle," he says with a voice like he's offering me chopped liver.

"Daniel, I would be honored," I say, trying to make him feel how high I view his worth.

"I know you'd prefer Jack. I just… don't want his absence to ruin your whole day."

"I miss Jack, yeah, but I'd miss you just as much if it had gone the other way."

"Please don't lie. I don't have any problem at all with being the consolation prize."

"You're not, Daniel," I assure him.

"You asked Jack."

"I know, but that's because he's all fatherly to me. You're not like my father. But that doesn't mean you don't matter, Daniel. I consider you to be my family. It's just… what we are, it's a little harder to define."

He nods his head, and sits in silence.

"Honestly, Daniel, you're family."

"It hurt when you asked Jack, because I honestly thought we were family. It's been a really long time since I had any family. I mean, any family that wouldn't list blowing spit bubbles as their favorite hobby."

I put my arm on his, "Daniel, I totally think of you as family. I swear."

He still doesn't believe me so I get up and grab the seating arrangements that Joe and I had settled on just last night. I put it before him.

"Can you tell me who's seated next to the bride at the reception?"

"You did it wrong, it's supposed to be your bridesmaid," he says pushing it back.

"Yeah, but my best friend isn't a girl, and we're not doing the whole wedding party thing."

Daniel examines the paper for eraser marks, and then looks in my face when he doesn't find them, "Well, I can't very well walk you down the aisle now! I'm your bridesmaid."

"You're not by bridesmaid!" I protest.

"I totally am, but I'm not going to wear a dress."

"I never asked you to!" I exclaim, scandalized.

He's enjoying this, "Or make-up, it's just not going to happen."

"Okay, Daniel, you are my maid of honor then."

"Thank you," he nods, "But I guess this means that we'll have to find someone else to walk you down the aisle."

My stomach twists.

"Daniel," I plead.

"Don't worry. I've got the perfect person."

"Who?" I whisper.

"You'll see," Daniel assures me.

-0-

Daniel wouldn't pick someone who is going to stand me up, will he? I mean, someone is going to come, right? He's not going to make me walk down the aisle all alone. I could have got Mrs. Wilson or someone to do it; after all, my maid of honor is a man.

Then an older man steps up next to me. He's dressed in an Air Force uniform. Working so close to the Air Force, I've learned a thing or two, and I know this man in a general.

"Hello, Sir," I say.

He smiles, just a half centimeter twitch at the corner of his mouth like he's used to hiding his smiles. "My name is George. I'm here to walk you down the aisle."

Holy shit. Daniel got me a General.

I'm too stunned to respond. He links his elbows with me, and walks me to the door.

"Don't worry, I've done this with two daughters."

The doors of the chapel fling open, and we start walking down the aisle together.

Joe's eyes are on me with that look of love. Even stronger than when he first saw our son.

Daniel's standing next to him, holding Levi. My charges are all around his legs in constant motion – like childhood should be.

On Joe's side are two of his buddies.

"Who gives this woman in marriage?" the priest said.

"I do, on behalf of those who have the right but who cannot be here today."

Oh, wow not only does the man have presence, but he can talk, too.

Then the general retreats to a place next to the rest of SG-1. He sits close to Sam, and she gives him a smile which would have made me think that this man was her father, if I hadn't already met him.

I turn toward my husband who reaches his hand to me.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man in this woman in holy matrimony."

We decided to keep it short and sweet, and we decided that not actually memorizing the vows was just plain lazy so Joe breaks in with, "I take thee, Stephanie, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness or in health, 'til death do us part."

He slips a ring onto my finger.

Then my turn, "I take thee, Joseph, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness or in health, 'til death do us part."

I slip a finger onto his finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Joe leans forward to kiss the bride, even without the words of permission. It feels awkward to kiss in front of a bunch of people. I pull away, blushing. Levi is crying, and I turn to pick him up. Joe slowly rubs his son's head. The kid quiets, and the church goes 'aaw'.

My husband (!) takes my hand, and together we walk out of the church.

-0-

For our first dance we take the baby along, between us, by our chests. Then we hand the baby off to Catherine, and then it comes time for the father/daughter son/mother dance.

Crap. I hadn't thought of this before. I put effort into figuring out who was going to walk me down the aisle, but I'd never bothered to make plans for this. I scan the audience, wondering where that General got off to, but this time it is Mrs. Wither's who take my hand.

"Dear, I hope this is okay," she asks.

"Yes," I nod.

"My dear, you are one of the resilient ones. When you first came to me… well, I never thought I would see this day. I never thought I would see you happy. Social."

"You did notice it was a small, quick ceremony," I point you.

"Yes, and you didn't curl up in the corner even once," she adds, reminding me just exactly how far I have come. "And that baby of yours is getting pretty big."

"He is," I admit, even thought it was nonsense since she only saw him a week ago.

The dance ends, and I spend most of the rest of the reception sitting next to my husband (!), holding my son.

And grinning. There was a lot of grinning.

-0-

"Listen, Mommy loves you. Mommy will be back soon," I plead with my baby, "Maybe I should stay."

"None of that," Daniel scolds. "You watch my kids every day. I think I can handle yours for a week while you go on your honeymoon."

"He's so small, though."

"He's four times how old my kids were when I left you with them for the first time," Daniel defends.

I glance at my husband pleadingly.

"Our baby will be fine," he says.

"Traitor," I mutter.

"Oh, you are right. I am a traitor for wanting to spend some time with my wife."

-0-

I thought he was still asleep. I never would have laid there staring at my hand if I knew he was watching me.

"Feel different?" he asks, causing me to jump.

"I don't actually."

"What?" he asks, pulling me close.

"I feel like I should feel different, like I should be completely changed. It feels like I'm play acting. Like we're not grown-up enough to be married."

"We are, though," he says sounding concerned at my thoughts.

"I know, I just thought it would feel different. Maybe it's because we lived together first."

"Do you regret it?" he asks.

"No. I'm just thinking too hard."

"Maybe we could fix that," he says, kissing me. Yep, that will drive the thoughts right out of my head.

-0-

"Is this dress okay?" I ask, pulling at it as I look in the mirror.

"You are aware that I'm male, right?" my husband responds without even looking at me.

"Yes, but you've actually been to this ball thing before."

"Look, military wives are the most accepting group of people in the entire world. It is honestly not going to matter what you wear."

"I know, but just look at me and tell me if I look like the people you've seen at these things," I demand again, "I'm new to being a military wife."

"You look beautiful," he retorts.

"But will I fit in?"

"You will make friends."

"Would you stop answering different questions than I've asked you?" I demand, but he's already grabbing his coat and heading out the door.

-0-

"You look nervous. Were you just reassed?"

"What?" I ask, blushing at what sounds like a swear word even though it doesn't look like one from her demeanor.

"Did your husband just get reassigned here?"

"No, I just got married, actually," I say quietly.

"Oh, well congratulations! Which base is your husband stationed at?"

"In Colorado Springs," I reply, confused.

"Oh, of course. But there are three bases in Colorado. There is Peterson, Cheyenne, and the Academy."

"Oh… Cheyenne Mountain."

"Norad?" the woman asks.

It's another question I don't even understand, and I'm glad Joe comes back right then, "Actually, right under Norad. It's a bit classified, and I'm afraid Steph doesn't know much about what I do. However, she does have pictures of our baby in her purse."

That's pretty much how the rest of the night goes. Me displaying my ignorance of how anything in the military worked, and Joe avoiding talking about whatever weird thing they do for a job.

When we're in the car on the ride home, I can't keep the words from coming out of my mouth, "I'm sorry. I must have embarrassed you."

"Are you kidding?" he says with a laugh.

"I didn't know anything. I mean, with how long we've been together, I should understand how the Air Force works by now."

"No-one knows how the Air Force works," he jokes.

"Is there like a book that I could read so I could stop being stupid?" I ask.

"You're not stupid," he protests.

"Please?" I beg.

"Okay, I'll connect you with some resources to get you up on the slang and what not, but you are fine."


	67. Valentine's Day

I thought this would be a harder Valentine's Day that most for Daniel. His wife isn't just missing. She's dead. Plus, Jack, his usual compensator, isn't there.

"Daniel, Joe can watch all the kids if you wanted to do something with me for Valentine's Day," I offer.

He laughs.

"What?"

"Are you seriously offering to be my drinking buddy?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" I ask, offended on behalf of my whole gender.

"Well, for one thing, you're not legal yet."

"I'm a couple months away, and I wasn't exactly suggesting that we snuck out to a bar."

"I'm not contributing to the delinquency of a minor, thank you very much," he says.

"Okay, well I don't have to be drunk to want to hang out with you. Why don't we stay home? You can get drunk, and I can enjoy the drunk Daniel show."

He shakes his head.

"Why not?" I ask, insulted, "Is this the whole 'I need to protect the little bunny form the big bad world thing' again?"

"No, but you're not sad right now."

"I'm sorry," I say.

He laughs, "Don't be sorry! I'm happy for you. It give me a whole lot of hope. I mean, even though things were really crappy for you once, they are really good for you know. I feel like I just have to wait for the good parts again."

"I'm sorry you don't have any depressed friends to hang out with," I say, only half joking.

"That's okay, I was kind of thinking of getting rid of the tradition anyway. It's become that, you know, something I do every year. It's not real, raw, grief anymore."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask.

"You're my nanny, not my psychologist," he points out.

"I'm almost qualified for both," I shoot back.

"It's not some survival guilt. I don't feel bad about being happy without her. It's just… I don't know quite what to do with my guilt. I didn't lose her all at once, you know. I was hoping for two years, when I probably shouldn't have been. Now she's gone, and I still default to the hope. It's like I can't quite remember the fact that my wife isn't alive, and it's hard not to hope. And it's hard to grieve, because I've lived away from her almost twice as long as I lived with her."

"Daniel, if Jack was here, he would drink with you and make it hurt less. Maybe Joe can, and I'll watch the kids."

"Steph…." He begins.

"I know you don't know him that well, but…"

"You're practically a psychologist, you should know that sitting about and getting drunk is not the best way to deal with life's problems. I'm trying to cope in a healthier way."

"Would you be doing that if Jack were here?" I challenge.

"Probably."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, it doesn't matter, because Jack isn't around right now. Besides, I was thinking that I could babysit for you. It is your first Valentine's as a married woman."

"Daniel, I want to make sure that you were okay. That matters more."

He smiles, "Well, you may be surprised to learn that your marriage is more important to me than mine to a dead woman?"

"When you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous," I say.

"So I've got Levi on Valentine's? I've got a whole bunch of holiday-themed books checked out from the library and everything."

"Okay," I surrender.

-0-

As a nanny, I have seen my share of parks, but seeing one in the moonlight is a whole new experience. Sitting on a bench swing next to my husband eating take-out is an even better one.

"Are you starting to feel married now?" Joe asks, flipping an egg roll into my take-out box.

"Yep," I say cheerfully.

"Good. So… we've talked about me going mustang a few times."

"We have?" I ask.

"Okay, so I can see that you haven't quite made it all the way through that military slang book that I gave you, then. Mustang means someone who used to be enlisted, and then becomes an officer."

"So you're saying that you are going to go to college?" I ask.

"Yeah, eventually. They're starting me off with a six-week course though."

"Really? That's great!"

"It's not exactly in Colorado Springs, though," he says.

"Ah… I get to experience the joys of this unpredictable military thing now," I say. "So, do wives go to this thing?"

"Not usually, and getting that much time off school and work is going to be hard when you just got time off for the wedding," he protests.

"Still, six weeks away from you," I pout.

"Look, I know that Jack being missing has been very hard on you. If you tell me not to go, I won't."

"I think it's time," I say, "Besides, you're guaranteed to come back."

"Don't count Jack out quite yet. They are trying something kind of crazy. Well, Teal'c's part of it is crazy."

"Teal'c, really?"

"Why is that surprising? Teal'c risks his life for his team all of the time."

"I just… I don't know he didn't seem that impressive to me."

"Really? You looked at Teal'c and thought something other than 'my goodness, that man is truly impressive'?" he asks.

"I wasn't talking physically, he didn't seem like he would be the most loyal guy."

"That's weird, because he is one of the most loyal people that I have ever met."

"I might have judged him to harshly because he didn't like babies."

"Well, it was what almost ruined my chances with you."

-0-

"Hey, everyone, look what the cat dragged in!" Daniel exclaims as he opens the door. Jack.

I fling myself into his arm, "I'm not hurting you, am I?" I ask, pulling away.

"No, I wasn't injured. Just... stranded," Jack offers.

"I'm so glad that you're back! And healthy! And fine!" I exclaim.

"I'm sorry that I missed your wedding."

"It's an occupational hazard," I say with a shrug.

"Yeah, I heard that this new husband took off."

I roll my eyes, "It's not like the left me. He's doing a six week training course to rise in the ranks."

"Then he's going to do college and be an officer?" Jack says, and his eyes look worried.

"Yeah, so?" I ask.

"It's just… he's working at the one job in the Air Force where being an officer is more dangerous, and not safer."

"You're an officer, Jack," I point out.

"Yes, and you deserve a husband who won't keep disappearing on you. Now, I need to see my grandson, and then a wedding album."

"Levi is sleeping," I say.

"I'll be very, very quiet," Jack says, walking past me with exaggerated tip-toeing.

"He's going to wake up my son, isn't he?" I ask Daniel.

"Yes, he will," Daniel says.

"Well, he's going to have to take care of him when he's all cranky and screaming."

"Yeah, he'll do that, too," Daniel says.

"Teal'c saved him, didn't he?" I ask.

Daniel nods his head. "Listen, he, ah… there was a woman there."

"He was stranded with someone?" I ask.

"Yeah, lots of people actually, but one in particular. One that he was dating."

"Wow, what about Janet?"

"I think he was pretty sure that he wasn't coming home."

"Are they going to make it through that?"

Daniel's mouth pinches together.

"I think I'll head over to his house his house tonight."

"That's good, he might need a reminder as to why he came back."

"Maybe it would have been better if he didn't come back?" I say, feeling guilt.

"Oh, my dear. He would never trade you for anyone."


	68. Shades of Gray

Daniel is in a foul mood all day, but he won't tell me what is going on. I suggest inviting the team over to cheer him up, and that is when I get a reaction that I thought I would never get from my boss.

"There isn't a team anymore," he says, like someone who has lost his family, and that is exactly what has happened to him once again.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" I ask.

"Yes, everyone is perfectly _healthy_ ," he spits the last word as if it were a swear word.

"Did you get reassed?" I ask.

He makes a face. Apparently he is no more familiar with military terminology than I was myself before I married Joe.

"I mean, did you guys get reassigned? Is someone moving, or everyone, or maybe you guys are just going to another base in town."

Daniel signs, "Jack isn't in the Air Force anymore."

Of all the people that I thought would leave the Air Force, Jack would have been at the absolute bottom of my list.

"He quit?"

"Not exactly."

They took it from him. He lost his son, and his wife, and now the only job he's ever cared about.

"Then you really need to ask Jack over here."

"I don't think that he would really want to see me, right now."

"What on Earth would ever make you think that?"

"Look, Jack said some things."

"Okay, but there is nothing that he could have said that would be bad enough for you to stop being around him."

Stone face.

"No, that's not how it works. He doesn't get to make some bitchy comment after he gets _fired_ from his job and lose what we both know is the closest family he has!"

"Steph, I am begging you not to contact him."

"Jack _needs_ us right now!" I protest.

"I don't want you to get hurt," Daniel says.

I give him a hug, hoping that it is going to make him feel better about whatever Jack said, and then I go over to Jack's house, because it takes a whole lot more than a few mean words to scare away the likes of me.

-0-

Jack opens the door and stares at me a long time without saying anything. Well, to be more accurate, without saying anything with his words. His glare is speaking volumes.

He is obviously not going to invite me in, so I push past him, and make my way into his house uninvited. I sit down at his couch, and wait for him to join me.

He paces around the room for several minutes before pulling a kitchen chair in from the living room, and sitting down in it so close to me that our knees actually touch. Still, we sit in silence for a bit longer.

"I am begging you, please leave," he says, and it sounds like tears are not far below the surface of that request.

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you."

He's not trying to trick me with cruel words. I don't know if that's because he knows that they wouldn't have chased me away, or because he just can't bring himself to say them to me.

Either way, it's a sign of a great deal of trust.

"Jack," I plead.

"No," he says.

"Okay, but… I could forgive anything," I warn him.

His eyes water a little.

I stand, and I give him a hug before I leave. It's one of those hugs that just don't really end. They just sort of linger for minute after minute after minute.

Then I walk out of the room, trying to get my mind to focus on something other than what I am going to do without Jack in my life for… who knows how long.

I really hope that it isn't going to be forever.

-0-

For the next few weeks, every time I mention Jack's name around Daniel, he clenches his jaw, so I know that whatever is going on is not over yet.

Then one day, after the clenching of the jaw which shows that he is still quite angry, he says, "I guess it's time for forgiveness now."

So I go to see Jack, and I take my baby along with me, because I don't know how Jack's feeling, but whatever it is, I know my little one is going to be able to replace the worse of it with joy and love.

He steps aside to let me in this time, and he takes my son out of the car seat, unwrapping him from his ridiculous baby snow suit, and sitting down in a chair holding him.

Levi fusses. The poor thing is teething.

I hand him a teething ring.

"You should freeze them," Jack advises.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"I've missed you."

He looks down long enough that I know he is struggling to get control of himself, and then, with measured voice he says, "I've missed you, too."

"Daniel isn't too happy with you right now."

"I know," Jack replies.

"I'm not mad at you," I say.

"Well, that's only because Daniel didn't tell you what I did."

"Well, he told me that you said some things, things you didn't mean after you got fired."

"I was a traitor to my country."

I blink in shock. "I'm sorry, I can't believe that."

He smiles at me, "Good girl. Daniel believed it. I think a part of him still does. I can't blame him. I mean, you didn't see it. If you had…"

"Jack, I would never doubt you," I declare.

"I couldn't tell you. I was on a top secret mission, and part of my mission was to make it look like I was a traitor to everyone at work."

"You could have told Daniel, though," I protest.

"No, I couldn't," he disagrees, with a sharp shake of his head.

"He will still forgive you," I say.

"He will, with time, I am sure. I don't blame him that he can't right away, and neither should you. Just…" he sighs, and then gives me a big smile, "I'm glad that I don't have to be without any family while I am waiting. How about another one of those hugs you gave me on the day that I chased you away. I could do with a hug like that right now!"

I stand up and obey. Levi is between us, and he fusses the whole time, but it is only when he starts an outright cry that we break apart from the hug.

"Okay, now tell me everything that has happened while I was separated from you," he demands.

So I catch him up on the few things that have happened in my life since I last saw him. I can't help but wonder, though, how many more things have been happening in his life. That if I could ever read an honest biography written about him, it would be the most exciting thing that I ever read.


	69. Scorched Earth

Daniel refuses to go to a team night. I figure that it still has to do with when Jack pretended to be a traitor (even though I can't understand why anyone would believe that silly ruse).

It's something else, though, and he's really not budging. So I just invite the team over here.

It was probably a stupid move, because it's not going well. They're not fighting, though, so it could be worse.

Then it gets a whole lot worse.

"Why did you even come?" Daniel asks. His voice is strained, but he is still a long way from screaming or crying.

"Because _Stephanie_ asked me to," Jack replies.

"Oh, I see, she probably didn't even tell you that I was going to be here," Daniel snarks.

"No, she left that part out, but I would have come even if she had. In case you haven't noticed, I care about more than one person in this room."

"Could have fooled me," Daniel says, and he looks so broken. He wasn't even that broken looking when I first came here, and he had just lost his wife.

"Daniel," Sam whispers.

"I'm sorry, but are you seriously going to try and tell me what to do? Because last time I remember you had your hand on the trigger, too," he says marching out of the room.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Classified," Jack and Sam answer in a unison voice that would be cutesie if it were not so worrisome.

"Don't give me that. You hurt Daniel, and I have to know what you did so that I can make it better," I say.

"Child," Sam mutters.

"I am not," I protest, offended. I mean, when I was eighteen I could see them saying things like that about me. But that was years ago, and I have my own child now.

"Oh, you are. You think you can fix this," Sam sneers. "Daniel refused to listen to orders, and then he got all…" She is so angry that she can't even think of the word.

"Samantha, there is a little bit more to it than that," Jack corrects.

"If he had listened to your orders, he never would have put us in the position we were in," she protests.

"If he didn't do what he did, an entire species would have become extinct," Jack says.

"They weren't more important than humans," Sam says bitterly. She seems a whole less confident in her idea as soon as her boss starts to argue with her. Come on, girl, if you are going to do the whole 'girl power' thing, do it like you mean it.

"There are a lot of things that are more important than humans," Jack corrects.

"So what exactly did Daniel to do protect these animals that was so horrible?" I ask. I notice that Jack flinches at the world 'animal', like someone might if you called a member of a different race that. Well, then, we must be dealing with some sort of alien. Something non-human, and also a person. I mean, if I really decide to believe that my boss travels to other planets for a living, which I haven't totally decided I believe in.

"He risked his life for them," Jack says seriously. Even though he might be almost as angry about this whole thing as Daniel is, he is he still respects him.

It's nice to know that he would really and truly love me no matter what I did.

"That was noble," I say.

"He didn't think about the fact that his if it all went bad his _friends_ were going to have to deal with the fact that they killed him for the rest of their lives!"

"I didn't think of that," a voice admits, and we all turn surprised to see Daniel leaning against the door post. "And it was cowardly to run away from this conversation."

"You're allowed to run, Daniel," Jack says, still not meeting his eyes, "I gave the order to build a device whose sole purpose was to kill you. If anyone in the history of the world has a right to be pissed, it is you."

"I followed his order," Sam says.

"You didn't put it off, and we are all going to live in the lie that you never would have been able to," Daniel says.

Jack smiles a little, "It might not actually be a lie," and, he's able to meet eyes with Daniel for the first time all day. It's only for a second, and then he darts his eyes away.

Daniel does that little self-hug. I used to hand him a baby every-time he did that, but I didn't think any of the kids needed to be around for whatever was going to go down today. I wonder what's going to happen one day when the babies are all too old to hold in his arms and hug. Will a hug from a child, or a teenager, or an adult, be good enough?

"You know, I'm not going to magically start following orders anytime soon," Daniel warns.

"I wouldn't really want you to," Jack says with a smile. It's faint, but it's exactly the kind of smile you would give to a kid. Huh, I guess I am going to have to start thinking of Daniel as a big brother pretty soon, since my father figure seems to be more or less adopting him.

"You should trust me more. I'm not stupid you know."

Jack gives off a little laugh at that, "Trust me, I am well aware that you are a genius."

"I know, but that stuff is all about books. I know stuff about practical stuff as well," Daniel says.

"I'm aware," Jack says, with a nod full of pure respect.

"I'm not saying that you have to listen to me every time," Daniel says.

"Well, you'd better not be," Jack says.

"I'm just saying that you should take my opinion into account," Daniel says.

"I think that you need to view your life as a whole lot more important than the people you are always risking your life for," Jack says.

"You have to consider that I was protecting a lot of people. A whole culture is far more important than a single person," Daniel objects. Yep, we just went from talking about another species, to calling them people. Aliens are the only thing I could think of that would be both.

"Potential people, Daniel," Sam points out, "You risked your life for data on a computer screen and biological samples, not living breathing, thinking people that were loved by their friends."

Daniel meets her eyes for a long time, and then says, "I'll try to keep that into account in the future."

I don't think I really see these people, not as they really are. I see the home version of them, but I don't see the Superhero side. Even if I went and worked where they did, I don't think I could ever really see them, because every time they risked their lives to save a whole group of people, I would just see them making pancakes or changing a diaper. I guess you can never really see your family the way that other people see them.


	70. Maternal Instinct

**Sorry I originally misnamed the last chapter.**

Shifu has been acting weird all morning. Usually he's a pretty verbal baby. Not that he can talk, even though he's getting close to the end of his first year. He just sort of cheerfully babbles. I suppose that is why his older siblings think that he talks.

Still, nothing today.

He's got these big worried eyes.

"It's okay, little one," I assure him.

His siblings are talking about how Baby Brother (as he now prefers to be called, his big sister informed me) doesn't want to leave, and I tell them that they don't have to worry, he's not going anywhere.

They really don't seem to believe me.

I'm feeding my son while Daniel's three kids are playing on the floor when it happens. A bright glowing light appears all of a sudden, and then, like a flash, Shifu is gone.

"What just happened?" I ask, too shocked to believe the bizarre sight that just happened in front of my own eyes.

"I told you Baby Brother go bye-bye," his sister says, waving her hand in a way that shows she thinks I am too stupid to understand her speaking in plain English.

"But how?" I ask.

"Plane," Kush says firmly.

"No, he didn't go on a plane, he just disappeared," I say in panic, getting own on my hands and knees to feel around the ground where the baby was just a few minutes ago. This causes my own baby to scream in anger, because he was not done eating. I lay him on the floor, and the twins dutifully try to calm him, Mattie by sticking her fingers in his mouth, and Kush by making silly faces. They love to help.

"Yeah, he went to 'nother plane," Kush agrees.

"Another plane?" I ask.

"Pure energy," Mattie says, waving the hand that isn't attached to an infant.

I search the whole area with my hands, even though I have figured out by now that I am not going to find anything, that there is something really strange going on here.

My hands are shaking when I call Daniel, and I all I can think is that I broke the promise I made him on the day that we met. I told him that I would never freeze in an emergency ever again.

Yet I let his baby be taken away from him.

-0-

I expected Daniel to show up. I mean, if your kid goes missing you come to see it, right? He doesn't, though. He just tells me on the phone that he has a "lead" about where the kid might be, and is going to solve it.

He sends me Catherine and Ernest. I assume Jack and the rest of his team are following the same lead that Daniel is.

I assume Catherine and Ernest were meant to comfort me. Nothing could, though. I mean, I was looking right at him when he was taken. I doubt it would have mattered if I'd been holding him at the time, even. How am I ever going to protect them?

Someone took that baby.

Someone took me once, and it took me an awful long time to start to recover from it. What if something is happening to that baby right now that it will take him a big chunk of his lifetime to get over?

What if I can't protect anyone from anything?

A few hours into the whole thing, Joe shows up. He's supposed to be at his training for a couple more weeks, and I don't even think to ask him how he ended up getting here. I just let him hold me. It makes me feel safe, even though it doesn't make sense. He couldn't have prevented what happened any more than I could have.

When we finally go to sleep that night, Joe and I and three children are all in my bed at Daniel's house.

Mattie wakes me up in the middle of the night, crying. She's babbling some more about the shiny light that came to take her brother.

"It's Oma," she says.

"Is Oma coming back?" I ask her. I feel like a jerk for spreading terror in this little kid, and I know that she is probably just making up some kind of a story that allows her to understand what happened to her brother.

"No, Oma only wanted him," she says.

"Why is that?" I ask her, holding her close in my heart, as if it was a way to protect her.

"He's got evil in his mind," the little girl says matter-of-factly.

"Don't say that, honey. What happened to your brother is not his fault."

"I know, it was the fault of the bad man that made Momma love him," she says.

I stare at her. As far as I know, no-one has ever told her about her mother's kidnapping. I'm actually a bit surprised she knows the word "Momma"; I mean, she hasn't exactly has anyone to refer to it as.

"What bad man?" I ask.

"The one that took Momma away, and put a worm in her head that made her…" she squints her eyes, searching for words that she doesn't have. She shrugs, "He made my Mommy go away, and another person live in her body."

"It was a bad dream," I tell her.

She looks at me with disdain, but she snuggles in for comfort and drifts back to sleep.

-0-

The next day, I am making lunch for the toddlers when I hear the door open. He's trying to sneak in , so I figure he doesn't have any news. Then I look in his arms, and I see Shifu.

"You got him back?" I exclaim. Why didn't he call me right away?

"Shifu, baby," I say, holding out my hands to him.

"Don't wo'y," he says.

"Shifu can talk?" I ask, looking at Daniel.

"My sibings have tol you dat," he says.

"I know, but… you…" I look at Daniel question.

He sighs, "I don't even know how to begin to explain to you what happened. Give me a day, okay?" he looks shocked.

"Is Shifu okay?" I ask.

"Yes, out of sight intelligent, but okay."

"Who took him?" I ask.

He just pinches his mouth together.

"Can I hold him?" I ask.

"I give pe'mision," Shifu says.

So all of this time I've been talking to these babies like they were adults, and it turns out one of them might have been thinking like an adult the whole time!

-0-

I convince Joe to go back to his training in the morning. I really don't want to, but he is so close to being done, and he needs to go back. So I pretend to be a lot better off than I really am.

Daniel and I decide to let Jack take the kids out in the yard while we have this discussion. I'm not actually a huge fan of the idea. I have been desperate to hold all of them ever since Shifu disappeared, but now that I know at least one of them understands every single word that I say, I guess I really don't have a lot of say in the decision.

I'm guessing that whatever Daniel is about to tell me is something that we do not want toddlers to overhear.

"You saw her take him, didn't you?" Daniel asks as he hands me a hot chocolate.

"I wouldn't have known to call her a 'she'. It looked more like a bright light from my point of view," I explain.

He nods. "Yeah, it's a bit weird, isn't it?"

"I accepted the whole 'it's classified' thing until they came into my home and took a baby from me. I'm not going to feel safe again until I know why."

"That's fair," he says, but he doesn't say anything more for a long time. I just wait him out, knowing that silence is the best weapon of a psychologist, and that it will work great in this environment too. "I'm not allowed to tell you anything. So you have to understand that from the government's point of view I didn't."

He looks super serious and I feel like I should grab a Bible or something to swear on, but since none are available I just say seriously, "Okay."

"What you saw was a person who, instead of dying, moved to a higher plane of existence to exist as pure energy."

"The kid was right," I saw in awe.

"Which one?" he asks, concerned.

"Mattie."

"Apparently Shifu has really been talking to the twins in some language all of their own. He was telling them all sorts of things that they are way too young to hear."

"He's also too young to know it," I surmise.

"You bet," he says.

"By 'person', you mean 'alien'," I say.

He stares at me, and now I am absolutely sure that Jack has been teaching him how to make faces that give absolutely nothing away.

"Daniel, I think we're beyond the lying part of my relationship. You don't even have to answer. I already know. The only thing that was keeping me back from believing that for several months was the fact that it was too crazy. Then a beam of light took a kid, and I believe it."

Daniel nods.

"Was Sha're even a human?"

"She was a human," he says, but something in his voice betrays him.

"But she is also an alien?" I ask.

He nods again.

"Daniel, are these kids _safe?"_ he told me they were yesterday, but that might have just been to calm the little ears around us.

"She wasn't bad. She wanted to protect him," Daniel begins.

"Mattie mentioned something that was in his head," I say.

"Yes, Shifu was born with genetic memory. The light alien took him in order to protect him. She didn't think I could. Her plan was to make him grow up really fast, and then ascend him." He shakes his head in anger, "Basically turn him into what she is. Light, energy."

"She wanted to kill him," I say it bluntly.

He nods his head, still making an awful face.

"So is she going to come back for him?" I ask in alarm.

"No, I made a deal with her. She understands why that idea was offensive to me. She agreed to wipe his memory, take away the quick-aging stuff, and let me raise him. It took a lot of convincing, let me tell you. I had to pretty much explain the whole history of the idea of family in human society, and we were under a bit of a time crunch, let me assure you."

"So, you're sure that people are not coming back for him, right?"

"Yes."

"And you're sure that you can protect him from whatever this alien was so worried was going to happen to him?"

"Yes, trust me. If I were not a hundred per cent sure that he was safe with us, he would not be with us."

"Okay," I say, letting out a breath that I did not even know I was holding.

"There are going to be some developmental things, though," Daniel warns.

"Ya think?" I ask with sarcasm that I can tell reminds Daniel of Jack by the way he quirks a smile at me.

"He's got the memory of adults. She wiped most of the bad stuff, but there is still a lot of trauma left in his mind. He's probably going to have some nightmares, and reactions to trauma as life goes on. He's going to have the knowledge and vocabulary of an adult. The motor skills and pronunciation will be only a little bit better than average for someone who is his age."

"Wow," I say.

"I'm in a little bit of shock myself," Daniel says with one of his empty laughs.

"So he's understood everything we've said, pretty much since he came to be with us, then?"

"Yep."

"What are we going to do with him when he gets old enough for school?" I ask, and for a moment I've forgot that by then I'll be a psychologist, and it will be Daniel's problem.

"I'm going to homeschool him. No-one can know how smart he is," Daniel says.

"That's a pretty hard secret for a little one to keep."

"Unfortunately he got a feel for what will happen if he tells people today," Daniel says.

We sit in silence for a bit before I cheerfully say, "Hey, at least he isn't going to die. We can deal with whatever else they send my way."


	71. Crystal Skull

I think Shifu might be psychic. I'm not going to mention this little tidbit to his father. Daniel has had enough shocks concerning his youngest son lately, but that's not the real reason for it. No, my motives are a little bit darker.

I want details about what is always going on in the mountain that Daniel disappears to every day, and I figure this little munchkin is probably my best bet in.

Daniel as much as admitted that they work with aliens on a daily basis, but that left almost as many questions unanswered as it answered. What does a physicists and an archeologist have to do with infection disease control on other planets? How can there be humans that are also aliens? How on earth do they get to all of these other planets, and maybe strangest of all, what kind of weird brainwashing took these baby's mother from them?

Today, the little twerp is muttering about a crystal skulls, and giant ghost like aliens. And his grandfather.

He's still missing several letter sounds so whenever he gets frustrated he tends to slip into the secret language he shares with his siblings. They then translate whatever he said to me. The thing they don't get, apparently, is that even though Shifu is a lot younger than them he is actually easier for me to understand.

I don't know where he is getting the grandfather stuff. I called up Ernest, and had him come over, but Shifu rolled his tiny little eyes at me, and explained that that was not the grandfather that he was talking about.

I was pretty sure that was the only one he had. If Daniel had flesh and bones family, why didn't he take the little Daniel in all those years ago?

At the time of the night when Daniel is supposed to come home it is Jack who walks through my door. I don't even ask a question, because it's implied.

"I don't know quite where Daniel is right now, or when he'll be getting home. There is no reason to panic," he tells me as soon as I have shuffled the kids out of the room.

"I don't know, Jack," I tell him, "That sounds like a pretty good reason to panic to me."

"This is nowhere near the worse situation he's been in," Jack objects.

"I'm sure that's true, but just because you've gotten used to the panic, doesn't mean there isn't a real reason to panic in this case. Look, Daniel has told me some stuff he should have."

"I kind of figured," and by the look in Jack's face, I'm pretty sure that it was a whole lot more than a guess on his part. Daniel probably asked Jack's permission to break the law to tell me what was going on. It might have even been Jack's idea. He has been giving me hints about the whole thing from the very beginning.

"Right, well, I'm just saying that you can tell me more than you are."

Jack smiles, "Knowing in general what we do, is very, very different from knowing the specifics. I do not think that you are ready for specifics. Just know that he disappeared for a while." Jack pauses as if he's considering whether or not to even bring up the second part of this discussion. He decides to go with it. "Did you know that Daniel had a living grandfather?"

"I didn't, but Shifu has been talking about him all day."

"We're going to see him. We have some official business to talk to him about, and you couldn't be there for that part. But you could let him see the kids right afterward if you wanted."

"I don't know. I mean, maybe there is a reason Daniel has been keeping his kids from this man the whole time. Maybe we need to respect that."

"Well, the man's in a mental health treatment facility," Jack admits with reluctance. Which is weird, because if I'd agreed to take the kids there I would have found out eventually, wouldn't I have?

"Okay, so maybe he's violent, or…"

"The only thing that is wrong with him is that he thinks he sees aliens," Jack blurts out.

"Okay, so isn't the same thing wrong with you?" I ask.

"You're getting awful flip with the national security there, girl!" Jack warns.

"Sorry."

"But you're not wrong. I'm not sure that the man is really crazy at all. The only thing is the kind of aliens Nick is talking about are like nothing we have ever seen before."

That doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't real," I point out.

"No, you are right it really doesn't," Jack says thoughtfully.

-0-

The idea of taking four babies on a plane was maybe the worse one I've ever had. It's a private Air Force thing, so at least we are not disturbing any other customers, but I'm pretty sure at one point Teal'c actually contemplated killing us all.

I'm also sure, that if he'd made that decision there would have been nothing any of the rest of us could do about it.

Sam and Jack helped, almost always with someone in their arms. Teal'c helped too, I guess, mostly by acting as a sort of jungle gym for the kids to climb all over.

They enjoyed it.

He did not.

But I can kind of see the whole dad part of him now. He definitely has the whole patience thing going for him. I just can't quite forgive him for taking off, and leaving his family.

At least when my parents left me, they didn't have a say in the mater.

Now we are sitting in the waiting room of a mental hospital with four small children, and a whole lot of pitying looks from everyone, including the patients.

"Are you family or friends?" she asks.

It's really weird for me not to be able to claim Daniel and his family. Most people I'm around everyday knows the situation, and treats us like we are family. It's only in official capacities that we are forced to admit we aren't.

"Three of these littles ones are his great-grandkids. The rest are friends of the family," I explain. Shifu looks at me as if he's totally confused by these words. Maybe whatever alien down loud he got in his brain was not quite good enough to deal with a relationship as complex as this one.

"We'd like to go in first," Jack says shooting me an apologetic look. The rest of Daniel's team goes on without me, and I end up getting even more pitying looks from the people around. Suddenly I'm wishing that I put more effort into explaining our odd little situation to these strangers.

Then Jack comes out with an older man in toe, "Nick is coming with us."

On the plane ride back Nick doesn't talk a whole lot. It's not because he is being anti-social or anything. It's because he is so intent on the listening to the babbling of the little ones. He even lets them crawl all over them even though I am pretty sure it is making his joints hurt.

He's a natural born grandfather, so why did he choose not to be a grandfather to Daniel?

Every once in a while I catch Nick glancing into thin air, looking like he is reacting to something that isn't there. Then he focuses again on whatever is before him (usually a small child) as if he's trying to force whatever is there away.

Once he catches me looking at him as he does this, and he shakes his head as if to say, "Please don't tell them."

I won't, but I am beginning to wonder if the giant aliens that this man sees are maybe not quite so real as the ones that my boss works with everyday.

-0-

Daniel comes back with no explanation, like he has a million times before. The only difference is that this time I really want an explanation. Maybe, I was better off when I knew nothing. Knowing only a little, but not all is its own special kind of torture.

-0-

Joe comes home with a face so wrinkled that I want to smooth it out with my fingers. Instead, I just ask him what's wrong. "You ever thought of having another baby?" he asks.

The question seems completely out of left field to me. It isn't of course. Two people who are married and have one child together already are bound to speak about having anther at some point. I just wasn't expecting that 'some point' to be tonight. "I don't know. Probably. I want to have my degree first."

He swallows hard like that was bad news. If I didn't know much about biology I'd think that he was pregnant.

"Joe, what's going on?" I ask.

"I was reassed."

Oh. I'd been hanging out with military wives a lot. I finally made those friends everyone was so worried about me finding. I knew that moving all the time was part of the game. I was just stupid enough to think it didn't apply to me. They wouldn't make me move, because I had a life here.

Of course, everyone else who moved out of love for their country had lives too.

He sees my face, and rushes on quickly, as if that is going to make the whole thing less painful. "It's going to be good. I mean, we both thought I should be an officer. This is it. College paid for by the Air Force, and a part time job doing something I know how to do so I don't end up feeling too far out of my depth."

"You're smart, you're not going to be out of your depth at all in college," I tell him.

"I tried to get into the Air Force Academy. It was close, you know. I didn't want to uproot your life. I just didn't get the grades in high school that would let me do that. We could always just can the college thing."

"When I chose to marry you, I knew that moves could be part of the package."

"I just want you to be happy," he protests.

"I will be happy. Now tell me when and where my happiness will begin."

"Troy University, in Alabama. We've got until the first of June, that's when my classes start."

"Man, that's…less than a month away," I say trying to keep smiling, and hide the panic that is growing in me. I'm going to have to leave so many people. When I first knocked on Jack's door all those years I ago, I never imagined I was walking my way into a family. Much less this sort of tightknit love you to pieces kind of family.

"I know, and the admission deadline passed for the summer and summer and fall for you. And their psychology program there is kind of small. They only offer classes once a year. You wouldn't be able to start for a full year."

"That will be okay. I can take some classes online maybe. Besides, you're going to be out there for four years, so I'll still have time to finish my degree before you leave. It will just give me more time to study for my licensing tests. So is there were all the panic about babies was coming from?"

"I don't want you to be bored," he whines almost like a child.

"Well, in case you didn't notice we actually already have a child."

"You're used to taking care of four of them all day, and going to school."  
"I am going to be really happy just being a stay at home mom for a few months. Besides, if we were to make another kid right now it would only be there for half of my "down time"."

"Okay, but I didn't just want you to have a kid, because of the timing. Although it would be really good timing. And you like big families, right?"

"Yes, I do. But…I really like babies. You know, I've been up to my elbows in babies for half of my life now. I want to have some of that for the rest of my life, without having to give birth every year. I want more kids, maybe two or three more even. I just don't want to do them when I already have such a small one. When he is in school maybe."

"That's fair, but I really want more kids," my husband says giving me a kiss.

I feel a little guilty, because the whole time that he is kissing me all I can think about is how I am going to tell my boss that I am going to be leaving him a year before I thought I would.


	72. Nemesis

I didn't get to tell Daniel the news before he went silent for a while. Joe did, too. Neither of them told me what happened, but they did the not-telling in a way that let me know that whatever went down inside that mountain was particularly bad.

I also think it had to do with spiders. Or possibly robots. I don't know, maybe they were each dealing with their own thing. All I know is that my husband jumps at robots and my boss at spiders now.

Anyway, by the time I actually get to have a conversation with Daniel about the impending move, it's barely more than three weeks away.

I start the conversation by bursting into tears.

"What's wrong?" he asks in panic, offering me a shoulder to cry on.

"Joe," and "leaving" are the only words he is able to make out of the resulting sob, which results in him threatening, "I'll kill him."

Which makes me laugh, because there are not that many men my husband would lose a fight with, and Daniel is definitely not one of them.

"No, I'm going with him. He got reassigned."

"Oh," Daniel blinks, and I think I detect a quiver in his lip. "When?"

"I'm so sorry," I say, sobbing again.

He's losing his nanny, and yet he's the one comforting me. The world is totally not fair.

"It's only three weeks away. I was going to tell you before but…"

"No, that was definitely not your fault. Do you need help packing? I can get all of SG-1 over."

"Daniel! Who is going to take care of your kids? You need to start looking for someone. I am really going to be gone in few weeks!"

"Well, I didn't exactly think you were lying about it. It's just that I already have someone to look after them."

"You replaced me before you knew I was moving? Do you have something to tell me about the kind of job that I was doing?" I ask, raising an eyebrow in a way that Teal'c would have to admire.

"You're the most amazing nanny in the world, and there is no way that someone could really replace you. It's just that Catherine and Ernest have been begging for more time with them. And then there is the base daycare. Jack thought I should use it way back before we hired you. They were too young back then, they have to be a few months old before they take them. Besides, I just didn't want it for them. Now, they are older, and more social, and all of their friends go there."

The twins had struck up a friendship with several "military brats" at a Christmas party the General threw, it's true.

"Shifu is out-of-sight smart, but I worry about him socially. He needs to interact with people besides his siblings or honestly, all of them are going to end up being a little bit weird."

"So you don't need me," I say, more than a little puzzled by the fact that he had never bothered to let me in on this little fact.

"Steph, please understand, you are better than day care and even Catherine and Ernest. You have a job, and a bed, and a LIFE with us anytime you need it. I just think…"

"Maybe it's the right time for all of it?" I ask.

He nods, then he looks seriously at my face, "I am going to miss you terribly."

"You have no idea how much!" I agree, flinging my arms around him.

-0-

We still have a week before I have to leave. I wanted to keep taking care of Daniel's kids until the second I jumped on the plane. I didn't want to waste a second with the people that I have grown to love so much.

Daniel made a good point about helping them adjust, and about how their mental health mattered more than mine.

Damn him and his logic.

So I go to drop off three kids at day care, while taking a baby home with me, and feeling positively neglectful.

"I'll come pick you up later," I promise them.

They are completely unalarmed by my leaving, barely even looking up from their playing.

"Your Mommy said goodbye to you," a little girl next to Mattie points out.

Mattie turns to her, confused, "That's not my Mommy, that's my Stephie."

"What's a Stephie?" the little girl asks, now looking just as confused as poor Mattie did a minute before.

I'm about to step in, because I figure that this conversation is completely beyond the depth of the little people who have undertaken it, but it's Kush's voice which intercedes, "A Stephie is exactly like a Mommy, 'cept she leaves you when you get big enough."

They act like this is normal. They don't beg me to stay, or tell me they miss me. It's like children were built for people coming and going out of their lives.

It's just me that is completely and totally unable to cope with it. I manage to get outside of the door before I break down in sobs.

In the weeks, and months, and years that follow, it's this moment that I look back at to justify the fact that even though I talk to Daniel and Jack, I don't often ask them to put the little ones on the phone.

I can't bear to talk to them, because I miss them so much it feels like my heart is going to burst into a million pieces each time I hear their voice, and I just can't endure that forever.

I'd feel worse about it if they weren't completely fine without me.


	73. Meridian

"He needs you," a voice whispers. I look around my kitchen and see nothing but my son, happily banging his spoon across the table in some sort of pattern that is actually quite good for his age. Of course, I am a bit biased.

"He needs you," the voice whispers again.

"Who is there?" I demand.

Levi looks up at me, alarmed. He's a bit past two years old now, and I think he's just decided that his Momma is going nuts.

I shoot him a big smile to ease his worry, and determine that I am not going to respond to the voice, no matter what it says to me next time.

Then I feel myself being lifted up, and look around to see myself surrounded by this great glowing light. No way. She took a baby from me once, it's true, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it, but she is not going to take me away from my baby, and leave him alone. I start punching at the air, and by the third punch I have my baby in my arms.

I hear a deep sigh, the sort a mother might let out when her son asks for water when he's been in the bedroom long enough that you were able to fool yourself into thinking that he actually went to sleep.

Whatever this being is, she thinks of me as her child, and I try to comfort myself with that thought, because whatever is happening, I have no control over it.

Suddenly we are not in my kitchen anymore, but are flying over the city and then the country outside of it at rapid rates. I cling to my baby as close as I can, feeling powerless to protect him from… whatever is happening to us right now.

Then we are flying over something I remember seeing from the airplane as we left Colorado Springs two years ago. The strange little square brown fields, each filled with a green circle in the middle. A sight you only see when people are too stubborn to accept that they live in a desert.

I'm going home.

Huh, after two years, I probably shouldn't still think of Colorado like that.

The whole trip takes less than five minutes, and I find myself in a room with a few very shocked nurses, and SG-1 staring at me and the figure that got me here.

Well, SG-1 minus Daniel Jackson, and plus one mummy.

I'm about to accept the situation for what it is, and give Jack a hug when the mummy groans and I figure out who the "he" in the phrase "he needs you" is.

Daniel Jackson must have hurt every single bone in his body to be wrapped up like that. What has the fool boy got himself into now?

"Let's give her a minute," Jack says to the rest of his team. They all leave. And Jack does a combo take the baby/give a hug move as he is the last one out.

"What happened to you, Daniel?" I ask.

"Radiation," he responds.

My stomach sinks, "But you're going to be okay, right?" I know that I am asking him for assurance like a little kid right now, but I don't really care, because I FEEL like I am a little kid.

"No, I'm going to die."

"No, you just have to get the nurses back in here, and…" I say, standing up to wave them back in. A conversation with me is SO not going to cost this man his life.

"No," he says in a firm voice.

"Daniel, you can't go," I plead.

"Please, take care of my babies. I know you… don't like them anymore, but I trust you with them more than anyone."

Tears spill out of my eyes. I should have explained this to Daniel a long time ago. What must he think of me? "Daniel, I love your kids, more than you can ever understand. That's why I've been out of contact with them for so long. It took too much to think about them, let alone talk to them when they couldn't be mine."

"Well, they are going to be yours now," he tells me.

"Daniel, you have to get better, please," I plead.

"It was a good death, Steph. I saved a lot of people. My only regret is those kids. I am in a lot of pain, and Oma is ready to take me, but I won't go unless I know who is going to be looking after my kids."

"Oma?" I ask.

"The shiny light."

"Oh, so it wasn't enough to kidnap and threaten to kill your kid, now she has to actually kill you?" I ask with spite.

"It's complicated. Oma is a good one."

"Sure doesn't seem like it to me," I say.

"Well, she got you here to say goodbye to me, didn't she?" he asks.

"I'm grateful to her for that, but I would much rather she saved you than killed you."

"It's not possible, and it's not really death. There is something beyond. Some great mission for me to do after."

"All dying people say that," I say.

"Oma showed me a little of it."

"Will you visit us like she does?" I ask.

"I don't know if I can, but if I can, I certainly will," he promises.

-0-

I almost forgot to call Joe. I can't imagine the panic he would have felt if he returned home to see his wife and son disappeared.

Well, actually, the level of panic might have been similar to what he felt when he received a phone call from his wife using all sorts of coded messages to let him know that his wife and son had been kidnapped by aliens.

"But you're fine?" he kept asking incredulously.

"Yes, we're fine."

"And no-one is making you say that, right?" I have to remind myself that in his former job, that wasn't a paranoid question. He's going to be flying out here the slow way.

I didn't mention to him that he'd just become Daddy to three more children, but I'm sure he figured it out when I told him that Daniel died. He knew when we got married that we were first in line to get Daniel's kids.

I sort of wish Joe and I had discussed it sometime more recently than shortly before our wedding day, though. I promised a dying man that I would take his kids, and I'm really hoping that my husband is going to be okay with my keeping that promise.

-0-

"Daddy?" Mattie asks when there is the shuffle of feet near the bed. I know for a fact that she'd been calling Daniel 'dad' ever since she'd entered kindergarten (he'd cried on the phone about it, 'why do they insist on growing up so _fast_?').

"I'm sorry, love, it's Joe," the voice returns.

She used her father's bed (my bed at Daniel's house has been gone for years now) as a springboard to launch herself into his arms.

"My Daddy is gone," she says with more finality than you would expect from a kid that young.

"I know, honey, I'm sorry," he says.

Kush gets up and hugs him, too, but the boy doesn't say any words. He has a bit of false military bravado in him already from hanging out with his friends who all have military dads. He's too tough, too cool, too brave to be affected by all of this.

"Ah, little one," Joe says, "Your dad deserves a few tears."

Then it's like a waterfall, and the kid goes so limp in Joe's hands that I jump up to help him hold him upright.

Little Shifu joins in next, "All things come to an end," he says. The kid became obsessed with Taoist philosophy a few months ago. When you are a baby who already knows everything about the world, I suppose to have to find an odd little niche. Daniel thought it was because Oma would sneak into his bedroom at night and recite the things to him.

I hope that's wrong. Is there some way you can build an anti-transparent-alien wall around your house?

No. I couldn't do that, because their dad is now a transparent alien.

Joe and I sooth the kids until they fall asleep, and then slowly we extract ourselves to meet in the kitchen. I start making tea, because I feel like if I don't have something to do I am going to fall apart.

"How are you coping?" he asks.

"As well as can be expected," I respond.

"They're ours now, right?" he asks.

I turn to him and bury myself in his chest and start crying. But I nod as well.

"It will be okay," he assures me.

"Their father died!" I whisper.

"Yes, and so did their mother, and they survived that, didn't they?"

"They didn't even know their mother!" I protest.

"No, they really didn't. They were all pulled from their mother long before they formed memories. So this is less sad, right?"

I nod my head, and pull away, "You're okay with us taking them, right? I promised Daniel, but he was dying, and there was no time to ask you…"

"You have no idea how honored I am to be guardian to a hero's children. Besides, you raised all of those babies almost since they were born. They're your children almost as much as they are his. When you marry someone, you take on all the children that they had before you."

"Okay, but we just went from being a family of three to a family of six. We've doubled, for crying out loud!" I exclaim.

"Luckily, my wife just got a new, high-paying job," he quips.

I finished my degree a month ago, and just got licensed a few weeks ago. I'd had a couple of interviews, but no job offers, so I shake my head.

"They left a message on the machine," he says.

My heart jumps within me. We wouldn't have been able to swing all these kids on a single salary, so this was just the break that we needed. "Which one?"

He names the clinic, and it was the one I wanted the most. The hours are flexible, and it's not quite full time. That's something I'm going to need now that I am the mother of a brood this big.

"I don't know what we're going to do about Shifu's schooling," he says. Daniel had always talked about homeschooling the little tyke, but he'd never gone into specifics about how he was going to do that and still work a full time job. The options for it had even further dried up since Catherine had passed away. Ernest's heath had taken a turn for the worse shortly after his wife died.

"We've got some time to figure it out. Kindergarten is technically optional. So we just won't enroll him anywhere next year."

"So… did I do all right with them in there? I didn't know quite what to do," he says awkwardly.

"You were an all-star, Joe."

"I made the kid cry."

"He needed to cry."

"Just don't let me mess them all up, okay. It was scary enough when it was my own kid, but I am really nervous that I am going to mess up someone else's children."

"You're a good father," I sooth him.

Then a sob turns our attention back to grieving children.


	74. Fallen

They told me to bring the kids with. I didn't. I lied to the people at the gate and told them that as a psychologist I was protecting Daniel from the psychological trauma that would come from remembering his own past too quickly.

Really, I was protecting the kids from the psychological trauma that would come if the person everyone said was their father really wasn't.

He's sitting in the VIP room, fiddling with a chess board like he is remembering that it is an old friend of his. His body certainly looks like Daniel's, but I'm not quite convinced yet. When I was his nanny, I ran into more than a few copies of him that were not quite right.

"I saw a picture of you somewhere," he says.

"I'm Stephanie."

"I don't remember much," he says.

I look away, wondering what it is going to do to the hearts of _my_ children to have their father back, so altered. I know that it's wrong to think of them like that. In my defence, I never thought of them like that when I was just their nanny. I wanted to, of God did I want to, but I never did. I didn't call them mine until all the paperwork was finished.

Their dad left them to me, and then I legally adopted them. The process has taken half the time that they'd been mine for.

Now he's risen from the dead like only Daniel Jackson could do, and I was just expected to give them back, like I'd never loved him.

"You were younger, in the picture," he says.

"Yes, we haven't known each other much these past few years."

"Being dead can have that effect," he jokes. I wonder why this zombie version of my former boss got Jack's sense of humor.

"Even before that."

"I have children," he says, looking at me.

They told me he didn't remember them. I thought I would have more time. Days, or at least hours, to adjust to the fact that he was going to take my family away from me. But there he is already remembering, and soon he will be demanding.

"They have something to do with you."

I nod again.

"I don't love you like I should a wife. It's…"

"I'm not your wife," I say.

He sighs, "Well, I guess the divorce must have ended on friendly terms, since you're here when I've lost my mind."

"You haven't lost your mind, and we were never married. I was your nanny. Somewhere along the line, we became family. There was never any romance between us."

He breathes a sigh of pure relief that I try not to take offense to, since, if I was in his position, I would probably be just as relieved. "You are _very_ young," he says.

"I was young when we met, no doubt. That was almost seven years ago now. I don't feel young anymore."

"You are still very young," he repeats. I can see that there is some effort in his face of trying to hold back a question. I don't do anything to prompt or push, because I can clearly see that the question is going to come spilling out of him no matter what she does.

"They are okay, aren't they?" he asks worriedly.

"Yes, they're doing great. Your daughter, Mattie, refuses to wear anything that doesn't have a Disney princess on it right now. Kush, your oldest son, he's very into knocking things down. Toys, mostly, but occasionally furniture or… books in a library," I say with the frustration of the memory of their recent ill-fated trip in my mind.

"The youngest two?" Daniel prompts, his finger resting on a picture that they had all taken a few weeks before I'd left. I'm pretty sure that Jack had been the one responsible for giving that picture in particular to my boss. Jack was determined to get me to move back to Colorado Springs, even to the point of threatening to "call in his markers" to get my husband reassigned.

There is only a year left where we are, although goodness only knows where we are going to end up next.

"Actually, the baby is mine," I say, even though I can't help but grumble in my head that they are all mine, and no-one has the right to take them away from me. "Shifu, your youngest… he's Shifu," I shrug.

I don't want to say too much about his youngest son. I was warned when I came in here that it would be best if he remembered on his own. I know that there is no real psychological reason for that, but I figure that there might be a military one, and they are just hiding behind the science to make it seem realistic. Probably best not to give out a whole lot of information that would be classified just yet.

Daniel nods, "So, you're the nanny. Where is the mother of my babies?"

"She died. I'm sorry," I offer.

"She died? But the blond one…"

"Sam," I offer. I'm not too sure that I like the way he looked when he talked about her. I mean it wasn't just 'blond', but kind of 'ooh-la-la, look at that blond'. There was never anything between Daniel and Sam, was there? Maybe I've been gone so long that I really don't know what's going on in my boss's life. I just don't see that relationship ending all that well.

Daniel deserves to have no more relationships apart from ones that end really well, after all that he had been through.

"Right, Sam, she told me that I was gone for a year. Who has been taking care of my kids for a year?" he asks.

I am determined not to cry in front of him. I love this man, and I will not make him feel guilty for coming back to life. I am glad that he is alive. Really glad, right? I'm not going to be selfish, because these are his children, not mine. "My husband and I did." My voice doesn't sound as even as I wanted it to as these words come out of my mouth.

"You're the nanny, though? I must owe you some hell of back wages! I don't think I have any money, but I'll find some way to make it right."

"No." I say, much more firmly than I mean to.

He looks at me startled.

"I don't think you understand. You left them to me. I adopted them. I loved them like they were my own. I've done that really ever since I first met them when they were newborns. I'm not going to let you pay me for loving my own children."

"I'm sorry," Daniel says, clearly surprised. I'm not sure if he is apologizing for the offer which clearly offended me or for the fact that he came back to life. I want to make it clear to him that he doesn't have to apologize for the latter one.

"I'm glad you are okay, Daniel," I tell him.

"I know, but it's a little complicated, isn't it?"

"Everything in my life always has been," I reply with a sad smile.


	75. Homecoming

Daniel stares in awe at our complicated supper procedures. Each kid has a task, and when done right, it looks sort of like a really cool dance. When it's done wrong, there is spaghetti sauce all over the floor, but I'm not about to tell him that.

They sit down, and I scoop the broccoli off Kush's plate and onto my own, before pouring Mattie a little extra juice. When you've got four kids that are only three years apart, it's easier just to prevent the tantrum before it starts.

Joe keeps saying that we were spoiling them, and that we were going to have problems later, well, I guess we're not going to be the ones that are going to have problems later, although I really wish we were going to be.

"How is your day?" I ask the question that usually gets a hundred voices clamoring, but today they just sit in silence.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Shifu asks, looking at him sideways.

"Yes, I'm starting to remember," he smiles.

I start, eating hoping that the rest of them will take the cue, but no-one does, not even my husband.

"He hasn't remembered much," Kush mutters.

I can tell that his sister kicked him under the table, and I would never dream of punishing her for it.

"Am I doing something wrong?" Daniel asks. He wasn't ready for this. He said that he really wanted to see his kids, and I thought that would be enough, but it wasn't. I never should have let him see them yet.

"You're just not acting like dad," Kush presses.

I put a hand on Mattie's shoulder to stop her from giving her brother another kick. So she takes her revenge by way of a harsh whisper instead. "Leave him alone! He doesn't remember!"

"Just tell me what I am doing wrong. I would never want to do something that would hurt or worry you kids," Daniel says gently.

It's Shifu who breaks the silence, and that was really something that I did not expect.

"You didn't even hug us yet, and you haven't told us you loved us. You've been gone for a whole year, and you never said anything about it. Like we were just supposed to forget about it, because you have!" he takes a great big zen-like breath before adding, "Anger destroys its origin, but never its object."

Daniel doesn't even respond to the accusation. He just goes to each and every one of the kids, and gives them a great big bone crushing hug, and whispers, "I love you," and "I missed you," and "I'm sorry," and a few other phrases unique to each child in their ears.

I thought he was about to sit back down by the time that he made his way to all of his children, but he pulls me into a hug next, and by the time he gets to the apology he's sobbing. I was hoping that I could get out of this whole thing without having to have this conversation with Daniel. I certainly didn't want to have it with him in front of his kids.

But now I am going to have to say something about the fact that I am wholly and completely losing my marbles right now.

"It's okay, Steph," he tells me.

"You're taking my babies away," I cry.

Suddenly, four little arms are encircling me and giving me the strength I need.

The food is cold by the time I pull away from the hug. "I'm glad you're home and safe," I tell Daniel, just in case he didn't know it.

"I know. Is there a way you guys could move closer?" he asks.

I only manage to shake my head in answer to that question, but Joe manages an audible, "No."

"What about us?" Daniel asks.

"Yes!" his kids exclaim in excitement.

"Daniel," I say with stomach sinking, "I don't think you should make a promise like that unless you remember more. You job is really important to you, and it's not something that you can do from just anywhere."

"But family…" Daniel protests, looking genuinely confused.

"We've been family for the two years before you were missing," Joe says with a joke in his voice, "I suppose we'll go on being family."

Daniel looks around, and suddenly I get it. He doesn't think he can do it on his own.

"I can stay here a few weeks."

Joe glares at me. I don't have the vacation days. "Daniel, why don't and the kids come stay with us for a while until you get your memory back."

Mattie seems to catch on to what's happening, "Uncle Jack can come stay with us."

"We'll work something out," her father assures her, obviously not willing to make the child nervous, even if he is nervous himself.

-0-

When I hear the sound of someone trying to cook in the middle of the night, I figure it must be one of the kids and rush in there to stop whatever it is before they burn Daniel's house down. After all that he has been through in the last couple of weeks, that would be the last thing he needs.

When I rush in there, I am surprised to find that it is Daniel himself.

"I want to eat something," he says, sounding completely confused, "I just don't remember what."

"Popcorn," I say with authority. I may not have been around him for the last couple of years, but I seriously doubt that his tastes could have changed much, "If you are hungry this late at night, I'm sure that's it."

I reach around him to get it, and put it in the microwave.

"I don't want you to stay with us," he says.

"Oh?" I ask, too surprised to hide the depth of the injury that causes me.

"I didn't mean that like it sounded," he flushes red, "I just mean… I don't want you to give up your life for us. You've done enough of that already."

"When we met, I didn't really have much of a life to give up."

"I just mean, they are my kids, and I will manage with them somehow. I don't expect my ex-nanny to do more than she already has. Taking them in for a whole year."

"I adopted them," I am quick to remind him. "Besides, I loved it. I love _them_. It's going to be hard to let you have them back. I just worry, because the father they had before, the one who died, he never would have talked about 'managing' them like they are some chore. If you really feel like your kids are some kind of burden, my husband and I would be happy to keep them forever." I'm being a little bit bold speaking for Joe here, but I'm pretty sure he would back me up in this case.

"No, it's not that. I do want to be around them. I just worry that I might not be the very best for them. I mean, what kind of father am I?"

He's searching in my eyes so intently that if I had any idea of lying to him, it would have disappeared in an instant. "You were a good one, Daniel."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, those kids are lucky to have you."

"What if I'm different now? I don't remember them. What if I do something wrong, and mess them up forever?"

"Kids are a lot more resilient than that. Just remember to make sure Kush has his pill and doesn't go lay in the grass for too long. Feed them, get them to school on time, you'll be fine! They're actually quite easy kids, because you did such a great job with they were younger."

"What if I don't know what to do?" he asks again.

"Well, then I am just a phone call away. I'm always going to be there for you, Daniel," I assure him.

-0-

We've only got one more day before it's time for Joe, Levi, and I to head back to our home. Levi is clinging to his siblings now that they are not his siblings. Of course, he was annoyed by three older siblings until he found out they were leaving. All too often, it ends up like that, only in most cases you get more than a decade before siblings gets pulled apart.

I'm still pretty nervous about leaving Daniel. It isn't so much that I think he can't handle the kids, as that he doesn't yet know that he can handle the kids.

All the kids are coloring, and then it happens. It was Shifu, of course, because out of all of those kids, who is going to be the one to melt their Daddy's heart first but the quiet shy one?

He draws a picture of his family. There is the family that is staying behind at his house, and the family that will be going to my house, and the family in a cloud in heaven. Then weaving in between the parts of it he puts the word "love."

Daniel's eyes get all misty as he receives the gift from his son. He might not be able to remember his family yet, but he certainly loves them.


	76. Heros

I end up missing my own husband's college graduation.

It was either that or miss Janet's funeral, but still I wouldn't have done it if he hadn't assured me that it was fine. Especially with all that is coming our way.

It was bad timing, all in all, not just because I had to decide what event to go to on a certain day, but because just when I needed to pretend that serving in the armed forces wasn't dangerous I was faced with proof that it was.

My husband gets orders to go to Iraq on the same day that I find out one of my friends died.

I hold it together on the plane, and even all through the day before at Daniel's house. There are kids everywhere, and I can't very well break down in front of them. Daniel's kids knew Janet well. She'd babysat them quite a lot in the three years they'd lived in Colorado Springs when I hadn't. Besides, she was their doctor as well.

So I had to be strong. For the kids, and for Daniel, who know her a lot better than I did.

I was strong right up until we were sitting at the funeral, and they folded that flag up, and they played taps.

Then I fell apart. Just feel apart like I was fourteen years old on the floor of the basement after the very first time that he raped me.

Like I was pretty sure I could never be put together again, and that even if it was possible I wouldn't really want to be.

Someone carries me out of the funeral. I think it might be Teal'c, annoyed at my show of emotion. It's certainly someone strong and quick.

But the person doesn't just leave me out there when we're out of the church, he's holding me.

And I realize that it's Jack.

"I'm sorry," I mutter. He dated this woman. Things might have ended differently if he hadn't been stranded against his will.

"I am, too," he says. I think he might think I'm expressing sympathy for her loss, and not apologizing for my behavior. I try to take a deep breath and calm myself down enough to talk, to explain to him what I meant. I can't get air into my lungs, and the thought passes through my head that this is a crazy way for a psychologist to act.

Then the laugher starts.

Now I really sound nuts.

"Let it out," he says.

"You're not crying," I sob, "And you knew her better."

"That doesn't mean I'm handing this better, kiddo. I've got a lot of layers of repressed emotion fossilized inside me, and that doesn't make me happier."

I relax a bit in his arms.

"Still, I can't help but wonder if some of this reaction isn't actually Janet-related," he observes.

"Joe got deployed."

Jack is silent for a minute, "Iraq?"

I nod.

He flinches. And then tries to hide it, but he's not fooling me.

"I was deployed a lot of times, baby girl, and I always came home. Deployment isn't a death sentence."

"There are so many forms you have to fill out," I say, stunned. Every last one of the forms has scared the shit out of me.

"I know," Jack says.

"We don't have much time before he leaves. We wanted to have another kid, and now there might not be enough time…" I feel embarrassed sharing this with him.

"He'll come back safe, and sound, and there will be plenty of time for you to make a baby then," Jack says.

"I'm going to be alone for a long time."

"Nonsense," Jack says.

"Well, I know you're here for me. But honestly, you being in Colorado Springs is not that different then him being in Iraq. You're just in different deserts."

"So move here."

I stare at Jack in shock. "I can't just move home to my Daddy because my husband is getting deployed."

"People do it all the time."

"I have a job."

"I'm sure you could find one here, and if it takes you a little while to find a job, you've got a kid to look after. You loved being a stay-at-home mom when you did it."

"What am I going to do with Levi if I do get a job?"

Jack's eyes light up, "My mom recently came to live with me. She's got some heath problems. Nothing too serious, but cooking and cleaning are a lot for her. She could still take care of the little one, though. And of course there is me, on my days off."

"Jack, I don't want you to feel like this is your duty or something. I can take care of myself."

"Oh, but my little Stephie girl, it's so much better when we take care of each other."

I lean into his arms, feeling the truth of his words rushing over me. "I'll talk to Joe about it, okay?" I ask.

Jack nods, and it's a good ten minutes before I go back into the funeral. When I do, I see that Meg O'Neill is already entertaining my son. This might just be the answer to my prayers.


	77. Sacrifices

Isn't it funny how much time we waste worrying about things that never happen? Then the things that really happen. The things that pop up and crush you when you aren't looking are things you never even dreamt of fretting about.

You're just doing your job, or driving your children to work, and something happens that causes your entire world to crash in around you.

Or, in my case, you're counseling a patient, and you phone keeps vibrating on the desk in your office.

At first, I'm annoyed. Everyone knows not to call me when I'm working. I mean, what could be so important that it couldn't wait until the person's hour is up?

What could be that important, indeed!

It's the fourth time that it rings that I start to think about how everyone knows not to call me in my office, and if they're calling this much it must be something important.

I'm a mother, so I think of my son first.

As a military wife, I should have gone to my husband right away.

I think, if I was a normal person, a normal person who hadn't had a General walk her down the aisle or had a Colonel that was pretty much her dad, the whole call would have been different.

I don't even remember him telling me. Maybe, by then he never had to.

I just remember his voice on the phone, "Steph, I'm coming."

Daniel was with my son, and they were going to play it cool, not tell him until I was ready. I wanted to tell him that I was never going to be ready. I mean, he would believe his dad was overseas for a couple of years at least, right, if the story got creative enough?

"Why?" I ask, when he gets there.

"He was serving his country. It was a noble sacrifice," Jack offers. I can tell that he is a little uncomfortable with the philosophical turn that this conversation has taken.

"Not that," I moan, "I mean, why did I bother to fall in love if it wasn't going to last?"

This is deeper philosophy, and he fidgets again.

"I'm sorry," I wonder.

Then the whole 'still waters run deep thing' proves to be completely true. "Life is hard, little girl. It's meant to be. There is no way of avoiding it, really. Either it's hard because you are all alone and you never hope for anything, or it's hard because you love so many people that you lose some, and you hope for everything. Only one way you get a little joy in with the hardness, and the other way it's just hardness straight through."

I just look at him.

"I know that right now, you wouldn't give up the first time he took you flying for anything."

Not now.

"I know you wouldn't be willing to give away that son you two made together. And I know, that if he had to die, he's glad that he got to know you before he did."

-0-

I'm a psychologist, so I shouldn't be afraid of delivering the news to my son. I have already delayed it longer than I should have. The poor kid is not only worried that something happened to his daddy, but his Mommy, too.

I arrive at the house, and he just hugs me. He's afraid to look into my face, and I'm afraid of the grief that I know he would read there if he did look.

"Honey, I have to tell you some bad news about Daddy."

"Is he coming home?" the boy asks.

I'm confused. Does my son not get what bad words new means? He seems to understand my confusion by my silence, and says, "When Henry's Daddy got hurt, he got to come home from Iraq for a few months."

"He's not coming home," I tell him.

My son's face brightens, "Then he must not be hurt too bad."

"Honey, your dad is dead."

I hold him. He doesn't cry. He doesn't ask any questions. I have no idea if he understands. I mean, the kid is only four years old. His father has been gone for the better part of a year, and I know for a fact that he doesn't really remember him.

"Do you understand what I'm telling you, honey? Your Dad died, so he won't be coming home, ever."

"Why?" the childish brow furrows.

I definitely don't want to give him a lot of detail on this, "A bomb exploded, and it killed him."

"Why doesn't he just come home?" the little boy asks, clearly thinking I am avoiding his question.

"Well, honey, he can't even if he really, really wants to. He can't do anything ever again, and that's what being dead means."

Levi nods his head slowly. Then the brow furrows again, and he observes, "That doesn't sound very fair."

"Honey, there is nothing fair about this."

"Would Daddy come home to us if he could?"

"Of course he would."

"Then how come he left us in the first place?"

"He went to serve his country."

"So it's the country's fault he's dead?" he asks in boyish confusion.

"No, it's more complicated than that. Just know that your Daddy loved you so much, and he would be with you if he could be."

"But he's not going to be?" the boy asks.

"No," I admit.

We sit in silence for a while before he says, "Mommy? I know that I'm too old to take naps, but I thought that maybe you could take one with me, and cuddle."

So like a psychologist's kid. Completely aware of his own feelings, ready to ask for what he needs, and more than a little aware of the needs of those around him.

"Cuddles seem to be just the thing," I say, lifting him up.

"Momma, you're not going to leave me are you?"

Tough one. I mean, there is no real right answer to this one that's going to let this little kid out of this conversation completely unscathed.

"No, I'll never leave you." He's young enough that most of what he hears is still a lie. All simplifications are. Last week I told him the sun went to bed earlier in the winter, and that's why he had to go to sleep even though the sun was still up. The day before that I finally gave in and "admitted" that he caught a mermaid when he was fishing with Jack. I still haven't heard Jack's side of the story on that one, but even if I did, he would probably not admit whatever mischief he got himself up to.

You lie to little kids all the time, and this one isn't a total lie. I really hope that I don't die on him for a really long time.

But do I hope I die on him? Yeah. I think all parents hope their kids outlive them. That's kind of the point, right? I just also want to die in a time and a way where my son will have the least pain.

This thumb goes into his mouth as soon as I lay him down on the bed. He looks at me with this puppy dog eyes, clearly asking if this is okay.

Like I'm going to scold a kid who just found out that his dad was dead. He could set the house on fire right now, and I wouldn't say a word about it. I mean, I would put out the flames, but that would be about it.

I curl up around him, and start running my hand through his hair in a way that always calms him.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time you went sledding?" I ask him.

"Tommy's party," he says with an incredulous voice, like I didn't expect him to remember a month ago.

"No, you were just over a year old. We were having Christmas at Grandma Meg's house. Your father smuggled you…"

"Smothered me!" the kid exclaims in alarm.

"No, smuggled, it's like snuck."

"Oh," the boy says, relaxing back against me.

"So he got you outside in the freezing cold, and slid down the hill. There were no tracks, you were the first one on it. You had snow in your mouth, but you were still laughing. Your Daddy liked adventure."

"That's why he left?" the kid asks, still confused about his father.

"No, he always told me that you were the best adventure that he ever had."


	78. Endgame

"I can't do it," I say firmly. I barely have the strength left in me to refuse, I'm all worn out by grief. If I don't refuse, though, I know that they are actually going to make me go to the funeral, and I certainly don't have enough strength in me to survive that.

"You have to," Daniel argues.

"No, I don't." They can't make me, and I don't care that right now I sound exactly like the toddler that I am raising.

"Steph, if you don't go in there and say goodbye to your husband, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life," Jack says.

Damn him and his logic.

"I'm going to stay with my son," I say, pulling out the very last straw that I have in my 'avoid the funeral' bundle.

"Your son is going to the funeral, too," Jack counters.

"No," I say, completely taken by surprise. They can't do that, can they? I thought for sure they had some back-up plan of someone to say with him. Maybe I really am not going to have to go to the funeral.

"Take it from someone who was not allowed to go to his parents' funeral, it's better if he goes," Daniel says.

"You were twice his age; besides, I'm a psychologist and…" I begin.

"Oh, well, if you're going to pull the psychologist crap out of your butt I am just going to have to pick you up and carry you in there. Today you're not a psychologist. You're a person who is going to grieve herself. Don't go around fixing people today!"

There is nothing like a father to make a girl feel humble. I'm a twenty-six-year-old widow with a four-year=old, and I still feel like a little kid whenever he talks to me like he just did.

"What if I work on fixing myself?" I ask with an exaggerated pout.

He gives me a long hug before he responds, and even then, it's not direct, "You're going to the funeral, then?"

"Yes," I tell him, "But you'll help me… when it comes to the flag?" I ask nervously.

"Of course," Jack says with a nod of his head.

-0-

I knew it was going to be the worst part, but it was actually so much worse than I thought it was. They handed me the flag and I fell apart, like glass shattering.

Daniel and Jack are both holding my arms out when they hand me the little triangle of a flag, and the last bits of taps die away.

I made it through the funeral, not I just have to figure out how to keep making it through all the days that will come after.


	79. Promethesis

"Did you have fun with Grandpa?" I ask my son after picking him up after work.

Pause.

"Yep."

That's his lying voice. He's almost five, and the average kid develops effective deception by about three. It's the only developmental milestone my son is behind on, and if I had the chance to pick it, it is so the one I would have picked.

Still, what part of that could be a lie? I'll have to press it to find out. "What did you guys do today?"

"We drove to the science museum in Denver. They have shiny rocks, and space stuff, and Egyptians 'ummies!" he exclaims in an excited voice that is clearly not lying to me now.

"Huh, what was Grandpa's favorite part?" I ask.

Pause. Lying voice, "Outer space."

Okay, so my son went to a museum, but not with his grandfather, with someone that told him to lie about it? What gives?

I can't think of a way that I could get the answer, because pressing Jack isn't going to do it for me that man is made of stone, so I am left with no choice but to leave it alone, and hope I find out before too long.

-0-

Jack couldn't be within five feet of Daniel without somehow getting in a jibe about some girl. Daniel gets all embarrassed and flustered every time he does it, so I think there might be something real to it. Not real enough that they are dating, but real enough that there is something there.

"So, why does Jack keep calling Vala a space pirate?" I ask.

"She stole a ship," he says with a deadpan face, but he can't be serious.

"Like a spaceship?" I ask.

You can see by his face that he forgot how little I know about the program. I'm actually noticing for the first time that my son got a lot of his lying face from Daniel. "No, just a regular ship in the ocean."

"Why would the Air Force's alien expert be in one of those?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes.

"Is there something going on between the two of you?" I continue to press.

"Please, Jack is crazy," Daniel says.

"Well, of course he is, but that didn't actually answer my question."

"No, there isn't anything going on there."

"Okay, why not?" I ask. Please don't let the reason you're still single be about Sha're. I've only been a widow for a couple of months, and am not about to start trolling for someone new, but I need to know that I can when I want to, please give me that permission.

"She left."

"Oh, so, like, there was something going on, and now it's over?" I ask, surprised, and Jack is a total jerk for teasing him about some girl that left him.

"No, there was nothing going on. We flirted, and fought, and even though she was stealing a spaceship from me, I thought there was something going on. But, then she snuck away to go back to her space pirate ways, so I guess it was all something to fool me. I've just been alone too long, and saw something there that wasn't."

"Or maybe there was something there, and you are going to see her again," I offer hopefully.

He smiles a little bit before he shakes his head, "I really doubt I'll ever see her again."

-0-

"Honey, are you okay in there?" I ask. My son is old enough that the whole checking on him in the bathroom thing has gotten awkward for both of us, but he has never, ever been in there that long, even when he was two years old and fell asleep.

"I'm fine. I just had a little ice cream," he says.

My mommy radar is on full alert now. "Honey, why would Grandpa give you ice cream when he knows you are lactose intolerant?"

"Ah…"

"It wasn't Grandpa, was it?" I demand.

"No, it was. He just forgot, because I begged," the kid denies it. Shit, Jack has been giving my son lying lessons, but I'm not buying it.

"Okay, well I'm going to call up your grandfather, and tell him he can't take care of you if he doesn't follow the rules," I bluff.

"No!"

"Okay, who has Grandpa Jack been sending you off with?"

"Pat."

"Pat, like Pat I used to date, Pat?" I ask.

"You dated people before you married Daddy?" the voice says from the other side of that bathroom door.

Whoops.

"Yeah, I did, but it was a very long time ago, and I didn't know your Daddy then."

"Are you going to date people now that Daddy is gone?" he asks.

"I don't know, I might," I say honestly. Then a horrible thought occurs to me, "Pat didn't ask you to ask me that, did he?"

"No."

"Do you guys talk about me?" I press.

"He asks if you're okay all the time. I don't know why. You're not sick, are you?"

"No honey, it's just a grown-up question."

"It's boring and stupid."

"I completely agree," I say.

The flush of a toilet, and my son is standing in front of me with a worried look on his face.

"I still get to see Grandpa Jack, right?"

"Yes, go wash your hands," I command.

He rolls his eyes at me, and I begin to dread his teenage years.

-0-

"Hey. little one," Jack says ruffling my son's hair as he walks past him into the house.

"I'm not little," Levi pouts.

"My mistake, I was getting you confused with Teal'c," he says to the kid. Then he turns to me, "What's with the 'tude?"

"He thinks I'm going to yell at you now."

"Why does he think that?" Jack asks.

"Probably because I am," I say.

"Oh," Jack says closing the door behind him to keep my son out of all the unpleasantness.

"Do you have any excuse for why you're letting someone else take care of my son during his 'grandpa and kiddo' days?" I ask.

His face brightens just a tiny bit, he so doesn't think that I know who exactly he is letting take care of my kid. "I had some errands to run," he explains.

"That doesn't exactly explain why you're letting my ex play Daddy with a kid that is not his," I say.

Tiny grin falls off his face.

"I can't believe you would plot against me in favor of someone you were not even that big of a fan of when I was dating him!"

"First of all, that was when you were losing your virginity to him. No father likes the guy who defiles his little girl."

The eye roll I shot him would kill a lesser man, but Jack is definitely not a lesser man.

"Second of all, Pat is not doing this to get back with you."

"Okay, so why is he trying to bond with my kid?" I demand.

"Your son doesn't have a father. Pat is pretty sure that kids are not in the cards for him. He tried to do it in a way that you would not even find out about it. He's really not trying to hurt you. He just wanted to help your son out. I swear. If I thought something fishy was going on I never would have helped him."

"Pat can't have kids?" I ask.

There is a flash of a strange look before Jack lies to me with a, "No."

I don't know what that means, but there is something of a noble quiet tragedy in it. Something like the face Jack makes when he thinks of his dead son. Pat's had some hard breaks, I think, since we had our last conversation. Our friendship didn't really last the going across state thing, and by the time I came back, our friendship had been dead and buried so long I never really thought of reviving it.

Maybe I should spend some time with him. I should definitely let him spend some time with my kid.

"Just mention the fact my kid can't do dairy, okay?" I ask.

"Gotcha!" Jack says with a relieved grin.

"And make sure he still gets to see his Grandpa. And don't you dare ever lie to me about where my kid is again!"


	80. Threads

"Did Grandpa get you a new sweatshirt?" I ask. It's covered in the pretend monsters my son has lately become obsessed with. I forget the name of them. Okay, I forgot the name of them on purpose, because I firmly believe such things are beneath me.

"Nope. Pat, got it for me," he's examining my face carefully as he says the words, checking to see if it is really okay for him to tell me this, even though both his grandpa and I have told him that it is.

"Oh, do you have fun when you are with Pat?" I ask.

He examines my face again, "Yeah."

"Good," I nod. I think it is the fact that I'm willing to let the conversation end there that finally convinces my son it's okay to share the next words that come out of his mouth.

"Pat seams sad sometimes."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say. I really do wish the best for him, even though I think this whole 'I've decided to parent your child' thing is weird, and everything in me wants to scoop up my baby to my side and squeeze him.

"It's 'cause the woman he loved married someone else."

"Oh?" Is Pat talking about me? Or someone after me?

"He says that if he can't have her, he won't have anyone," my son says firmly.

I'll mention something to Jack about making sure that my son's 'father' doesn't discuss his love life with him anymore. I mean, how inappropriate can you get? "Well, I think Pat is a bit young to be giving up. I'm sure he'll still find someone."

"Are you too young to be giving up?" Levi asks, looking up at me with hope in his eyes.

"Did Pat ask you to ask me?" I ask. If he did, he'll never see my son again. I know it will hurt my kid a bit, but he'll get over it.

"No, I just wonder. Are you as sad as Pat?" Levi asks.

Levi knows exactly how sad I am, because I made a point of not hiding by grief from him. It's not psychologically healthy, and all of that. "Mostly, I am sad because your father died. I'm pretty lucky, because I have a lot of people who love me," I say, ruffling his hair.

"Okay, but someday you'll get me another Daddy? After you stop being sad?"

"Maybe," I say, considering the boy in front of me, "What could a Daddy do that Grandpa or I or Pat can't?" I ask.

Levi's lip twitches, and then he whispers, "He could teach me to drive."

"When you're old enough to drive, someone will teach you," I promise.

He shakes his head, "Henry's dad let him drive, and he's a whole month younger than me."

I know what the psychology books say. Mothers coddle and protect, fathers bring about adventures and risk. Both are critical to a child's development.

And if Levi's father had lived, he totally would have taken the boy driving.

"Momma will think about it. I promise."

-0-

I almost chicken out. I could still take him to bumper cars. Maybe that would be enough, he's only four. His father, though, was so not the bumper car kind of guy.

"Sit on Momma's lap now," I say, "And listen closely." We are on a gravel road that leads to Jack's cabin. There are trees on either side of the mile-long driveway, and there is absolutely no way that the police are going to catch what is about to happen. Still, I look both ways nervously.

Yep, this is why a kid needs a dad. Moms just don't enjoy this kind of crap.

"Now?" excited eyes look up at me. Yeah, that Mommas do enjoy.

"Slowly," I warn.

His foot hits the pedal, and we jack-rabbit forward. He looks like he's going to cry, but his foot doesn't remove itself from the pedal. I grab his gas foot, and pull it back while pushing the brake down. When the car stops, he buries his face in my chest, "I'm sorry, Mommy."

"Oh, you're fine, dear," I say. "You want to try again?"

"I messed it all up!" he exclams.

"That's what life is about. You mess up, and then you just get right back up, and do it better," I assure him.

"Okay," he says.

"Gentle this time," I warn.

This times goes better. His speed is erratic, going faster and slower, and he overcorrects far too much when he steers. Still, it's good enough that my little boy considers himself to be a success.

-0-

Sam's father has died. I attend another funeral with another flag being folded into a square before me.

Even though it brings up my husband's death in a way that, less than a year later, I'm not ready for, I make it through it.

It makes me write a will for the first time in my life. I feel negligent as I do it. Of course, most people my age don't have a will, but as a single mother who has been around as much death as I have, I should have thought of it already.

At the funeral, I notice that Jack's arm is draped around Sam's shoulder the whole time. I shouldn't think much of it; after all, she just lost her father, and Jack is very comforting to be around in grief.

Still, I've thought there was something going on between the two of them many times before now.

Then he announces he's going fishing up in the cabin.

"Me too!" Levi pleads eagerly, no doubt sure that the trip will include another chance to drive.

Jacks face looks disappointed that the kid invited himself, for just a half second, and I know with a flash that my son just invited himself on a romantic weekend with his grandfather.

"I don't think you can miss that much preschool," I immediately proclaim, by way of giving Jack an 'out', even though Jack hasn't actually said how long he is going to be gone for.

"Right, but you can come up on the weekend, Daniel and Teal'c will be coming. too," Jack offers.

I smile, and agree, and take home a grumpy toddler who feels himself much disenfranchised.

There is something noble and beautiful in all the waiting. Jack and Sam liked each other for years, but they didn't make a move until their careers were arranged in such a way that her career wouldn't have to take a hit because of it.

I wonder once more if Pat is waiting for me, and find myself intrigued and not repulsed by the idea of him longing for me the whole time that I was married to another man. I hope he has as much patience as the man I call my father, because I'm not quite ready to move on. Even admiring the way Pat loves me feels too much like cheating on Joe.


	81. The Ties That Bind

Jack hinted and laughed as he proclaimed that Daniel was going to bring a girl to my house for the 'team' gathering. 'Team' being in quotes, since Sam and Jack are off on their honeymoon, and Teal'c FINALLY went to go live with his family. The new team seems to consist entirely of Daniel and a guy named Cam. I'm on the fence about him, but he's allowed my son to ask him about 1000 questions about being a pilot in the last minute, so I might be getting off the fence pretty soon.

I'm pretty sure Levi has decided that the two times he's gotten to drive a car have prepared him to pilot an airplane, and that is an utterly terrifying thought.

"Daniel, aren't you going to introduce me to your lady-friend?" I ask.

"Vala Mal Doran," the boisterous brunette with plenty of bosom bursting out of her bra declares.

"She's not my lady-friend," Daniel says with a roll of his eyes, which makes me question whether or not Jack might just have been teasing about this being a serious relationship.

"I'm your friend, and I'm a lady, aren't I?" the woman asks.

"I would actually like to argue both of those points," Daniel grumbles.

"We're practically married," Vala declares with confidence, causing a snort to come out of Cam, and for Daniel to shoot him a look of derision.

Okay, off the fence, I like the new guy.

"Vala this is Stephanie, she practically raised my kids for me," Daniel says seriously, causing a blush to come to my cheeks.

"Ah… so you two are…" Vala says, looking between the two of us as if she'd just stepped on some toes. The flirt all goes out of her, and it's only then that I see she was actually serious before. I sort of thought she was just messing with him.

"No, in this culture sometimes people hire people to take care of their children without any romantic or family tie," Daniel is quick to explain, proving that his feelings for this girl are not entirely platonic, either.

She brightens up, and reverts to full flirt mode again, hanging off of his arm.

I have my suspicions about the way he just described 'this culture' to her without saying which one. I would straight out ask if she was an alien if there weren't loads of kids within earshot, and if I wasn't pretty sure that I was supposed to not know about the Stargate when I was around Cam.

-0-

Gradually the whole 'father my kid, but I don't want to see you' thing broke down between Pat and me. It was just too much of a nuisance to always go through Jack every time we did a kid exchange, or had to talk about it.

When he brings home the kid on a school night at ten o'clock, I don't even scold. My kid needs a little bit of unpredictability in his life, and the father is usually the one to provide it. Levi is nearly asleep, and when Pat carries him in and lays him down on his bed, something inside me snaps.

I look at Pat, and all the feelings of love that I felt for him long ago and thought I'd laid aside forever when I'd gotten married came rushing back.

He turns to me, and I can see in his eyes he doesn't miss the look. I flee from him, terrified, and rush into the kitchen, the farthest away from my son's bedroom I can get without going outside.

He pokes his head in, says, "Whenever you're ready," and leaves.

I fall to the floor, completely overwhelmed by an unbelievable, mythological, feeling of love.

I can't believe he didn't push me.

-0-

Jack calls me four days later. "Pat wanted me to ask if you still wanted him to pick up the kid." My cheeks flush red, and I am so glad that we are on the phone right now.

"Tell him 'yes'."

"Are you guys fighting?" Jack asks, perplexed why he's become the messenger like we're passing notes in junior high.

"It wasn't a fight," I admit.

"Oh," Jack pauses, "If I knew he was just after romance with you, I wouldn't have let him start this whole thing up. I honestly thought he just wanted to bond with the boy."

"Because he wasn't going to have kids of his own?"

"Yeah," Jack whispers.

"Because he was never going to love another because of how much he loved me?" I say this all like Pat told me, but it's a guess.

"Yeah, I guess that should have been my clue. Do you want me to tell him to leave you guys alone? I mean, it will be a bit hard on the boy, but he's got plenty of other people to love him."

"No, Jack, I… I want Pat to keep coming over," I say.

"Oh," another pause, "Like you…"

"There is going to be something there, but… I don't know yet about…" I start to feel panicky again, like when I retreated to the kitchen.

"You take all the time in the world, baby girl, and if that man of yours doesn't give it to you, he'll have me to deal with."

I smile at his protectiveness, and the panic disappears, "I'm sure I'll be just fine," I say, and I actually AM sure of it, much to my own surprise and delight.

"Well, I'll go deliver that message laced with threat to Pat," Jack says, hanging up the phone before I can warn him not to be too obnoxious about it.

I really don't have to worry, though. Jack might talk a big game, but he really does like Pat.

"Mom, why are you grinning?" Levi asks.

"Just… happy about today," I tell him.

"That glad to get rid of me, eh?" he says flippantly.

"You've been spending far too much time with your grandfather!" I exclaim as he skitters out of the room.

-0-

When Pat brings back my son a few hours later, his eyes are all full of hope. I send my kid off to play with Lego, and then I walk toward him and kiss him.

God. I've never been kissed like that. The longing, the years he was without me, it's all in the kiss, and I think I don't deserve to be loved like this, but I am. God. I am.

He pulls away, and just looks at me.

"That's for waiting," I say.

"I wasn't waiting most of it. I was trying to live my life without you. I never would have done anything when you were married to Joe."

"I know," I tell him. "I don't deserve you," I add.

"Oh, I am so very, very sorry, but I am exactly what you deserve!" he says, marching forward and kissing me again. This time, he ends it in a dip.


	82. Beach Head

Jack "temporarily" moved away when he married Sam, and he would never give me a straight answer on how long he was going to be gone. It turns out it was only two months, and I find myself really wishing I hadn't invested all sorts of emotional energy on grieving the fact that he was gone when he really wasn't gone.

We have a welcome back party for him, but it's all bittersweet, because that Vala girl got herself lost, and somehow in the process made Daniel sick. I don't mean lovesick – well, yes I do mean that, too – but actually physically sick, as well.

Sam and I are awkward around each other. It isn't even the age thing. Of course, she is way too young to be my mother, but I don't really need a lot of mothering these days. She is young enough to fill a sort of 'auntie' role for my kid, which we are calling "Nan" (apparently it took her and Jack a week to come up with something that wasn't too old lady and offensive for her).

The real problem between Sam and I is the fact that for so long we weren't family, and the courtship between her and my father figure was pretty much non-existent.

It made me want to be ready for the whole Daniel/Vala thing just in case that happened just as quick.

Pat shows up late, and it's only when he walks into the room full of people that I realize I completely forgot to clarify exactly how far our 'something' has gone since the last phone call with Jack.

Pat walks up to me, and puts his hand around my back.

The room is silence.

Cam and Pat have never meet, so Cam walks up, puts out his hand, and says, "It's nice to meet you."

"I wasn't aware you two were back together," Daniel says, unable to pick up his jaw off the floor.

Kush starts a verse of "Pat and Stephie sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g", which his siblings all join in to until their father shoots them a look that could kill lesser mortals.

Then my son says, "Yep, I've got a new Daddy now," proudly, and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Pat lifts the boy up, and is about to whisper something in his ear. I'm curious what it might be, but I so don't want to find it out in front of all these people, and I so don't want my boyfriend to be the one to define our relationship to our son. So I pluck the kid out of his arms, and make my way to Jack's deck. Jack rushes to hand me the two coats – mine and the kid's – on the way out the door.

It makes me think of the hoodie that Pat gave me on the day that we met. It's still in my closet. Joe borrowed it one day, without asking, and I had a huge reaction. I never told him why, and I'm pretty sure he assumed it belonged to my parents or something.

I wrestle the coat onto Levi only after we've gotten outside. Then he looks up at me with this super trusting, scared-looking face, and says, "Did I say something wrong?"

"Honey, I just want you to know that no-one can ever replace your Dad. He's the only one you're ever going to get."

"So, Daddy would be mad if I liked Pat?" he asks, looking devastated.

"No, honey, he wouldn't. He would want you to be happy. I just want you to get that Pat is going to be there for you, always. You might even want to call him Dad later, but not yet, but it's way too soon for that."

"Okay," he says, unsure. Then he looks at me, "Is the fact that he's going to be like a Daddy to me a secret or something?"

I did have too big a reaction for that speech I have him.

"You know what, honey? Mommy misses your Daddy a lot. I know you don't remember him, and that's okay. I do, and sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes also I feel like I'm doing something wrong by not being more sad. When you called someone else your Daddy… Mommy isn't ready for that. But you know what, munchkin? I don't have to be. You can call him that if it feels right to you."

I hold him close to me for a little while, until his ungloved fingers touch me, and I can feel they're ice cold. "Back in the house, little one," I say putting him down so he can walk in by himself.

"Everything okay?" Pat asks, looking positively panicked. It's still new between us. He still probably thinks I am going to back away at the first sign of trouble.

"Of course," I say, with more ease than I really feel.

"I need to remember to call you Pat 'fer now. Can you sleep over at our house again tonight?" Levi asks eagerly.

I take off my son's coat, "You don't need to tell people when Pat stays over," I tell him.

"Should I not tell people when I have a sleepover?" he asks.

Jack is laughing at me right now, and I am so going to get revenge on him at some point.

"It's fine when it's your friends," I tell him.

"Pat's my friend, can he stay over?" Levi asks, glibly like he's asking for another one of his kindergarten friends to come over.

"Yeah, if he wants to," I say, locking eyes with the man over my son's head.

"Come play!" he pleads with Pat, dragging him off to the room at Jack's house which proves that grandpa spoils my son a lot.

"So… you're back with Pat?" Daniel asks.

"Yeah," I admit fidgeting. They won't think I cheated on Joe, will they? Even though I maybe did just a tiny bit in my mind by keeping the hoodie.

"Good for you," Daniel says.

"Yeah, you deserve to be happy again, so stop feeling bad at it!" Sam exclaims.

She's reading my mind, just like my mom always did. I really didn't think we'd be able to slip into a mother and daughter relationship, and certainly not this quickly.

She would make a really good mother.

"When are you guys going to start having kids?" I ask.

Sam glances at Jack with this rapt face that lets me know they've never talked about it, and she has no idea how Jack is going to feel on the matter. I should have known, they've only been married for a couple of weeks.

He is looking back at her with the same kind of face, and they laugh at each other.

"We'll talk about it," Jack assures me. Then he glances down the hallway. "You think they'll let me play?" he asks, rhetorically running down the hallway.

"Boys will be boys," Sam says with a shrug of her shoulders.


	83. Ex Dues Machina

I liked being married. I was made for things like that. You know, the teamwork, the togetherness that goes up to the level where other people think you are completely obnoxious.

I miss it.

So when Pat and I got together, we fell into it pretty easily. It made sense, because Pat and I acted like an old married couple even when we were dating the first time, when I was only eighteen years old. Now, when I've been married and had a kid, it just happened naturally.

After Pat spent the night he just sort of stayed. Everyone once in a while in an afternoon or for a whole night he'd slip away to his 'real' house, but mostly he and my son and I were all playing house together.

I cook, and he does the dishes. I dust (he breaks things if he does it), he vacuums. We take turns reading to Levi. Usually we both lie down on either side of him no matter who is reading.

Then, one day, my baby asks to read a page. I knew that he could read, but… I wanted to keep reading to him forever.

There is nothing like babies, is there?

Our son falls asleep between us, and Pat looks at me.

"You want to make another one of those?" he whispers.

"I don't want to have another baby out of wedlock," I say with a bit of regret as I run my fingers across my baby's hair.

"Okay."

Wait. What? I look at his eyes.

"Marry me."

"I don't really want to do a big wedding," I say.

"That's okay. I want a marriage, not a party."

"Are you sure?" I ask, shocked.

"We've been living like we were married for a while. I'd like to make it forever," he says. So simple, but when things are all right and good, they are simple, aren't they?

"And him?" I ask, even though I'm pretty sure I know the answer.

"I want him to be every bit as much mine as he can be without stepping on a ghost."

"Good. He really wants you for a Dad," I confess.

Pat's eyes get wet, and then he leans over me to kiss me. That wakes up our kid.

"Mom?" he asks, still only half awake.

"Go back to sleep, love. Your father and I will leave you now," I assure him.

"Dad?" Levi says, opening his eyes a bit wider.

"Yeah, bud?" Pat says.

"I love you."

"Right back at you, son," Pat says, and the words flow out of his mouth like they were always meant to be there.


	84. Babylon

Pat wanted to get me a ring. I said that I really didn't want one until after we were really married. When you are going to have a very short engagement, there is really no point in going flashy on the engagement ring.

The only time I regretted that decision was the moment when we showed up at Jack's house. I'm not sure how he's going to feel about our near-instant engagement, and I would sort of like to flash a ring in front of his face to prevent me from having to have this embarrassing conversation with him. Or, at the very least, the ring could start the conversation.

As it is we've been at his house for almost an hour before I find my opening. He heads to the kitchen to grab himself another beer, and I follow. He doesn't know I'm there until he shuts the refrigerator door. He jumps a little at my presence.

"I'm going to marry Pat."

"Of course you are," he responds.

"Soon," I tell him.

"Just as well," Jack says, matter-of-factly.

"It's going to be a very small wedding, but I would love for you to walk me down the aisle," I say.

"I'm honored. I always felt bad that I didn't do that the first time, even though I had a very worthy fill in."

"Well, this time I not only get the honor of having a General walk me down the aisle, but I also get to have my father do it," I say with a smile.

"I assume there will be grandkids following the ceremony," he asks with a quirked brow.

"Quite a bit after. I plan on doing everything in the proper order this time," I say.

"Well, I can't quite argue with that impulse, although I'd fight anyone who said that things didn't work out for you quite well the time that you did things out of order," he pauses long enough that I'm about to head into the kitchen to repeat the encounter with Sam. Then his voice adds on, "Sam and I are having a baby."

"What?" I ask. They'd been married for almost a year now, and I sort of figured they'd decided against the whole matter.

"You can't let on that you know. We aren't going to tell anyone until the first trimester is over. She… doesn't trust it yet."

My heart sinks at the implication behind his words, "Is there a reason why she shouldn't?"

Jack shrugs, "I don't know. We're both older, and we've been trying since before we got hitched. I guess… she just sort of feels that if it hasn't happened by now, there is probably a reason for it."

"Do you think that?" I ask with concern.

He looks past me for a good many seconds before he answers at last, "I think, sometimes the universe makes you wait a good long time for the things that are supposed to happen."


	85. Collateral Damage

As I stare into the tiny face of Pat's nephew before me I remember exactly how much I love babies. Like, a lot.

"So, when are you going to give us one of those?" Pat's mother asks me. We've been married for just over a month now, so the question is almost as out of line as it was all of those years ago when this question almost spelled the end of our relationship.

It's not though, because I found out early this morning that the answer to her question is 'quite soon'. I'm just not quite ready to let that knowledge become common knowledge.

My face gives me away though.

Pat grins, "Seriously?"

"I had meant to tell you sometime when it was just the two of us," I say bashfully.

He takes his nephew out of my arms, and hands him to a random family member before grabbing me by the elbows and lifting me out of the chair. He gives me a huge kiss.

"What's happening?" Levi asks, darting between our two bodies, and pushing us apart. He's gotten pretty jealous of the two of us ever since we got married. He seemed to think that our wedding meant that Pat was going to have nothing to do except be his father from that point on. He's disappointed that the man seems to spend a great deal of time being my husband.

Pat scoops him up, and kisses him, "You are going to be a big brother!"

"Why?" the kid demands.

"Because you need more people to love you," Pat definitely spun that one well.

"Besides, I like having babies around, and you're not a baby anymore."

Levi narrows his eyes and lets out what I can tell by the tone of it he thinks is the worst insult that he could have thought of, "My real Daddy never would have had more babies!"

I laugh, "Actually, your real daddy wanted six babies."

"And the last time I checked, I was pretty real," Pat says, poking himself as if he really expected his finger to go right through.

"I promise, kiddo, you are never going to feel less loved because there is a new baby in our lives," I assure him.


	86. The Ripple Effect

"Maybe you should not bring over the kid today," Jack says sadly.

"Stargate-related pain and agony?" I ask, trying to make it sound lighthearted.

"No," he says in a way that makes my heart sink.

"What happened, Jack?" I demand.

"Sam lost the baby."

"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry."

"I don't know that she'll be able to have another one. We never should have tried, because if we hadn't, then we wouldn't have to be dealing with this kind of heartbreak now."

"Jack, there is nothing wrong with choosing to hope."

"I know, Steph. I just don't think that happy kid is going to be the best thing today, for either of us. Tell the kid that we love him, though. Maybe lie and say that we're both stuck at work."

"Jack, could I come over?" I know that it's maybe pushing it a little. I'm definitely not pregnant enough to show, but he does know about the baby, so it might make things worse.

"You can come over. You know how to grieve," he says.

So I get ready to go to my father's house, but I have to ask my husband a question first.

-0-

I know that I shouldn't delay on the steps this long. Even though I know about the whole Stargate program I don't know enough details about what is currently going on to justify my behavior. Besides, if they wanted me to know, they would tell me wouldn't they? Still, I'm nosy, and I've never denied it.

"It was the worse time for it to happen. I just saw hundreds of versions of myself. Versions that had married you earlier, and versions that never met you. Versions that had babies, and versions that never will. Then… then after seeing all that, I lose her. I lose our baby when I know that so many other versions of myself got to keep their babies. It's not fair, Jack!"

"Of course it's not fair! If it was fair our little baby would still be here!" Jack says angrily.

Sam pauses, and then with a sigh, she says, "I guess Charlie and Janet and my father would still be here if the world was fair. If the world was fair we might not even have been together, because you would have gotten a happily ever after with your first wife."

"I never would have stayed with Sara forever. We had problems before Charlie died," Jack counters.

I decide that now is the time to knock on the door.

I give both of them a good long hug, and then I sit in silence for a while. I tell them that I'm sorry, and we sit in silence for a few more minutes. It's not awkward, it's the sort of sympathetic silence that they had invited me here to share.

I came to offer them a little bit more than that, though. "I'd like to be your surrogate. I mean, we'd obviously have to wait until my baby was born, and a few months to recover from it. I don't want you to feel at all bad about it if this whole thing is too weird for you. I just want you to be able to have a baby if you still want it."

Sam opens and closes her mouth three times.

"I don't want you guys to answer right now. It's too soon after the grief, perhaps, and I probably shouldn't have even mentioned it. This is the kind of thing you have to think over for a long time. Just know… the option is always there, even if it's years before you decide me to take me up on this."

"Does your husband know that you are offering this up to us?" Jack asks.

"I discussed it with him, yes," I say.

"It's an amazing offer. I can't even think about whether or not I'm going to take you up on it right now. I just want you to know that I am unbelievably grateful that you would even think of it," Sam says.

"You had some baby stuff, right?" I ask.

Sam nods, and her eyes water.

"Okay, so most people when they have been through grief either want to cling to stuff like this, or they want to get it as far from them as they can. If you guys are in the second group, I can take care of your baby stuff for you."

"Thank you," Sam says, extending her hand. I grasp it to me, and give it a big squeeze.


	87. Flesh and Blood

"What's wrong, Mommy?" Levi asks, looking at my face.

"Can you go get Daniel?" I ask. The kind-hearted man insisted on coming over and doing my chores for me since I was over a week overdue. I thought it was ridiculous at the time, but now that labor pains are overtaking me, I am finding myself unbelievably grateful.

"Okay," he says, running out of the room without further prompting.

By the time Daniel comes back a few minutes later, I know that there is not going to be enough time to actually get to the hospital.

"The baby is coming fast!" I plead.

"Then we'd better get you up to the hospital!" Daniel says with alarm.

"No, it's coming now. You've delivered babies again, so get ready now."

"I've delivered a few babies, but I've never known the person before! It's different when they are family!" he protests.

"Daniel, we're kind of beyond the point where we have a choice here," I say, pulling off my pants before the man I've thought of as family for nearly a decade now.

"Levi, stay in the living room," Daniel commands over his shoulder before he goes in for the delivery.

-0-

We never planned on a home birth, but after it happened, we just went with it. The idea of going to a hospital when the main event was over didn't make a whole lot of sense to us. So we had a midwife come in, and tells us that our baby girl was perfect (which we already knew).

Jack and Sam are the next ones to arrive. They use the hand sanitizer without even being told, and then they hold my baby with a lot more seriousness than joy.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Have you changed your mind about your offer?" Sam asks with tears forming in her eyes.

It takes me a minute before I realize what offer she is talking about, but as soon as I do my face breaks into a wide grin. "You're saying that you want me to have your baby?" I ask.

"Not now… You need some time," Jack says quickly.

"I won't make you wait too long," I assure them.

"But you are sure that you don't want to back out of this? I mean, it was a long time ago when you made the offer, and I wouldn't think the less of you if you had changed your mind since then," Sam says quickly.

"This would be my greatest honor," I tell them with a warm smile.

 **When I started this story, I had no idea Steph would have Jack's baby one day. One more chapter to go.**


	88. The End

It's not an unusual thing for me to wake up in a bed full of children. We've got three of them now. Levi is ten years old, and I know that I should break him of sleeping with his parents. I am just not willing to give him up yet. Lizzie is four years old, and basically still thinks of herself as an extension of my own hip. I'm not going to correct her assumption anytime soon. Livy is only a few months old, and still spends most of her time in the little bassinet right next to my bed, although more often then I like to admit she makes her way into the big bed.

"There are too many kids in this bed," I tell my husband.

"No such thing," he mutters back, without bothering to open up his eyes.

"You don't understand, not all these kids are ours," I say, tapping a shoulder that seems out of place. A small head turns and wiggles until it is equal with my own head. It belongs to Mattie. "How did you get here?" I ask her.

"Daddy and Jack dropped us all off," she says as if I must be very dense.

"Is Vala having her baby?" I ask.

"Yep!" the little girl says quite cheerfully. Then her face goes grave, "I didn't know that it hurt so much to have a baby. Why do people keep doing it?"

I laugh, "Because the babies are so much fun after they have been born!" I exclaim.

Mattie looks skeptically at me. "I don't think I'll ever have babies."

"Maybe Stephie will have your babies for you like she did with Grandpa Jack's!" Kush helpfully offers. I have borne two of Jack and Sam's babies now, both of them between my own daughters. So I've spent most of the last five years of my life pregnant.

We're definitely done with the baby thing for a while.

Then I really look at Kush as he talks, and I see that his face is swollen huge.

"Mattie, did your Daddy bring your brother's medicine?" my husband asks, noticing at the same moment as I do.

"He brought a bag," she says with a shrug.

"Maggie's wet," I say, patting the bum of Sam and Jack's youngest. "Mattie, can you take Jacob to the bathroom, please?" I ask as my husband jumbles off to find the cream for Kush's face.

We just need to give in and get the hypoallergenic pillows that won't make the poor kid sick. It's kind of silly that we haven't done it already. I just keep thinking he's not here that often, but that's really a lie.

It's almost an hour later before eight kids are assembled at the breakfast table, gulping up pancakes and spilling syrup all over themselves.

We definitely don't need this many kids, even though each and every one of them is mine, after some sort of a fashion. Then I look into my husband's eyes, and see that he is utterly and completely loving this.

"Eight is too many," I tell him.

A slight grin quirks the corner of his face. Levi looks between the two of us, and seems to guess what we're thinking. I couldn't be more surprised by what comes out of the mouth of a kid who regretted one sibling being added to his family not that long ago.

"No, mom, I think eight is just the perfect number."

I never thought I would see the day were my desperate need for babies saw its limit. Nope, once in a while our table should be this full of borrowed children, but the rest of the time it is certainly not going to be that full.

"Three is enough for now," I say, grabbing the syrup from Kush as he turns his pancake into syrup soup.

Still, I can't wait to meet this new little thing that Vala and Daniel have produced, so I guess my desperate need for babies isn't all together gone.


End file.
